Thread 33: Stories 16-30

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>SA
"Chrysalis"
'2'
[???]
~~

>You are pure evil.

"It was an accident!"

>You shouldn't have been near the commander in the first place!

"I roll in my sleep! You know I do! That's why we have that bigass be- wait... did you just call your-"

>NOTHING!

"You totally did! "The Commander"? Really?"

>It's uh...

"Conquest puns?"

>No... maybe.

"No no, I understand. I do."

>And that's the part that hurts the most.

"Like 'Your castle may be well guarded, but I have a battering ram!'"

>Stop it.

"I've breached the outer defenses!"

>Stooop.

"Prepare the hot oil!"

>WILL YOU-NO WAIT DON'T

*WHAM!*

'I GOT THE ICE!'

>EEEEEEE

"What the heck took you so long?"

'Got distracted.'

~~~~~~~~

'Hey, what'cha doin' over there?'

[TWO! HELP! FOR THE LOVE OF LOVEYNESS HELP! MY POOL FLOATY HAS SPRUNG A LEAK! HELLLLP!]

'Can't'cha fly?'

[....]

'...'

~~~~~

'Then she said 'shut up, brain!' and punched herself in the face.'

"Interesting."

>EEEEE

"...Get off his lap already."

'Why?'

"No reason...'

>EEEEEEEE
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>Poindexter
"Mane-Iac"
~~~~

>Mmmmm.... that is a nice feeling... mmm, oh, yeah, right there. Lower... looooowwe-

"POINDEXTEEEEEER! We need to go get some bre-"

>AHHHHHHHHH! I WASN'T THINKING ABOUT YOU!

"You... you weren't?"

>N-NO! I MEAN I WAS! BUT NOT LIKE I WAS DOING IT LIKE THAT!

"Like what?"

>NOTHING!

"You weren't thinking about me like nothing?"

>RIGHT!

"So you were thinking about me like something?"

>NO!

"No?"

>I MEAN YES!

"Yes?"

>I DON'T EVEN KNOOOOOOWWWWWW!

"..."

>...So, breakfast sound good?

"INDEEEEEEDAHAHAHHAHAHA!"

>The fact you can just shrug that off is... it's wonderful, I want you to know.

"AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!"
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>Applejack
"Rarity"
'???'
[???]
{???}
~~~~~

>We're screwed. SCREWED! Arana ain't never even been outside of the CASTLE! She ain't never even been ta' a movie! She's been livin' her whole life in a dang cave, and a'fore that she was watchin' her ma break someone's eyeball open fer' a drink!

"...Did... did she really-"

>SHE WOULD FREEZE IT, RAR! Freeze it and pop it open like a jawbreaker!

"Ew."

>She's prolly scared outta her mind, or being used by some horrid ponu fer' their own amusement!

~~~~~~

'WHEEEEEEEEEE~!'

[WHY IS THIS RIDE SO HAAAAARRRDDD!?]

{I thought you liked hard stuff!}

[I don't like hard balls, juggling those is a pain.]

{That's the tru- Oh here comes another dip!}

'WHEEEEEEEEEEE~!'

[EEEEEEEEE!]

{It's not that rough!}

[It is so rough! My back is going to be broken at this rate!]

{You've just got to move with the jerking. Roll your hips with it!}

[...Hey! That does work a lot better!]

{Told you!}

'WHEEEEEEEEEEE~!'

{And here comes the big finish!}

[HOLD ME!]

'WHEEEEEEEE!'

~~~~~~

>IT'S A NIGHTMARE!

"I know, sweetie, I know... Poor thing..."

>Poor Arana.

~~~~~~

'WHEEEEEEEEEE!'
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>77
"DT"
'SS'
[Cheerilee]
~~~~

>No, really poppet, how did you pull this off? It-

"HE!"

>-is even still loaded. With missiles. Big ones.

"Well, obviously, I deserve him."

>...

"As if I needed to answer besides that."

'DT, come on. Tell them what really happened.'

"...Fiiiiine! After he got confiscated, last night I, uh... 'detected an issue'-"

'She snuck out of the building to break him out.'

"I AM TELLING THIS STORY!... Anyway, I headed over to the building, and infiltrated it-"

'Broke her way in.'

"I WILL SMACK YOU IN THE FACE!... Anyway, after infiltrating, I noticed that things were a touch... crazy."

'There was a slip and slide to nowhere that was larger on the inside than all of partyland, a circus tent in the middle of nowhere, a merry go round from hell, and a giant trapeze swing above literally nothing.'

