Thread 37: Stories 46-64

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>Chrysalis
"SA"
'Cadence'
[42]
{18}
~PD~
-Mane-iac-
(2)
~~~~

"I'm serious, one more time you toss her like that, and I'm going to toss you."

'He'll do it, don't tempt him. He's got a heck of a throwing arm.'

>Bah, spoilsport, she had a ball. And look, she even got a little medal, you tell me this isn't a good thing.

(It's a smiley face!)

-AHHAHHAHAHAHAH! INDEEED! THE VISAGE IS THAT OF A... I mean, yeah! It is!-

"No turning my adoptive daughter into a projectile."

>Oh, but you can do it to me? That's discrimination.

[It's actually pretty fun.]

{Right? A part of me misses wifetoss.}

>I do not wifetoss, I Shinytoss. I am bigger.

[That just makes you sound like Chitania.]

"Oh sweet Celestia, imagine her fifty feet tall."

>CHRYSALIS SMASH!

-AHHHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!-

"..."

-...I thought it was funny.-

~I did too.~

>Pfft.

~No, really, you nailed Smashtania pretty well, actually.~

"...Poindexter, no..."

~They're hyper detailed figures and they have sixteen points of articulation! I AM BUT A STALLION, SHINING! I AM BUT A STALLION!~

"She punched me so hard my liver tastes like hoof."

~I didn't buy a CHITANIA figure!~

"..."

~...She's blue. Totally different.~

"..."

-Wait, I'm confused, isn't she? She's a totally different character!-

~See? She gets it.~

"..."

~...That's not helping my argument, is it?~

"..."

>POINDEXTER TOSS-

"NO!"

>Awww...
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>Igneous Rock
"Cloudy Quartz"
[???]
{???}
~~~~

>I worry about her, wife.

"It is possible we are being too overbearing on the matter. We are known to do that."

>I disagree. It is good for a parent to make their wishes known, even if the child does not follow them. We have accumulated much wisdom in our time, it would be wrong not to share it.

"Perhaps. But it is important to consider our wisdom is not absolute. Remember when she brought Shining Armor to our homestead?"

>Indeed. He looked weak in body, unintelligent, spineless, easily controlled and without a lot of drive to him, but-

[EX-CUSE ME!?]

The normally stoic faces of the two earth ponies was put to the test when a white unicorn stomped up to them.

[WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!?]

>I do not understand, what are you referring to-

[Because it sounded like you were just talking about Shining Armor there!]

"What business of it is yours?"

[What business!? THAT'S MY SON YOU JERKS!]

Ever so slightly, Igneous's eyes widened.

>Ah. I see. You must be Twilight Velvet, his mother-

[You're damn right I am! And just who are you!?]

"We are the parents of Pinkamena Pie, one of your daughters friends."

>And we apo-

[Whoa whoa whoa! You guys are ragging on my son when your daughter is PINKIE!?]

Ever so slightly, their eyes narrowed.

"And just what do you mean by that?"

She just glared right back.

[I think you know exactly what I mean.]

The ground ever so slightly started to shake.

Imperceptibly, the horn on Velvet's head started to glow.

Birds tore off in fear.

Children wept and they did not know why.

The sky above darkened as a storm brewed.

And finally...

{Hey, honey-bottoms? You said no sprinkles on yours, right? Because...}

...A blue unicorn sighed in exasperation.

{Really? Another one!? For heavens sake, sweetie! New feud every week, I swear...}

