Endure

A few months ago, I found myself a job at a retailer, at which I will start in a few weeks. Most things are already set. But this last week, I had to go to the city I will be moving to receive some stupid document.

There were a lot of faces and I couldn't handle it at all. Now this will sound edgy and pretty stupid too, was I was really disgusted. I normally tend to look away from people since I am really, genuinely disgusted by 3D faces - 3dpd is actually a thing for me, regardless of the meme, and I surely think I am not the only one.

Then I was invited to hang out with some friends I didn't see for quite a while and we went to a place that was very crowded as well.
It was way too much for me to handle.

I have the habit of not swallowing my saliva after seeing, smelling, tasting or breathing something that I don't like.
I pretty much spend the whole weekend spitting out my saliva. Today, the day my friends took me to the crowded place, it got worse than ever. I got an incredibly strong heartburn vomited even though I did not eat anything and got a really strong headache.
My head even now still feels like it is going to split open and my heartburn returns every time I bend over or have to belch.

I feel like shit.
For some years now I only saw what I wanted to see, looked at all those beautiful and cute pictures of "2D"-girls with only sometimes seeing people from the outside. I can't look many of my relatives in the face anymore and spend 10 - 30 minutes brushing my teeth, two times a day minimum, not seldom resulting in bleeding.
I really noticed today what toll this lifestyle has taken on me.
I don't know if I will be able to live through the job even a year.