cooking with koishi

	It was still early in the twelfth month, and snow had yet to fall upon the former Hell, but the demons had begun to prepare. Though merriment was often met in the far corners of this lost realm by gatherings of demons with crates of liquor, this would be the one time of year it wasn't to accompany a pit fight or ended with a bottle being broken over someone's head.
	Right now, you're thinking "how can it snow underground?" Common sense would dictate that snow falls from the sky and stops when it touches the ground, but this is Gensokyo and that type of linear thinking has no place here. The snow... simply goes where it feels it is needed. Perhaps it's a favor from the celestials, or perhaps someone wished for it to be cold down in Hell for one brief moment of the year.
	It was still early in the evening. I'm used to following patterns, and right now I can feel from the tips of my toes to the center of my third eye that I should be in the kitchen right now, preparing something for the three children who live here. Koishi, however, had offered to cook for us that evening. She said she had something very special for us, and I could not refuse a gift from my sister. Even if I wanted to. When that girl gets it in her head she wants to do something, priests and their gods should struggle to stop her.
	Rin had spruced herself up nicely for the occasion, her hair tidy and neat, her dress freshly washed and pressed. From behind her chair were two intertwined tails, coiling and uncoiling, not unlike a bored little girl twiddling her thumbs while waiting for supper. Sitting across from her was a modestly dressed Utsuho, her great cloak missing and instead only donned with a a white linen dress, matching the one dressing the table. Her hands were placed in her lap and, to minimize discomfort, her large wings were folded behind the back of her chair. She looked despondently around the room, her brow creased with worry.
	My eye fluttered briefly, and then stared. I know that invading someone's thoughts is very rude, but at times I can't control myself, and at others the thoughts tend to invade me. My heart gazed upon Utsuho's, and she was an open book.
	"Why is mom looking at me? Did I do something wrong?" A tinge of guilt. She noticed what I was doing right away. "When is dinner? Am I being punished?" I just smiled at her, and my eye blinked and fell back to its resting spot on my chest. She seemed to brighten a little at my reassurance.
	The door to the kitchen, not far from us, had been closed with my sister inside for over an hour now. I had expected loud noises, strange smells, maybe a gout of flame to blow the door off the hinges and my sister to emerge covered in soot and smoke, but instead there was nothing. Stillness and quiet. The only sign anyone was even in there was the occasional muffled foodstep and a tap, tap, tapping upon the wall, quiet enough that I might not have noticed it if not for Rin.
	Sitting in her spot, patiently waiting, I had noticed her ears twitching and pecking. Though she often appeared to be a very catching girl, in truth she was a hellcat, and as such had much more sensitive hearing than any human and many youkai. Pressing my ear to the wall, I heard it, and a famous prose came to mind, though I couldn't remember quite how it went. It had something to do with the quick, dull sound a beating heart makes, and how you could not escape the sound. Like the man in the story, I could not escape the sound of Koishi's heart. Though it may have been closed, the thump-- thump-- thump-- I can hear it, quiet and muffled, whenever she is close.
	I'm not sure how much time had passed when the latch finally slid loose and the door slowly opened. Her backside to the door, she stepped backwards into the room, her hands occupied with a large plate, with a tin covering concealing her work. Steam oozed from the sides and an exotic yet strangely familiar smell tantalized me. The girl holding it was wearing only her usual dress, her feet were bare and her hat, holding on to only one side of her head, threatened to fall off. Her hair was frizzled and messy, and a mat of it was stuck to her slick, sweaty forehead.
	"Dinner time!" She announced in a sing-song tone, but I could hear the exhaustion in her voice. Over at the table, the polite cat was having trouble maintaining her composure. Something about the smell wafting into the room had made her very excited, and when I looked closer, I saw that it was instinctual. This was some kind of exotic meat, and she knew it.
	The 'chef' planted her dish on the table and slumped into a nearby chair, all smiles. She seemed eager for us to observe her handiwork, but was also enjoying the anticipation in the room.
	"I think you're going to liiiike iiiit," she teased, straightening her hat. I took the chair adjacent to her and placed a napkin in my lap expecting a mess.
	"Well, sister, what is it you've prepared for us tonight?" I ask, holding a hand over my eye while I spoke to her. Even if I can't actually read her mind, it's simply a polite gesture to show that I'm not trying to. She smiled and mischievousness glinted on her canines, reaching over to the tin covering and pulling it off.
	I wasn't sure what to make of it. It continually exuded a visible white steam. There was a certain smell to it I couldn't place, buried underneath the scent of spices and some type of sauce. It appeared to be very dry, but I suppose my sister was not known for being a first class chef.