Somewhere, Pinkie Pie and Shining Armor felt fear, and a part of them knew terror was yet to come.
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>JJ
"Actarius"
~~~

>Should I get drunk?

The soldier just froze in the middle of his trot, completely taken off guard.

"...What?"

>Should I get drunk?

"Uhhh...Why do you want to get drunk?"

>Don't you ponies always say you need a drink after something crazy happens? I feel like I need to slosh something around.

"It's get sloshed."

>That sounds painful.

"Meh, you're sore as hell in the morning but it's fun while it lasts, I've heard. Never did it myself, honestly got scared off after watching a couple guys try it and barely be able to stand in the morning."

>Eh, that does sound unpleasant.

"Hey, don't take my word for it, apparently it's a very fun passtime with a lot of good stuff to it. I'm just really inexperienced in the matter. Probably would end up with you all kinds of messed up if you asked me."

>Meh, I'd trust you. Would just have to go easy with it.

"Aw, thanks."

>...I probably shouldn't get drunk, I don't know what changelings are like when they're drunk.

"What's a changeling like after getting sloshed? These are the questions science must answer!"

>This sounds like it's going to end up with pointy stuff stuck in me and me feeling numb all over.

"Ehhh, point. You should probably be sober when you're with me, the crazy stuff I do is easier to deal with when you're consenting."

>Yeah, gues so.

"...That and I think your Queen would set me on fire if I got you drunk and then something happened."

>Eeesh, got a point there.

"Would she set me on fire?"

>You'd be SO flaming. We both would, probably.

"Ahhh, it doesn't sound that bad!"

>...

"...Joking. I... joke?"

>...

"...I swear this never happens."

>Suuuuure.
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NC

>56
“Dadling"
‘Batmom’
-Luna-
{Game Pony}
~~~~

‘Faust above pardon my language but what fuckery is this right here?’

>So what do I win, mister, huh? You guessed wrong so I win, right? What’s my prize? Can I pick from the ones up there?

-We… we do not understand this… it… how?-

{Okay, truth time. I’m the one who’s supposed to be tricking YOU guys, not the other way around. N-not that I did! Just saying, tradition and all.}

>I want that one! The one of Moons, that plushie!

-…why doth that toy likeness of us have such a wide posterior?-

>I know, right? They really got the size downpat on that one!

-…-

‘56, get down from there, that scale’s obviously broken. There’s no way that's an accurate reading. Sir, I believe you owe us our bits back.’

“Hold on just a second, sweetheart, let me see something real quick.”

And before the games pony could begin sputtering his apologies, Dadling shifted a beaming 56 to the side and stood atop the scale.

“Hm, 49 kilos. Yup, this thing’s reading right. 56, one more time for me.”

>No prob, NTL!

The little Changeling eagerly bounced back into place, and the group stared in unison when the same numbers as before spun up.

‘Bull. Shit. There’s no way on Celestia’s Equestria he weighs over 300 kilos! I- just no! NO! I refuse to accept that!’

{Well plug with me corn and set me over a low flame, I know I rigged it to show a set number to make the guessing easier but this is ridiculous.}

‘What was that?’

{NOTHING!}

But Dadling only nodded, prodding 56 gently in the side.

“Hmm, yeah, that does seem a little odd… 56, you’ve lost weight. Are you eating properly?”

{‘-…-’}

>Yeah! S-sorta… mostly snacks, I guess….

“Thought so. Bad bug, no more skimping meals, you hear me? You need real food, not junk. All that nutrition’s going to have a hoof in helping you grow up big and strong.”

>…I’m sorry, NTL.

“It’s okay this time, but next time? No butts for a week.”

>GASP!

{Did… did he literally just say the word-}

‘Don’t you dare interrupt my man when he’s being sexy, you cheat. Now, as payment for your underhoofed ways, you will give us each one of those toys up there. For free.’

As the gamespony hastily moved to do as ordered, Luna inclined her head and, using her teeth, lifted 56 by his knapsack.

It was like lifting a small bag of moonpies.

She set him down on her other side, staring quizzically.

-…-

>Wussup, Moons? Ooooh, I know, you’re worried I’m gonna spend more time with that plush instead of you, right? Well, have no fear, mindlady!

“Wow, no, wrong. It’s milady, 56.”

>Mackladdle, anyway! No doll could ever replace you, Moons!

She still continued to look utterly baffled as he rubbed up against her hips.

“Forget about it, princess. It’s not important, he’s… he’s just a certain kind of special.”

It took a couple seconds but Luna’s confusion soon slid into something tender and she playfully hip-bumped the enamored Changeling, causing him to stumble sideways into Dadling.

-That… we can clearly see.-

A subtle throat clearing.

-Well then, come everyone! Let us go hunt for more of that… funnel cake, and then locate our sister!-

>Alright, sounds like a cool idea to me, Moons!

