Thread 57: Stories 46-60

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>77
"88"
'???'
~~~~

>So... are you ready for this?

She took a deep, steadying breath, legs wobbling and still very rickety despite her time spent healing. It was only after an encouraging squeeze that she stepped forwards, and he pushed open one of the massive doors in front of him.

...Only to have her faceplant into the other one.

>...

"Ow."

>Er, sorry.

Take two, she stepped in again.

And then froze at the many, many sounds.

'I'm telling you! We're all secret experiments perpetrated by Starswirl the bearded into making alicorns!"

'That's the dumbest headcanon I've ever heard!'

'I have one dumber. I bet that we're all actually spawned from what happens when a dragon fucks a pony.'

'...That's retarded!'

'Think about it! Our green fire looks EXACTLY like Spike's!'

'So? He also doesn't have any wings and can mutate in size, unlike literally every other dragon. And every other dragon has regular colored fire too! If anything, he's the result of what happens when a changeling fucks a dragon!'

'...DUDE!'

'Dude!'

'DUDE!'

'DUUUUDE!'

'...That's dumb.'

'Yeah, I don't know why I said it.'

'FACEPUNCH!'

'GAH! No going for the eyeballs! Foul! I call foul!'

'Oh damn... fiiiine, get the pillows.'

'HA HA! VENGEANCE!'

'Taking all bets, taking all bets! You sir! The lucky looking fellow with two whole bits!'

'I'm on a hot streak! Two whole bits says he lasts less than a minute!'

'That sounds like a challenge to me! Take it away!'

'GOT IT!.... dadadadadadadadadadadaddadadad!......Hey! I lasted longer than a minute!'

'HEE!'

'NOOOOOOO!'

'DADADA-FUCKING HOLES!'

'NOOOOO! I FLEW TO CLOSE TO THE SUN! I FLEW TO CLOSE!'

'Yeah, that happened to me once, but she understands her plot is kind of hypnotizing... Oh, hey, is that-'

*SLAM!*

>...You uh... you kind of shut the door-

"..."

>...So, hang out at my place for a bit?

"I like this idea."

>Come back later?

"...Maybe."

>...You're going the wrong way-

"I KNOW!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Pommel
"Daw"
'???'
~~~

He probably should have expected getting punched in the face when he got off the train.

...In fact, he absolutely should have.

"YA' ASSHOLE!"

>I'm sorry, I was just going to get Twilight to sign my not-death-certificate, I didn't know she'd drag me to the princess!... And also that the princess would send me home! And that I would have to get my helmet back, and then MOLEPONIES!

"...More of them!?"

>Right!?

"Still! What, ain't I good enough ta' see your folks?!"

>...Oh, NO! No no no! I didn't even ask for the carriage that took me home, the princess just kind of shoved me and then I was like "Well I should probably go tell them I'm alive" and then I lost track of...

"..."

>You're mad at me, aren't you?

She did not speak with words.

Only punches.

>Yep. Mad at me.

"And I should be! They've got metal monsters, Pommel! Giant metal monsters!"

>...It's called a juggernaut, actually, and why the heck is Shining Armor over here?

"But that's not all! LOOK! There's aliens, WITH SPIDER LEGS!"

>...Okay, I'm pretty sure that's not-TAPDANCINGBATPONIESONICE!

In the window up above, Arana just waved, and continued on her way.

>What the fuck!?

"SEE!? LOOKAT'EM!"

>Okay, fine, yes, that IS a Spider-Changeling thing and that is a whole mess of what the fuck, but there's also-

'MOVE!'

"WHAT THE BLOOMIN' FUCK!?"

A positively statuesq black changeling stomped past them, giving them a glare as she moved to get on the train.

"What the fuck was that!?"

>That would be the giant monster who ate me.

"...W-...what?"

>What?

"How... how does that... this is puttin' some horrible images in my head."

>...OH! Uh, forgot to tell you, she can change sizes, I think?

"You think?"

>I never saw her do it. From the outside at least.

"...Wait, did she change sizes with you inside?"

>Uh, yeah, guess she did?

"How does that work?"

>.......Oh dear, now I've gone crosseyed, and feel vomit welling in my stomach.

"She could probably make a bundle with those one fetish-"

>NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE!

"Point taken. Still, dick move, Pommel!"

>Sorry, I am sorry, I just... my family, you know?

"...Yeah, guess I can understand that..."

>Come on, we'll go back sometime this week and I'll introduce you! My mother will lo-... er, my dad will lo-... my SISTER is going to love the bits out of you!

"..."

>They wanted me to marry a doctor.

"Huh."

>But that will have to wait!

"What for?"

>Isn't it obvious?

With a stern determination, he put his helmet back on.

>I need to go get my job back.

"...Really?"

>What?

"You... you friggen go through all these adventures, all this crazy shit, and you want to go back to being a guard. A GUARD. After ALLLLLL the shit we've done! A GUARD!"

>...Yes?

"...There is no hoof big enough for the face-hoof in my soul..."

>Soooo, we going?

"..."

>...Yes?

As she said, it wasn't big enough.

But her own hoof would have to do.

