Volume E Chapter 2

Volume E Chapter 2

[At last, Hikigaya Hachiman makes up his mind.]

So as to not disturb Komachi who was in the midst of her studying, I crept out of the kotatsu and returned to my own room. Looking at the digital clock beside my bed, I realized that it was still early. Though I felt that I had spent an eternity in the park, the truth was that not much time had passed at all. Then, the reason for why it felt that long was probably due to my fatigue, or perhaps from the sense of futility.

Although it was a little late to be contacting others now, it shouldn’t be too bad if I did it via text. Furthermore, the recipient of said text message can respond at their own leisurely pace. Their obligation to reply could be easily solved with a one-line like, “I slept”, “didn’t notice it”, “phone out of juice” and the like. Regarding this point, the recent messaging apps are really a pain. If I didn’t reply after reading it, stuff like, “Hikigaya blue-ticked me!” “What a jerk” , “This happens quite often with him”, “I know, right?” would spread quickly. Since a long time ago, I have also been subjected to this via SNS. Since the SNS site would display the login time, I have been interrogated with questions like “You are obviously online on SNS, why the heck didn’t you reply me?!”

What the heck is this Big-brother society? Super scary, if you ask me. Are they all Hiratsuka-sensei? Seriously scary.

In any case, the current popular trend amongst the general public was the messaging apps. However, I wasn’t going to use what had already become a core necessity of current students. Instead, I begin to hit away at the screen, sending out a text message in the old, traditional way.

However, text messages were troublesome things.

Without the heating from the kotatsu, I wrapped the blanket about myself, and making use of fingers that had grown numb from the cold, begin to enter my text message bit by bit, hitting the screen one finger at a time. By the time I sent the text message, more than 10 minutes had already passed.

“Give me Hayama’s contact.”

It was just 4 words, yet why did it take me so long to type this message?

The reason was obvious.

Be it a messaging app or a text, what’s sent cannot be taken back. If it was something that is said verbally, one could still gloss over it with some appropriate follow-ups. In the case of text messages however, there is a history of what is sent, which is what makes it so scary. You can’t see your partner’s expression, so you don’t know whether you should follow up with another text or not.
Hence, I had to take more time to ensure that there was nothing weird in the contents. However, despite spending so much time checking, there were still times where I would look at the sent records and be like, “Argh, I knew I shouldn’t have sent it like this.”

After looking at the dull and cold text that I sent, I sighed. Then the mobile phone that I was still holding in my hand vibrated. Compared to the amount of time I spent sending the message, the reply took only a few seconds to reach me.

The reason, was obvious.

“Why?”

Just one word.

Well, such a short message would of course only take a few seconds to type and send.

However, I didn’t think it was enough to just reply to this one word question.

As I was contemplating over how to phrase my explanation, my phone vibrated once more. I thought that it was yet another text but upon inspection, seems like it was an incoming call. The display indicated that it was「☆★Yui☆★」.

As I thought about how strange it was someone to call me immediately after dropping a text, I pressed the reply call button.

“…..Hello.”

“Ah, Hikki?”

From the speakers, I could hear her cheerful voice as well as some background noise. It would appear that she was currently outside.

Even so, no matter how many times I listened to Yuigahama’s voice over the phone, I couldn’t get used to it. I took a breadth so as to stabilize my voice.

“Ah. …..I mean, why the call all of a sudden?”

Just keep using texts damn it. It would totally be fine that way. I mean, don’t scare a person who’s totally not used to answering calls at all?

As I thought so, I could hear an unhappy sigh coming from her.

“Because, Hikki, texts are slow!”

“Ah, yes. Indeed, whoops, my bad.”

I am sorry for that. I just apologized involuntarily.

……But then again, you know.

If you think about it, that thing, about sending texts to girls, you have to think about a lot of things before hitting send, right? For example, thinking about what sort of wording to use to not gross them out, thinking about whether replying too quickly would make you a creep. Maybe they would also find you creepy if you go and start texting them about anything under the sun. During junior high, I would text them asking about the scope of the test though I already knew it. Just thinking about it creeps me out so much that I want to die.

I really want to know more about the oddities of the maidens’ hearts……

“Anyway, you wanted Hayato-kun’s number? I am not really sure whether I should just give it to you……”

From the phone, I thought I could hear Yuigahama troubled voice as she thought about it.

“Well, he knows my number. I told him once. It’s just that I forgot to ask him for it.”

“Is that so?......”

Yuigahama’s reply came a little later. I wondered if that was a hint of admiration or just mere surprise at my request to know Hayama’s contact.