“Yeah, I could use some f-”

‘Hey, packbug! Get over here, you've got treasure to haul!’

“Of course. Coming, dear.”

>...That’s so sad it’s almost funny.

-No, it’s pretty much just funny.-

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>DT
"77"
'Cheerilee'
[SS]
~~~

>Want me to shoot her with a rocket?

"...What?"

>Due to plausible denyability reasons, I cannot repeat the question. I can, however, note that the question previously asked is still valid in it's original form.

"Oh, Diamond Tiara, it is only a conte-...You're considering it, aren't you?"

'NO!'

"..."

'...Maybe.'

[Don't do it, if you ask she will.]

"Really? You'd attack the Queen of all changelings for us?"

>I can neither confirm nor deny your question as this implies a criminal act, of which premeditated versions are far harsher in sentencing than, say, spur of the moment events, events which I have no knowledge of or desire for. Honest.

"Well, thank you for the offer that you are not confirming or denying, but I do have a responsibility to protect her. So please do not allow projectiles to accidentally go in her direction."

>...I will do my best, but make no promises.

'I don't know whether to be touched or horrified.'

[Go with touched, it's how I coped with the fact she said she'd annihilate someone if they turned me down for a date.]

>I was merely suggesting that we research the point of ignition for ponies bodies, any inferred end result is just that, inferred.

"...I might have to make an appointment for you."

'... Really?'

"Realized it as soon as I said it."

>Realized what?

"That someday, you will have the most terrifying spawn there ever was."

>Awww, thanks!
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~~~~

"...Huh?"

The poofy, bubblegummy pink hair rocked back and forth as it's owner curiously looked to the sky, searching for seemingly something directly above her.

"Is something the matter, Pinkie?" Her purple alicorn friend curiously asked, though admittedly mostly unworried due to the fact that this was, in fact, Pinkie doing it. Pinkie was just nuts sometimes.

"Yeah," she nodded, "Something's missing up there. Why the shift?"

The ever flowing rainbow mane tilted back as Celestia joined her in looking to the sky. "Oh? What is it?"

"Oh, I hope it's nothing too serious." Worried Fluttershy.

"Really? You guys are actually worried? Why, oh dear sweet flanks of Luna so wide, why? It's PINKIE!" Rainbow Dash said, incredulous.

"That's why I'm worried, personally." Pointed out Spike.

"She is mostly crazed, but our friend does have quite the... history with predictions." Rarity added, wearily looking through the sky.

But the pink mare ignored her, continuing to stare upwards. "Why would this be missing? Why the change? Is something going to-"

"Hey! Twilight!"

"BBBFF!"

The alicorn abruptly gave up this search for nothing, deciding it far too unimportant next to the option of embracing her dear older brother.

Behind him trailed his entire group, right on his heels.

"...Oh, this is kind of making sense."

"AHHHAHAHAHAHAH! SO GOOOD TO SEEEEE YOU, FOOLISH POWER PONIES!... And humdrum... IT HAS BEEN FAAAAAR TOO LONG SINCE OUR LAST ENCOUNTER!" The wild mare cackled.

“Indeed, pleasure to see you all under better circumstances.” The changeling behind her said, helmet dipping a bit in a nod.

“Though sad to say, we're not as excited about it as her.” 18 meekly pointed out, shuffling away from the spasmodic hair.

“AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“Got that right. Nobody else can get as... excited as her.” Poindexter said, a wistful look on his face.

“Cut that out.” The Queen barked, removing that wistful look with a hoof to the back of the head.

“Don't hit him!” Cadence chided. “It sends a bad message to Two.”

“Two, do not hit anyone. Unless it's Poindexter.” She sagely nodded.

“OKAY!”

“TWO NO! No hitting anyone!”

“Awwww!”

“No yeah,” Pinkie nodded, “I see the problem. That's, what, fifteen? Would look like someone upchucked on a typewriter.”

“DAUGHTER!”

“And the number just grows.”

Her father cantered up slightly faster than a slow trot.

Which of course translated to him being furious beyond belief.

“Uh, Daddy? Everything oka-”

“SHINING! TWILIGHT!”

From that same direction, a furious, slightly off white mare added to the growing crowd.

