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- Recently, a friend has presented to me this question:
- ‘What colour does a Smurf go when choked?’
- This made me think. What colour does a Smurf go when choked? An important question indeed.
- So this friend, another friend, and myself started using the power of science to answer this question. Let us begin.
- ---
- Choking a Smurf
- This was the original question that provoked this text. The method for answering this can be used in the other lines also.
- Using the light spectrum, I pinpointed an approximate area of basic skin colour for a European Australian. I then found the approximate colour of a Smurf.
- I then used my friend’s trivial knowledge and found that humans get choked blue.
- I found the distance between blue and the colour marked out for Humans (discrimination is not intended if found), and applied the same distance to the Smurf colour.
- Using this distance, I found that Smurfs choke a colour approximately around a yellowish-green.
- But wait. We are not done yet.
- ---
- Bruising a Smurf
- My friend then asked what colour a Smurf would go when bruised.
- I marked out the Human and Smurf areas from the last line.
- I then researched and found that the median colour of a bruise is green. I found green on the spectrum, and marked this as Bruise.
- Using the distance between the basic colour I used for Humans and basic Smurf colour, and found that a Smurf bruises approximately orange.
- There is more, however.
- ---
- Choking Shrek
- Although Shrek is an absolutely indestructible unit, this is completely theoretical as you would a need a car crusher to choke Shrek.
- Using the same methods as above, I used the same Human colour and used a lime green for Shrek.
- Using the same distance, I found that Shrek chokes orange, just like a smurf.
- ---
- Bruising Shrek.
- Even though Shrek is so much of an absolute unit that he cannot be actually bruised, in theoretical speech I have tried to deduce what colour his elegant skin would go should it miraculously be bruised.
- The same method as above is applied here, with, again, the same Human colour and Shrek colour.
- I have discovered now that Shrek would bruise sky blue.
- Numbers 3 and 4 can also apply to our lord and saviour Mike Wazowski. Not that anyone would be able to physically choke Green Jesus, or bring themselves to bruise him, either.
- ---
- Choking a Minion
- Although it seems to be physically impossible to choke a minion, I have written this anyway.
- Same method again.
- Using the gap between Human and Choke, I have deduced that a minion chokes hot pinkish purple. Incredible.
- ---
- Bruising a Minion.
- You can actually bruise a minion, so this is OK.
- Same method. Again.
- A minion appears to bruise deep blurple.
- ---
- Blood Colour of a Smurf
- This was a bit harder.
- Knowing that humans have red blood, that they choke blue, I found the difference between Human Blood and Human Choke. Apply that backwards to the Choke, and you have the blood colour.
- A Smurf is blue, and chokes yellowish-green.
- Using the Human Blood-Choke gap, I deduce that a Smurf’s blood colour is yellow.
- This also implies that a Smurf may be related to the Sea Cucumber, as it also has yellow blood.
- ---
- Blood Colour of Shrek/Mike Wazowski
- Using the same method as above, I have managed to deduce the following:
- Shrek and Mike Wazowski both appear to have blue blood. This implies that they are arthropods, having exoskeletons, which would explain their incredible beefiness.
- ---
- Blood Colour of a Minion
- Same as above.
- A minion, according to my information, seems to have turquoise blood.
- There are absolutely no other life forms that have this coloured blood, so a Minion is evidently an entirely new species.
- ---
- All in all, cartoon characters are weird.
- Thanks for attending my Ted Talk.
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