"DO YOU WANT TO JUST TELL IT!? Do you want to tell it. Go ahead, tell it, say whatever you want. It's your story, clearly! Clearly you know what happened!"

'Then she fought a bunch of clowns-'

"I WASN'T SERIOUS!"

>...Clowns?

"The security detail who had gotten mind-warped into something new. The thing that did this was a chaos creature, likely using the same magic that Discord does. That thing was really... powerful..."

[Diamond Tiara, are you... alright?]

"Plplplp! Course I am! Once I got ahold of my baby here, bozo couldn't touch me! I beat his ass blue and then sent him to the great beyond, castle crusher style!"

[Well, that explains the massive firework in the middle of the night.]

'The fact you didn't immediately think of her shows how little you know her.'

"And just as expected, post ka-blewie, everything went back to normal. I promised to keep this under wraps for Pinkie, I assume you guys will do the same? Yes? Good. Don't make me regret telling you."

>Of course not.

"Good. Now, if you don't mind, I promised a little something to TBDRLIATU, and I'm not the type to play like that."

'Not unsettling at all.'

"Plplplplp!"

>...Dearie, should we be worried?

[My creatures were acting odd last night, but they have calmed down quite a bit. It looks like she was right, she did defeat whatever that was.]

>No, I mean... about the little one.

[Ah. You noticed it too?]

>I don't know what happened to her, but...

[...She sounded like us. I know.]

>I'll have to watch her closer now.

[Don't get too close, her blast radius is quite wide.]

>Perhaps, but she's always careful to point it away from herself. The closer I am to her, the safer.

[Mmmm... point. So... clowns?]

>I will discuss the matter with others later, for now, let us simply enjoy the rides. Doubtlessly, Pinkie is already handling the important matters.

[Can always count on those six to solve every problem, yes.]

>And if not... well, she has her 'sexy'.

[...Please don't tell me she actually calls it that.]

>...

[...Wow.]

>I uh... yeah...

[...You know, you would look REALLY nice with some metal plating...]

>I'll hit the costume shop on the way out.

[Marvelous!]
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NC
>77
"Cheer"
~~~~~

LATER! AT NIGHT!

>...

"..."

>...This is nowhere near as sexy as you made it sound.

"To be honest, I don't know why I thought you being in a giant tube would be sexy, really."

>I do have a trigger?

"It's not really all that fun for me, though."

>...Should... should we ask Diamond Tiara how she does it?

"Are we really that desperate to ask one of my school children for how to sexy roleplay with a rocket launcher?"

>"..."

>"...DIAMOND TIARAAAA!"
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>Celestia
"???"
~~~~~

She stretched as wide as she could, letting little pops trail all along her back as she lazily rolled out of bed, far, far later than normal.

>Ooooh... That's a good thing. This right here? This is a good thing. Why did I argue with Shiny? I should have just said, "yes, take me, take me right now!" and then just let him bring me to this place and all of it's wonderfulness. So... so relaxing. The only thing that would make this perfect is if I somehow got la-

*KNOCK KNOCK!*

>...

Casting a suspicious glance at the air, she slowly trotted over to her door and answered it.

"Hey, Celly? Have you seen my wife?"

>...Oh, ha ha.

"What?"

>Nothing, unrelated, just cheekiness seems to run in my family. You were mentioning a missing pink princess of love?

"She ran off last night and never came back. I'm a little worried."

>Shiny, she's a big girl, when a mare runs out in the middle of the night on an adventure, you just have to sit back and let her do what she's going to do. If it were anyone else, sure, I would get the thinking that maybe she ran off to get some midnight 'excitement' from a stranger, but this is Cadence. CADENCE. Enough said.

"Oh, I'm not worried about her, you know, doing that. I'm worried she's going to try to do what, ah, what WE do."

>...Oh, okay, I'm seeing the concern.

"With the cannon-balling, and the fire, and the... everything."

>...So, uh, have you called-

"Nobody has seen her."

>Well... this is a great start to the day.

"Celestia, you don't have to help, I'm not ruining your day like that."

>Shiny, I'm going to be blunt here. This is probably going to be more fun than a roller coaster, regardless of how it ends up.

"Optimistic."

>Ball of sunshine, that's me.

"...HA!"

>I know, I've still got it. Head off, I'll be right behind you.

"You know... thanks."

>Hey, us whiteys have to look out for each other. Now shoo!

With that, she shut the door, and smiled.

