Kitchen Fever Dreams

gordon enters the restaurant, it is too much rest and not enough raunt

opens the walk-in freezer
WHERE IS THE FUCKING RAUNT
JESUS CHRIST YOU TWO
THIS IS A FUCKING EMBARRASSMENT
throws plates
REST, REST, REST, REST

i cant see without my glasses
glasses are around his neck
puts glasses on and takes them back off
sorry i cant see

The token overly defensive chef appears carrying a frozen chicken
THEY'RE SENDING FOOD BACK

gordon kisses the owners wife for the 4th time

The owner that gets walked over by his shitty staff: well Ricky it does look a little frozen to be honest
Ricky: I DON'T NEED THIS FUCKING JOB
goes and smokes out back

gordon holds a chunk of molded mold to chefs nose. chef says it does not smell and is fresh

Talks to camera about how he's given everything for this restaurant
Chef has worked there for twelve days
Obligatory old overweight waitress that's been there when the 'previous owner' ran it during the restaurants golden age
I know Ramsey, I know it's bad now but you should have seen is forty years ago
adjusts knee brace and wrist guard

i work 35 hours a day and my son is a bad chef im good chef. dad chefs iron lung makes a noise. son chef cries, he loves his dad, without him he would not have a dad

gordon ramsey looks into the camera and mouths "fuckin YIKES"
son walks off screen to go cry in the walk-in

...is this... MICROwaved?
yes chef, the macrowaver is out of service
has been since 1975
new owner says its not worth the repairs
the obligatory fed up waitress is the one to serve him

gordon bites the crab cake, it is not a crab or a cake
ghastly

is this what you serve your customers here

gordon arrives at the restaurant, the owner is not worried because the food is good
ramsey asks why is the restaurant empty, the owner makes a dramatic reality show noise and zoom in

its because the permanently drunk bartender keps dipping the head of his penis in all the margaritas
when confronted, he tells gordon that 'thats how weve always done it"
and that people need to "lighten up and learn to take a joke"

the film crew interviews a few passers by
the locals have mixed feelings about the restaurant

The owner admits that, maybe they do lack an "appeal to the younger crowd"
camera cuts to some old woman on oxygen who appears BARELY alive, sitting across the table from a framed photo of her dead husband
gordon approaches her to strike up a conversation but she just keeps yelling WHAT?? every time he opens his mouth to speak

the owner assures gordon the food is good, gordon asks the owner if he likes it but the owner admits he is allergic to everything on the menu

camera zooms in to the backs of his hands, covered in hives
"I'm allergic to just BEING in here"

this is quite possibly the worst table ive ever eaten

embarrassed waitress attempts to carry the half-eaten table back into the kitchen by herself
it is heavy
and does not fit through the kitchen doors
she looks directly into the camera and immediately has a nervous breakdown
through tears and running mascara, she admits that all she wants is to see this place succeed

the manager tells gordon the chef is in charge of the food, the chef says no the manager controls him. gordon watches as the manager holds the chefs hands and puppets him in the kitchen

gordon looks confused, but furious
he starts visibly shaking and then decides to scream at both of them for not washing the chefs hands
the manager uses the chef's jaw to say "sorry chef" and then frog-walks him over to the sink and washes his hands
Gordan asks who is in charge of ordering the food
nobody is in charge of ordering the food
the camera pans out and they are standing in an empty warehouse

customer "i ordered a well done steak and this is a rare chicken" the chef doesnt see the problem

a single can of black olives arrives by amazon delivery an hour later
YEAH! IT IS A RARE CHICKEN
NOT THAT YOU WOULD FUCKING KNOW
chef is aggressively poking an 8 year old boy in the chest
Gordon looks at the menu
it is a 76 pages long but only has one item per page
the prices are listed in the back in some kind of index system
the chef only know how to cook like 4 things from the entire menu even though the menu has never changed and he has worked there for 35 years