“But then, why now, of all times?”

It was an extremely normal question after her sigh. Ah, what’s with all the whys. Are you the Vivian Hsu of the Black Biscuit era? [1]

“Why, you ask? Hmm, well…… there’s something I would like to tell him.”

Even I myself thought that my answer felt a little dubious. Hikigaya Hachiman trying his hardest to talk to Hayama Hayato. Not to mention that he is not trying to do it in school, but going the trouble to talk to him over the phone. It was only natural for people to wonder what on earth I want with him. Rather than give that unnatural reason, perhaps it would’ve been better for me to say something like, “I want to get his number so I can sell it to telemarketers.”

Yuigahama seemed to be contemplating something as she kept her silence. As though unsatisfied with my answer, she would occasionally cough now and then whilst waiting for my reply. Then, Yuigahama spoke, saying something that was unexpected and had no relevance to the subject at hand.

“Hmm…… Ah, well then, what about this. Right now, Yukinon and I are having dinner. Why not come along, Hikki?”

                        X                                         X                                        X

I cycled through the streets in the night for about 10 minutes.

I had just gotten out of the shower a while ago, but now my body was freezing all over again. When I return home, I want to soak myself in the bath (Komachi-flavored) again…… As I entertained such thoughts in my head, I soon found arriving before a familiar looking building.

Near the entranceway, there was a family restaurant that served Chinese cuisine with a peach marking. Going up to the second floor, I soon found myself looking at the person who had called me over here, separated by just a piece of glass.

Yuigahama, and Yukinoshita.

As soon as I entered the store, they quickly noticed me and waved their hands about energetically.

“Oh, Hikki. Yahallo!”

“Good evening.”

“S’up.”

Returning their greetings light-heartedly, I approached the two of them.

Yuigahama and Yukinoshita were seating at a table meant for four. ……But then, why were the two of them seating next to each other? Are you two lovers? Thanks to that, that meant that I could only take a seat opposite them.

After sitting down, I rang the bell to call for the waitress. I didn’t even bother to open the menu as I quickly placed my orders with the waitress who had rushed over.

“Ramen and fried rice, as well as a drink bar. Oh, I don’t want the soup that comes with the fried rice.” Because both the ramen soup and that soup had about the same flavor anyway…… The waitress seem to know what I mean, and without questioning my order, left quickly with my order.

Yuigahama, who was sitting directly opposite me, let out a gasp of surprise.

“Whoa… You are really used to this place.”

“Well, I guess. When you reach my level, you will become a professional loner at any family restaurant. No matter which type of family restaurant you go to, you won’t have any trouble ordering.”

“And what do you suppose the family in family restaurant mean?”

Yukinoshita pressed her temples as though she had a bad headache. Eh? No you see, it’s er, because of that, umm, precisely because you are alone, so you learn to order quickly so as not to interrupt other families. Hachiman thinks that Yukinoshita-san should use this opportunity to pick up this skill as well.

However, Yukinoshita seem to be spending more time together with Yuigahama than by herself, so maybe I don’t have to worry about that after all. Today, she probably went to somewhere in Chiba and had fun before returning home as well. Yuigahama probably wanted to use this opportunity as an excuse to stay-over at Yukinoshita’s house.

There wasn’t any issue with that. I hope the two of them would keep being on good terms with each other. The real problem is the reason I was dragged out here to this happy happy☆time with the two of them.

“…… Come to think of it, why did you call me out?”

Just at this moment, my order came. Over the frothing ramen, I snuck a glance at Yuigahama, and saw her looking down as she gave her reply.

“Ah, un, about that, I thought that it would be better to do it in the proper order.”

“Order?”

I looked up whilst slurping my ramen, and saw her Yuigahama gave a shy smile as she puffed out her chest.

“Yup! So, I think I will give a call to Hayama? Then, Hikki will take the call from me. Then, you will ask him for his number. This way, it doesn’t have to be so sneaky. Isn’t that nice?”

Yuigahama laughed happily, seemingly pleased with her own suggestion.

However, I have absolutely no idea why she came up with such a suggestion. In short, I don’t understand. [2]

Argh, why must it like this. It would be great if you could just give me his number the normal way…… As I sat there, partially astounded at the way things turned out, I noticed Yukinoshita shaking her head. Seems like she doesn’t agree with her either.

“…… As of now, we still have no idea about Hayama’s situation. We shouldn’t just call him whenever we want to.”

Eh? That’s what you think? Shouldn’t you be questioning over the pointless ‘order’ that Yuigahama proposed? Well, though I certainly thought this way, I couldn’t disagree with Yukinoshita’s chain of thoughts.

