Jump 044: Warhammer 40k - What If The Emperor Had A Text-To-Speech Device

Jump 044: Warhammer 40k - What If The Emperor Had A Text-To-Speech Device

Location: The Emperor's Throne Room, Terra, M41
Identity: Drop-In
Drawbacks: None

[Free]      Asshole Psyker
[100/1000]  The EXACT Wording
[200/1000]  Paradox Billiards Vostroyan-Roulette Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube Chess-Strip Poker
[300/1000]  But Why Though?
[500/1000]  The Start Of Something Absolutely Glorious
[700/1000]  Introducing Them To 'Little J'
[900/1000]  Popeman
[Free]      A Warbike
[Free]      Knock-Off Fentisian Ale
[1000/1000] T-Shirts And Flashlights (in bulk)

"What?"
>"WHAT." "What!?"
"Oh. Hello, father. You're looking, uh, thinner these days- what the fuck, is that Magnus?"
>"Who the warp are you?"
"Your little big brother?"
>"Nooo, I'm QUITE certain you're not one of my brothers."
"Sure I am. You know, the whole 'I thought you'd be taller?' 'Number two?' Not ringing any bells at all?"
>"Mmmno, definitely not."
"Well, I -had- been Primarch of the Second Legion before I was usurped and you kind of wiped the records and threw us all under Malchador doing all the black ops stuff along with the Custodes and Sisters of Silence. I have this unfortunate habit of being jarred loose in time and space and this is the second time I've appeared out of the Empyrean in the throne room. Eh, anyway, how is Uncle Mal doing these days, by the way? And uh, what's the year?"
>"It is the forty-first millennium, and Malcador the Sigilite is, ah..." "DEAD."
"Ah. Well. That makes things a little awkward considering he was the bloody REGENT OF THE IMPERIUM the last I knew at the end of M40. The hell happened? ...Magnus why are you looking at me like that?"
>"Er... Malcador died at the end of the Heresy. The same Heresy that put Father... you know, here?"
"What? Come on. Is this some sort of weird and elaborate prank?"
>"YOU ARE NOT MY SON. THE SECOND IS FOREVER LOST. BUT YOU ARE. I LITERALLY CAN'T EVEN."
"...wait a minute. This isn't my world. DISAPPOINTED!"
>"STOP THAT."
"Oh, fine, your sense of humor must have atrophied as well. I must've fallen into the next universe over. Someone want to give me the cliff's notes? Magnus?"
>"Well, someone who knows something has to. Here's how things are..."

And so I found out how bleak things are in this universe. Almost a bog-standard 40k universe, as opposed to what I'd been in for the last ... I don't even know how long anymore, to be completely honest. I'm kind of tired of war. And yet that's kind of what I ended up getting stuck with here, too. Grabbing Guardsmen and whipping them into shape as killing machines, bolstering the ranks of the Legion to full strength while I'm here. But... man, this galaxy has seriously gone to hell. There's not much I can do in the ten years that I'm here aside from handing some tech over to the local AdMech to make everyone's lives easier, giving some advice to some people, helping spread the Light of the Man-Emperor of Man to places that it's needed, and occasionally - especially when it comes to the Nids trying to omnom all the noms and Chaos going 'heeeey something's changed so let's murderfuck our way to victory!' - popping up and going "watch me swooce right in" with the Second Legion's fleet, because nobody's got fleets like this anymore.

But honestly in the end it feels like it's just us fighting a delaying action until the Emperor can pull a miracle out of his hat. Some of the differences between this place and what I've known are amusing, but mostly? Just depressing.