Thread 25: Stories 76-90

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>Roseluck
"Lyra"
'Bonbon'
~~~~~

>UGH! There is nowhere to actually get decent cakes anymore! They freaking moved to Canterlot!

"Speaking of, has anyone noticed our crazy level has all but plummeted?"

'Right? We didn't even get smashed during the last big event.'

"All I even see that's crazy anymore is that weird changeling, the mayor, the zebra and that crazy pony who put us in a bubble hanging out."

'That's pretty weird, though.'

"Is it?"

>Speaking of, you think I have a chance with that guy?

"...Really?"

>What? He's got a steady job, is extremely well spoken, and he's allegedly good with kids... though I've never seen him around any. Zecora says he is, though.

"But he's, like, a giant bug monster thing."

'AND he can get you pregnant, apparently.'

"Really? How the hell does that work, biologically?"

'I guess there's pony in there somehow?'

>I'm just saying, I could do worse.

"Well, I guess. You could go for Caramel."

'...'

>"'PFFFTHAHAHAHAHA!"'

"Ohhh, we can be jerks sometimes."

'Ponies say I'm a jerk a lot, actually.'

"You? Nahhh."

'Yeah, you're probably right.'

>Still, though, I feel like our town got a lot more boring when Twilight and crew left...

"..."

'...'

>"'THANK FUCKING CELESTIA!"'

"Right? Was tired of that bullshit."

'You said it.'
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>Applejack
"SA"
~~~~~~~~~~

>Sooo...

"She shoved something else in there, didn't she?"

>Okay, wow. Celestia hav'n explicit instructions ta' get ya' first are makin' sense.

"She said I'm the only one she trusts around there."

>...

"...Because of my flame-resistant shields, of course."

>Of course...

"Whelp..."

*BLOOP!*

"Here we go again... wow, that's nostalgic."

>Iffin' it makes ya' feel any better, it wasn't her fault.

