Next Step Intervention

877-358-1699

Focus:  Mental Health Interventions

Professional interventionist

Mental health intervention services in California and the Northwest

Struggling with mental health - feel overwhelmed, helpless, and unsure of what to do next.

Whether it's severe depression, anxiety, psychosis, bipolar disorder, or another mental health condition

especially when the person refuses help or lacks insights into their condition

At Next Step Intervention, offer compassionate, structured mental health interventions that guide families through one of the most emotionally complex decisions they'll ever make

 - helping loved one accept professional care when they're unwilling or unable to seek it on their own

Content from client's website:

When Loving Someone Isn’t Enough
Mental health disorders can cloud judgment, distort reality, and make it nearly impossible for someone to recognize that they need help. Friends and family members often try everything they can—pleading, reasoning, even enabling—only to find themselves stuck in a painful cycle of crisis and chaos.

A mental health intervention is not an act of confrontation. It’s an act of love. It’s a carefully planned, therapeutically guided process that gives your loved one the chance to say yes to healing.

Signs a Mental Health Intervention May Be Necessary
Refusing psychiatric care or therapy
Rapidly deteriorating in appearance, hygiene, or self-care
Experiencing delusions, hallucinations, or paranoia
Making threats of self-harm or suicide
Frequently hospitalized or discharged without follow-through
Causing harm to themselves or others
Isolating from family, work, or daily responsibilities
Unable to hold a job, maintain housing, or manage finances
These are not just behavioral issues. They are clinical red flags that require urgent, skilled support.

How Our Mental Health Interventions Work
Every situation is unique. That’s why our intervention process is completely personalized to meet the needs of the individual and their family system.
Here’s how we help:


Initial Assessment & Consultation
We begin with a confidential conversation to understand your loved one’s history, current behaviors, prior treatment (if any), and family dynamics.


Intervention Planning & Preparation
Our certified interventionist creates a personalized strategy that carefully considers the clinical presentation, psychiatric risks, and emotional readiness of the family. We guide and prepare all participants through each step of the process, including scripting, setting boundaries, and anticipating possible responses.


The Intervention Itself
Our team facilitates a compassionate, well-structured intervention—either in person or virtually—ensuring safety, emotional regulation, and a clear message of support. The goal is not to shame or pressure, but to offer a dignified path forward.


Immediate Access to Treatment
If the individual agrees to treatment, we manage every detail to ensure a smooth transition. Our team coordinates psychiatric evaluations and stabilization, arranges residential or outpatient treatment placement, organizes transportation logistics, and maintains ongoing communication with the family throughout the process.


Aftercare & Family Support
Recovery doesn’t end with admission. We continue to support the entire family through aftercare planning, therapy referrals, and regular check-ins to promote long-term healing and sustained recovery.


Why Choose Next Step Intervention?
Nationally Certified Interventionists
Decades of Mental Health & Addiction Expertise
Specialized in Dual Diagnosis & Severe Mental Illness
Discreet, Professional, and Judgment-Free Process
Trusted Partnerships with Reputable Treatment Centers
We understand how complex and urgent mental health crises can be. You don’t have to figure it out alone—we’re here to guide you toward stability and hope.

Relevant statistics:

According to the California Health Care Foundation, approximately 1 in 7 adults in California live with a mental illness, while 1 in 26 struggle with a serious mental illness that markedly affects their daily lives as of April 2025 - many of whom are unable or unwilling to access the care they need.

Boilerplate about the company:

Next Step Intervention Addiction is a brain disease that often obscures the devastating realities caused by substance abuse. When a person is unable or unwilling to recognize a destructive habit, an adult intervention may be used to jumpstart a successful recovery program. Since interventions are stressful and emotionally charged, it is best to collaborate with a professional interventionist.

Background content:

When someone with depression resists help, your role is to be a supportive, non-judgmental listener, validate their feelings, gently encourage small steps (like activity or talking), educate yourself on depression, and emphasize that you're there for them without pushing solutions, while also taking care of your own well-being. Depression saps motivation and creates hopelessness, making even small actions feel impossible, so patience and consistent connection are crucial, and professional intervention is often needed for serious cases or if suicide is a risk.
What You Can Do
Listen & Validate: Ask open-ended questions and reflect what they say to make them feel heard ("That sounds incredibly tough").
Connect: Stay in touch with calls, texts, or coffee; depression causes isolation, so consistent presence matters.
Gently Encourage: Suggest small, manageable activities they enjoy, healthy habits (diet, exercise), or just getting out.
Offer Information: Provide resources about local services or support groups without pressure.
Support Treatment: If they start treatment, help them stick with it, reminding them it takes time and side effects need a doctor's input.
Educate Yourself: Learn about depression to understand their symptoms (hopelessness, fatigue) aren't personal choices.
What to Avoid
Don't Fix or Give Advice: Unless asked, focus on listening, not solving.
Don't Judge: Accept them as they are; shame and guilt worsen depression.
Don't Take it Personally: Their withdrawal is the illness, not a rejection of you.
When to Seek Immediate Help
If they express thoughts of harming themselves, call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (US) immediately.
For other mental health crises, use resources like SAMHSA's National Helpline (1-800-662-HELP).
Remember to Care for Yourself
Caring for someone with depression is hard; seek support from friends, family, or support groups for caregivers.
What to do when they don't want help - MHA Screening
Here are a few things to consider when working with your loved one who doesn't want help: Listen and validate. If your relationshi...

Mental Health America
How to Help Someone with Depression - HelpGuide.org
18 Dec 2025 — Tip 5: Encourage the person with depression to get help. While you can't control someone else's recovery from depressio...

What to do when they don’t want help
Seeing a loved one suffer is hard. It’s common and natural to want to fix things for our loved ones. Being around them can also be hard when taking care of someone wears you out. Something needs to change soon—otherwise you’re also not sure how much more you can take.

If you’re trying to help someone who doesn’t want help, it probably feels frustrating, exhausting, scary… and out of your control.

People are naturally inclined to want to control aspects of their lives. This is true for you and for your family member. The more we push at times, the more likely the other person will withdraw or double down on taking control of their own life. Think of a time when you wanted to make a change—like managing your anger or eating better. The more someone tells us to calm down or points out the junk food we’re eating, the more irritated we become… and we’re more likely to resist making good choices.

Struggling in recovery is a natural experience. It’s helpful to use these experiences as learning moments. It’s also messy and takes time. Sometimes good choices are made—and sometimes really bad choices are made. But hopefully with the right support, we get where we need to be.

Here are a few things to consider when working with your loved one who doesn’t want help:

Listen and validate
If your relationship is iffy, it doesn’t hurt to just listen. Ask them what’s going on and just reflect what they say. Help them feel heard. You can ask, “how are you doing?” and say “yeah, that sounds hard or that sounds great.” People have a hard time taking action unless we feel heard and understood.

Ask questions
Ask your loved one what they want! You can’t push someone to do something unless they want to do it too. But you can find out what they want, and find ways to support them towards their goals in a way that you both can agree on. If they are open to it, you can also ask how they feel about the thing you want them to do. Medication is a common example. Ask, “how do you feel when you take that drug.” Coping with side effects like nausea or weight gain is difficult, and it’s understandable if people don’t want to take medications that make them feel worse.

Resist the urge to fix or give advice
There is a time for advice—and that comes when someones ask for it. If they haven’t asked, lean towards support. There are times when you might even agree with them: “Yes, this mental illness sucks, but medication sucks too.” Once you give people the space to feel heard, their defenses go down and they are more open to a conversation.

Explore options together
If someone says “I don’t want to do this,” then you’re probably going to make things more difficult for yourself (and for them) by demanding it. You might say, “Ok. What’s something you do want to do?” For some who aren’t sure or aren’t ready to address their mental illness, don’t use those words right away. Feel free to start with work, relationships, life, stress, sleep. Anything else—and then bring up “mental illness” again later.

Take care of yourself and find your own support
We can’t help others unless we’re okay. It’s hard to be patient when we’re tired and frustrated. Find others who are in caregiving roles. Find a person you can vent to who is on your side and can help you feel better. Having other people to talk to can also help you figure out when and how to push, and when it’s okay to let go (which is also hard and can be painful).