“MOM!” They cried in unison. “What are you doing here? When did you-”

“NO TIME FOR THAT!” She cut them off. “IT IS ON!”

“...What is?” Her daughter asked.

“IT!”

“You see, daughter, this mare has made comments.” Pinkie's mother pointed out. “And we must deal with this with less than the standard amount of professionalism.”

“GAAAAASSSP!” Pinkie said, not actually gasping. For you see, the last time her mother had said something like that, certain ponies got their legs broken... 'accidentally'.

“Mom? What's going on?” Her son asked, more than a little worried at the fiery glare she sent their ways.

“All you need to know is Mommy is very angry at those ponies and she is going to RUIN THEM!” She growled.

Wearily, Twilight attempted to speak up. “Uh, mom, those are Pinkie's parents-”

“I don't care if they are the parents of Celestia herself! THEY'RE GOING DOWN!... No offense.”

“None taken.” Replied said sun princess.

“Just roll with it.” Came a tired, exasperated sigh. “Any arguments will lead to her declaring you don't support her and that she always supported you and... ugh, it's a mess. Just do what she says, whatever that is.”

Both siblings glanced at their too tired looking father, and felt fear.

“Daughter, it has come to our attention that certain parties need to be dealt with.” Igneous grunted, gesturing to the group.

“Which is why we need you to break out... the stage.” Her mother solemnly declared in a voice just slightly above monotone.

“GAAAAASSPPPPP! NOOOOO!” Pinkie reeled back, horrified.

“Just do it.”

“Or they're never going to stop being like this.”

Two more joined what was essentially a crowd at this point. The two sisters of Pinkie, Marble and Limestone, took their place at either side of the parents.

“Let's just get it over with.” Marble groused.

“And let's hope we don't burn down everything this time.” Limestone agreed.

“I think it will be fun.”

Wiggling her way into the middle, Maud almost looked excited. By that, of course, it meant she wasn't totally asleep at the moment.

“BRING IT ON!” Velvet challenged, grabbing both of her children in either foreleg. “We will crush you like I crush those little rock candy treats to mix with my special super amazing ice cream surprise!”

“...So, normally at first but over time you get so frustrated you whip out the hammer and we have to buy another countertop?” Nightlight asked.

“NOT NOW HONEY!”

“Very well.” Igneous declared. “Then let the game... commence.”

Terrified out of her skull, Pinkie produced a remote from who knows where, and with great trepidation pressed it.

To everyone's surprise, the center of the amphitheater lit up, glowing lights carving out from every crack and orchestral music beginning to play. The ground gave way to panels that lifted up off the floor, pushing the various patrons out of the way in order to raise up a stage.

But it was no ordinary stage! Upon this platform was all manner of strange and exotic obstacle course, dozens of bizarre constructions hanging from every inch of it and spreading out over the crowd. Stuffed with everything from green goo pit to a mini roller coaster.

And, smack dab in the center were two long counters with chairs attached, each one opposite a tall, proud podium smack dab in the center. From which, a certain other pony stood tall and nearly bouncing with excitement.

“You guys ready to party!?” Cheese Sandwich asked, tapping together a bunch of notecards.

“Wow, him too?” Pinkie asked nobody in particular. “Would have been a whole page of just names and funny symbols. Would have looked like Twilight started tripping and tried to organize a phonebook."

“...Okay, wasn't expecting that.” Velvet murmured, ignoring Pinkie's tangent.

“This is the ancient battle traditions of our family. Passed down from generation to generation, and honed with time. This is our-”

“No it's not! You guys fought in rock quarries! With clubs! And rocks! And bigger rocks! Giant pits of slime had no part in any of that!”

Everyone turned to the mare that had spoken. To her credit, 18 held her ground.

“...Well they did!”

“A-hem.” Cloudy politely interjected. “We have, shall we say, altered it for the less violent age. The base idea is mostly there.”

“It's a legal thing, mostly.” Limestone added.