"It kind of does, you know?"
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>Twilight
"SA"
'Celestia'
~~~~

>Hey, Applejack? I was looking over this form and...

"Hey, Twili, be with you in a sec, just need to finish- annnnnd, down with the foam she goes."

'KEEP PULLING!'

"Stop wiggling, you're making it worse."

'Ooooh, 'worse' is one way of putting it, yeah...'

"...And now the seizures have started."

'PULL!'
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>Spike
“Spitfire”
‘Dadling’
_______

At a round table in the common room of Canterlot castle was where a purple dragon and a fiery-maned mare found themselves. Plus one extra.

Only this time, they weren’t drinking. No, this time, they’d ordered food from the kitchen and decided to eat together.

But as the smell of food wafted under their noses and Spike lifted the lid off his plate of food, a bouncing beat began to play from who knows where….

>Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimmeeeee!

‘Give you what…?’

>Chili, chili, chili, chili, chiliiii!

‘I… I thought that’s what you ordered-’

>Licky, licky, licky, licky, lickyyyyyy!

‘…I- you want to lick it? I don’t underst-’

>Chickie, chickie, chickie, chickie, chickieeee!

‘But you got chili, not ch-’

>I’m so hungry, so feed me!

>I need some good food, from Ponywood!

>This foreign food is very good, but those pony cooks misunderstood!

Flames a searing emerald green burst from Spikes mouth after one spoonful and Spitfire started laughing.

>IT BURNS BURNS BURNS!

“Man that curry is so ho-o-ot!”

>IT BURNS BURNS BURNS!

“Burns like fire, oh my God!”

>IT BURNS BURNS BURNS!

“You drink and drink but it won’t sto-o-op!”

>IT BURNS BURNS BURNS

>In my mouth and, tomorrow in my butt!

When the music died away and Spike fell out on the floor, Dadling looked from him to Spitfire, who was laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes.

‘…I have no good God clue what just happened here.’
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>Cheese
"Pennydrop"

The Business office of Partyland looked anything but, with its hot tub (complete with waterslide) positioned next to the combination extra large business desk/ping-pong table along with all the various other sundry oddities that only party ponies could bring to entrepreneurship. The mare was currently seated in a rather comfortable seat resembling an overlarge slice of Gouda. Across from her, casually playing a game of ping pong with a stationary rubber chicken, the male half of Partyland's management was peering over her proposal.

>...and this gonna be where again?

"We believe that the area between your Wiscoltson-themed restaurant and the lazer tag complex would be best."

>Oh yeah, no, there's gonna be a lot of traffic there, cheese curds and lazer tag, that's the golden combination, right Boneless?

The rubber chicken retained its stoic silence.

>Oh, yeah, right. Well ma'am, if you don't mind, I got nothing against you, but I think my Pink Pie-Loving Partner-in-Partying should have a say in this.

"This is our offer, Mr. Sandwich, we'd prefer to begin construction immediately."

>No, no, I get that, and this looks like a real neat little building, but...and I mean this is the NICEST possible way, you guys are kiiiinda shady.

"We understand, Mr. Sandwich, but this facility is designed to help us regain a truly positive image with the Equestrian public. Our approval ratings in Canterlot are quite high of course, but we want to show the entire country we have restructured for the better."

>Wowza you can weasel words like a pro, huh? But like I said, I need to wait for Pinkie to get back from this Sombra thingy. You hear they're going bang zoom right to the moon? I hope the Pinkster gets me some moon cheese from...there...whatcha doing?

"Writing a sum."

>Ah, well, I am so confident it won't change my mind I'm going to just drink this delicious beverage, excuse me.

"You so tha-"

>PBBBBBBLLLLLTTTT!!!

"...thank you for looking in a different direction when you did that."

>THERE'S MORE ZEROES THAN IN A BINARY DICTIONARY!

"Doubtful, but yes, it is what I'm willing to pay."

>Nngh...oh...with this Pinkie wouldn't have to choose between the Swirly Commode or the Soda Straws in the Super Water Party Park! We could have one of the straws go INTO the Swirly Commode!

"Everyone wins."

>...nnnnnngh...YOUGOTTADEAL!

"I knew you'd see things my way."

>Shake on it?

"Do you have a joy buzzer?"

>Maybe?

"Then no."

>Alright, Penny, can I call you Penny?

"By absolutely no means."

>...riiight...can I ask a question?

"Sure."

>What'cha planning on calling it?

She smirked.

"Fawntaine's Hall of the Future."

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>32
"Reggie"
'Q'
-77-

>And then I said 'Lawnmower? I thought you said flamethrower!'

"...*chitter*."

'...*tink*.'

>Aw thanks guys.

-Brother? Brother, who are you talking to?-

32 quickly slams his pillow down onto Q, looking up as 77 reaches his cell.

>Brother, what a pleasant surprise, welcome to my domain, you are of course welcome to partake of whatever you find. I won't stop you, I am physically and legally incapable!

-...I didn't want to believe this was true.-

>What? That I had created my own government in exile? Believe it, today my cell, tomorrow, THE OTHER CELL! MWAHAHAHAHA-laugh with me Reggie-HAHAHAHA!

"...*chitter*."

-Brother...what has happened to you? You're rambling to insects- -

>Hahaha, says the talking bug! I am communing with our long lost and lowly brethren! If Sparkle is right one day long ago a pony screwed a pillbug and here we are! We have a duty to our cousins to-!

-Please, please be silent, brother. This is not you. This isn't the 32 I fought beside in those caves, it isn't the 32 that, loathe as I am to admit it, made the Morlocks discard their barbarism, and...this isn't the 32 that railed against the Queen. I hate you for that, but it was you, the real you, not this horrible madman wasting away in a cell.-

>What IS me, Brother? How do we define ourselves? I was once unswervingly loyal to the Queen, then I thought she was dead, then I thought she was evil, and now I think she is too far away for it to matter. I should send letters...

-Brother- -

>I blame myself you know. For all of them.

-...what?-

>The deaths, of course. I've replayed them all. 45, I could have easily pulled back into formation. All of those that the Morlocks claimed? I should have been quicker, cleverer, better. 21? I could have talked him down. 68, deflect the barb, 50, convince to collapse the tunnel on OUR side. And then there was 44...

-32...-

>I could have saved him easiest of all. No real effort, just drag him back down. But no...I did nothing. I just watched...and waited...and let him die. I think I understand why...I wanted to see him die. It was survival kicking in, I wanted to see him blunder into the predator's modus operandi to see how it functioned.

32 stares at 77.

>I am a monster and I deserve to die.

-32, you cannot think this way! There was nothing you could do, we were all scared and clinging to each other for dear life! 44 wasn't himself, he was convinced he'd found a way out, rambling about sunlight!-

>And here I am. Not myself, convinced there is no way out, rambling to roaches. An odd symmetry, no?

-Brother- -

>Heh...heheheheheh...wanna know something funny? Just a punchline to all this?

-...what?-

>That was the single worst cake I had ever tasted in my life.

32 falls on his back, cackling in mirth as Reggie attempts to skitter away from his rolling on the ground. 77 shakes his head, fighting back the tears coming to his eye as he walks away, leaving a broken shell of a changeling to his idle fantasies.

He supposed, he was truly the only real survivor of the expedition.

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>Chitania
"Carnival Pony"
'Random Pony'
[???]
~~~~~~

>This popcorn is awful!