“……That’s true. It’s best if we avoid contact with Hayama.”

Exactly. What if Hayama was currently out with his friends right now? If he receives a call from one of the stars of the rumor, Yui, just this incident alone would provoke another outbreak of fresh rumors about this ‘interesting’ event as others would call it. If it was just Tobe, it would still be fine as he’s quite considerate. However, there were people like that virgin, frivolous idiot Ooka within Hayama’s group of friends. Although Ooka himself probably bears no malice, he would probably end up talking about this piece of gossip when chatting with others, and in the hopes of making it more interesting, twist the rumor and cause a huge ruckus.

That’s why it was better to just talk to him directly in school. However, the truth is that it was really quite personal to talk to someone else over the phone, and doing it through the medium of such a personal device, the other party might suspect you have some ulterior motive.

With the two of us objecting to her plan, Yuigahama looked somewhat displeased.

“Is that so, maybe that is so indeed…… Then, let’s try sending a text first before calling.”

“Erm, wouldn’t it be just fine if you just texted him? Can’t we just do that?”

I asked her that because I still thought that the action of calling him was somewhat extra. Yuigahama tilted her head and gave me a vague smile in return.

“Unn……  Well, some people don’t like that. It’s still better to give them a heads-up!”

“Don’t you think it would feel weird for the other party to receive a text all of a certain, asking them to give someone else their contact?”

Yukinoshita seemed to agree with Yuigahama’s words. She nodded her head in consent, whilst brushing away the hair at her shoulders as she spoke. She spoke those words with a hint of revulsion and disgust. She was probably remembering something like that from the past.

To us high-schoolers, things like mobile phones have already surpassed being just a mere communication device.  Although personal information is highly valued in itself, but the current way of thinking is of course, more than just that. For high-schoolers, it is also a means for displaying their personal connection, a means of showing their popularity and of course, a way of adorning their own status.

Consider for example, Hayama and Yukinoshita, Yuigahama as well as all others who were either attractive or had high social status. There was certainly value in possessing their contact information. Be it having been asked for it a lot, or being secretly spread throughout the school, these were surely troublesome things that they had encountered quite a fair bit.

“…… I see. It can’t be helped then. Then, although it’s quite a bother, but let’s do it that way then.”

“Okay.”

When I said that, Yuigahama seemed relieved and nodded her head, and proceeded to fiddle about with her mobile phone without delay. She was probably searching for Hayama’s contact to drop him a text.

As I watched her fiddling about, I had a sudden thought.

“Ah that guy, sure is trouble.”

I said it out without giving it any thought. Then, both of them froze in mid-air. Even Yuigahama’s extremely fast-moving fingers had stopped moving as well.

“……”

“……”

Both Yuigahama and Yukinoshita stared at me. With my eyes, I silently asked them, “What’s the problem?” My gaze met with Yuigahama’s and she let out a troubled laugh.

“Un, …… Hikki, is usually a huge problem himself too.”

“Wait, did you just say something mean about me?”

Even Yukinoshita was now shaking her head and sighed loudly.

“Hayama-kun probably doesn’t want to be called that by you.”

“Yup, in fact, he probably doesn’t want to be called anything by you.”

However, what both of them said makes sense. The fact that both Hayama and I were troublesome existences. Also, this troublesome part of ours lies in the same place as well.

How we interact with others.

On this point alone, we were unable to see eye to eye.

Moreover, I felt that how he and I dealt with it were different to the extremes. Even we refuse to try and understand each other.

As I thought about these, Yuigahama’s mobile phone rang. She took a glance at the display, and in the next instant, her expression changed to a scowl.

“Ah, sorry, so it’s mama who’s calling.”

Saying that, she stood up quickly.

“Hello. Yup, it’s me. Yup, I am done eating.”

As she said that, she began to walk away from the table and towards the exit.

Having your conversation with your mother being overheard by someone in your grade would be something quite embarrassing, I suppose. I know that all too well. I remember that I would blow my top easily during my rebellious age. During that time, my father would try and sing to me the Jacknife song [3], pretend to be the Chiba’s version of Ozaki Yutaka [4] or singing Lullaby of a Jagged Heart [5] amongst other things to try and get me to calm down.

I shifted my gaze from Yuigahama back to the table. At about the same time, Yukinoshita shifted her gaze back to the table as well and our eyes met.

As soon as our eyes met, Yukinoshita seemed somewhat embarrassed, gave a small cough and slightly averted her eyes from mine.