>...I'm taking that as a yes and you can't stop me!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"Twilight"
'Pinkie'
[Fluttershy]
{Dash}
~Rarity~
~~~

>Okay! Back in the saddle, all six of us together at last!

'Is this a princess meeting? I feel like this should be a princess meeting.'

"But... only some of us are princesses."

'Let me have this! I never got to sit in on the other ones! You even let Fluttershy sit in sometimes!'

"You vanished all the time, it's not our fault."

'BLAME THOSE ASSHOLES!'

{...Wait, what assholes?}

'They know who they are!'

{Okay, so, disregarding Pinkie being Pinkie, I'm going to say we should talk about the Wonderbolts first.}

~Unsurprising.~

{S'cuse me?}

~Just saying, darling, that of course you would want your thing to come first.~

{Oh yeah? What about you?}

~Well! If you must know, with all of the recent events, I personally feel we should be focusing on our charity programs right now to ensure no poor things remain out in the cold.~

{Wonderbolts do charity stuff!}

~...~

{Okay, fine, so they mostly just used it to fund office parties, but I don't!}

[Um, I'm a little worried about-]

>It ain't a race! We'll get ta' everyone, just give us time.

[Nevermind.]

'I say we throw a big party!'

~That's your answer to everything!~

'And have all the proceeds go to charity!'

~And that's why you are always right. Everyone? Listen to her.~

{HEY! Pinkie! Betrayal!}

~She does stuff more than you.~

{She never does anything!}

"Dash!"

{Argue me, I dare you!}

~Well I never!~

{Do anything, right, see? She agrees with me.}

~You little!~

*ZAP!*

{Screw you, no using superpowers!}

~It's not a superpower if I had it BEFORE I became an alicorn!~

{Yes it is!}

"Okay, we all need to calm down, we're getting out of-"

~We need to think about the regular people!~

{Right, which is why we need an AIRFORCE! You know, AIRFORCE!? Kind of vital to the safety of the whole kingdom.}

~The fact you said that after calling ME useless is quite impressive, darling.~

{HEY!}

~To quote a certain mare, "Argue me, I dare you"~

{I'm trying to fix that!}

[And you're doing a good job, but-]

{But I need some actual support and funding, right, see? Fluttershy is on my side.}

[...r-right...]

{Two for two, Twilight, be the tiebreaker!}

"Okay, one, that wouldn't work because there's six of us-"

{Crap! Right! Applejack, agree with me so I win!}

"That doesn't make any sense!"

{Yes it does. If she agrees with me, then when Spike comes back in he'll agree with her, and I win.}

"...Okay, technically that-HEY WAIT A MINUTE! Why would he agree with her and not me!? Me and him have known each other way longer than her! I freaking hatched him!"

>Now Sug, it ain't a-

~And what makes you think he'd pick her over me!? I made him FLOAT ON HEARTS back in the day!~

{Ehhhh. Haven't really seen much on that front recently, so I'm going with the more likely bet.}

~Excuse me!? I'm far more likely than her!~

>...

~Don't you even!~

>Ah' didn't say nothin!

~You were thinking it!~

>But Ah' didn't say it!

[We should all calm down, we're starting to-]

~Ah hah! Twilight, agree with me!~

"Why would I do that?"

~Because if you agree with me, Dash is totally wrong! There's no way Spike would go against you AND me for Applejack!~

>Don't that swing both ways? Iffin she goes with me, you don't stand a chance.

~I would still stand a chance!~

"Wait, so are you agreeing with Dash?"

>No! Ah' didn't agree ta' anything yet!

"Then that doesn't make sense, because then logically you're with Rarity, and worst case scenario is you two against me."

{TRAITOR!}

>Ah' didn't agree ta' that yet! Ah'm just sayin' Ah' didn't agree ta'-

~Well, obviously you should, so Spike doesn't have to choose. You as well, Twilight, if we're all on the same side he won't feel bad.~

"She's got a point-"

{HEY WAIT A MINUTE! If you just switch sides, then the same thing applies!}

'She's right, Rarara! If we're all on the same team, then nobody has to pick!'

~Well, mine is more important, so clearly she should!~

{No you!}
~You!~
{You!}
~You!~
{You!}
~You!~
{You!}
~You!~
{You!}
~{YOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOUYOU-}~

'WAAAAIT!'

{~...~}

'It's almost snack time! What kind do you want?'

>Applefritters
"Moonpies"
[Crumpets]
{Brownies}
~Spongecakes~

>"[{~........OH HELL NO!}]"

*LASER AND PUNCHING SOUNDS!*

'I'll... I'll just order one of each. Girls? Girls we can get all of them.... girls?'

>AH'LL TEAR YER SOUL OUT FIRST!
"I NEED THEM!"
[N-no! I am standing my ground here-EEP!]
{Chaos powers are no match for my NEED FOR BROWNIES!}
~I WILL MAKE YOU INTO A DRESS!~

'...I missed us...'

>"[{~DIIIIIEEEEE!~}]"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Spike
"???"
~~~~~

>...You know what? I think I missed this. I honestly think I missed carrying cakes to ponies. Sheould I be worried? Is that a psychological-

His words died a quick, brutal demise.

A demise brought about by a solid blow right to the cheek that sent him rocketing down the hallway and hard into a wall.

"Hrpmh."

Almost casually, his assaulter caught the silver platter carrying the cakes, not a single one falling off.

>...ow.

"You are slipping something fierce, Spike. I barely even hid my presence."

Painfully, he looked up, finding himself looking at a devilish smirk rimmed by a multi-faceted helmet.