“Loooots of problems with... headsmashing.” Marble continued sheepishly.

“You ponies ruin everything fun you touch!” Chrysalis cried, saddened she would not get to see such spectacular level of violence.

“But it is of no matter! Your family and ours shall meet together in battle, just like the days of old. And only one shall come out victorious.” Igneous bellowed with an ever so slightly raised volume.

“Wait, hold up.” Shining Armor cut in. “Can we talk about this-”

“Baby? Shiny bottoms? Son who I spent so much of my love and caring and joy on and gave up so many dreams so he could be put through guard training and become the loving stallion he is today?” Velvet abruptly asked, voice as sweet as honey. “You're not going to say anything to make our strong, supportive family look weak, right?”

Shaking off a terrible shudder, he frantically shook his head. “No no! Not at all! It's just uh... little skewed, isn't it?”

“He is correct. You only managed to bore two children in your time. Regretful in the number sense.” Cloudy added.

“What was that?” Velvet asked, presenting her ear. “Couldn't hear you over the sound of the nations, to repeat, NATIONS, my children now control. Maybe if the stomping of the armed militia or the hum of the superweapons they now command wasn't so loud, your words cheering for quantity would get over the roar of all that quality.”

Just a bit, the earth pony frowned.

“But you know what? You're right, you've got four whole children, and I've only got two... Oh! I know! Shiny, get your wife over here.”

Sheepishly, Cadence crouched a little lower. “Uh...”

“No no, you're part of the family now, you count. Annnnd... OH! Well, look who we have here, my new Granddaughter-”

“No.”

It was the sternest, most powerful word they had ever heard come out of the white stallions lips.

“I'm not getting her involved in something dangerous!”

“Your concern is an admirable trait, but you need not worry as it is shared between groups.” Maud interjected. “As we said, it has been changed for a more soft age, the only chance of injury would come from her eating the goo.” Flat, emotionless eyes flickered over to the changeling. “Don't eat the goo.”

“OKAY!” The little Changeling cheered, nodding enthusiastically, just happy she got to actually be a part of all this.

“Well... if it even slightly looks dangerous...” His glare said it all.

“Then it is settled.” Igneous nodded. “We shall battle, for the honor of our family.”

From across the room, eight eyes locked with each other. All under the stern look of their parents. As one, they spoke.

“Do we get a say in this?”

As one, all four parents replied.

“No.”

And thus, their fate was sealed.

“WELL THEN!” Cheese Sandwich declared with a smile, jumping on top his podium. “LET THE SUPER FLOOPER FLABBLE BATTLE BEGIN!”

“Can you please call it by it's real name?” Cadence groaned.

“Uh...” Nervously, he started fidgeting with the notecards. “That is it's name.”

As one, everyone looked to the eldest of the Pie clan.

“...What? Our ancestors had a sense of humor too.”

With no more time to ponder that, they were all swept up, and placed on stage.

“This will be fun.”

The fact that, of all ponies, it was Maud who was slightly smiling should have told them they were in for pain.

They had no idea.
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>Chrysalis
"42"
'18'
-Rekulk-
~Vekir~

>Well this took a turn.

"I...buh...what is HAPPENING!?"

'A Super Blooper whatever the hell apparently, looks like a playground from hell around here.'

>I am insulted we were not allowed to compete.

"Your majesty, to be fair, if we got involved we'd end up outnumbering both teams."

>It'd be fair!

'One of our guys can set himself on fire!'

>The goo would put him out.

'Are you sure, that stuff looks absurdly flammable.'

>Party pooper. Might as well watch all of them make fools of themselves, at least that'll be fun. Seeing Shiny slide around in green goo...

'Getting it all over himself...'

>His flanks...

'...We may have a problem, your majesty.'

>Shiny isn't a problem, 18, he's a solution.

"...uh..."

'Yes, 42, Cadence will be in there too.'

WHAM!

>...did you just headbutt the ground?

"No."

'The crater begs to differ.'

"Heylookadistraction!"

>Huh, oh Love damn it.

-This is quite the strangeness, sister.-