Then, her gaze settled once more on me.

“What did you speak with Hayama about today?”

The look in her eyes now seemed slightly different from below. It seemed like there was some urgency in it.

Originally, I had asked those two to go out and enjoy themselves so that I could have a good chat with Hayama. Her wanting to know the results was understandable.

However, the outcome of our talks was nothing worth noting. In fact, it was more of a hindrance then anything. However, there was nothing to gain by lying. Hence, I shrugged my shoulders and told her honestly.

“Well…… He didn’t say anything that would help in solving the problem.”

That said, he did say a lot of other useless stuff though.

What he told me was honestly unhelpful. In fact, he didn’t even give me a way or a method to go about solving it.

It couldn’t even be called a conversation. It was more of us just spouting words on our word, telling it to some unknown person.

Even if I were to tell her some fragments of our conversation, she probably wouldn’t understand. I, and probably Hayama as well, didn’t understand it either.

That’s why, I only told her the gist of the outcome. Even so, this was probably enough for her. She placed her hand under her chin and began to think.

“I see……”

I nodded my head slightly, and Yukinoshita sighed lightly before continuing.

“Maybe I should be the one to talk to me……”

She spoke with her head lowered, with a voice so soft it was barely audible. However, I wouldn’t allow the contents to just go unheard. Hence, my mouth opened, and before I knew it, an admonishing tone came out from it.

“Isn’t this totally different from what you said just now? The person at the center of the rumors is not just Yuigahama, but you as well. Approaching Hayama as and when you like now is not a good idea at all.”

“……I see. ……Precisely because it’s like that now, that’s why, I.”

Yukinoshita remained looking downwards, and her shoulders slumped dejectedly. From this action alone, I could tell that she spoke those words, knowing full well the meaning behind them.

In other words, she wanted to bear the brunt of the rumors and focus them all onto herself.

Currently, there were several rumors surrounding Hayama Hayato. For example, Yukinoshita Yukino was currently dating him or that Yuigahama Yui was the one dating him. Also, there were rumors that it was about the several female relations that Hayama had, how unrest were brewing between them, and was about to erupt into a full-blown war, etc etc.

It was because that there were so many versions of the rumor that it appeared vague. What was even more ironic was the fact that because there was no definite version of it, because there were continual emphasis on parts of the rumors that could not be verified, it was impossible to know who actually suffered any definite amount of damage.

Despite that, it wasn’t really a big problem in itself, there were lots of other bad-mouthing and insults that I wanted to shut my ears to.

Because the rumors were vague, it resulted in others willfully adding oil to the fire, resulting in this current state.

Hence, all three of them, Hayama, Yukino and Yui were unable to take any action. If any of them took any big action, it would establish the rumors right away. For example, a big move would be something like trying to explain or deny the rumors. Then, if we were to continue to talk about what kind of reaction would occur, that would all too easy to guess.

That is, curiosity would turn into attack. Because they are desperate to hit the bull’s eye. Because they think you are coming up with excuses to hide your guilty conscience. Because they think that if there is nothing to hide, you would be facing the rumors confidently. So and so forth. They would selfishly bring out all sorts of meaningless logic to challenge you and that’s when the flaming begins.

If more scandalous juicy gossip were to get out, people’s interest would change in a heartbeat. Their focus would focus solely on the person alone, and relieve the pressure on others.

That was probably what Yukinoshita intended to say.

However, I cannot allow her to use such a method. At the very least, I will not allow someone who had previously rejected my way of doing things, to do the exact same thing herself.

“Rejected.”

Hearing my say that, Yukinoshita finally raised her head.

“…… I thought you would say something like that.”

Then, she let slip a chuckle. Her face no longer had the weak expression from before, but the same determined smile like always.

“It’s alright. I was just thinking of a last resort, that’s all.”

“If that’s really the case, it’s alright then I guess.”

“Hmm…..But still, if this situation were to continue on, I don’t really mind……”

As she said that, she looked on worriedly towards the door. It would appear that Yuigahama had just finished talking with her mother. She noticed Yukinoshita looking at her, waved her hand and started walking towards us.

A few days ago, Yukinoshita had, using her past experiences, warned Yuigahama that she was in danger of being badmouthed behind her back. Truth be told, I too, witnessed a small portion of it during physical education class.

Hence, Yukinoshita was in a rush to resolve the problem. That was probably why she said that just now. The look in which she used to look at Yuigahama was gentle and kind. It was full of love and affection too. Yuigahama would sometimes have that sort of look in her eyes as well. Though the two of them look so different from one another, they did have something in common. I couldn’t help but smile.