>...42, I don't think I should be expecting to be punched in the hallway.

"Pfft, you should always be weary of an attack."

>Maybe, but I'm -HOLY FUCK YOUR HOOVES! AND FACE! AND SO MUCH OTHER PARTS!

The changeling shrugged, unbothered.

"See? I'm not letting my current state get me down."

>Did you catch a fucking bomb or something?

"It was not a bomb, it was a hovercraft."

>What!?

"And I did not catch it, I pushed it."

>WHAT!?

"Hrmph. So, are you up for some training?"

He froze, deliberating her words for a little bit.

Abruptly, he stood up, casually walked over to her, and outstretched his claws.

After a beat... she handed him the platter.

>Sorry, gotta get these to everyone else... are you sure you're alright?

Another uncaring shrug.

"I have suffered worse."

>I really hope not... so, uh, you want to schedule a get together? I know Seventy Seven's looking after that new changeling, but I'm sure we can scrounge up DT and PJ.

"...Yes, that would be nice. But not now, I have to assist what little guards there are left."

>Yeah, makes sense. Glad you're there.

"Of course, it is my duty. Have a nice day, Spike."

>You too...

With that, he moved past her, and started down the hallway.

Leaving a single changeling in it, alone.

"...Good."

It was a sad smile on her face.

...But she smiled all the same.

"You go on... I'll handle it."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Lucky Strikes
"Pommel"
'Daw'
~~~

>Seriously?

He let out a slow, calming breath before he continued, long past the point where his headache was manageable.

"Yes, seriously."

The guard just looked down to the request sheet, back up, back down again, and finally back up once more for good measure.

>...Seriously?

"YES!"

>...Why?

'That's what I said!'

"Look, being a guard is my life! It's all I've ever wanted to do, and I'm going to do it."

>...Seriously?

The noise he made was somewhere between a strangled cat and a mooses mating call, but it got the point across.

"Just sign the damn paper!"

>Uh... okay buddy, you've got it. Not like I'm in a position to tell you no, we're low enough as it it.

"THANK YO- wait, what?"

The guard paused mid-scribble, looking at him with uncertain eyes before cutting a glance over to Daw.

'Oh, fuck you.'

>You did say she was a pirate.

'Ex-Pirate you asshole!'

>...

'Fuck you!'

"Jackie, come on, it's his job."

'Profilin', that's what it is!'

"...Profiling pirates?"

'Racist!'

"I... I don't think that works with him. For obvious reasons."

'Take his side and I'm bringing out the double sleeping bags.'

"...Point retracted. Lucky? Quit being a dick, I'll vouch for her."

>Really?

"Yes, really, if she does anything bad pin it on me."

'Ha! There's a stallion who knows what's up!'

>Okay, uh... well, you know the... things?

"Yes, we have a passing familiarity with the massive hordes of unkillable, invincible creatures who very nearly brought the planet to its knees, thank you, we are up to speed."

>Right, well, after that whole... thing. A lotta the guys, uh... well, uh...

"The guuuyyys... what? Were badly injured? Hurt?...Nobody died, right?"

>No, uh, nobody died, and most of the injuries were minor, they just... quit.

"...Quit."

>Well, technically 'retired due to unforeseen and extremely traumatic circumstances in the line of duty defending country and home which prevent from operating at an acceptable capacity.' Celestia's gonna be forkin' out bits for them for as long as the 'trauma' continues to affect their lives.

'Bloody hell, that's genius! Make me a guard, I want in on this!'

"...So they quit and just fell back on the easy money."

>Hey! They've got the option to return to service whenever they think they can resume their duties.

"..."

>...They're, uh... they're not coming back. Not most of 'em, at least.

"I figured."

>So, well, glad to have you back!

"..."

>I would've been glad regardless, you know, don't look at me like that.

"Sorry, Lucky. I know you are, it's just... thought this place would be more together than when I left it, you know?"

>World went to hell, buddy, and it ain't the first time, can't blame them for wanting out.

"Guess not..."

'I sure can. Cowards.'

"Blame them enough for the both of us."

'Can do!'

"Guess I'll just have to hit it extra hard to make up for them, then. Can't leave this place unprotected."

'Pfft.'

"..."

'What? There's like, eight billion friggen superponies in this place, I think you're okay.'

"That doesn't help regular ponies who have stuff stolen, or muggings, or even drunk ponies who wind up in a gutter or teens who run away. You can't just rely on a hoof full of all-powerful beings to do everything! This place NEEDS someone to look after it when they're busy running the place!"

'Alright, jeez. Friggen thin skinned...'

>Point, pal. Good to have you back, and I'll see you sharp tomorrow.

"Oh... I was hoping I could start immediately."

>Hah! Sorry buddy, know you're chomping at the bit, but you've got to wait for this to get processed. You know, paperwork? Still have to actually make you a guard first.

"Ah... point. Well, I guess that's okay, I was planning to hop down to the ballroom anyway."

The older guard suddenly went still, growing very, very quiet.

>Why would you want to go down there?

"It's not 'down', first off, it's high up on the castle. Second, the changelings live there, obviously, and I want to go see..."

>...

"What? Did they move? Are they gone?"

>No, the changelings are still there.

"Oooooh-kay? So, obviously-"

>Cept... not all of them still live there.

A sudden, inexplicable coldness suddenly brushed over Pommel's frame.

"What... what do you mean?"

>Just... guessin' you weren't big on all of 'em, right? Just that one fella?

"Y-yeah... Is there something wrong with that?"

His face scrunched up into pure, undiluted regret.

That coldness only seeped lower, right down past his skin.

"Did... did something happen to Thirty Two?"

Daw went rigid, recognizing that tone in his voice instantly.

>...This ain't gonna be easy for me to say...

But say it, he did.

And for the next five minutes, Pommel's whole world slowly fell apart.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

~
>Hey, boss? About this new recruit.

"Can't afford to turn anyone away, private!"

>I know, it's just... his name is "Rocky".

"What's wrong with that? Stern, strong name, that's what that is! Denotes power and stability!"

>...And he's a pail full of rocks...

"..."

>...

"...Look me in the face and say he's less useful than the old guards, and I'll personally go up and apologize to the princesses and give you all of my pay for a month."

>...Point taken. At ease, private rocky!

*Crumble*

>Atta soldier!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

~
>Ok sir, seriously?

"I am not desperate."

'Vekir has armor on her armor!'

"...okay, I'm a little desperate."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Sucker Punch
"41"
'Steam Gauge"
-Quicksilver Sash-

'-...-'

>...hey guys.

'Uhm...hi, Punch...'

-Hi...-

"41."

-41! Right, yes! The one who isn't 42!-

"...yep...fffffuck, Punch, I knew this would be weird! It's weird! It's so fucking weird!"

>Aw come on!

'It IS kind of weird.'

-What's she doing here exactly?-

>We're pretty sure that she's going to get kicked out of her hive-

"OR DIE!"

>Or die, so I'm letting her crash in Buckler's old bunk for the time being.

'Do..do you think that's a good idea?'

>What? Is Buckler gonna complain? He can go take his paycheck like the shithead he is.

-This place is technically only for guards though.-

>Well the Ballroom is technically only for Changelings, but Actarius seems to be doing fine.

'...'

>What?

'So THAT'S where he went, huh, had no idea.'

>Ugh...

-Did you at least clear with this with the Leiutenant?-

>I'm gonna see him about it...eventually...it's a delicate subject!

'Well I mean, she could beat the everloving shit out of me, so I'm not gonna object.'

"Thanks...uhm...you said a bunch of guys left?"

-Yep, had all the could stand, ran off to get a paycheck for nothing.-

"Hmm..."

>What are you hmming?

"Nothing, just...just a general hmm."

>Hmm...

"See? You can do it too."

>Suppose I can.

'...she's right this is fucking weird.'

"Told ya!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>18
"???"
~~~~