~Look at all the twistings and turnings, it is like the tunnels but colorful!~

-Relatives of Zhetri Tuuhl- -

>Rrrgh...

- -can you explain to us the Floobles and Boobles?-

>What...in the bluest of blue hells makes you think we would have the single idea how this works!?

~Because it is known that the relatives of Zhetri Tuuhl- ~

>Going to fucking end you b-

~ -are the wisest of all the wise!~

>...I hate hate hate it when they do that. One of you field this...I gotta work on something.

'Not it!'

"Not-damn it...this is a kind of challenge between the two families."

-The Twience Princess clan and the Sages of Rocks?-

"Ok good, now follow me. These two teams are going to do a bunch of...strange challenges and I assume the ones that...score more points?"

'I think.'

"The team that scores the most points wins."

-...that sounds...uhm...Sister of Zhetri Tuuhl- -

>Oh juuuuust you wait you little...

-It is...we do not judge the wiseness of the surface but...-

~It is so silly!~

'Even they see that!'

~...may I eat the green goo?~

"'-NO!-'"

~Curses.~

>Aha! Ok...

'Majesty, are you alri-'

>Sssshhh...ssssh...wait for it...

~Ooh! Ooh! Sister of Zhetri- ~

WAP!

~...ow...~

"Your Majesty?"

'What the?'

>Now listen to me you little assholes. This? This right here? This is a rolled up park map! This place is huge and the map is huge, so rolled up it is now the Stick of Correction! I'm more than likely not allowed to murder you both for daring to reduce us to mere RELATIVES of someone else, but I WILL smack you over the head with this thing until you learn how to properly address us!

-...I am glad the Twience Princess included waste disposal...-

>Repeat after me! Forty Two!

-~Vertry Tuuhl~-

Wap Wap!

-~Ow!~-

>Wrong!

"They can just call me Punchbug..."

-~Punchbug!~-

>Hmph, good enough. Eighteen.

-~Ayyyyteen...~-

>...close enough. Now me and I will smack you so hard whatever passes for Gods down there will feel it if you get it wrong, understand? QUEEN. CHRYSALIS.

-Queen Chrysalis.-

'That one you get?'

-Rolls off of tongue.-

~Queen Chrysswyssle.~

Wap!

>No! Chrysalis!

~Chrysadis.~

WAP!

~The Queen of all Bitches!~

>...actually, you know what? I like that better. Now remember this lesson, little freakshows, or the Stick of Correction will return for you, got it?

The two Morlocks nod.

>Good. As a reward you can go eat the green stuff.

~Hurrah!~

"'-NO!-'"

~Curses...~
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>Flash
"Fizzle"

MEANWHILE! ATOP THE HIGHEST OUTEST-OF-SIGHT PART OF THE AMPHITHEATER RING

>Huh, this is weird

"Totally, like this is just embarrasing, I'm getting flashbacks to the bad old days with my mom and pop"

>And they say family is everyth-[FAMILIA LO ES TODO]- ....Okay that's a new one

"And these kids are just goin' to be pushed around by them? Psshh, they need to grow up, for real"

>I don't think so, those earth ones down there, they're a lot tougher than they look, I'm seeing a looooot of compacted muscle mass in those two parents

"Bull. Shit. They don't even look like they lift, and we can take them anyway, muscles can't stop fire, can they?"

>Oh Faust above they're ragging at each-other, and those two just aren't showing any emotion; this is painful. Just PAINFUL

"That white dude's getting his ass paddled by those guys, isn't he meant to be important? Can't he like, tell them to "Fuck off" so he can do his own shit?"

>Well that'll explain your history with your relatives, if your reaction is "Fuck off" to everything

"Hey, you don't know shit about dragons, and you can't pull the cyborg-race card on me, cyborgs aren't a race"

>...Okay I agree, this guy, he was like my former CO or something, and he's being paddy-whacked around like that, kinda glad I defected.

"Kind of?"

>Make that- actually no, makes defecting look like it was no effort, I almost want him to fight back, make me feel better about escaping

"You're forgetting you didn't escape at all, his "SCIENCE, BITCH!" did that for you!"

>Shut up and pass me the corn

He grompfs it into his mouth, which promptly goes red hot and several popping noises are heard

"Benefits of fire control"

He says as we reclines into the charred remains of the corn bags; lost amongst a tonne of freshly popped corn.
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>Colgate
“???”
~~~~~

