Sister of the Woods 07 PR - truepurple

    Sister of the Woods - The 7th Night - Nitori -- PR - truepurple --- comments - meterion

    [05]

    Haven't you prepared the rice bowls yet? They're perfect for our guests!
    ...yet? It's perfect for our guests
    >> Objects are more properly referred to as it's. It's what the average English speaker would expect
[in this case, "they" is the proper word to use, since "it" is singular and the subject "rice bowls" is plural. Think "Rice bowls? It is perfect" vs "Rice bowls? They are perfect"]

    Having an extra mouth to feed means a whole different story for the work necessary in the cooking!
    Another mouth to feed is completely different for the work of cooking.
    >>This sentence is cluttered with unnecessary words. I think the structures a little wrong too. I don't think mines quite right either but a improvement
[The intent of this sentence (I think) is that one more person to feed is a lot more work. "a whole different story" is an idiom that emphasizes it is a  ~very~ different amount of work. Removing just "story" changes the meaning of the sentence quite a bit.]

    My fried food's running out!
    I am running out of fried food!
    >>Just in case someones imagining fried food growing legs and running out the door.
[To keep the same casual tone, I would use "I'm" to go along with "food's".]

    [middle box] Since no matter which family I was in, it would be a place where I'd be the one left out.
    Since no matter which family I was in, I'd be left out.
    >>Extra words I see no use for making reading more difficult.
[It serves as a call-back to the narration at the beginning of the page, but they aren't strictly necessary for comprehension.]

    [06]
    Come look at these soumen noodles, without blowing the pot~
    ...noodles, without blowing on the noodles.
    >>Blowing on the noodles in the pot? But that wouldn't cool it down any. Not sure what is meant here.

    [07]
    It's fine, it'll clog up soon!
    It's fine, it'll clot soon!
    >>drains clog, blood clot. And "up" doesn't fit or add anything.

    [14]
    and numbing the inside of my head, with a muddy pain
    >>What is muddy pain?
[verb: muddy;
	cause to become covered in or full of mud.
	make (something) hard to perceive or understand.
		synonyms:	make unclear, obscure, confuse, obfuscate, blur, cloud, befog
-second definition and synonyms are what you want!]

    Close your eyes and slowly breathe.
    Close your eyes and breathe slowly
    >> For some reason it seems to read better like this for me.
[Needs punctuation!]

    [15]
    Onee-chan and Yuu-kun are now one at the place you feel pain.
    So, when you open your eyes, hey,
    the place that got hurt will recall its usual form.
    >>I don't have the raws for chapters 15-20. "now one at the place you feel pain" "place that got hurt will recall its usual form" doesn't make sense to me. Not sure if the raws would help much or not, especially that second one.
[see the final PR for an interpretation of it. Some proofreading is more stylistic than mechanic.]


    [19]
     I can't tell when she's done joking or when she starts beskining serious.
    I can't tell when she's joking and when she's serious.
    >>I don't see any use for "done" and "start" here. Those and others seem like unneeded words.


    [bubbles]
    This time I'll properly use ham that consists of human-edible animals!
    >>Human edible animals? Meaning not poisonous? The fact that it's ham means it's pig?
[This is a reference to an earlier chapter, where she tries to make human food out of paranormal creatures and fails.]



    [20]
    [normal text in bubble] It's just for memory!
    to remember you by
    >>This is the phrase someone would likely use in English for a memento, some object or gesture that someone uses as a symbol of the event.
[I like it, but needs proper grammar and punctuation!]