In the end, if someone really doesn’t want help, forcing them can be an option… but doesn’t seem to work very well. In many cases, when we force people to do things we want them to do, it only ends in fighting and resentment. Letting people make their own choices, even when their choices are the wrong ones and it leads to more pain, does not make you (as their family, friend, or any kind of loved one) a failure.

Still, there’s a time and a place for taking someone to the hospital against their will. If your loved one presents an immediate danger to themselves or someone else, or if they are having a psychotic break or a drug overdose, it may make sense to have them hospitalized against their will.

How to Help Someone with Depression
Your support and encouragement can play an important role in your loved one's recovery from depression. Here's how to make a difference.

Tips on how to help someone with depression
Depression is a serious but treatable disorder that affects millions of people, from young to old and from all walks of life. It gets in the way of everyday life, causing tremendous pain, hurting not just those suffering from it but also impacting everyone around them.

If someone you love is depressed, you may be experiencing any number of difficult emotions, including helplessness, frustration, anger, fear, guilt, and sadness. These feelings are all normal. It’s not easy dealing with a friend or family member’s depression. And if you neglect your own health, it can become overwhelming.

That said, your companionship and support can be crucial to your loved one’s recovery. You can help them cope with depression symptoms, overcome negative thoughts, and regain their energy, optimism, and enjoyment of life.

Start by learning all you can about depression and how to best talk about it with your friend or family member. But as you reach out, don’t forget to look after your own emotional health—you’ll need it to provide the full support your loved one needs.

Tip 1: Understand depression in a friend or family member
Depression is a serious condition. Don’t underestimate the seriousness of depression. Depression drains a person’s energy, optimism, and motivation. Your depressed loved one can’t just “snap out of it” by sheer force of will.

The symptoms of depression aren’t personal. Depression makes it difficult for a person to connect on a deep emotional level with anyone, even the people they love the most. It’s also common for depressed people to say hurtful things and lash out in anger. Remember that this is the depression talking, not your loved one, so try not to take it personally.

Hiding the problem won’t make it go away. It doesn’t help anyone involved if you try making excuses, covering up the problem, or lying for a friend or family member who is depressed. In fact, this may keep the depressed person from seeking treatment.

Your loved one isn’t lazy or unmotivated. When you’re suffering from depression, just thinking about doing the things that may help you to feel better can seem exhausting or impossible to put into action. Have patience as you encourage your loved one to take the first small steps to recovery.

You can’t “fix” someone else’s depression. As much as you may want to, you can’t rescue someone from depression nor fix the problem for them. You’re not to blame for your loved one’s depression or responsible for their happiness (or lack thereof). While you can offer love and support, ultimately recovery is in the hands of the depressed person.

Tip 2: Recognize depression symptoms in your loved one
Family and friends are often the first line of defense in the fight against depression. That’s why it’s important to understand the signs and symptoms of depression. You may notice the problem in a depressed loved one before they do, and your influence and concern can motivate them to seek help.

Be concerned if your loved one:

Doesn’t seem to care about anything anymore. Has lost interest in work, sex, hobbies, and other pleasurable activities. Has withdrawn from friends, family, and other social activities.

Expresses a bleak or negative outlook on life. Is uncharacteristically sad, irritable, short-tempered, critical, or moody; talks about feeling “helpless” or “hopeless.” Seems to have a harder time managing stress and anxiety.

Frequently complains of aches and pains such as headaches, stomach problems, and back pain. Or complains of feeling tired and drained all the time.

Sleeps less than usual or oversleeps. Has become indecisive, forgetful, disorganized, and “out of it.”

Eats more or less than usual, and has recently gained or lost weight.

Drinks more or abuses drugs, including prescription sleeping pills and painkillers, as a way to self-medicate their low mood.

Tip 3: Learn how to talk to someone about depression
Sometimes it is hard to know what to say when speaking to someone about depression. You might fear that if you bring up your worries, the person will get angry, feel insulted, or ignore your concerns. You may be unsure what questions to ask or how to be supportive.

If you don’t know where to start, the following suggestions may help. But remember that being a compassionate listener is much more important than giving advice. You don’t have to try to “fix” your friend or family member; you just have to be a good listener. Often, the simple act of talking face to face can be an enormous help to someone suffering from depression. Encourage the depressed person to talk about their feelings, and be willing to listen without judgment.

Don’t expect a single conversation to be the end of it. Depressed people tend to withdraw from others and isolate themselves. You may need to express your concern and willingness to listen over and over again. Be gentle, yet persistent.

What to say to someone who is depressed
Finding a way to start a conversation about depression with your loved one is always the hardest part. You could try saying:

“I have been feeling concerned about you lately.”
“Recently, I have noticed some differences in you and wondered how you are doing.”
“I wanted to check in with you because you have seemed pretty down lately.”
Once you’re talking, you can ask questions such as:

“When did you begin feeling like this?”
“Did something happen that made you start feeling this way?”
“How can I best support you right now?”
“Have you thought about getting help?”
Remember, being supportive involves offering encouragement and hope. Very often, this is a matter of talking to the person in language that they will understand and can respond to while in a depressed state of mind.

What you CAN say that helps:
“You’re not alone. I’m here for you during this tough time.”
“It may be hard to believe right now, but the way you’re feeling will change.”
“Please tell me what I can do now to help you.”
“Even if I’m not able to understand exactly how you feel, I care about you and want to help.”
“You’re important to me. Your life is important to me.”
“When you want to give up, tell yourself you will hold on for just one more day, hour, or minute—whatever you can manage.”
What you should AVOID saying:
“This is all in your head.”
“Everyone goes through tough times.”
“Try to look on the bright side.”
“Why do you want to die when you have so much to live for?”
“I can’t do anything about your situation.”
“Just snap out of it.”
“You should be feeling better by now.”
Tip 4: Be aware of the risk of suicide
It may be hard to believe that the person you know and love would ever consider something as drastic as suicide, but a depressed person may not see any other way out. Depression clouds judgment and distorts thinking, causing a normally rational person to believe that death is the only way to end the pain they’re feeling.

Since suicide is a very real danger when someone is depressed, it’s important to know the warning signs:

Talking about suicide, dying, or harming oneself; a preoccupation with death
Expressing feelings of hopelessness or self-hate
Acting in dangerous or self-destructive ways
Getting affairs in order and saying goodbye
Seeking out pills, weapons, or other lethal objects
A sudden sense of calm after depression
If you think a friend or family member might be considering suicide, don’t wait; talk to them about your concerns. Many people feel uncomfortable bringing up the topic, but it is one of the best things you can do for someone who is thinking about suicide. Talking openly about suicidal thoughts and feelings can save a person’s life, so speak up if you’re concerned and seek professional help immediately!

What to do in a crisis situation
If you believe your loved one is at an immediate risk for suicide, do NOT leave them alone.

In the U.S., dial 911 or call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.

In other countries, call your country’s emergency services number or visit IASP to find a suicide prevention helpline.

Tip 5: Encourage the person with depression to get help
While you can’t control someone else’s recovery from depression, you can start by encouraging the depressed person to seek help. Getting a depressed person into treatment can be difficult. Depression saps energy and motivation, so even the act of making an appointment or finding a doctor can seem daunting to your loved one. Depression also involves negative ways of thinking. The depressed person may believe that the situation is hopeless and treatment is pointless.

Because of these obstacles, getting your loved one to admit to the problem—and helping them see that it can be solved—is an essential step in depression recovery.

If your friend or family member resists getting help:

Suggest a general check-up with a physician. Your loved one may be less anxious about seeing a family doctor than a mental health professional. A regular doctor’s visit is actually a great option, since the doctor can rule out medical causes of depression. If the doctor diagnoses depression, they can refer your loved one to a psychiatrist or psychologist. Sometimes, this “professional” opinion makes all the difference. Many top-rated online psychiatry platforms specialize in depression.

Offer to help the depressed person find a doctor or therapist and go with them on the first visit. Finding the right treatment provider can be difficult and is often a trial-and-error process. For a depressed person already low on energy, it is a huge help to have assistance making calls and looking into the options.