"Well, what do you expect? It's fairground popcorn. It's not meant to be high class."

>GREENSPIT! I've tasted others, and they are far higher quality than this! This is not worthy of the dust trap on Mr Popcorn's head.

"Well, it is the cheapest stuff. Because it's supposed to be cheap."

>That is no excuse for shoddy products!

"Ma'am, if you keep being hostile, I'm going to have to escort you off the premises."

>I have bested your managers, your security, several guards and more than a few 'helpful' of your patrons, I would like to see you try.

'Why don't you just go get the stuff at Partyland?'

>...I'm sorry?

'Partyland, just opened up not that long ago. They've got some amazing concessions.'

>...How amazing?

'They infuse the butter flavor right into the kernels before they even pop, don't ask me how.'

>...You, sir, you will be spared one day, I wish you to know this now.

'...Thanks?'

>You, on the other hand, can start digging the hole now.

"I am an ex-clown who must work a shitty concessions stand. I eagerly beg for the sweet release of death."

>Now, if you do not mind, I feel the need to.... party.

'...Did you have to make that sound ominous?'

>It's just how it keeps coming out, really.
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>Actarius
"Jugglejack"
~~~~

>Hey, you ever feel like there's this big hidden joke you're just not a part of?

"All the time! Several of my hive keep making weird gestures and giggling at random times, it drives me nuts."

>My guys too! I have no idea what they're on about!

"They'll just be sitting there one second, I'll walk by and then they'll start laughing!"

>I'll be getting my armor on in the locker room, and then someone will say something about tossing things and bam! Everyone's in hysterics and I have no idea what's going on!

"Mine are all about fluffing things."

>Ugh, just wish they would let us in on the joke too, you know? I like to laugh too!

"Right? Or at least tell me about it so I can pretend to laugh to be polite."

>At least they're not laughing at your juggling.

"Nothing is comedic about juggling! It is serious business!"

>Preaching to the choir, man.

"Ugh... Ohhh, that looks good."

>Hm? Oh, yeah! Those milkshakes are AMAZING, you've got to try one!

"Ahhh, I don't exactly have a lot of bits."

>Come on, I'll treat you.

"Oh, you don't have to do that! I know your salary isn't all that great."

>Meh, we'll share. They don't charge by the straw, I think.

"Oh hey, that's pretty smart!"

>Economic too... damn it!

"...There they go again!"

>One day we'll figure out what was so funny... one day...
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>77
"42"
'Crystal Guards'
~~~~

'OH SWEET CRYSTAL HEART ABOVE IT HURTS!'

>Unfortunate.

"Hrmph, fine, you win the bet. I have been neglecting training them in short range weaponry."

'I CAN'T FEEL MY LEG!'

>If it makes you feel any better, their hoof to hoof fighting and long range destructive capabilities are astoundingly good. They're just exceedingly poor when you strap a staff to their side, or put a blade in their mouth.

'MY TEETH!'

"Still, I should blame the teacher for that. I am not very good at things like knives or staffs."

>Hmm, you will have to seek out someone to train them in such ways before long.

'FAAAAACCCCEEE!'

"Heh, maybe I should go and get Chitania? She was said to be quite excellent in all forms of weaponry."

>Or perhaps resurrect Titania, she was said to be excellent with bludgeoning weaponry.

"Or perhaps..."

>...You were thinking about her, weren't you?

"She was extremely capable with a knife, you have to admit."

>...She was... but she is dead now, nothing more to be done.

"I am sorry, I did not mean to drudge up old memories."

>Well, by all means, make it up to me by allowing me to get another fight in, I'm quite hungry for a round 4.

'OH SWEET MERCY NO!'

"Just for that, Crumbles, you're first!"

'SO MANY REGRETS!'

>You think there is a lot now? We haven't even started yet.