Enough was enough, damn it.

Obviously, with writing letters not reaching the desired effect, it was time again for the minty dentist to seek a personal meeting with the princess.

The one who did things, the apple one. Applejack. Her.

>Hardheaded foals not brushing their teeth, smiling with a goldmine of cavities… stallions trying to flirt with halitosis… mares thinking ‘butter-yellow’ teeth is a catchy trend. Outrageous!

Lost in her ramblings, she approached the front counter, completely missing the desk, which looked as though punctured with mortar rounds, the cratered floor, and the pieces of tattered paperwork tossed everywhere like confetti.

>I’ll get some sort of response this time, oh yes I will.

She tapped the desk-bell twice and continued on without wait.

The first set of double-doors gave way to an utterly chaotic landscape of fires and ruination, all of it centered around a fierce battle between guards and plush animals, sparks igniting off clanging blades and plastic weaponry.

None of that registered with the minty mare, who sidestepped the collapsing walls and stepped over the fallen beams on her way up the stairs.

>Awful noisy in here… and it’s about to get a whole lot noisier once I’ve had my say!

Stopping to let a gang of scurrying guards past, all of them either shouting for back-up or giving directions, Colgate approached the door to Applejack’s room. After straightening her dentist’s gown, now scorched and covered in soot, she pushed it open, ignoring when it fell off the hinge completely with a loud crash.

>Now see here, Princess Applejack! We are losing the battle against tartar control and I’d like to get some help in urging these ponies to take preemptive action! You....

She was talking to nothing but a bunch of fluff spawn about a charred, empty desk.

>Wh… huh. Where did she get off t-

A toy bear flew over her shoulder and thudded onto the desk. An instant later, as it tried to stand again, a Changeling bounded over Colgate entirely, landing and slicing both the toy and the desk apart in the same frame.

>…

The Changeling stood, a sliver of potato hanging from its lips, and it was only then that Colgate noticed her demolished surroundings, actually took in the shouts and explosions sounding from everywhere.

>I... what is this?

PJ only smirked.

“War.”
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NC
>SA
"Twilight"
'Pinkie'
[Chrysalis]
~~~~

>I somehow knew at some point I would be forced into a game show...

"Could be worse, could be a fight to the death."

'Could be even worse than that! Someone joked about us getting MARRIED!'

>*Shudder*

[Aww, don't be like that! Look, I get it, you wouldn't want to sleep with him, right?]

'Right!'

[Pinkie, I'm telling you this as your proxy friend via Twilight, I would totally tag in for that.]

'...You mean it?'

[Not even joking. FWOOSH! And then we switch.]

'Awww, thanks Crissy!'

[Anytime.]

>...

[...What?]
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>Idris
"Gwen"
'Grehm'

>Ho hum.

"Yes, we're really rather languishing here aren't we?"

>Don't suppose we'll return to the periphery of the spotlight come next thread do you?

"Possibly, we just need an enterprising Anon to write for us."

>True, though with the apparent game show, Canterlot Castle being invaded by toys, and soon the little spider creature's ball of red stuff being revealed, I think we're in for more silence.

"True, true, a sad realization."

'Aw it's not that bad, mate. I for one enjoy these likkle minutes of downtime I do I do. Gives me mo' to recharge the 'ole creative energies that I channel into 'ole Grehm, that likkle bit o' sadness'n tragedy 'neath the gruffness, hey?'

>"..."

'...are we still in character? Bollocks.'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Blueblood
“PJ”
______

>Soooo… random question time? Random question time. Do you like me or something?

“You’re a pessimistic, malnourished stallion who thinks his supposed profundity is something to be shared. That said, you’re not the worst I’ve seen. Why?”

>Oh. Well, it’s just there are some thinking we leaning towards ‘couple’ territory.

“Hm. Are we?”

>That’s the very reason why I’m asking you! I don’t know!

“Easily solved then. Do you like me?”

>You’re an amazing Changeling with wisdom beyond her fetish for potatoes. That said… I really don’t know. I like you, yeah, but like in that fashion? Who knows… I’m so damn confused….

“Ha, you’re a funny little guy.”

>Then again… that potato warmed between your thighs….

“What? Thighs make for good warming. You want to put your hoof between them and see for yourself?”

>See, that? That lackadaisical innuendo right there? So not helping.

“I know.”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>JJ
"Actarius"
~~~

>...