Encourage your loved one to make a thorough list of symptoms and ailments to discuss with the doctor. You can even bring up things that you have noticed as an outside observer, such as, “You seem to feel much worse in the mornings,” or “You always get stomach pains before work.”

Dr  Xavier Amador: Understanding Anosognosia (Part 2 of 12)
Dr. Xavier Amador delves into the challenges faced when a loved one refuses help, introducing the concept of anosognosia, a symptom that prevents someone from recognizing their illness.
Tip 6: Support your loved one’s depression treatment
One of the most important things you can do to help a friend or relative with depression is to give your unconditional love and support throughout the treatment process. This involves being compassionate and patient, which is not always easy when dealing with the negativity, hostility, and moodiness that go hand in hand with depression.

Provide whatever assistance the person needs (and is willing to accept). Help your loved one make and keep therapy appointments, research treatment options, and stay on schedule with any prescribed medications, such as antidepressants.

Have realistic expectations. It can be frustrating to watch a depressed friend or family member struggle, especially if progress is slow or stalled. Having patience is important. Even with optimal treatment, recovery from depression doesn’t happen overnight.

Lead by example. Encourage the person to lead a healthier, mood-boosting lifestyle by doing it yourself: maintain a positive outlook, eat better, avoid alcohol and drugs, exercise, and lean on others for support.

Encourage activity. Invite your loved one to join you in uplifting activities, like going to a funny movie or having dinner at a favorite restaurant. Exercise is especially helpful, so try to get your depressed loved one moving. Going on walks together is one of the easiest options. Be gently and lovingly persistent—don’t get discouraged or stop asking.

Pitch in when possible. Seemingly small tasks can be very hard for someone with depression to manage. Offer to help out with household responsibilities or chores, but only do what you can without getting burned out yourself!

Speak to a Licensed Therapist
BetterHelp is an online therapy service that matches you to licensed, accredited therapists who can help with depression, anxiety, relationships, and more. Take the assessment and get matched with a therapist in as little as 48 hours.

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Tip 7: Take care of yourself while helping someone with depression
There’s a natural impulse to want to fix the problems of people we care about, but you can’t control someone else’s depression. You can, however, control how well you take care of yourself. It’s just as important for you to stay healthy as it is for the depressed person to get treatment, so make your own well-being a priority.

Remember the advice of airline flight attendants: put on your own oxygen mask before you assist anyone else. In other words, make sure your own health and happiness are solid before you try to help someone who is depressed. You won’t do your friend or family member any good if you collapse under the pressure of trying to help. When your own needs are taken care of, you’ll have the energy you need to lend a helping hand.

Speak up for yourself. You may be hesitant to speak out when the depressed person in your life upsets you or lets you down. However, honest communication will actually help the relationship in the long run. If you’re suffering in silence and letting resentment build, your loved one will pick up on these negative emotions and feel even worse. Gently talk about how you’re feeling before pent-up emotions make it too hard to communicate with sensitivity.

Set boundaries. Of course, you want to help, but you can only do so much. Your own health will suffer if you let your life be controlled by your loved one’s depression. You can’t be a caretaker round the clock without paying a psychological price. To avoid burnout and resentment, set clear limits on what you are willing and able to do. You are not your loved one’s therapist, so don’t take on that responsibility.

Stay on track with your own life. While some changes in your daily routine may be unavoidable while caring for your friend or relative, do your best to keep appointments and plans with friends. If your depressed loved one is unable to go on an outing or trip you had planned, ask a friend to join you instead.

Seek support. You are NOT betraying your depressed relative or friend by turning to others for support. Joining a support group, talking to a counselor or clergyman, or confiding in a trusted friend will help you get through this tough time. You don’t need to go into detail about your loved one’s depression or betray confidences; instead, focus on your emotions and what you are feeling. Make sure you can be totally honest with the person you turn to—choose someone who will listen without interruption and without judging you.

What should you do when living with someone who has depression? Find out how you can help them while still taking care of yourself.
Depressionis more than just feeling down; it’s amental healthcondition. Depression is a disease that causes persistent feelings of sadness and negativity; it’s is not just a mood or thought process that those with depression can change or control. Many times clinical depression is due to a chemical imbalance in the brain and is not possible to control without professional help and medications. Living with a person who has depression can be difficult and often involves stresses that do not exist in most relationships.

Some people wonder how to cope with living with a depressed person. While this may initially seem challenging, there are several ways to help someone with depression:

1. Listen
An important part of therapy is getting the person with depression to discuss their difficulties and struggles. Talking about these feelings and experiences provides a way to cope with depression. While someone with depression may benefit from talking to a mental health professional, they can also benefit fromdiscussing their feelings with a friend or family member. Listening does not need to involve having any great insights or providing solutions. Simply being present and hearing their feelings and struggles can help your friend or family member more than you may realize.

2. Be Supportive
Those who wonder how to support someone with depression often underestimate how much they already help. Supporting someone with depression involves being available to talk to, spend time with and listen to your loved one

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3. Take Care of Yourself
While living with and helping someone with depression, self-care is crucial. You will be in no state to help someone with depression if you are not feeling well or are run down yourself. No one is able to constantly be there for someone else and still have time to take for themselves. Taking time to spend by yourself or with others is an important part of being able to help the person with depression.

4. Recognize Improvements
Depression is often long-term and improvements tend to be slow. By recognizing improvements — even small ones — and pointing them out, you will both encourage the other person and remind yourself realize that their efforts are paying off.

5. Don’t Make Excuses for Them
Empathy and support are vital when living with someone with depression, but they will also need encouragement to push themselves and try to help themselves improve. Depression is difficult, but it can sometimes be used as an excuse to avoid doing things that will help them to feel better.

The best person to tell what someone with depression can’t do versus what they won’t do is often the person living with them. You will be able to tell better than anyone if they genuinely can’t get out of bed all day or if they do not want to. Don’t push them too hard, but do encourage them to push themselves beyond what they want to do.

6. Educate Yourself on Depression
You will be better able to help someone with depression if youlearn moreabout it. There are several resources, both online and through doctors and hospitals, that can provide you with more information aboutwhat depression is, what causes it and how to help someone who has it. By understanding what depression is and how it makes you feel, you will be better able to empathize with someone who has it.

7. Encourage Them to Seek Help
While there are several different treatments for those with depression that can be very helpful,depression treatmentcan never begin if a person doesn’t seek help. If you have a friend or family member living with depression, encourage them to seek treatment and do what you can to help them take the first step. Without professional intervention, they will be less likely to recover from their depression.

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8. Recognize Deterioration
The most dangerous aspect of depression is the risk that it will lead to suicide. You should pay attention to when the symptoms of depression start to worsen. Recognizing the signs of an impending suicide attempt will also be important, and you will be the person who is most likely to notice these signs if you live with them.

Someone with depression who is about to attempt suicide may become suddenly more upbeat and cheerful; this is because they have made the decision to commit suicide and view this as a solution to their depressed state. Someone who is about to commit suicide may also begin giving things away, make a will, organize their affairs and talk about dying. They may also start engaging in more risky behavior or using large amounts ofalcohol or drugs. If you think there may be a risk of suicide, ask them straight up if they are considering suicide. If you think someone is suicidal, contact theNational Suicide Prevention Lifelineat 1-800-273-8255 as soon as possible.

9. Consider Support Groups
There aresupport groupsavailable for family members affected by depression. You can find depression family support groups online or in person. In-person support groups are typically more effective, but depending on your location, an online option may be more easily accessible.

Family support groupswill provide you with a supportive group of people who can help you with your unique situation and provide useful information that you can use in helping the person with depression. Support groups will help you in both your self-care and in caring for the person you live with.

Depression can often lead to substance oralcohol misuse. If your loved one is struggling with an addiction, The Recovery Village can provide them with professional treatment to overcome their addiction.Reach outto one of our team members today to learn how you can get help for your friend or family member.

Depression: Supporting a family member or friend
Help a family member or friend dealing with depression get treatment and find resources.

Helping someone with depression can be a challenge. If someone you know has depression, you may feel helpless and wonder what to do. Learn how to support and understand them and help them get the resources they need.