>Okay, you're not panicking! YOU ARE NOT PANICKING! You've got this, all kinds of this! You just need to find the right pony, that's all! She's sociable! Super sociable! She's got a ton of friends, I'm sure! I just need to find the exact right pony who knows her, and then just a jumping point, that's all! Just a jumping point is all you need... so clearly I should be going towards a balcony because-

"Eighteen? What on earth are you doing?"

>GAHHHH!

As it turned out, in fact, Eighteen COULD stick to walls like a gecko. Learn something new about yourself everyday.

>...CELESTIA!

The alabaster mare cocked an eyebrow, curious.

"Yes? Did you have something you needed from me? Something paperwork related?"

>YES! I mean, NO! Not paperwork related but YES I need you right now!

"...You are very fortunate I am not as biting as Chrysalis on these matters, or I would have a great many innuendo laden barbs to throw out."

>I think I subconsciously set them up for her... but nevermind! You're perfect! You're exactly what I need right now!

"I feel as though 'subconscious' just isn't accurate."

>Nevermind I said! Look, you've known Shiny and Cadence... FOREVER, right? You know them both inside and out?

"Well, I wouldn't say that, but we are quite close, yes."

>Okay! Awesome! And, uh... any chance you're already up to speed with the whole... everything?

"...Yes, I am aware of Cadence's recent... concessions."

>YAY! YES! PERFECT! THIS IS WHAT I WANT! Okay! Okay! I need to ask you... okay, here's the problem-

"You do realize breathing is a necessity to all life, correct? Not just ponies, everyone. Breath."

>Right! Breathing... okay, so, Shiny and me were talking and since we're not, you know, sure how to go about this-

"Unsurprising. If I know that stallion he's going insane with worry."

>You do not know the half of it. But point is, since we don't quite know, he was like "Well, let's just go on a chill little date and see what happens from there!" and I was like "Great! But we should probably ask Cadence if she wants to come along-"

"Oh, good, that's quite wise of you."

>That's what I said! But then he said, uh... "you should ask her." annnnd, now this whole thing has hit a snag.

"Why? It actually is smarter if you ask her and work out some ground rules."

>I know! But, uh... well, that's my problem. How, exactly, do I ask a married mare to come on a date with me... and her husband?

"..."

>...

The quiet only kept going on, and on, and on.

>...Really?

"Sorry."

>WHAT!? But... you're a thousand years old! Surely you've seen this happen at some point!

"Not really, no. I'm sure it did, they just didn't bring it up to me, personally. Oh, sure, I've witnessed hundreds of others take mistresses or become swingers or infidelity and everything in between, but nothing exactly like this was described to me. Again, it's most certainly happened, I've just never witnessed it. You're in a very peculiar spot."

>....meep.

"Are you really that worried?"

