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- Episode 3 - /seriea/
- Gordon is in the old Italian district as he visits Serie A, a restaurant that has been running for over 90 years, seeing through generations of people in the town. Lately, it's fallen under hard times, struggling for competition against the Premier League, Bundesliga and La Liga. Still, Gordon sees potential in this once great empire of Italian cooking.
- "Chef Gordon, Welcome to Serie A"
- "Don't I recognize you?"
- "Beg pardon?"
- "I'm sure I recognize you. Weren't you working at Piemonte earlier this tournament?"
- "I've never heard of Piemonte, Chef. My name's Juventus. What can I get you?"
- With Gordon perplexed by the first impressions of the restaurant, he meets several other members of the staff.
- "So, what are your names?"
- "Lovely. How many of you are there?"
- "20? In a restaurant this sized? No wonder you're struggling for money compared to the English Premier League"
- "We do change staff a lot. We recently lost Benevento last season."
- "Lost? Did he die?"
- "You could say he died."
- "They're Relegated"
- "Fucking hell."
- "Right, lets get down to business. You're an Italian restaurant, so you'll know all about rigging. Lets rig up something fantastic for today's game. I'll start with the Tattica Uno, I've never seen a restaurant call their Preset 1 a Tattica Uno before. Bloody hell."
- "Is that all?"
- "Yeah I'll take the best conditioned substitutions, hopefully they're done manually and not by autolineup. And we'll finish with the +2. That's not a very Italian classic a +2, is it? You're more known for your -2."
- "We like to try something different here in the Serie A."
- "Well I'm sure you'd like to try making a profit for once too."
- [When losing]
- Chef Gordon is at his breaking point. The incompetence of the majority of the 20 staff has tipped him over the edge. While some of the staff like Atalanta show real drive to succeed, the rest seem to just be happy to be there.
- "Look at this! Parma, You've given up! Italy's given up!"
- "I've not given up"
- "You're in the relegation zone! You're playing conservative pressing! How can you say that's not giving up!?"
- "Parma's given up Chef."
- "Oh don't you chirp up, Milan, you've been bleeding money harder than anyone here with your addiction to signing players. You need help! You're going to fail financial fair play!"
- "There's a line you don't cross Gordon"
- "Oh fuck off, you need to hear the truth, all of you need to hear the truth, you're delusional! How do you expect to take on Bayern Munich in the Champions League if you don't sort this out!?"
- "How are we supposed to compete with Bayern Munich?"
- "You did it in the past! You used to be the best league in the world! Now look at you, you're playing Mario Balotelli, and Fabio fucking Quagliarella has been here since you opened 90 years ago, you've not changed a thing!"
- "We've hired Roberto Mancini, chef"
- "Fuck me. You're insane."
- "I'm not insane."
- "You can't even take one of the greatest restaurants in the world and qualify for a World Cup! What are you doing all your life!?"
- "I don't know Chef. Maybe we're just not good enough anymore. Maybe our time has passed."
- "Oh fucking hell, you really have given up."
- Verona and SPAL have begun breaking down crying as Lazio calls them both sensitive faggots while berating his management for signing black staff. Chef Gordon Doesn't see an end in sight to this dysfunctional restaurant.
- "I have one idea left to save this restaurant, and I need you all to get on board with it. We need to go to Preset 2 and remove +2, sub in Gordon Ramsay to save this restaurant. You've all seemingly given up, but I'm not going to let such a historic restaurant go under. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror if I do."
- "Chef, two of our teams have been relegated by the Italian FA for match fixing and financial collapse. We need to replace them soon."
- "Take two from the bench and put them on. At first I thought this whole 20 team thing was bizarre, but the Serie A works best with it, so we need to replace our two players with two fresh ones that can help rejuvinate this team.
- "Can we bring back Benevento?"
- "Milan has PTSD about Benevento"
- "Because he died?"
- "He didn't die, he raped her."
- "Just sub out the two most tired players."
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