The more you learn about depression, how it affects people and how it can be treated, the better you'll be able help someone else.

Here's what you can do.

Learn the symptoms of depression
Depression symptoms vary from person to person. They can include:

Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness.
Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters.
Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports.
Sleeping too little or too much.
Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort.
Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased appetite and weight gain.
Physical problems that can't be explained, such as back pain or headaches.
Anxiety, restlessness or nervousness.
Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements.
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, focusing on past failures, or blaming yourself for things that aren't your responsibility.
Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things.
Frequent or repeated mention of not wanting to live, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide.
For many people with depression, symptoms can affect daily activities at work or school. Depression also can affect social activities and relationships with others. Other people may feel generally miserable or unhappy without knowing why. Children and teens may show depression by being cranky rather than sad.

Urge people to seek help
People with depression may not know or admit that they're depressed. They may not be aware of the symptoms of depression, so they may think their feelings are normal.

People often feel ashamed about their depression, mistakenly believing they should be able to overcome it with willpower alone. But depression seldom gets better without treatment and may get worse. With the right treatment, it can get better.

Here's what you can do to help:

Talk to the person about what you've seen and why you're worried about it.
Explain that depression is a health condition — not a personal flaw or weakness — and it usually gets better with treatment.
Suggest seeking help from a professional. A health care provider is a good place to start. You also could see a mental health provider, such as a licensed counselor or psychologist.
Offer to help prepare a list of questions to discuss in the first appointment with a health care provider or mental health provider.
Express your willingness to help by setting up appointments, going along to them and attending family therapy sessions.
If a person's depression is severe or potentially life-threatening, contact a health care provider, a mental health provider or emergency medical services.

Look for warning signs of worsening depression
People may experience depression in different ways. Learn how depression affects a person by watching them. Learn what to do when it gets worse.

Consider these issues:

What are the typical signs of depression?
What behaviors or language do you see when depression is worse?
What behaviors or language do you see when this person is doing well?
What triggers bouts of more severe depression?
What activities help most when depression worsens?
Worsening depression needs to be treated as soon as possible. Urge a person with depression to work with a health care provider or mental health provider to create a plan for what to do when symptoms reach a certain point, including whom to contact. In some cases, the provider may need to adjust or change medicines or recommend additional treatments.

Understand suicide risk
People with depression are at an increased risk of suicide. If a person is severely depressed, they may feel suicidal at some point. Take all signs of suicidal behavior seriously and act immediately.

Take action if needed:

Tell the person why you're worried. Ask if they're thinking about suicide or have a plan for how to do it. Having a plan means it's more likely they'll attempt suicide.
Seek help. Contact the person's health care provider, mental health provider or another health care professional. Let other family members or close friends know what's going on.
Contact a suicide hotline. Ask for advice and what resources are in your area. Or urge the person at risk to contact a hotline for counseling.
In the U.S., call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. It's available 24 hours a day, every day. Or use the Lifeline Chat. Services are free and private.
U.S. veterans or service members who are in crisis can call 988 and then press "1" for the Veterans Crisis Line. Or text 838255. Or chat online.
The Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the U.S. has a Spanish-language phone line at 1-888-628-9454 (toll-free).
Make sure the person is safe. If possible, get rid of things that could be used to attempt suicide. For example, remove or lock up firearms, other weapons and medicines.
Call 911 or your local emergency number right away if a person could harm themselves or attempt suicide. Make sure someone stays with the person at all times.
Stay alert for warning signs of suicide
Learn and stay alert for common warning signs of suicide or suicidal thoughts:

Talking about suicide — for example, making statements such as "I'm going to kill myself," "I wish I were dead" or "I wish I hadn't been born."
Getting the means to attempt suicide, such as buying a gun or stockpiling pills.
Withdrawing from social contact and wanting to be left alone.
Having mood swings, such as being emotionally high one day and deeply discouraged and irritable the next.
Being lost in thought about death, dying or violence.
Feeling trapped or hopeless about a situation.
Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs.
Changing the normal routine, including eating or sleeping patterns.
Doing risky or self-destructive things, such as using drugs or driving recklessly.
Giving away belongings or getting affairs in order when there's no reason to do this.
Saying goodbye to people as if they won't be seen again.
Having personality changes or being severely anxious or upset, particularly with some of the warning signs above.
Show support
Remember that depression isn't anyone's fault. You can't fix someone's depression, but your support and understanding can help.

You can:

Urge the person to stay with treatment. If someone is in treatment for depression, help them remember to take prescriptions and keep appointments.
Be willing to listen. Let them know that you want to learn how they feel. When they want to talk, listen carefully. But don't give advice or opinions and don't judge them. Just listening and being understanding can be powerful healing tools.
Give positive reinforcement. People with depression may judge themselves harshly and find fault with everything they do. Remind them about their positive qualities and how much they mean to you and others.
Offer help. A person may not be able to take care of certain tasks well. Suggest specific tasks you'd be willing to do. Also, ask if you can take on a particular task.
Help make their life less stressful. Creating a regular routine may help a person with depression feel more in control. Offer to make a schedule for meals, medicine, physical activity, social support and sleep, and help organize household chores.
Find helpful organizations. Many organizations offer support groups, counseling and other services for depression. For example, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, as well as employee assistance programs and many faith-based organizations, offer help for mental health concerns.
Urge them to take an active part in their faith, if faith is a part of their life. For many people, faith is an important part of recovery from depression — whether it's taking part in an organized religious community or personal spiritual beliefs and practices.
Urge the person to take self-care steps. That includes eating healthy meals, getting the right amount of sleep and being physically active.
Make plans together. Ask the person to join you on a walk, see a movie with you, or work with you on a hobby or other activity they enjoyed before. But don't try to force them into doing something.
Take care of yourself
To keep from burning out:

Ask for help. Caring for someone with depression isn't easy. Ask other relatives or friends to help. Tell them what you need.
Take steps to stay healthy. Find time for yourself. Do what you enjoy, stay physically active, check in with friends and renew your spirit.
Be patient. Depression symptoms improve with treatment, but it can take time. Finding the best treatment may require trying more than one type of medicine or treatment approach. For some people, symptoms quickly improve after starting treatment. For others, it will take longer.

What to say to someone who is going through a tough time
When someone is feeling down or going through a tough time it can be difficult to know what do do or say.

This guide is about how to listen to someone and what to say.

We have separate guides if you are:

worried about someone's mental health
supporting someone who is grieving
supporting someone through exams
helping someone with depression
supporting someone who might be suicidal
helping someone who self harms
If someone tells you they are going through something difficult
If someone tells you they are feeling low or going through a difficult time, take them seriously.

Do
give the person space to explain what they are going through

let them tell you how they feel

listen

Don't
do not reject the person's experiences and feelings

do not lessen how they feel

do not try to change their mind, how they feel or their point of view

Let them know you're listening
Show them you sympathise by saying:

"It sounds like you're dealing with a lot at the moment"
"I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling like this right now"
"I'm really glad you're sharing this with me"
Listen more than you talk
Try to hold back from offering too much advice or your own experiences.

Try and listen to their understanding and experience.

We all have different thoughts, feelings and experiences.

If someone tells you how they think or feel about something, it may be different to how you feel or view the same thing.

You might accidentally shut the conversation down if you say things like:

"You shouldn't feel this bad"
"You're over-reacting"
"It's not as bad as you think"
Avoid trying to solve their problem
It can be more important to know that someone else has heard you than to have someone suggest solutions.

Ask them if they know what they want to do next. It may help them to think about how they can help themselves.

Show them you sympathise by saying:

"That sounds tough, is there any help you can get?"
"I am sorry to hear you are going through this. What are the next steps?
"Thanks for sharing this with me, what are your options for dealing with this?"
Examples of what not to say:

"It's not that bad"
"Things will get better"
"How could you be so selfish?"
These reactions can result in the person feeling misunderstood and more isolated than ever.

Instead, listen to what they are going through.

When someone is not ready to talk
Sometimes we think people are going through a tough time, but they might not be aware of it themselves. They may not be ready to talk.

Letting the person know that you are there for them if they ever do want to talk about it can be an excellent way to show care and support.