>...Oh, today is going to be fuuun... I can tell.
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>Cadence
~~~~~

>WHERE AM I!?

This was a good question, seeing as how she was currently in a pitch black room, no sign of anything anywhere. Every so often, she would try to walk, only to find herself bopping face first into a door.

>Okay, Cadence, think! How did you end up here....

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

>I'm a pretty girl! The prettiest in the woooooorld! Put me in plastic, still look fantastic! Always brushing my hair, I've got a sexy aaaaiiir! My imagination is perfect beauty creation!

∞∞∞∞∞∞

>THAT DIDN'T HELP AT ALL! Come on, THINK!

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

>You know what I need to do? Take all of Equestria, and push it somewhere else!

∞∞∞∞∞∞

>BRILLIANT! But unhelpful. THINK!

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

>Ah hah! It's just like the song says! "Baby you're a fiiiiirework! Ladadada- oh, hey! What does this button do-

∞∞∞∞∞

>...Snickerdoodles...
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>JS
~~~~~

None of the patrons of Party Land gave the cloaked pony crouching over the buildings edge a second glance, thinking him just another decorative statue.

>Hm. Three minutes and eighteen seconds, a personal best where search-and-finds are concerned.

Celestia hadn’t ordered him to find her, but he felt obliged to anyway, if only to see how deeply the current princess of apples and her diamond friend could fail in their hunt. For one, they both had wings, so what they were both doing sprinting throughout the crowds when they could easily take to the air was anyone’s guess.

>I’d laugh if it weren’t so sad…

The glint of his shades flickered back to the target, one named Arana. She was with that one insect and stallion, and apparently safe.

No need to reclaim her then.

>Good.

So he switched his gaze once more to the pair of frantic mares, the slight, ever faint traces of a grin alighting Jetset’s usually stoic face.
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>Spike
"???"
'???'
~~~~~

>I'm starting to think they're avoiding me. You know? "Hey girls, let's go to partyland! Spend some time together", but noooooo.

"Awwww, does poor wittle Spikey-Wikey feel negwected? Does he want an ice cweam cooone?"

>...Chrysalis. Hi. What are you doing down here, not on fire.

"Pfft, just looking for my Punchbug. We got separated last night. Which was a shame, I was just getting to the good part describing how utterly delicious bubblegum ice cream is, and how it resembled... something, can't remember. But then thewes poor wittle spikey-wikey!"

>Stop with the nickname, now. That's special.

"Aww, how adorable, you think you stand even the slightest of chances to make me do what you want! Please, you threatened to release information that could have possible killed me, and I said "Go ahead, I'm going to go party", I'm not exactly shaking at the thought of having to make you put a gun to your head all over again."

>I learn, Chrysalis, try that again and something all new is going to happen.

"Yeah, I'll stop dicking around and blow out your tiny little..."

>...What?

"...So, any chance you've seen Cadence?"

>Huh? Weird tonal shift.

"Hey, I was getting bored talking about Ice Cream anyway."

>Ice cream?

'Majesty, please, don't go into that again.'

"42, I go where I want to go, conversation wise."

>Oh... hey, 42. Managed to get out of the pool?

'I uh... y-yes. My training paid off well, I am far less fearful of my lacking capabilities.'

>If you say so.

"C'mon, 42. We're getting breakfast with everyone."

'Oh? Nice to hear, I've been wanting to catch up with Spike, I haven't gotten a chance to really talk in days.'

"Well, it'll have to happen later. Lizardo is off looking for his tail, isn't that right?"

>...Right. Sorry, 42, we'll talk later.

'A pity, but I understand.'

"Come on already!"

'Coming, your highness!'

>...I'm going to put a bullet in her brain one day...
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>Blueblood
“PJ”
‘Haymaker’
~~~~~

‘Get outta here… really?’

>Most annoyin’est pair ever. Ever. I mean… I lack the vocabulary to describe jus’ how they… ugh, jus’ no, if I ever get put back inna cell wit’ ‘em, I might crack my own neck.

“Pffffffft….”

>But naw, nope… really tho’? They’re alrigh’… like, annoyin’, yeah, but good guys, tho’ fuck, the way they talk, all that finishin’ each uduh’s sentences and stuff, no… makes my head hurt….

‘Ah, then that might explain why their guard always came back to the barracks about ready to blow his brains out.’

“Hahahahaha!”

FWUMP.

>Mmph! P-PJ, gidoff'uh me!

“Nuh. Comfy.”

>My crotch ain't comfy!

“Righ’ now it ish, now hold still ‘fore I shove thish spud up yer’ lass.”