	A large slab of meat, surrounded by smaller logs of meat. It had a sort of artificial orange coloring from the spices she'd used, but as we all took a piece and sliced it open, quickly found that it was grey. The grey unattractive coloring that meat that's been sitting out for some time takes on, and the meat was tough and difficult to cut, despite looking beaten as though she had made an effort to tenderize it. I look up from my plate to Rin, who I had thought would just as perplexed and cautious with the meat as I was, and I was mistaken.
	She tore into the oddly-colored food with the fervor of a wild animal. The deep red sauce painted her cheeks and the edges of her lips. Her fork and knife sit idly and unattended to as her sharp teeth effortlessly mince the tough meat. I begin to call to her, but stop short as I realize even her sensitive ears wouldn't be able to hear me over the call of her instincts. Koishi beams at her enthusiasm, but hasn't taken a single bite herself.
	Utsuho on the other hand could be mistaken for a young girl staring down a plate of green beans. She continuously poked the meat, inspecting it, taking in the smell, frowning all the while. She took her knife and cut a piece no larger than the tip of her little finger, and slowly took it in her mouth, chewing very slowly and deliberately, and finally swallowing with great effort as though it were large and difficult to get down. Koishi didn't seem to notice Utsuho's dissatisfaction or the little tears in her eyes.
	"Orin..." Utsuho set down her utensils and waited for her friend to finish, but the ravenous cat, finishing her meat, reached over for another piece.
	"Orin!" She called again, again getting no response, Rin rabid and singleminded. She reached out and touched her shoulder to get her attention, but the cat girl hissed and bared her teeth. Utsuho drew back, shocked, now with bigger tears in her eyes. This stirred something in Rin, and she slowly came to her senses, putting her meat down and gathering herself.
	"I-I..." She stammered and her ears drooped, embarrassed with herself. "I'm sorry, Okuu. I don't know what came over me." She wiped her hands and face with a napkin. Koishi was oblivious and smiled on, perhaps in her own little world where her dinner guests were all very satisfied with what she'd made.
	"You like it, Orin?" Utsuho was touching the meat with her fingers, trying to make sense of it. "I-it's hard for me to eat..." she said meekly, politely vocalizing her dissatisfaction.
	"It's very... familiar. I feel like I've had this meat a hundred different times," Rin said, popping a piece into her mouth and chewing, "but I can't remember where. What about you, Lady Satori?"
	The two of them looked to me in unison, and I knew it was up to me to form the consensus. Fork and knife in hand, I cut a larger piece than Utsuho, perhaps the size of my whole little finger. Grey with orange spice coloring. Some sort of sauce forming a thin layer. The smell exotic but enticing. I speared it with my fork and place it on my tongue. It had a spongey consistency and was tough and chewy. I rolled it back and forth in my mouth trying to place the taste. Not pork, pork is more flavorful. Not veal, veal is much more tender. I mentally went over the various animal meats that are imported into-- or get lost inside-- the former Hell, and I suddenly had a very dark thought.
	"Where did you get this meat, Lady Koishi? What is it?" Rin placed her hands in her lap and smiled at her dinner host, who had been very quietly watching, her plate empty.
	"It's a secret," she said simply, and an impish giggle escaped her. Rin might have accepted that answer, but I was growing concerned. I still had no idea what my sister had served us and Rin is usually very well mannered at the dinner table. I knew what I was about to do was a practice in futility, but I felt I had to try. If I could just glean even the vaguest thought or faintest idea, I might be able to make my own conclusion.
	I closed my eyes and quieted my heart. I concentrated on discarding all distraction and placed my consciousness in the darkest, quietest void of my own mind. My other senses did not exist, they were useless to me in that moment. When there was nothing, no dinner table, no Palace of Earth Spirits, no former Hell, no Gensokyo-- when there was simply nothing, I opened my heart wide and offered it to my sister.
	A soft buzzing noise. Constant and droning. It's all there was to her. No emotions, no thoughts, no ideas. Just a quiet buzzing noise, that was Koishi. Very, very faintly, if I listened with all the concentration I could muster, there were incoherent mumbling voices underneath the buzzing, but nothing that would bring me closer to my sister. Her heart was closed off, and trying to look into her was as disorienting as staring into a blank canvas. There was simply nothing there.
	I stared harder, poured everything into my concentration. There was no Satori. There was no Koishi. There was this great emptiness, and there was 'I.' If 'I' could look beyond it, gaze inside it, 'I' could find the answer. I look where there is nothing hoping to find something, but the static only becomes more intense and divisive. As if trying to drown out my perception with the sound, and send me away. I am surrounded, beset by all sides by nothingness. Where is she? Where is my sister? Why can't I find her?
	"Sister..." A gentle voice calls to me, from so far away. Have I finally found her heart again, after all this time? Ages of looking and searching what I thought I'd lost, right in front of me? I concentrate harder, I would not let go of this! With my last great effort, all of my ability is concentrated on listening for this voice...
