Insult Generator.bat

@echo off
setlocal enableDelayedExpansion

REM First we set up our 3 arrays with our insults and keep track of
REM how many insults per array we have.

set first[1]=Lazy
set first[2]=Stupid
set first[3]=Insecure
set first[4]=Idiotic
set first[5]=Slimy
set first[6]=Slutty
set first[7]=Smelly
set first[8]=Pompous
set first[9]=Communist
set first[10]=Dicknose
set first[11]=Pie-Eating
set first[12]=Racist
set first[13]=Elitist
set first[14]=White Trash
set first[15]=Drug-Loving
set first[16]=Butterface
set first[17]=Tone Deaf
set first[18]=Ugly
set first[19]=Creepy

set /a firstCount=19

set second[1]=Douche
set second[2]=Ass
set second[3]=Turd
set second[4]=Rectum
set second[5]=Butt
set second[6]=Cock
set second[7]=Shit
set second[8]=Crotch
set second[9]=Bitch
set second[10]=Prick
set second[11]=Slut
set second[12]=Taint
set second[13]=Fuck
set second[14]=Dick
set second[15]=Boner
set second[16]=Shart
set second[17]=Nut
set second[18]=Sphincter

set /a secondCount=18

set third[1]=Pilot
set third[2]=Canoe
set third[3]=Captain
set third[4]=Pirate
set third[5]=Hammer
set third[6]=Knob
set third[7]=Box
set third[8]=Jockey
set third[9]=Nazi
set third[10]=Waffle
set third[11]=Goblin
set third[12]=Blossum
set third[13]=Biscuit
set third[14]=Clown
set third[15]=Socket
set third[16]=Monster
set third[17]=Hound
set third[18]=Dragon
set third[19]=Balloon

set /a thirdCount=19

:mainMenu
cls
REM Let's generate 3 random numbers, one for each category
set /a firstRand=!RANDOM! * (!firstCount!-1) / 32768 + 1
set /a secondRand=!RANDOM! * (!secondCount!-1) / 32768 + 1
set /a thirdRand=!RANDOM! * (!thirdCount!-1) / 32768 + 1

REM Now we place our insults! Have at you!
set aAn=a
call :StartsWith "!first[%firstRand%]!" "A"
if %errorLevel%==0 (
	set aAn=an
)
call :StartsWith "!first[%firstRand%]!" "E"
if %errorLevel%==0 (
	set aAn=an
)
call :StartsWith "!first[%firstRand%]!" "I"
if %errorLevel%==0 (
	set aAn=an
)
call :StartsWith "!first[%firstRand%]!" "O"
if %errorLevel%==0 (
	set aAn=an
)
call :StartsWith "!first[%firstRand%]!" "U"
if %errorLevel%==0 (
	set aAn=an
)

echo.
call :color 08 "You know what?"
echo.
echo.
echo.
echo.
call :color 08 "You're nothing but !aAn! "
call :color 0c "!first[%firstRand%]! !second[%secondRand%]! !third[%thirdRand%]!"
call :color 08 ^^^^^^!
echo.
REM echo You know what?  You're nothing but a^/an !first[%firstRand%]! !second[%secondRand%]! !third[%thirdRand%]!!
echo.
echo.
echo.
echo.
echo.
echo.
echo.
echo.
echo.
echo.
echo.
echo.
echo.
echo.
echo.
echo.
echo.
echo.
call :cleanupColor
pause
goto mainMenu

:StartsWith text string
SETLOCAL
set "txt=%~1"
set "str=%~2"
if defined str call set "s=%str%%%txt:*%str%=%%"
if /i "%txt%" NEQ "%s%" set=2>NUL
EXIT /b

:color
setlocal enableDelayedExpansion
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

:color Color  Str  [/n]
setlocal
set "s=%~2"
call :colorVar %1 s %3
exit /b

:colorVar  Color  StrVar  [/n]
if not defined DEL call :initColor
setlocal enableDelayedExpansion
pushd .
':
cd \
set "s=!%~2!"
:: The single blank line within the following IN() clause is critical - DO NOT REMOVE
for %%n in (^"^

^") do (
  set "s=!s:\=%%~n\%%~n!"
  set "s=!s:/=%%~n/%%~n!"
  set "s=!s::=%%~n:%%~n!"
)
for /f delims^=^ eol^= %%s in ("!s!") do (
  if "!" equ "" setlocal disableDelayedExpansion

  if %%s==\ (
    findstr /a:%~1 "." "\'" nul
    <nul set /p "=%DEL%%DEL%%DEL%"
  ) else if %%s==/ (
    findstr /a:%~1 "." "/.\'" nul
    <nul set /p "=%DEL%%DEL%%DEL%%DEL%%DEL%"
  ) else (
    >color.txt (echo %%s\..\')
    findstr /a:%~1 /f:color.txt "."
    <nul set /p "=%DEL%%DEL%%DEL%%DEL%%DEL%%DEL%%DEL%"
  )
)
if /i "%~3"=="/n" echo(
popd
exit /b


:initColor
for /f %%A in ('"prompt $H&for %%B in (1) do rem"') do set "DEL=%%A %%A"
<nul >"%temp%\'" set /p "=."
subst ': "%temp%" >nul
exit /b


:cleanupColor
2>nul del "%temp%\'"
2>nul del "%temp%\color.txt"
>nul subst ': /d
exit /b

:quit
call :cleanupColor
if EXIST "X" del /ah "X"
if EXIST "X" del "X"
exit /b