>…

“Shaddup. Meant ass. Up yer’ ass.”

When Haymaker started to drunkenly laugh, his tail swished about, knocking over what might as well have been a domino set-up of empty beer glasses, none of which broke but all of which contained the frigid dregs of the previous nights festivities.

Being given a pardon of two extra days was as good enough a reason to celebrate as any, and Haymaker had been looking for a just cause to have that drink with Blueblood anyway.

>Eh, Hasher…

‘Hm?’

>Don’cha gotta get ready fuh’ work… ‘r somethin’? Ish like, uhhhh…

A bleary-eyed glance out the window.

>That time.


“Nnnnnm… quit movin’…”

It was almost foalishly easy for Haymaker to side-glance his armor, nothing but a glittering heap in the corner, and scoff at it.

‘Technically, keepin’ you in line is my work, so I’m taking a day off. Someone’s gotta make sure you and Ms PJ here don’t do nothin’ stupid while inebriated.’

“Das’ Potatuh Queen PJ tuh’ you!”

The hoof waving about in the air only added strength to PJ’s slurred words as she wiggled about on Blueblood’s lap to glare lazily at Haymaker.

“Ya get me?”

He chortled.

‘Yes, ma’am.’

“Good… keep it in mind ‘cuz… or else I’ll… zzzzng…”

>…

‘…’

>My crotch ish gettin’ warm….

‘Yeah, she’s snorin’ pretty hard on ya, pal.’

>…

‘…’

>…I guesh I dun’ mind.

‘Yeah, I didn’t think ya would.’

“Zzzzrkt… tater… tots… nnnnzzz…

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>Twilight
"Fluttershy"
'Dash'
[Pinkie]
~~~~

>Hey, guys? You notice anything... weird going on?

"N-NO! NOTHING WEIRD IS GOING ON!"

>...

"...I mean, what did you mean, Twilight?"

>Well it's just... look around!

'What are we looking for, exactly?'

>Just watch.

In the span of the next six seconds, Chrysalis darted by with 42 calling for 18, Shining Armor Two and Celestia went by calling for Cadence, Spike went by looking for Applejack and Rarity, 29 Mayor Mare and Trixie went by looking for Zecora, a strange mare walked past looking for a concession stand, another one that smelled vaguely like smoke walked by to find the exit, a stallion Changeling and giant bundle in a coat walked by trying NOT to look like they were looking for someone, Diamond Tiara Silver Spoon 77 and Cheerilee walked by looking for 42 or Spike, and finally Applejack and Rarity darted past too quickly to see, leaving only a vague orangish whiteish blue behind.

[...I don't see it.]

'Me either.'

"Looks normal to me."

>I guess I'm just being silly...

[...Paintball?]

'PAAAAAAIIINNNT... BALLLLLLLLL!'

"Oh dear..."

[Awesome! This is going to be... NOT IN THE HOTEL, DASHIE!]

'Awww...'
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>Luna
“Batmom”
______

“Luna…”

>Neeeeenh….

“Luna, the sun’s up. Wanna know how I know? Because it’s beaming me dead in my face. Stupid orange ball of fire…”

>Negh….

“No. No, if my hubby can't get away with it what makes you think you can? We have to get up.”

>Neeeeeh!

“You can ‘neh’ me until I give birth but you and your gigantic ass are going to get up. I mean it, now. C’mon, up and at ‘em!”

>…Neh.

“Yeah, okay, I can see your point. It IS kinda hypocritical to be the one saying ‘get up’ when I’m laying over you….”

>Neeegh….

“Five more minutes, five more hours, what’s the difference, right? I’m sure someone’ll come get us if we’re needed.”

>Neh.

“Or not. Who cares. Eyes closing now.”
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>29
"MM"
~~~~~

>Are you quite done yet?

"Hey! It's not my fault Trixie spilled coffee in my hair!"

>The fault shall ever lie with you. Upon your lips, not mine, was the words spoken to summon her to our days of merriment.

"She's one of us, I couldn't just leave her behind!"

>One of 'us'?

"Yeah! The MM crew!"

>...The MM crew.

"Right! the crew all centered around me. Don't act like you didn't notice. You, Zecora, Trixie, you all just kind of gravitate towards me."

>On what daft land is this the closest to the words of truth? Surely, tis' my magnetic personality that brought us all with one another.

"Oh yeah? Why are you living in Ponyville?"

>...I suppose because yes, I became among your employ-

"And how did you meet Trixie?"