	There's a prodding at my heart, nearly breaking my concentration. Something was touching me, but I wasn't about to let go now after being so close. Again, another prodding and tapping. I would not be able to hold on any longer and I would have to face my invader.  Steeling my soul, I prepare to battle my own personal demons...
	"Sister, what are you doing?" Koishi is advancing upon my eye with her finger, and then prodding it when it closes to make it open again, apparently admiring the growing and shrinking cornea. If this were one of the eyes in my head it'd probably hurt, but it being my heart I can only just feel it.
	"Looking at me so closely. It's like you'd never seen me before!" A wide smile putting all her teeth on display. I had caused a scene in my vain zeal. Rin was looking at me, bemused, while idly chewing on Koishi's dish. Utusho was playing with her hair hiding her concern. I blush. I'd made a fool of myself and gotten no closer to the truth, but there was another way into Koishi's heart, much less direct.
	"You were very excited to make this for us, tonight. Where did you go tonight? What gave you the idea?" Even that may have been too prying. She was likely to shake her head and giggle at me like a misbehaving child if I had simply asked her what the food was made of.
	Instead, she put a finger to her bottom lip and something, though I can no longer guess what, transpired in her head.
	"The furnace is very hot this time of year. Such a pretty bright light," her smile widened and she leaned back in her chair, as if revealing the mastermind secrets behind her plans of world domination.
	"Orin is a very popular kitty. Does she ever tell you about all the people she -- meets?" An odd emphasis. Her eyes are on me but she is facing Rin. The piece of meat in Rin's hand suddenly comes loose and falls loudly onto her plate. The hellcat's eyes, wide and moist, are transfixed on Koishi, her mouth agape in abject terror. Then, very calmly, she stares down at the table, takes her napkin in hand, and wipes her mouth, her fingers, and uses a clean corner to wipe her eyes. She looks at me, very seriously, and, with a shaking and cracking voice, explains.
	"Lady Satori.. some nights ago, I-- I-I.." she stammers. Utsuho has pushed her plate away, towards the center of the table, and is staring at her lap. Rin gathers herself, and starts again. "A-a body I'd gathered.. it went missing. Sometimes, I'm so clumsy and in such a hurry that they fall out of my wagon, but I'm always able to find them again afterward." She paused and looked at me very seriously. "I have yet to find this one. It would be very old by now. Very decomposed."
	"Oh, I see, Orin. That's unfortunate. I do hope you find it before it attracts some rats," I said. She stared at me unblinkingly. Utsuho had completely withdrawn from the conversation and looked anxious to get away from the table. Koishi smiled on.
	It was then that I began to think about where Koishi had learned to cook. Yes, I had written a few cookbooks, unsatisfied with the lack of resources on the matter in the former hell and how some of the youkai think it's perfectly fine to eat the corpses of deceased humans. I mean, that's disgusting. All the bodies that drop down here tend to be old and rotting. The trouble is, though I had put much effort into teaching Koishi to read many years ago, could never get her to sit still for long and make her way through a book. No, wherever she got this meat, it must have been prepared in an unrefined manner, perhaps burnt to the point that we could no longer taste its original flavor, which is why she covered it up with spices and sauces and










	No, that couldn't be right. My sister wouldn't do something like that. She knows what that would do to Rin and Utsuho. She loves and respects me and our home, she wouldn't sully the kitchen with something so crude and vile. We... we're above that. She is not so.. so base and simple. She's my wonderful sister. She would never hurt us, even as a mistake. She would never. She would never. She would never. She would never.
	"I call it..." she stood from her seat and removed her hat, pressing it against her chest as if to announce a title of great honor.
	"Koishi Fried Corpse!"
	Rin covers her mouth and I hear her stomach convulse. She quickly exits the room, loud and quick footsteps trailing down the hallway in the direction of the washroom. Utsuho is silent and hiding her face. I feel paralyzed, and can only stare at my sister's cheery face. There is no malice in her eyes, no spite in her smile. She is in a world where her dish was a big hit. Even then, I don't think I could have explained to her what she'd done in a way she would understand.


	It is halfway into the twelfth month, and snow had yet to fall upon the former Hell, but the children of the Palace of Earth Spirits had begun to prepare. Though merriment was often heard in the cozy, warm rooms of this secluded estate, we were not always graced with the presence of my lovely sister Koishi, who filled the temple with her liveliness and cheer whenever she was here.
	I'm used to following patterns and recently I've been locked into a game where, at a certain time every night, the children who live here will come to me directly and ask to be fed. They aren't satisfied unless they can watch me work, and sometimes they want to eat the food directly from my hands, to ensure that no one could have tainted their meal.