Helpful things to say
You can encourage them to talk by saying:

"Can you tell me more about what's going on?"
"If you want to tell me more, I'm here to listen"
"I've noticed you haven't been yourself, is there anything on your mind?"
"I can see this is hard for you to open up about. It's OK to take your time. I'm not in any rush"
Focus on their feelings
Encourage the person to share how they felt emotionally about what is upsetting them.

Asking the person will not upset them more but may allow the emotions they've been holding in to be released.

Voicing painful feelings can help to reduce emotional distress.

Active listening
Use your body language to show the other person your attention is fully on them. Try to face them and not get distracted by other things such as your mobile phone or the TV.

Tips on being a good listener

Mind your own wellbeing
When worrying about someone else, it's easy to forget about yourself. But it's important to remember to look after yourself too.

Supports for carers, family and friends

More in Helping someone else
Tips on being a good listener
What to say to someone who is going through a tough time
Worried about someone's mental health
Accompanying someone to support services
Self-harm or suicidal thoughts
Supporting someone who might be thinking of suicide
How to help someone who self-harms
Depression
Helping a child or young person with depression
How to help someone with depression
Difficult life situations
Supporting someone who is grieving
Supporting someone through exams

How to help someone with depression

Key facts
If someone you know has depression, it can be hard to know how to help them.
The best thing you can do is show your support by checking in with them, listening and encouraging them to get help.
While you are supporting someone with depression, it's very important to take care of yourself too

How can I recognise the signs of depression?
If someone you know has depression, they may show some of the following signs over at least 2 weeks:

a depressed mood, such as feeling sad or hopeless
a loss of interest in activities they usually enjoy
changes to their appetite or weight
sleeping too much or too little
having negative thoughts, where everything seems overwhelming and pointless
What can I do to help someone with depression?
If someone you know has depression, it can be difficult to know how to best support them.

What you find simple may seem overwhelming to them. Below are some tips on how to support someone with depression.

First of all, it's important to understand that depression isn't something that you can simply 'snap out of'. Like any illness, depression needs treatment, and time for recovery.

The best thing you can do for someone with depression is to be there for them.

Listening
If you know someone with depression, it's important to:

check in with them
offer to talk about how they are feeling
listen to them and don't rush to give advice or judge them
take their thoughts and feelings seriously
Offering support
People with depression may find it hard to do ordinary tasks, such as:

cooking dinner
having a shower
washing clothes
attending appointments
They may also be unable to do things that they enjoy.

The person may feel like a burden to their friends and family. They may be worried about facing stigma about their illness. This can prevent them from asking for help. You can support them by:

offering to help them with practical tasks, such as taking them to appointments
offering company and distraction to take their mind off things, such as going for a walk
It's always a good idea to ask them first before helping them. This way, the person you are supporting has a choice and is not being told what to do. Remind them that:

you want to help them
they deserve support
they are not a burden
Sometimes they may reject your help, but even just offering your support and care can make a difference.

Seeking help together
A person with depression may already be receiving help from a doctor or another professional, such as a:

counsellor
psychologist or psychiatrist
If they haven't, you can encourage them to do so. The best place to start is for them to talk to their doctor. They can:

provide them with advice and support
refer them to other mental health professionals if needed
A mental health professional can:

provide them with a diagnosis
talk to them about treatments
They can also make an appointment with a psychologist or counsellor without a referral. But, seeing their doctor first means they may be able to get a Mental Health Treatment Plan. This can help cover some of the costs through Medicare.

Treatment for depression can include medicines and therapy.

Someone with depression may feel unmotivated or nervous about getting help. You can offer to find a health professional and help them make an appointment.

If you feel comfortable, you can offer to:

take them to their appointment
go in with them
The person you care for may not want to get help. If so, it might help to offer them information about what support is available.

If that doesn't work, wait. Continue to support them, and ask again later.

Supporting their recovery
People with depression may feel unmotivated to follow their treatment or recovery plan. You can help support their recovery.

Encourage them to take their medicine. It can take weeks to months for some antidepressants to be fully effective.

Some people want to stop taking medication due to unpleasant side effects, or when they feel better. They should talk to their doctor or nurse first.

Encourage them to:

do regular exercise
eat healthy food
drink less alcohol
How can I talk to someone with depression?
It can be difficult to speak to someone with a mental illness.

Before speaking to someone who has depression, ask yourself:

Am I ready — are you in a good headspace, and do you have the time?
Am I prepared — are you ready for a difficult conversation where you don't have the answers?
Have I picked a good moment — have you chosen somewhere comfortable to talk, and an appropriate time?
If you feel ready to talk, you can:

ask how they are doing
let them know your concerns and what you've noticed about their behaviour
If the person does not want to talk, you can:

let them know that they can speak to you if they ever want to
ask them if they would prefer to speak to someone else
If they do want to talk, listen openly. Don't offer advice or judgement — instead, use open questions (questions that can't be answered with a 'yes' or 'no'), such as:

How can I support you?
How do you feel about that?
I feel as though you have been doing better, what do you think about that?
What would you like to do together to take your mind off things?
Validate their feelings with responses such as 'I can hear that this has been very difficult for you'. If you don't understand something they have told you, you can ask, 'Have I understood that correctly?

How to Deal with a Depressed Partner Who Won’t Get Help

Having a partner or spouse who’s depressed can affect your relationship — especially if they won’t get help. But there are ways you can help.

Depression is one of the most common mental health conditions, affecting millions worldwide.

But knowing that others can relate to your experience is of little comfort when you’re dealing with a partner or spouse living with depression who refuses to get help.

Depression can have negative impacts if left untreated. And when one partner in a relationship is living with depression, it becomes a shared experience.

It’s a double-edged sword. On one hand, depression can take a toll on your relationship, but on the other hand, the partner with depression has the benefit of an immediate support system.

Which makes it all the more frustrating when they refuse to accept or get help.

Why is my spouse or partner refusing to get help?
This is one of the most confusing and painful questions for people in a relationship with someone living with depression.

But the answers to this question can vary quite a bit.

While there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, there are several reasons that can exist alone or in combination with others. This can include:

Denial: Some people with depression may not realize they’re depressed, the extent of their depression, or that they may need help. They may tell you that they’re fine or that what they’re experiencing is temporary.
Rationalization: Minimizing their condition because “We all get stressed” or “Everyone else deals with this too” is a common reason for not seeking help.
Lack of energy: Getting help for depression takes effort and energy, something a person living with the condition may have in short supply.
Hopelessness: This is a hallmark symptom of depression and also a reason someone might not get help. “No one can help me” or “Nothing can be done” are common sentiments for someone deeply depressed.
Embarrassment: One of the most common reasons for not getting help is the feeling of shame and embarrassment that comes with admitting you need it.
But the question of “Why won’t my partner or spouse get help?” isn’t the only one asked by people whose partners or spouses are depressed. Other common questions are:

“Don’t they want to get better?”
“Can’t they see what this is doing to us? To me?”
“Is it my fault?”
These are all valid questions. The answer to these questions may be:

Yes: Most people with depression want to experience an improvement in their symptoms. But they may not know where to start or what “better” looks like anymore. But there are some people for whom depression has sapped the desire for anything, even change.
Maybe: They may see what it’s doing to you and to your relationship, but that probably makes how they feel worse — not motivate them. Or depending on how severe the depression is, they may not be able to see beyond their own gray world.
No: Depression has deep roots. You’re not responsible for their depression, although some situations could be influencing it in some way.
How to help your depressed partner?
If your partner won’t seek treatment on their own, can you really help?

Yes. But the key here is help — not fix.

Watching someone you love live with depression can leave you feeling helpless and desperate to somehow fix things for them and ease their symptoms. It can also leave you feeling …

exhausted
sad
frustrated
So, one of the crucial things to do when helping your partner or spouse who’s depressed is to take care of yourself. You won’t be in any position to help someone else if you neglect the self-care needed to keep yourself healthy.

Helping your partner or spouse overcome depression directly is less precise. There are no magic words or techniques that will eliminate how they’re feeling and make them feel “better.”

But there are ways you can help and ensure they feel supported and loved.