>When... when she was meeting with you-

"And why weren't you at the gala when this whole Orphan thing started?"

>...Because I gave unto you my ticket so that-

"And why were we out in the middle of the field with Zecora when Chitania struck?"

>...because you sought her out and convinced her to let me try-

"And who was it that met up with Trixie on the run, and gathered us all together for the first time?"

>...You-

"Right. Me. It was me. You are all MM's angels."

>...You're just jealous I can clean myself in a moment with my magic of disguise, aren't you?

"I AM SO JEALOUS!"

>Small comforts... for my bruised ego....
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>Applejack
"Rarity"
~~~~
In the hotel

>Ah'm sure...we're going to find her...any minute now.

"Applejack...I don't know about you, darling, but I'm quite exhausted. Perhaps we should have stayed by the entrance of the hotel and waited. We would have spotted her if she left."

>Just a little longer Rar. Ah'm telling ya, we're close to finding her. Ah can feel it.

"Maybe we should ask for help from our friends. I'm sure Pinkie's staff would be happy to help."

>Less ponies who know, the less likely Chrysalis is going to find out about Arana. Plus ah'm not gonna let folks know that 2 powerful alicorn princess couldn't find a spider-like changeling all night. We're going to find her. Just you wait.

"I don't think that's as big a deal as you're making it sound...Oh no. Are we doing this again? Didn't we already have this lesson?"

>What lesson?

"The stubbornness lesson, dear...and about asking for help."

>What? I'm not being stubborn.

"You seem to be taking the search for Arana a little personally. Can we at least rest for a moment? I've had to stay up to make deadlines before, but I know when to take breaks. Now is the time for one of them. Unless you're too stubborn to-"

>Fine! We'll rest for 2 minutes and it's back to searching.
Applejack lays down on the floor and Rarity lays down next to her.

"...*sighs*....Really Applejack. We've been up all night and haven't been able to find her. If we're not going to ask the others to help, maybe I can modify my gem detection spell to detect something else. I am an alicorn after all, so I should have the extra oomph to do it, don't you think so darling?"

>Zzzzz....

"Oh...well I suppose I could wake you in a bit."
Rests her head on AJ's shoulder.
"I'll just make myself comfortable and watch the clock...."
She closes her eyes and nods off.
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NC

>Spike
“???”
~~~~

>This. Is. Infuriating. No, scratch that. I’m so annoyed I could say no to giving Two a hug!

After a short introspective pause, he forced a chuckle.

>Okay, maybe I’m not that annoyed, but still pretty dang upset! Seriously, why can’t I find them?!

“FIIIIIIND WHOOO?!”

Caught up in his thoughts, Spike’s body reacted instinctually, causing him to pivot sideways just in time to avoid a jump-kick from the pink blur that shot past.

>I’ve looked everywhere on this continent they call a theme park and still nothing!

It took a moment for Pinkie Pie to unstick her hoof from the brick wall she’d collided with but once she had, she readied herself and dove at Spike again.

“Who’re you looking for, Spike?!”

An onlooker might’ve thought Spike was breakdancing when he suddenly dropped down, performing a perfect split as Pinkie soared by overhead, this time crashing through the surface of a nearby fountain with a geyser-worthy splash.

>You’d think those two would stick out like a sore hoof but no… like trying to find Two’s special marchmalley in a baggie full.

“Bleegh! Coooold! Okay, you wanna play like that, do ya? Fine! No more Mr. Nice Mare!”

Even when she jumped in front of him as nothing but a sopping pink mess and started throwing a flurry punches, Spike still didn’t register her existence, continue to ramble to himself while parrying and dodging.

>Checked the haunted house… the Spine-Tickler… the Big Banger… the Pie Popper….

Each place listed was punctuated by a swift counter on his part, eyes narrowed at the ground as he continued to walk, easily pushing the pink mare back.

“Heeeeeey, look at me! Look at me, look at me, loom at me, I’m right here!”

>At this point, they better pray to Celestia I don’t find them.

“Whoa, hey- where’d you learn these moves?”

>Because if I do-

He hooked a leg behind hers and rammed the palm of his hand into her chest, causing her to flip backwards and right to the ground.

“UFF!”

>There’ll be no butt-scratches for a week!

And he kept walking, oblivious to the mare he’d just laid out with dizzy swirls in her eyes.

Maybe some time later he’d wonder why his forearms stung, or why there seemed to be video footage of him and Pinkie Pie ‘sparring’, but for right now, two alicorn princesses took precedence.

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