Mean old drunk with no name

>Be a mean old drunk
>Sitting on your front porch
>Eat your dinner, a can of Franks'n'Beans
>Drink your dessert, a bottle of whiskey
>A fluffy pony wanders up
>It looks at the empty can and than at you
>"Fwuffy hungwy, no foodies fow days. Gif nummies pwease?"
>You finish your dessert and lean over to the pony
>Take a deep breath and burp in its face
>"Eww, bweath smew wike poopies!"
>You burst into laughter
"Stay right there, I'll get you some chow"
>You go into the kitchen, grab a plate and set it on the floor
>Squatting over it, you take big, steaming dump on the plate
>Next you open a jar of sauce and pour it over the turd
>You grab the plate and take it outside to the fluffy
>"Fwuffy wuv new fwiend!"
"Yeah, ok, bone-apple-teet"
>The pony gulps down a good portion out it
>It slowly stops eating
>"Fwuffy mouth taste bad, nummies no good"
>You laugh again and wipe the sauce away
>"Fwuffy eat poopies?!"
>The pony starts to cry a little
>You keep laughing
"Now whose breath smells like shit!"
>You punt the fluff ball off the porch and onto the street
>As it tries to stand up, it's flattened by minivan
>You hear the kids inside crying as they head down the street
>You haven't laughed that much since you ex-wife died