Try to educate yourself about the condition. Depression can present differently in each person. The more you know about the possible symptoms and trajectory of depression, the more equipped you may be to provide the support and access to resources that may be needed. This can also help you recognize when things are getting better or worse and track your own mood.
Consider asking your partner what they need and how you can help. Although you aren’t likely to get a clear answer to this question, it’s possible that there’s something they feel would be helpful. By asking, you’re demonstrating support and caring, which is something they need. You’re also asking them to think about change and solutions, which are the opposite of how a depressed person may be thinking.
Try to reinforce the idea that you’re a team. Depression can be an isolating condition. Romantic partners are often the first line of support for someone with depression, according to a 2017 study. So, they can be crucial to recovery.
Consider discussing getting professional help without being pushy. If your partner is reluctant to get help, pushing too hard can make them double down on their refusal. Instead, talk with them gently about their symptoms and the possibility of eliminating them with the right treatment.
Try to enlist support from family and friends. This can be support for both your partner and you.
And perhaps the most important and certainly one of the most challenging things you can do is to,

Try to have patience. Depression doesn’t go away overnight, and the dial can turn slowly — very slowly. Your patience is an expression of your love and gives the support your partner needs.
What shouldn’t you do when your depressed partner refuses help?
Knowing what you should do is only half the picture.

There are also certain things that, despite their well-intentioned origin, can be counterproductive to your efforts.

Common mistakes to avoid are:

Using platitudes: “Count your blessings,” “It will all get better,” and “Don’t you know how lucky you are” are all examples of statements that can diminish their condition. They may, in fact, drive your partner deeper into their depression.
Tough love: Telling someone who’s depressed that they need to “Get over it” or that if they don’t get help, you’ll (fill in the punitive action here) is also not helpful.
Telling them what will make them feel better: You may think going to a party or getting more sleep will ease your partner’s depression symptoms, but that may not be the case. Suggesting activities and encouraging healthy behaviors may be helpful for some but not for others.
Assuming they’ll be fine and ignoring their depression: Depression, especially severe depression, doesn’t generally improve on its own. Often interventions are needed. While it might not be easy to get your partner to seek treatment, regular encouragement and an awareness of any worsening symptoms are still crucial.
Failing to give them space: You might be worried and feel you need to be with them all the time to help and keep them safe, but this may not be helpful. Your partner might need space and time to process things.
Let’s recap
It’s not uncommon for people living with mental health conditions to not seek treatment. But that doesn’t mean you can’t help or that things won’t improve.

If your partner or spouse is depressed and refuses to get help, keep in mind that you aren’t the cause of their depression. You may not be able to make them seek treatment, but there are ways you can help.

Just being there and being supportive can make a big difference, even if you can’t see it. Remember that patience is key.

Dealing with a depressed partner or spouse who won’t get help can be challenging, and it can be easy to feel discouraged. But with the right support and treatment, things can (and generally do) improve.

When You’re Worried About a Friend Who Doesn’t Want Help

It’s hard to see a friend go through a tough time with their mental health. It can be even harder when you want to help a friend who is struggling, but they won’t accept your support.

You probably hoped they would open up about their problems and get the mental health support they need, but instead, they pushed you away. Here’s what you can do when your friend isn’t open to help.

What to Say to a Friend Who Doesn’t Want Help
If your friend doesn’t want help, try not to take it personally. This is not a reflection on you or your friendship. There are many reasons why your friend might not want to talk about what they’re going through or be ready to seek help. Here are some common responses you might hear:

“I don’t know what to tell you.” Sometimes it’s hard to identify and talk about our feelings. Your friend might be uncomfortable or feel frustrated because they don’t have the words to express their feelings. You can help by sharing your own feelings — it might make it easier for your friend to open up.
“I don’t have a problem.” Your friend might get upset or angry when you mention your worries, deny what you’re bringing up, or say everything’s fine. This is normal. It takes time for someone to admit they need support. Watch for signs that they’re more open to accepting help and gently raise what you’ve noticed — this may open the door for more conversation.
“I can handle it on my own.” Your friend might feel like they should be able to handle this problem without anyone’s help. They might be ashamed that they’re struggling, or see reaching out for help as a sign of weakness. Remind them that getting help actually shows strength and bravery.
“It’s not really that bad.” Your friend might not want to feel like a burden to the people in their life. They might say their troubles aren’t serious, especially if others they care about are also going through hard times. You can try reminding them that their struggles aren’t minimized because others may be struggling too.
“You wouldn’t understand.” Your friend might feel like no one would understand or care about their struggles if they did open up about them. You can assure them that even if you don’t understand everything they’re going through, you are here for them and want to help.
“I’m just in a bad mood.” Your friend might say that whatever they’re going through is temporary and not serious. You can remind them they still deserve support, even for short-term challenges.
“Therapy is a waste of time.” Your friend might be skeptical of mental health professionals or have negative views about therapy. You can try to share resources with them about what to expect from therapy and how to get help if they have concerns about their privacy.
“It’s not worth getting help.” If your friend completely shuts down or makes comments that you or the world would be better off without them, this may actually be a sign that they are struggling with a mental illness, like persistent depression or thoughts of suicide.
Learn more about the warning signs of suicide and how to help a friend who may be feeling suicidal.

If your friend needs to talk to someone right now, text, call, or chat 988 for a free confidential conversation with a trained counselor 24/7.

You can also contact the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741-741.

If this is a medical emergency or there is immediate danger of harm, call 911 and explain that you need support for a mental health crisis.

How Can I Keep Supporting a Friend Who Doesn’t Want Help?
Don’t give up if your friend isn’t ready for help. You can continue showing up for them and gently encourage them to lean on their support network and take care of themselves.

Keep Checking In — and Having Fun
Don’t be discouraged if your friend brushes you off at first. Keep checking in on them. Remember, it’s important to come from a place of support and not judgment. What is also important is to make time to simply hang out and have fun together.

Only talking about what’s not working may reinforce difficult feelings or habits — and might push your friend away. Finding time to simply do something enjoyable together — playing a game, watching a movie, being in nature, making or enjoying art or music together — is an act of support too. Your friendship is more likely to stay healthy if you have opportunities to enjoy good times together.

Learn more about helping your friends get the support they need.

'The No Judgement Zone' - How I support my friends | Hunter McGrady interview
Know When to Get Others Involved
If you’ve tried again and again and your friend continues to ignore your concerns, it may be time for you to reach out to someone  you trust for support and guidance, such as a parent, coach, school counselor, manager at work, or mutual friend. If you do reach out to others, it does not mean you’ve failed or that you’re a bad friend. It shows you’re trying to find the most effective way to support your friend.

At first, your friend may be upset if you tell other people. This is normal, but it doesn’t mean you did the wrong thing. People who refuse help for issues like eating disorders, self-harm, or substance misuse often feel angry when a friend asks others to get involved. In some cases, friendships might even end for a while. But getting help makes sure your friend knows that they’re not alone.

Support Yourself Too
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the stress of supporting a friend who doesn’t want help, it’s important to reach out for support yourself.

Read tips on how to take care of yourself when taking care of a friend and how to help a friend reach out for support.
Reach out to your own support system to talk about what you’ve been going through.
Engage in self-care activities that you enjoy and help you feel calm and relaxed.

When Depressed Husbands Refuse Help

To the outside world, Emme lived a charmed life.  She was a successful model, creative director of her own clothing line, a television host, lecturer, and mother of a beautiful baby girl.  Only her family and closest friends knew she was actually dealing with a devastating situation that is all too familiar to wives across the country: a husband who has depression but won’t get help.

Phillip Aronson, the wonderful man she married, found himself in a downward spiral of depression, even attempting suicide at one point to escape his pain.  Phil was always an energetic partner, excited to go to work each morning either to the showroom to check on the latest graphic designs for the Emme line or to attend meetings about some new project.   He was a caring and loving father.  But as depression enveloped him, Phil “had no energy, no appetite, no drive…and this was in sharp contrast to how he usually was.  He was depriving himself of everything, and when you don’t nourish yourself —physically, intellectually, or emotionally—your body tends to shut down.”