The flat, stupefied look said it all.

"...Then give up."

>....

"..."

>...

"..."

>........WHAT!?

"Give up, I said. If you can't even speak to her in this manner, how on earth are you going to ever be in a relationship with them? Relationships take care, with all sides being open and honest with one another and not being afraid of simple events. You can't hide like this and still expect to have a healthy relationship."

>I'm not hiding! I just... I don't want this to be a contest!

"So you think it's going to turn to that because Cadence won't accept it?"

>Y-no! I don't think that! I just don't want it to turn to that!

"Why do you think it will? Have you asked her?"

>NO!

"Then you are assuming it, despite her acceptance of you."

>N-... uh...

"And since you are assuming it, and she has already said otherwise, you, not her, are the one who fears competition here."

>...Uh....

"Do you want this to be a competition?"

>NO! I just said no!

"No? Because you are worried you will lose?"

>NO!

"So then, you think you can make him love you more than he loves her."

>NO NO NO NO NO! I DON'T WANT THAT!

"So then, you're worried he'll always love her more than he loves you?"

>N-... uh...

Slowly, her ears drooped, lower, and lower.

>I uh... w-well, I mean, I knew what I was getting into here. I'm kind of... running past the finish line after the race already ended. Hell, the race ended before I even reached the stadium.

"So, why are you still trying to work your way into the winners circle, instead of just starting to run in another race? Why not simply give up and go on somewhere else?"

Her head lowered to match her ears, and her lips began to shake.

>...Because he's there. I don't... I don't expect you to get it, not really, but it's like... it's like looking at them, then turning to all the other possibilities and just feeling... nothing. Just nothing for any other possible path to run, but then I look back and everything just feels... right. Like I'm supposed to be there. Like nothing in the world will be right if I'm not there. And not being there hurt more than anything. That's what it's like, everyday.... no, that's what it was like, like how it used to be, but now... now it doesn't hurt anymore...

Only then, did she look back to the princess.

>I can't give up. Not now. Nothing, absolutely nothing, could make me give up now. Because when she said those things, I felt... whole. I felt complete for the first time in my life. I felt real.

"Then what is the problem?"

>Because... because when she said that, for the first time, I also... really saw her. HER. I didn't... we were friends, but never that close, not THAT close. And for the first time, I saw her as a part of... of all of this... and for the first time, I realized I... I didn't want to hurt her doing this. I want to make this work so we'll ALL be happy, because... because we all deserve it. Even her. I'm delaying it because I want it to work.

"And if it can't?"

She went silent after that.

>...Then I find a way anyway. Because this... this is worth it.

"Nothing will make you give up?"

>...Nothing.

Slowly, the alabaster princess lowered her head, reaching right next to the changeling's ear.

"Then why are you telling me this, and not her?"

It hit her like a fright train, like an out of control meteorite, like Chitania strapped to a rocket.

Yes.

Why is she telling Celestia this?

Why?

>...Thank you.

She smiled as the Changeling abruptly spun, and tore off towards who knows where.

Alone, Celestia smiled.

"...Hm. Maybe it can all work out..."

And then continued on her way.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Pinkie
"PJ"
'DT'
-29-
~Daw~

>Okay! So here we are to play DnD-er, Gremlins and Grottos? Ogres and Oubliettes? Wizards of the Coast don't fuck around so one of those. Anyway! Any questions?

"Mmph?"

>Huh, for some reason I can't understand you, PJ, I'm usually really good at that.

"Mmph!"

>You must have some kind of weird potato in your mouth.

'Or, you know, you forgot to undo her gag?'

>Oh riiiiight.

*Ka-RIP!*

"Mmphhmph!"

>Much better! And you're welcome! Now, like I said, any questions?

'Are you really so desperate for screen time you kidnapped the four of us just to rip off Shiny's game?'

>Of cooooourse not.

'You realize I'm going to destroy you once this story is over, right?'

>I've made my peace with that, any OTHER questions?

~Th' fuck kinda dice are these supposed to be?~

>What? They're just dice, there's nothing-

~Bullshit they're just dice, twenty feckin' sided cthulhoof abominations, that pyramid lookin' one right there, I'm no genius-~

'Obviously.'

~-but I know somethin' what's got a curse on it when I see it! She's gonna sacrifice us to some pagan god!~

>No no, I already tried it, we had to get rid of Piper and Slim somehow.

"Mmph?"

>Nothin'. But Jackie...Jackie 2...no, there's already...PIRATE JACKIE! They're just dice, don't worry.

-About our dramatis personae...-

~Oh Faust above, the alien's an actor.~

-I am refined, thank you.-

>What about the characters? I just pre-rolled a few so we could get started!

-I notice mine is apparently secretly a Princess?-

>Yeeeeeessss...?

-Is this some kind of joke, thou turbulent harlequin!?-

~Th' feck's his problem?~

"Mmphhmph."

~Ohhh, a star-fucker.~

-I WILL END YOU!-

>Guys! We have until the character limit, I need some funny hijinx so the anons will keep this going!

