Outsider

All my life I've been a floater. I'd like to think it hasn't been by choice, but at this point I'm not sure. What I mean by that is that I've always yearned for a place to belong. I community that I cared for and that cared about me. I thought I found these places dozens of times only to find myself having to float along to somewhere else out of the ashes of the last one.

Not only that, but I've always been torn. I've always been in the middle. In high school I played football but all my friends were band geeks. In college I was an engineering student but hung out mostly with art majors. Despite being a writer most of my closest friends in the fandom have been artists. For the first part of my fandom writing career I was split between /mlp/ and fimfic, never truly getting engaged in either one until I was forced to. This seems like a running theme in my life at this point. I move in somewhere only to ever be an outsider. I can never truly be integrated into a group simply due to the fact that I'm just too different. I'm not the kind of person that belongs there. One group sees me as belonging to another, and that other group sees me as belonging to the first. You might take that as me trying to say I'm special and different, and maybe it is, but it isn't a good thing at all.

Because of this I've ended up completely alone. Being the outsider means you aren't remembered or included in the end. You'll always be the last one anyone thinks about. Your only real friend ends up being isolation.