In their book written in both their voices, Morning Has Broken, A Couple’s Journey Through Depression, Emme says, “No one knew what it was like, to be caught up in it like we were…it’s a lonely thing to be married to a man in the depths of a depression with an infant daughter at home…it was all about getting through each day.  I never felt more alone.”  Soon, Emme realized he could not even watch their daughter, Toby, and everything changed: the logistics of running the household and her ability to work.  Emme writes that every day they lost a little piece of Phil, and during the worst period, somebody needed to be with Phil at all times, “and that somebody needed to be me.”

Men and Depression

U.S. statistics state that women experience depression much more frequently than men: 1 out of every 4 to 5 women, compared to 1 out of every 8 to 10 men. However, many experts feel these statistics are simply wrong.

The consequences of untreated depression are serious and sometimes fatal. Depression is a leading cause of disability so many men can’t work. Depression also puts men at a high risk for suicide; they are four times more likely to take their lives than women.

Signs of Depression to look for in men:

Acting depressed, irritable or angry almost every day
Losing interest in pleasurable activities or hobbies
Talking of death or suicide*
Talking very negatively
Acting unreasonably, without concern for others
Abusing alcohol or drugs
Picking fights, being irritable, critical, or mean
Withdrawing from family and friends
Having trouble at work or school
Talking suddenly about separation or divorce
Complaining of aches and pains
Eating too little or too much
Sleeping too much or too little
* If someone is suicidal, treat it as a medical emergency. Call the person’s clinician, or call 911 or take him to your local hospital emergency room.

When husbands have depression, it can tear apart their marriage and family. Wives may take over and hope the problem will go away, or on the opposite end, withdraw, feeling betrayed and angry. More often, they alternate back and forth between these behaviors and emotions. Fifty percent of wives caring for a depressed husband will develop depression themselves.

The good news is that depression is highly treatable.  Once diagnosed, most people who get help report substantial relief.

The problem is that many men deny they are depressed and resist treatment (usually medication and/or talk therapy).  Their belief: depression is a woman’s disease.

Depression Affects Everyone

Dealing with a depressed husband who is in denial is not easy. But, by not addressing the issue, your husband continues to be ill or get worse, even suicidal, and you lose out as well. Depression makes men feel like they are worthless and hopeless. They can’t change how they feel without treatment. “Depression isn’t just your husband’s problem; it’s your problem and your children’s too.  Luckily, there are ways to address the issue,” Totten explains. “The top priority is to get your husband into treatment. You have to ask yourself, ‘What have I got to lose?’ You simply need to take action for everyone’s sake.”

Terrence Real, a psychotherapist and author of I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression, offers his perspective, “Women in a relationship with a depressed man feel faced with a painful dilemma.  They can either confront the man with his depression – which may further shame him – or else collude with him in minimizing it, a course that offers no hope for relief.”  He offers some strong advice to women, “You absolutely have the right, even the obligation, to put your foot down.  You have to insist on good health in your family.  It serves no one any good to back off; go to the mat on this issue.  It affects your husband and marriage, and absolutely your children.”

He reminds women, “Remember, you are still married and at one time he listened to you.  Don’t be afraid to make this a fight…this is no time to stand on ceremony.  Make a doctor’s appointment, go out to dinner afterwards, be romantic, or bribe him; whatever it takes.”

What Wives Can Do

Anne Sheffield, author of Depression Fallout,  agrees.  “Denial is very common, particularly in men.  They think depression is a sign of weakness, or someone with it is mentally defective.”  She reinforces that wives should not be accusatory and instead need to address different behaviors, like sleep problems, “It’s better not to say: I think you have depression.  He is most likely to come back with `If anyone’s depressed it’s you!’”

She points out even though men may willingly go to talk therapy, sometimes they are unwilling to take any sort of medication because of a possible loss of libido.  “He doesn’t want to be stuck with no sex drive.”  Sheffield stresses to try different or a mix of medications and “tell your husband to give it at least six weeks to work.”

How to Help Your Husband

See a doctor.  Ask your husband to see a medical professional, offer to make the appointment, and make sure to go with him or call the medical professional in advance to state his symptoms.
Reach out. Find other people to help you get your husband into treatment, including  mental health professionals such as a psychiatrist, psychologist, or social worker.
Show you care. Depressed men feel isolated in their pain and hopelessness.  Listen and sympathize with his pain.
Talk about the depression’s impact on you and your children.  Your relationship, including intimacy, household responsibilities, and finances, are also adversely affected when your husband is depressed.
Seek immediate help If at any time your husband talks about death or suicide or may be harmful to you or others, seek immediate help. Contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, Contact your doctor; go to your local emergency room, or call 1-800-suicide or 911.
What Not to Do

Men with depression are suffering from a medical condition, not a weakness of character. It is important to recognize their limitations.

Do not dismiss their feelings by saying things like “snap out of it” or “pull yourself together.”
Do not force someone who is depressed to socialize or take on too many activities that can result in failure and increased feelings of worthlessness.
Do not agree with negative views. Negative thoughts are a symptom of depression. You need to continue to present a realistic picture by expressing hope that the situation will get better.
Laura Rosen, PhD, co-author of When Someone You Love Is Depressed, says wives need to educate their husbands.  “Leave brochures out; highlight a section so he has some understanding.”  She suggests, “I’ve noticed you don’t seem yourself…it would help me if you talk about it; I’m up at night and really anxious.”   Collaborate together and then go so far as to get a consultation, get a name, and make an appointment.”

Another way to get husbands educated is to have them take an anonymous depression questionnaire, a quick screen for depression as well as for bipolar disorder and/or suicidal tendencies.

With Treatment, Relationships Return

Because depression ran in Phil’s family, Emme says, “Depression was the last thing Phil wanted to admit to.” His father’s mother had been in and out of depression for most of her life and relatives described her as ‘quirky’.  Phil’s grandmother also had a sister who was institutionalized and lived out her days in the psych unit.  Back in those days they didn’t diagnose depression by name; the ‘quirkiness’ ran in the family to include a couple of cousins as well.

Finally, Emme asked Phil’s brother, Seth, who had depression on how to help get Phil into treatment.  Ultimately, their family doctor reached out to them.  He had helped Seth get through his depression in 1986 and had been helping the family deal with Phil’s other brother, Jonathan, living with brain cancer.

It was at the end of a family session with the doctor that Seth stepped in and asked to spend time on what was going on with Phil.  It was almost like an intervention.  Emme says, “We all turned to Phil and said, ‘We love you, you’re here.  You are clearly depressed.”  They left Phil in the room with the doctor to discuss it. This was the beginning of Phil facing his depression through a combination of talk therapy and medication.

But this was not yet the happy ending.  Emme threw herself into being Phil’s caregiver, even at times explaining to his doctor the status of treatment, symptoms and behavior.  She offers concrete suggestions to other wives: learn everything you can about the illness; get a clear, medicine container to keep track of daily dosages when it is too overwhelming for your husband, make a chart listing his moods.  Her biggest suggestion is to carry around one notebook at all times dedicated to your spouse’s treatment.  She also suggests telling well-meaning friends and family to keep their private feelings about therapy and medication to themselves.  Phil eventually had to turn to ECT (Electro-Convulsive Therapy), and is now recovered.  Emme says, “It was our last resort and it was a lifesaver.”

Most importantly, Emme’s message is one of hope and survival.  “My story is just one of many that are happening every day around the world.”  Although their heavenly life turned into a living hell, Emme and Phil, along with untold other couples, conquer depression together and look forward to a new beginning in their relationship.

Five Ways to Help Someone With Depression
Knowing how depression works can help you better support loved ones who are struggling.

If you’ve never experienced clinical depression, it is hard to understand what it is like. Well-intentioned people will say things like, “just think positive,” or “just snap out of it.” Though they may not say it out loud, some people think a person with depression is just being lazy, or just trying to get attention. However, major depressive disorder is a serious psychological condition.


Before I became a clinical psychologist, I experienced a depressive episode after a divorce. The depression completely hijacked my thinking and feelings, and I even seriously contemplated suicide. A family member encouraged me to seek psychotherapy, and it really helped. This is what inspired me to become a psychologist, and I eventually became a board-certified clinical psychology professor. Through my research, writing,  and international speaking, one of my personal life missions is to validate people’s struggles and walk with them on the path to recovery from depression.