~Th' fuck's an anon?~

>Shut up! Before we-

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-canon follow up to a non-canon
>Pinkie
"Cardboard Pinkie"
~~~~
Wakes up.
>Weird, I don't remember doing a show last night. I guess I should get some breakfaaaAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Every single OC /pa/ has made is dead in her room.
>WHAT THE...YOU!
A cardboard cutout of herself with some blood on it stands in the corner of the room.
>WHAT DID YOU DO!?!

"I did what had to be done."

>I want spotlight, but not like this!

"Relax. The messy part happened off screen, so there's no evidence. To everypony else they just...disappeared."

>You're insane!

"No you're insane because I AM YOU!"

>This isn't happening tell me this isn't happening!

"Look we're in this together now and there's no going back. We need to get rid of the bodies. They were suppose to be gone off screen, but you woke up before I could, so you're going to have to do the work."

>I'm not going to listen to you!

"So what? You're going to live in a place full of dead bodies?"

>...I've shouldn't have played with this.

"The next steps are important. We need to fire up the oven and fade to black..."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

~~~

“Once more, from the top!”

The changeling's forelegs swung in a dramatic flourish, waving above the rows of cockroaches down below. Down below, they seemed to move in sync with his limbs, rising up and falling in a perfect pattern. Beside him, the tiny golem tapped away on a rock in rhythm, keeping a steady beat in tune with his swings, which held far less grace to them.

“That's it!”

His waving grew almost shaky, rocking the make-shift cap he had put upon his head to denote himself prime conductor of this orchestra. He lost himself in the feeling, more concentrated on just the movement and the passing of time than any real sense of style.

It reached a fever pitch, nothing but wild swings until coming to an abrupt, and violent, stop.

“Ha ha! Now that is what I call a musical number... hm?”

His ears flickered back and forth as the blood rushing through his head finally slowed enough he could hear once more. And hear he did, the tell tale sound of hooves on stone at the edge of his prison bars.

“Did you enjoy the show?”

He turned slowly, letting the maddened smirk on his lips grow just to unnerve whatever poor sap had been reassigned to his cell.

“So, what poor fool did they finally send down here to...”

Gradually, his smirk began to leave. Bit, by bit, it was gone.

“...Hi, Thirty Two...”

Pommel stood there, positively shaking with eyes wide and stricken. He held his breath as the changeling looked at him, expression long since gone from the chitinous face and left with nothing but a blankness to rival the deadest blocks of wood.

“Oh, I see.”

The three words were like a strike right to the heart of the unicorn, as painful as if someone had reached in and squeezed it tightly in a grip of magic and spikes. With not so much as a hint of a care, the changeling turned away, and laid back down upon his bed.

“...Is... is that it?”

He didn't mask the desperation in his voice, nor the rasp as his throat swelled shut mid-sentence.

Nor did he mask the pain on his face when the changeling shrugged almost casually, his back still to the stallion.

“You'll vanish in a moment, likely when the real guard comes down to check to ensure I'm not stinking up the room with my corpse.”

Another blow, right to the chest.

“It's... it's really me, Thirty Two. It's really Pommel.”

“Of course it is. How silly of me.”

With an almost bored energy, the changeling flipped over, eyes unfocused as he looked at the aggrieved face.

“Well then, what have you come here for, oh 'real Pommel'. Another speech? More words of chiding against my previous actions? Perhaps yet more blaming of myself for your demise? I've heard it all, so let's see if my subconscious can think up something new this time.”

The changeling smirked ever so slightly as he propped himself up on his hoof, his free one swinging in a gesture around the room.

“Well, it has been a while since you've appeared, 'Pommel', tell me, what do you think of the place? Quite the impressive homestead I've forged for myself, is it not? A palace fit for the king of the fools! What more could a changeling want? Eh, Reggie? A palace fit for a king...”

The unicorn tore his gaze away, desperate to look to something, anything but that disbelieving, haggard face of the mentor he had once known speaking to a cockroach as if it could speak back to him. What he saw hurt him even more.

He had been too focused on looking upon the changeling once again to see anything else, but now he saw it quite well. Torn boxes of pizza? Empty bottles of alcohol? Insects crawling all over the place? Dirt and grime everywhere... the one solace he could find were the few well kept items of interest, such as books, paintings, some nicely made blankets and even a lava lamp, of all things.

And in the middle of it, completely uncaring, was the changeling himself. He was not starved, but it was obvious he was growing lethargic, losing muscle mass from months of inactivity, eyes completely empty of all the drive that had sent him on so long ago.

“W-what happened to you...”

Curiously, the changeling blinked, lifting his head ever so slightly.

“Huh. I suppose that is a new one. Bravo?”

Shaking, rattled hooves snapped up, grabbing hold of the bars tightly and pulling his face right up to the rods of cool metal.

“What happened to you...”

Those same curious eyes began to flutter rapidly, as if trying to blink away the stallion before him. Smoothly and sluggishly, the changeling slid from the bed, cocking his head to the side inquisitively as he began to approach the bars.

“This... this isn't you... this isn't Thirty Two...”

The blinking intensified, coupled together with the odd shake of his cranium. No matter how he tried to focus, tried to reel in his mind, the apparition before him would not go away.

“You... you're the reason... you're the reason I'm still here. I wouldn't be here without you. You taught me to keep fighting... you taught me to never quit, even if I might die... this isn't Thirty Two...”

The throbbing in his head reached a fever pitch as he struck himself in the cheek, hard.

“You never lost your fighting spirit, even when you were locked down here. When you got out you immediately went right back to work... b-because you wanted to leave a legacy, remember? A real one. One where you guys meant something... to everyone... to the whole world...”

