old album layout

Album Title: Salad Days and Pizza Nights

Sequence of material:

1.	I got into comedy to break rules and shake fools, and I’m all out of rules. Actually I got into comedy for two reasons: no drug tests, free therapy.
2.	Anxieties, yet I do stand up. Over prepare – taser bit
3.	Write material while high but don’t perform high. Cat ate my jokes. Shakira’s hips don’t lie.
4.	New to stand-up, but used to play trombone in a ska band. Same thing.
5.	Used to be punk, world hasn’t ended yet though. The new American dream (A/C and blankets vs. punk outlook @ 16) Punk element to comedy (distortion on vocal mic)
6.	Man boobs. (new part: I have a couple things I’d like to get off my chest…)
7.	Tall guy problems (wiping ass, meeting eyes with stranger)
8.	John Belushi yells “Line”, hilarity hopefully ensues. Joke rework bit (popefessional)
9.	Old comedians hate new comedians
10.	What is the laymen’s term for laymen? Because I don’t know what that word means. Using Internet Terms IRL
11.	Facebook quiz.
12.	Netflix instant queue
13.	Gay marriage.
14.	Sunflower Seeds. Shit at work. Elvis died on the toilet.
15.	National Geographic – dog-og. Donate money in will.
16.	I want to start a hobo dating service. Pan handler-man handler. Nice bum with nice bum. No soliciting, ironically.
17.	Kayla Parr thing about self check outs, pick and choose activism, mix cds.
18.	Cars evolved from stage coaches.
19.	Muslim romantic comedy – girlfriend gives death to a baby
20.	Dad’s nameless cat.
21.	Third shift factory worker (writing “get out” in dust. Looking like shit/feeling judged by gay guys).
22.	2 dollar bill
23.	Website
24.	I used to work at Kroger, then speedway.
25.	My brother thinks he’s Liam Neeson.
26.	My mom thinks I’m going to be a serial killer, but instead I got into stand-up.
27.	People always try to segue comedy careers into getting a television show. Not saying yes until TV is no longer sexist or until someone offers me a tv show.
28.



Not signing deal until TV is no longer sexist, or until someone offers. My convictions won’t pay the rent. (1 min)
Men don’t know they’re sexist (dealing with male privilege) (3 min)