"..."

>..You ask first.

"No, you ask."

>You.

"YOU!"

>Fine... is this innuendo intentional?

"I HAVE NO GODDAMN IDEA!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC

>Jetset
“007”
~~~~

>I can’t believe they discovered one of my main weaknesses… Those blasted anons, I’m so mortified.

“Mama’s boy.”

>Says the idiot who keeps a strand of my Queen’s hair like it’s a national treasure. Freak.

“BUT IT’S SO PRETTY! JUST LOOK AT IT!”

>I don’t have to. I see it daily, I’ve even helped her tie it back into a ponytail, too.

“…”

>Multiple times.

“…”

>Have you ever imagined what it would feel like to take a hoof-full of her mane, a mane of pure silk, and roll it up into a side-bun? I don’t, because I’ve done it.

“…”

>Yeah, this round goes to m-

“I bet you also must’ve enjoyed the way she no doubt must’ve pinned you against the wall with her soft, supple flanks, letting out a little coy gasp of surprise as she-”

>YOU SICK BASTARD!

“TEASING FUCK!”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>Chitania
"Cheese"
~~~~

>Why do you have popcorn flavored everything!?

"Mostly to keep you in check until the big finale, wherein you will most likely cause mass havoc."

>...What?

"I said because it tastes good."

>Well, duh.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>AJ
"Spike"
'Winona'
_Dolltania_

>Spike, when we get home, Ah just wanna hug something, long and hard, Ah need that hug real bad

"Well I am right here, and those /other/ shippers seem to have disappeared for now, can we just throw our guys a bone"

>We really don't need to clog the thread with anymore circlejerkin' Spike, and.... I need something a bit more furry

"..."

'I CAN HUG! BUT FIRST I MUST KILL INTRUDER!'

_My wings are so pretty. WHEN THEY'RE COVERED IN BLOOD_

>Her, Ah need to hug my darn dog, right now, Ah'm gonna hug her so good

"O-okay..."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Omake

>Pommel
"Rat"
'Daw'

>Damn, they seriously upped our budget.

"I know, right? Big city of gold, horrible eldritch abomination, massive fleet of pirate ships? We're like Game of Pones up in here!"

>I dunno, don't you think this is a bit much?

'What do ya mean?'

>Well I mean we've been at this a while now, and with the way we're progressing I have no idea where I'll be landing when we finish up. I mean for all I know YEARS could have passed back in the main continuity, decades even! I'm going to come back and find an Equestria that I don't recognize and doesn't recognize me!

"'...'"

>What?

'*whisper*'

>THEY'RE STILL ON DAY TWO!?
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non canon preview

>Pinkie
~~~~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CoWplXbeUw

The mane6 are together again! But things get heated when my parents and Twilight's parents meet. My bits are on my folks though. I'm pretty sure my dad could beat Twilight's dad. An epic showdown happens between the Chitania action figure and winona. I bet gummy would have helped if he could. The Rainbolts are called into action. A gansta speaking dragon gets into a conversation with Spike and brings his age into perspective. Evening has arrived. Find out what happens next in thread 38: Family Feud...and of course, family friendly fan service!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Future Twi
“Twi”
______

>Son of a fuck!

“It weirds me out that a future rendition of myself would not only know such a phrase, but vocalize it. Passing that, what’s wrong, me?”

>I did allllll that preparing and time jumping and calculating just for my part not to be canon! I researched exact dates and everything- DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURT TO LEAP ACROSS SPACE?

“I know it’s another odd feeling to have myself spit on me, yes. I know that for a fact. And I can accept it.”

>RRRRRGH!

“It’s frustrating, I know.”

>No you don’t! You guys don’t know WHY 56 can’t kiss Luna on the last day! The end result is fucking catastrophic! I have to stop him! But, oh, wait, I can’t! Because I technically never happened!

“…Well, uh… don’t worry, like the anon said, it’ll get explained, just… differently.”

>I can’t believe I lost a wing for this shit….

“Yeah, ouch, about that, right? Glad it didn’t happen to me.”

>…

“Oh come on, not even a chuckle? I thought that was a pretty good joke….”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________