He stumbled ever so slightly with every word, chitin grinding as he reduced to a molasses-like pace the more he neared the edge of the bars.

“I'm sorry... I'm sorry I failed and fell into her mouth. I'm sorry I didn't get out fast enough. I'm sorry... because this is all my fault. You shouldn't be in here. You should be out there... free.”

He froze at the very end, mere inches from the bars.

“I'm sorry you picked me to help, to train... I wasn't worth it.”

The changeling was silent as he looked to the stallion, head ever so subtle rolling back, and forth... back, and forth...

“...Q?”

The tiny crystal golem tittered forwards, looking up curiously at her 'owner'.

“Is... is there a pony in front of me?”

There was some confusion in her body language as she rocked from side to side, glancing over from one agonized face to the other.

*TINK!*

What that noise meant, of course Pommel would have no idea. But regardless, it set the changeling off, causing him to become a blur of black as chitinous hooves shot up, grabbing hold of the other's face and holding him hard in place, preventing him from pulling away.

The hooves mashed, twisted, bent and turned the face before him, looking over every scar, every cut, as his eyes grew wider, and wider. His mouth creaked open in a stunned gape, hanging low and allowing quiet, tangible squeaks to leave his throat.

“H-h-h-h....”

“How?”

The pony gave of a sad smile, shifting the chitin mashed against his face.

“S-she uh... heh, she threw me up on a deserted island. I'm dead serious. I have no idea how long I was in there, but then she built me a boat cause... well, fuck, I didn't know how to build a boat. But then I went on an adventure with pirates, and then I started to... it's been a long trip. I'm sorry... I should have come back sooner. I just got back... I just got back...”

The changeling gagged, all sorts of high pitched sounds coming from his mouth as he let go long enough to rub his eyes, still disbelieving despite the constant *TINK* of assurance. In front of him, Pommel found himself lightly chuckling at the poor soul.

“Yeah, and I didn't even get to all the crazy stuff yet. I think I fought a giant mutant god or something in my brain. You were there, it was weird.”

“...And I'm sure I'm not crazy?”

His white hooves let go of the bars, reaching through to touch the changeling's head in a similar fashion to the grip on his own.

“...Why did you do it?”

The grip upon his head tightened, but he did not stop.

“I wasn't worth... all of this. I wasn't worth losing everything for. I wasn't worth being locked up for the rest of your life...”

The changeling's eyes softened, just a bit.

“...It wasn't just about you. It was about everything. It was about stopping her before she drove them all to their deaths. It was about taking my chance...”

The stallion's eyes softened right back, and he understood. Lying was pointless.

“...But yes... it was about you too...”

“I wasn't worth it...”

Sadly, the changeling pulled from his grip, and leaned back just out of reach.

“...I disagree.”

His white hooves dangled there, trying to reach out to him once more... but the changeling would not reach back.

“...I-I'll figure out a way to get you out of here. I've broken out of prisons before, lots of them! I can get you out in no time, and you and me and Daw could... we could go run off, keep you away from her, keep you-”

“NO!”

His voice was quick, harsh, rasping with just a touch of fear.

“You... you have just returned to your life. You have a home, a family, friends, loved ones... no, no don't you even think of this! If you even try, you will fail, be caught, cast inside of here with me! And that is best case scenario! Worst case, you are killed by someone so many times your strength to prevent my escape! Not another word of this, Pommel! Not another word!”

“It's better than leaving you alone to rot-”

His throat found itself unable to breath any longer as a hoof lashed out and gripped it, heaving the stallion into the air and bringing him face to face with cold, unforgiving eyes.

“I cast my life away when I tried to take that damned Queen's head, but I will not let you make the same choice! It was a mistake, I see that now. I managed nothing but my own imprisonment. Did you learn nothing from your own repeated failures? You did not finally succeed by doing the same thing, but by changing your tactics with those that worked! I am a failure, Bronze Pommel! I am a failure, and I will spend the rest of my life in this place for that failure. There is no winning to be had here, you must simply choose the correct option... not to try at all.”

Gently, he lowered the stallion back down, and turned his back on the stallion.

“...Go home. Do not waste your life down here.”

He rubbed his throat, but the determination never left his eyes.

“I'm not going to leave you down here.”

“You have to. If you come to see me, you will forever look for a way to free me. You won't intend to at first, maybe you'll even hold off for years. But someday, you'll break, you'll try to get me out and ruin your life. Either spent here in prison or forever on the run from forces you will never escape. It might not be in a day, it might not be in a month, but someday you will break. Someday, you will break, growing desperate before making a snap choice you will never take back and bring ruin to everything you love. I know this from a certainty of one who has lived it. The only way to avoid this fate is to go up there, into the light, and live your life. Free. If you truly wish me happy, you cannot do anything else.”

His obsidian head tilted up, still facing away from the pony. He could not see it fully, but if Pommel tilted his head just right, he swore he could see... something on the edge of his cheeks.

“I... I am so happy you are alive... that you survived, impossible as this all seems. I do not know if I will turn around and find you a specter, a ghost long past. But all the same I must hope this is all real, that I will not awake in my bed in a moment and find myself in a world where you dissolved in the belly of the beast. I hope this is real... so that you may go up there, and live. Live with what you've learned, what you've earned. Go live, Bronze Pommel... live enough for the both of us. I gave my life away... don't do the same to yours. If you've ever listened to me, to a word I've said, I beg of this... don't do the same to yours.”

