Laxative Plot Remastered

Plot #1: Keep Your Friends Close

Quan, that old fool, had died of a mysterious heart disease that day he plotted against the Catons. Tom, always a stickler for deliberation, collapsed under the weight of his own exercise. Doggo, a fervent member of the cult of the Curious One, had gone insane, plotting to kill She Whose Rolls Define Fate. A few months later, the king himself would meet his own demise, bedridden and insane. It seemed the rumored Curse of the Ancients had come down on the old king and his ministers for being so rash in dealing with the Cantonese Pirates. Quan would’ve been rolling in his grave if he heard what reckoning the pirates delivered upon Sagaing, his beloved settlement.

The masses were restless, unable to reason how so many could’ve died in the span of only a few years. They complained about what little the government had done to stop the enslavement of their fellow brothers and sisters. Some had turned to religion, training in the sacred martial art of judo to appease the Great Goddess, Aimerais. Others had begun aggressively boarding up their homes and fencing their fields in fear of an invasion. Fewer and fewer people came to the markets of Bago everyday, in fear that raiding parties would enslave them and steal their blessed bananas, the holy fruit of the Great Goddess given to her by the Curious One before he became corrupted.

The various lords had begun to act up too, as Minsaw had yet the authority (and possible insanity) that his late father had. Some of had no trouble paying lip service to the new King, but others had yet to say a word. Minsaw’s hold on the Empire was barely palpable as the army had to adjust its size to guard the whole of the Empire.

The Taungoo Empire was at an impasse. Although the new king had done much to protect the new settlements from outside, it seemed that we lacked the intelligence needed to match. Although legendary for its covert operations, the old ministry was close-minded. Sloppy. They lacked the proper protection of the Goddess, unable to protect what was in front of them whilst they plotted away in secret against their enemies. Government documents were easily stolen and leaked to our rivals. The old ministry met its demise the same way it brought down the Catons.

In light of this, it was about time the King renewed their relations with neighboring empires. While relations were still relatively stable, it never hurt to try to improve relations with neighbors, especially considering the many new works of art and literature that the Great Goddess Aime blessed the people of the nation with. With so many of the faithful of Bago pAYiNG mOnIEs tO eMEraLd, there were more than enough funds to send a party of the faithful to spread their faith to the civilizations of the North. After all, the “Middle Kingdom” had yet to adopt a faith, so what would they to lose under the divine protection of Aime?

It was decided. A great tribute of monks, performers, storytellers, elephant tamers, and cooks would go and parade through the many cities of the Song Empire, spreading the wonderful and culture of the Burmese. At Bianjing, they would greet the ministers of the Song Empire with respect and hopefully start a new age of exchange between the two Great Empires.

[REDACT] “Surely your majesty knows how much money this expedition requires?” Sun confronted the newly-crowned Minsaw. “This is more than half our treasury. I knew you were inexperienced, but how could you be so rash?”

“You ought not to so callously object to your King like that. While I may be more forgiving than my late father, it should be obvious that there is far more to this expenditure than just good will.”

“Then please enlighten me, your Majesty, lest Aime’s protection falters under your gaze.”

“The Song are no longer the mere Federation of small city-states they once were. Their power rivals that of the great people of the Steppes, and their research has far outpaced ours, even accounting for the loss of our Lead Scientist.”

“So, what? Do you intend to send this tribute as a declaration of our imminent weakness?”

“No, quite the opposite in fact. As your first mission as head of the new Department of Intelligence, I’m sending you on this expedition in order to garner as much intel and influence in the region as you can. Go all out. Use artists to scout out the land for potential invasion routes by creating great landscapes. Pay off officials for government whereabouts and reward them with the riches provided by converting their citizens to the one true faith. Make the population love She Whose Rolls Define Fate, and push out anyone whose presence might be troublesome for our future plans. Create a network of monasteries on the Milk Road to track enemy movements and bless trade. Slip something more into our laxative food if you must, but always remember that the Song ministers must suspect nothing. I’m sending you because I know you to be like quicksilver hand. Go and make use of your skills for the Empire.”[/REDACTED]

“Sun, I hereby appoint you as the field operator for this mission. Go and spread the protection of the Great Goddess to the vulnerable masses and the culture of my great Empire far and wide. May the exchange of ideas and goods bless the both of our empires, and may Aime always protect you. I trust that your skills and expertise will always equip for any situation you encounter.”

“Yes, my liege.”