If you know someone who seems depressed, it can be very difficult to understand, and it can be hard to know what to do. With more knowledge about how depression works, you’ll be in a better position to offer the most helpful support.

Understanding clinical depression
Depression is the second most common mental health issue (behind anxiety) and affects almost all human beings on the planet, who either suffer from it themselves or witness a friend or family member go through it.

Everyone has ups and downs, but clinical depression is debilitating, affecting the ability to do even the most simple daily tasks. People who have never experienced it often don’t realize how different it is from just “feeling blue” or being sad. You can’t just “cheer up” or watch a funny movie and feel better right away.

For clinical depression, you feel significantly sad for at least two weeks, and it can go on for months or years. Your range of emotions becomes constricted. You lose your ability to feel pleasure from the things and activities you used to enjoy. As the depression worsens, you may even lose the ability to feel anything at all. Despite being exhausted, you may wake up at 3 a.m. and have trouble falling back asleep. Or you may sleep 14 hours a day but still feel tired, because depression interferes with your natural sleep cycle. Memory and concentration problems become increasingly noticeable.

Of course, there are degrees of depression. In mild cases, you may still be able to function, but you feel down much of the time and don’t get much enjoyment out of life.

Serious depression literally changes your brain and how it perceives in three ways, which psychiatrist Aaron Beck called the “cognitive triad.” You develop a negative view of yourself (“I am worthless”), a negative view of the world (“No one cares about me”), and a negative view of the future (“Things will only get worse”).

These thinking styles matter. That’s because individuals with a negative view of self believe they are terrible people, they cannot do anything right, and they are inherently flawed. They often also feel strong guilt for their faults, real or perceived. Those with a negative view of the world feel they cannot trust anyone, and that no one will ever help them. They may believe that the whole world is “going to hell in a handbasket,” and that it is not a safe place.

A negative view of the future, or a sense of foreshortening of your future, leads to a feeling of hopelessness, which can be an important indicator of how depressed a person is. If they can tell you about all the plans they have for their life—the places they want to go, the people they want to see, and what they want to be doing five, 10, or 20 years from now—they are probably not very depressed. On the other hand, if they have trouble imagining tomorrow, or even five minutes from now, they are probably deeply depressed.

This is why suicide starts to become an attractive option. When people feel horrible about themselves, see everything in the world as going to hell, and can’t imagine a future where things are better, the idea of not feeling anything at all starts to become alluring. Sadly, this is more likely to happen as the depression just begins to lift and the person gets more energy, but hasn’t yet let go of the cognitive triad. In deep depression, a person can become immobilized, where not only moving but even thinking can feel like it takes too much energy.

What you can do to help
Active depression is definitely something people need help moving through, because they lose their motivation. Sad feelings, negative perceptions, exhaustion, and withdrawal from activities lead to a downward spiral. The more depressed they feel, the less they want to be around people, the less they want to do things that used to be fun, the less they want to do anything, the more depressed they feel, which makes them even less likely to engage with life.

Knowing how bad depression feels, people don’t want to acknowledge that it could be happening. It is crucial to notice when depression is starting, so active steps can be taken to pull out of it before sliding down into a pit of despair. Here are some ways you can offer support as a friend or family member.

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1. Encourage them to seek professional help. People who suffer from chronic depression may not even realize that they don’t have to feel that way. Since depression makes people think things will never get better, they often don’t bother to seek help. The best thing you can do is patiently but firmly encourage someone with depression to seek professional help. There are a wide variety of effective psychotherapy approaches for the treatment of depression. Encourage the person to look for someone they feel a connection with so that they will be motivated to stick with treatment.

There are also a number of good medication options, so encourage the person to seek out a consultation with their primary care provider or a psychiatrist. Their provider may also recommend light therapy, which can help “awaken” the brain if they suffer more often from depression during the shorter days of winter.

A medical checkup is also important. Sometimes there are underlying issues like hypothyroidism, sleep apnea, vitamin D deficiency, or medication side effects. For example, I once had a client who was doing all the right things in therapy but not getting better, and she discovered that depression was a potential side effect of the beta-blocker she was on. She had a very difficult time withdrawing from the medication, but when she did, her depressive symptoms began to lift almost immediately.

2. Help them get moving. Aside from the medical aspects, the most important thing in the treatment of depression is “behavioral activation,” which basically means to get moving—both literally (as in exercising or just getting out of the house) and metaphorically (as in moving toward something you value, like family, career, or spirituality). This can be challenging to do, as nothing feels very important when you are depressed.

Normally, if you don’t feel like doing something, you choose not to do it. But in depression, you don’t feel like doing much of anything. You have to decide to do it anyway, and know that you may not feel any better after doing it. It can take a while for the feelings to catch up.

Since the person will not feel like doing anything, encourage them to break tasks down into smaller pieces. For example, I once worked with a man who was overwhelmed by how messy his house was. I suggested that cleaning out a desk drawer might be a good start to get moving. He immediately said, “The problem is, it will just get dirty again.” This is very typical depressive thinking, but it is like saying, “Why bother eating? I’ll just get hungry again.” The point is to just get moving, despite what our thoughts and feelings may be telling us.

3. Offer validation and encouragement. As noted earlier, people with depression tend to think very negatively. It can be frustrating to figure out how to respond to these negative thoughts. The most important thing is to avoid the temptation to argue with them. If you try to tell them to just cheer up, or think positive, or see the bright side, their brains will likely only fire back with more negative thoughts.

The best thing to do is acknowledge the thoughts and remain encouraging. Here are some examples.

If they say, “I don’t want to see a doctor. It won’t do any good,” you can reply, “I know your brain is telling you it won’t do any good, but things are not getting better. You have to do something different since what you are doing is not working.”

If they say, “I’m just worthless,” you can say, “I know that’s how you feel right now, but that’s the depression talking. I love you, and I am here for you.”

Of course, thoughts of suicide are the hardest to hear from someone you care about. It may be helpful to say something like this:

“When you are depressed, you feel terrible about yourself, you think the world is an awful place, and it feels like things will never get better. To your mind, things probably seem pretty hopeless. I’ll bet the thought of not feeling anything probably feels pretty attractive to you right now. However, the real problem is that you are depressed. Depression hijacks your thinking. People who are depressed tell themselves they are no good, and they feel like things will never get better. If you can hang in there a little while, and postpone the permanent solution of escape through suicide, there are proven treatments for depression, and I’ll help you find someone to talk to.”

Of course, you should seek professional help if someone is seriously suicidal, and you may even need to take them to the emergency room. If you’re not sure what to do, there is a free service called the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at suicidepreventionlifeline.org or 1-800-273-8255.

4. Foster social support. Numerous studies have shown that social support helps prevent and moderate the effects of depression. Since a big problem with depression is getting lost in the negative thoughts in your own mind, being around other people helps to refocus the mind on more important things, and can remind the person that they are so much more than their depression.

Of course, the problem is they won’t feel like being around other people, so do your best to gently encourage them to go out and do things with people. The hardest part is getting moving, but they will often acknowledge later that they were glad they went. It is ideal if they have close friends and family members to do things with, or a supportive group like a spiritual community. However, even getting out and taking a walk or going to the park with someone can be helpful.

While it is helpful to listen to their struggles with depression, don’t be afraid to talk about other subjects. One of the goals is to awaken other parts of the person’s brain so their only identity is not that of a “depressed person.”

5. Take care of yourself. Lastly, be sure to take care of yourself. People with depression can be very challenging to be around, even for the most loving and well-intentioned person. Since these disorders hijack people’s thinking patterns, their ongoing negativity and pessimism can be hard to deal with. Progress can also be very slow for someone with depression. Even with professional help, it may take weeks or months to show improvement, so great patience is required.

Make sure you remind yourself of the things you are grateful for in your own life. Seek out your own support from family members and friends. Engage in fulfilling hobbies. Make sure you get enough rest.

You can provide support, but clinical depression is a serious disorder that requires professional help. It can be very difficult to see someone you love suffer, but if you don’t take care of yourself, you may begin to get overwhelmed yourself, which will not help anyone.