'AHHHHH!'
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>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
~~~~~~

*SLAM!*

>Okay, how the FUCK did you find out about her!? Was it Shiny? Am I going to have to smack a pony?

"...Chrysalis, your vagueness is only matched by my utter lack of giving a single fuck, but please, by all means, keep going."

>TITANIA!

"...Who?"

A surprisingly poseable action figure was hurled into the white Alicorn's face.

>How the fuck did you guys find out about Titania!? I mean, okay, you got her powers wrong, but still!

"...Oh sweet mercy, there's more!? How many more fucking Queens are running around out there!?"

>She's dead!

"Dead dead or 'Chitania dead', which is to say not dead at all and you are going to regret her not being dead."

>Dead dead. Watched it happen.

"So, what's the problem?"

>YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT HER!

"I don't."

>Then how the fuck is there an action figure!?

"It's just a Chitania repaint."

>...A what?

"Oh my... you know nothing of toy sales."

>Confusion rising... and now there is a strange music playing. What the-

"Come with me~ and you'll see~ an entire woooooorld of toyline variation~"

>Wow, you will use any excuse at all for a musical number.

"Take a look~ and you'll see~ a surprising lack of imagination!"

>Please stop.

"You can't win~ if you spend~ so instead~ you just repeat your creation~ what you see~ has you see~ a simple explanation~"

>This is getting silly.

"For those that will colleeeect merchandise~ those that play and just view it~ if you want to buy, just do it!~ want to collect them all? There's nothing... to it..."

>Stop.

"There is no, mind I know, that compaaares with corporate manipulation!~ too bad, there's nothing free~ but don't you want your child... happy?~"

*SMACK!*

>STOP PLEASE!

"...I was just-"

>NO!... NNNNO! Bad sunhorse! No singing!

"Awwww..."

~~~~~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2pt2-F2j2g
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>Applejack
"56"
~~~~

>56, ya' have a problem. Yer' gonna be in debt for the rest o' yer' life at this rate.

"I CAN'T STOOOOOOOOOOPPPP!"
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>???
“Applejack”
‘Celestia’
[Shiny]
~~~~~~

[Celly, you’re really not making this any easier. At all.]

‘No clue what you’re talking about.’

[You keep clenching. Stop doing that.]

‘It’s a reflex, I tell you!’

[The first five times, maybe, okay, I’ll concede to that, but we’re going on fifty now. Quit it.]

“How in the hay is she bringin’ it back in and pushin’ it back out like that?”

‘Centuries of kegel exercises, dear.’

[So you ARE doing this on purpose!]

‘Blame my need to remain fit and trim and tight. A mare, especially a princess, must keep a graceful figure about her.]

“Yer’ otherworldly ass says different. You know, the one we’re hoof-deep in back here? That one.”

>Hey, guys! Have any of you seen the figurine.... I left… around… here….

“…”

[…]

‘…’

>…

‘56, I can explain….’

*SPURT!*

*thud*

[Wow, that was a massive nosebleed. Did you guys see that? The blood actually arched through the air. Is he going to be okay?]

‘Good to know I still got it.’

“He’s unconscious.”

‘Stilllll got it.’
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>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
~~~

>How many variations are there!?

"How many colors are there in the world?"

>Seriously, there's too much!

"Worst part? They're thinking of giving her her own comic book with these guys as side characters."

>Who would read a book that just has a bunch of characters with the same powers, but they're different colors!?

"...You'd be surprised."
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>Mane-Iac
"Chrysalis"
'42'
[Guards]
~~~~

>MWAAHAHAHAHAHAH! FALLLLLL!

"AIM FOR THE LEGS MANEY!"

[WHYYYYYY!?]

'Majesty, really. This is not helping with the training, she is just hurting them.'

"ToMAYtoe, toMAHto."

'No, it's just all 'no training, hurt.' There is nothing else to it.'

>AAAAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHA! YOUR FOOOOOOLISH WEAPONRY ARE NO MATCH FOR MEEEEE!

[WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THIS!? THE SWORDS JUST BOUNCE RIGHT OFF!]

[I WUN MAH ROCKETS BAAAAACK!]

>AAAAHAHAHHAHAAHHA!

'This is cruel.'

"Entertaining, is the word. Entertaining, 42."

>POWER BOOOOOOOOOMB!

[OH SWEET LOVE ABOVE NO-]

*BOOOOOM!*
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[....This is still kinda hot.]

>I'm sorry, do you want to take a break to cool off?

"NO BREAKS, MORE VIOLENCE!"
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