He couldn't stop it.

He knew how weak it looked, how terrible it must seem for one like himself, who went through so much, to do it, but he couldn't stop it.

He couldn't stop from crying.

He couldn't stop from reaching out one last time, shoulders pressed against the bars as tightly as they can go, desperate to touch him on the shoulder one last time, desperate to give him some comfort, something, anything at all.

“I-I'll find a way to get you out. I'll call in a favor from the princesses, or Shining Armor, or Spike, someone! I'll figure out something. I'll get you out legal, no running, no hiding. I won't leave you down here. I promise you... you didn't give up on me, even when I was a failure, I'm not giving up on you... do you hear me!?”

He banged his hooves against the bars, hard.

“You don't get to tell me to let my friend die in a hole. You don't get to order me to lay my head to sleep at night and forget about you. I've faced a lot since I set out and nearly died at sea, do you think this scares me!? I can handle it. I will handle it. You are coming up, with me, and you are going to meet Daw, and you are going to love her because she's just as crazy as you are, and you're going see your Morlocks again, and walk in the sun, and live, damn it! You are going to live! DO YOU HEAR ME!?”

The only sound for the longest time was his deep, elongated breaths, quick and gulping with every one.

At last, the changeling broke the silence.

“...In all your journeys, did you really learn so little?”

Proudly, the stallion lifted his head up high.

“Actually, I learned a lot... but do you know what I did learn?”

“What's that?”

“...What it means to be the best in the world. And being the best means not giving up. I'm going to bring you home, Thirty Two.”

He did not answer him. Instead, he rose to his hooves, moved to the bed, and softly laid upon the cot, his back to the stallion.

“I'm bringing you home.”

“...You'll just waste your life on a failed mission.”

“If you really believe that... then it's time to show you how much I really learned... thanks to you. I'll be back.”

He was only met with more silence before, after one last forlorn look, he pulled back from the bars, and slowly moved away from the jail cell.

“...I'm coming back...”

The changeling curled into himself, shuddering as the hoof steps grew quieter... and quieter...

“...Q?”

Beside him, ever vigilant, she remained at the ready.

“...Tell me that all just happened.”

After a thoughtful pause, she responded with a *TINK!*

“...Tell me again.”

*TINK!*

A small smile crossed his face as she told him, again and again. Softly, his eyes closed, and he found himself drifting off.

“When I awake... tell me again.”

She nodded, and waited.

“Tell me again...”

He rolled over, looking back into the now barren wall outside of his cell.

Leaving behind a small spot of moisture on the pillow he had left.

“Tell me again...”

The darkness claimed him slowly.

But the smile never left his face.

“Tell me about the best in the world...”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC

>Luna
“SS”
____

>…

“…”

>Um… be there something amiss, little fil-

“I know what you’re doing.”

>...Thou does? What we are do-

“I can see through you like swiss cheese.”

>Be that a joke about our-

“The way you talk, how you sway your hips and shake your butt, and now this... this ribbon? Really? You think those trinkets are going to help?”

>We… we are not even sure what we need help wi-

“Because it won’t! He likes me, too, you know! It’s just you’ve been hogging him all this time!”

>Hogging wh-

“Oh yeah, you know what I’m talking about! I know the game full well, Princess of Stealing Whats Not Hers! You waited until my best friend started going through emotional problems and whatnot- mhm, you waited, you and your dastardly perverted mind, you waited until I left and then BAM! You were on him like your fat-bootied sister on cake!”

>What on Equestria are thou ta-

“Play dumb, see if I care! It won’t matter once I get back, it’ll be like you never happened, you… you hussy! He’ll see me and forget you even existed! MARK MY WORDS!”

And with a forceful, definitive snap of her hoof, Silver Spoon spun around, flicked out her tail, and strode away in a huff.

...And when she was out of sight, the most smuggest of grins contorted Luna's lips.

>If thou thinks this will be a battle easily won, allow us to shatter thine’s dreams and welcome thee to the nightmare.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC to NC
[56]
{Guard}
~~

[...]

{...}

[...What?]

{Am I missing something here? I feel like I'm missing something really obvious.}

[Hey, I'm just-]

{A grade schooler with no job, no special skills, no tact, nothing really to make anyone think he can read above a first grade level, and he's got an unhealthy obsession with the physical, not the mental. What am I missing here?}

[...]

{No, really tell me, because-}

*FWOOSH!*

{GAAHHHHH! I BUUUURRN!}

[Connections, my man!... Thanks not-mom!]

~YOU CAN'T PROVE I DID THAT!~

[Hah!... Coooonections.]

{AHHHHHHHH!]

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>77
"88"
~~~

>Are... are you sure you don't want my help?

"NO! I need this! I need to learn the layout of this castle, trail along it with my every touch until I can detect it with just my sheer memory! I need to search every corner, EVERY CORNER!"

>Oh... okay... uh..

"...hrm..."

>...

"...This is a butt, isn't it? I'm currently kneading a butt."

>Yeah... yeah you are.

"..."

~Wow, it feels SO WEIRD to be on this end!... This is kinda cool!~

>...His name is 56.

"Hi, 56."

'Hiya!'

>...

"..."

'...Why'd ya' stop?'

"NOPE!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________