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Kitchen Fever Dreams

a guest Jul 22nd, 2019 84 Never
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  1. gordon enters the restaurant, it is too much rest and not enough raunt
  2.  
  3. opens the walk-in freezer
  4. WHERE IS THE FUCKING RAUNT
  5. JESUS CHRIST YOU TWO
  6. THIS IS A FUCKING EMBARRASSMENT
  7. throws plates
  8. REST, REST, REST, REST
  9.  
  10. i cant see without my glasses
  11. glasses are around his neck
  12. puts glasses on and takes them back off
  13. sorry i cant see
  14.  
  15. The token overly defensive chef appears carrying a frozen chicken
  16. THEY'RE SENDING FOOD BACK
  17.  
  18. gordon kisses the owners wife for the 4th time
  19.  
  20. The owner that gets walked over by his shitty staff: well Ricky it does look a little frozen to be honest
  21. Ricky: I DON'T NEED THIS FUCKING JOB
  22. goes and smokes out back
  23.  
  24. gordon holds a chunk of molded mold to chefs nose. chef says it does not smell and is fresh
  25.  
  26. Talks to camera about how he's given everything for this restaurant
  27. Chef has worked there for twelve days
  28. Obligatory old overweight waitress that's been there when the 'previous owner' ran it during the restaurants golden age
  29. I know Ramsey, I know it's bad now but you should have seen is forty years ago
  30. adjusts knee brace and wrist guard
  31.  
  32. i work 35 hours a day and my son is a bad chef im good chef. dad chefs iron lung makes a noise. son chef cries, he loves his dad, without him he would not have a dad
  33.  
  34. gordon ramsey looks into the camera and mouths "fuckin YIKES"
  35. son walks off screen to go cry in the walk-in
  36.  
  37. ...is this... MICROwaved?
  38. yes chef, the macrowaver is out of service
  39. has been since 1975
  40. new owner says its not worth the repairs
  41. the obligatory fed up waitress is the one to serve him
  42.  
  43. gordon bites the crab cake, it is not a crab or a cake
  44. ghastly
  45.  
  46. is this what you serve your customers here
  47.  
  48. gordon arrives at the restaurant, the owner is not worried because the food is good
  49. ramsey asks why is the restaurant empty, the owner makes a dramatic reality show noise and zoom in
  50.  
  51. its because the permanently drunk bartender keps dipping the head of his penis in all the margaritas
  52. when confronted, he tells gordon that 'thats how weve always done it"
  53. and that people need to "lighten up and learn to take a joke"
  54.  
  55. the film crew interviews a few passers by
  56. the locals have mixed feelings about the restaurant
  57.  
  58. The owner admits that, maybe they do lack an "appeal to the younger crowd"
  59. camera cuts to some old woman on oxygen who appears BARELY alive, sitting across the table from a framed photo of her dead husband
  60. gordon approaches her to strike up a conversation but she just keeps yelling WHAT?? every time he opens his mouth to speak
  61.  
  62. the owner assures gordon the food is good, gordon asks the owner if he likes it but the owner admits he is allergic to everything on the menu
  63.  
  64. camera zooms in to the backs of his hands, covered in hives
  65. "I'm allergic to just BEING in here"
  66.  
  67. this is quite possibly the worst table ive ever eaten
  68.  
  69. embarrassed waitress attempts to carry the half-eaten table back into the kitchen by herself
  70. it is heavy
  71. and does not fit through the kitchen doors
  72. she looks directly into the camera and immediately has a nervous breakdown
  73. through tears and running mascara, she admits that all she wants is to see this place succeed
  74.  
  75. the manager tells gordon the chef is in charge of the food, the chef says no the manager controls him. gordon watches as the manager holds the chefs hands and puppets him in the kitchen
  76.  
  77. gordon looks confused, but furious
  78. he starts visibly shaking and then decides to scream at both of them for not washing the chefs hands
  79. the manager uses the chef's jaw to say "sorry chef" and then frog-walks him over to the sink and washes his hands
  80. Gordan asks who is in charge of ordering the food
  81. nobody is in charge of ordering the food
  82. the camera pans out and they are standing in an empty warehouse
  83.  
  84. customer "i ordered a well done steak and this is a rare chicken" the chef doesnt see the problem
  85.  
  86. a single can of black olives arrives by amazon delivery an hour later
  87. YEAH! IT IS A RARE CHICKEN
  88. NOT THAT YOU WOULD FUCKING KNOW
  89. chef is aggressively poking an 8 year old boy in the chest
  90. Gordon looks at the menu
  91. it is a 76 pages long but only has one item per page
  92. the prices are listed in the back in some kind of index system
  93. the chef only know how to cook like 4 things from the entire menu even though the menu has never changed and he has worked there for 35 years
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