It was probably my smile that unsettled her. Yukinoshita threw me a sharp glare.

“……What?”

“N, nothing. Come to think of it, about that, I think it’s still better for me to talk to Hayama.”

I quickly tried to cover my slip up, and Yukinoshita looked at me blankly.

“Is it? …… But you, can you actually hold a conversation?”

“I can hold a conversation. Hey, don’t look at me like that. I am a native speaker too! Pronunciation, vocabulary and grammar are no issue for me. I just don’t have confidence in getting my point across.”

“Isn’t that the most important……”

She retorted with a mean-spirited sarcasm, and laughed whilst having a look of amazement on her face.

However, I didn’t say that twisted logic of mine for no reason. I said it, because, I saw a glimmer of hope when I looked at both Yukinoshita and Yuigahama.

Even if we were completely differently, but as long as there was a portion of our core that was the same, then there definitely existed something between us that could be mutually understood.

That being the case, even if we two could not be like these two, then at the very least, the both of us could engage in conversation. Even though there were other things wrapping around our core, kindness and troublesome things were entirely different.

As I had such thoughts, Yuigahama had already returned. Just like before, she took her seat next to Yukinoshita.

“Sorry sorry. I will drop Hayama a text now.”

“Ah, there’s no need.”

Hearing me say that, Yuigahama blinked in surprise.

“Huh, why?”

“Come to think of it, I am not used to making phone calls. I can’t even see the other party’s expression. …… That’s why, I think I will talk to him face-to-face.”

I took out a 1000 yen note from my wallet and placed it on the table. The two of them were probably going to head to Yukinoshita’s condominium after this. I guess I will take my leave from this place then.

I stood up from my seat, and just then, Yukinoshita laughed mischievously.

“I didn’t think you had that sort of laudable character where you actually observe other’s expression.”

“You didn’t know? A huge part of communication lies in things other than just words. In other words, the person’s eyes and attitude are very important.”

“No wonder you are that bad in communication then.”

Having heard my answer, Yukinoshita made her reply coolly, as she brought the teacup to her lips. Oi, I am pretty sure I know what you mean. You are making fun of my dead-fish eyes, aren’t you?

As I glared at her with my rotten eyes, Yuigahama was humming, seemingly contemplating something as well. Then, as though she thought of something, she stared at me.

“…… Do, do you mean, extrasensory perception?”

Nope.

                        X                                        X                                           X

After leaving the store, I begin to think about all sorts of things as I cycled slowly back to my house.

About the rumors. About Hayama. About them, about me.

I still didn’t understand anything about them.

I still didn’t have enough experience to get an answer out of them.

Even so, what about him then.

Somehow, I had managed to accumulate some sort of experience, and thought the answer appeared vague, but I did indeed see it. The relationship between us. It was already quite a problem to define it with just classmates and acquaintances. However, the term ‘friend’ didn’t fit the bill at all. Our relationship weren’t great at all and there were too many instances where we refuse to give way to one another.

However, saying that he was unrelated hit a little too close to home.

Hence, if I had to say it. It would be, comrade.

Perhaps this word would be more fitting to describe him.

Comrades that have something in common, but different altogether.

This being the case, him and I, Hikigaya Hachiman and Hayama Hayato, would surely have some room for conversation.

A conversation that I had given up a long time ago. Because I was so sure that we could not understand each other.

However, it was wrong of me to try and understand. Because there wasn’t the need for mutual understand nor to understand.

There was no mutual understanding between me and him, only advantages and disadvantages. [6]

What was needed wasn’t a conversation, but a reconciliation. [7] Both of us should negotiate with one another in order to reach an agreement.

If that is so, I would have to choose an appropriate place, think about what sort of terms I should mete out, and think about what I want from him.

In a place where both of us could not run away, in a situation where both of us could not look away. I would be sure to get to the heart of the matter with clear and precise words.

In doing that, this would probably be the first time, where both he and I could engage in a proper discourse.

_____________________________________________________________________________________
[1] Vivian Hsu – Taiwanese celebrity, who is famous for her works in both TW and JP. Black Biscuits here refer to the Japanese dance band she was in, and in one of her songs, Timing, there is a line which goes (Lit: Why why why)
[2] From the LN: (…さっぱりわからん。略してさぱらん。) Saparan is the catchphrase for Rose, one of the characters from Tales of Zestiria, the 15th installment of the Tales Series. (JRPG)
[3] It’s a song… somhow… from the Japanese band DOSE.
[4] Famous Japanese Musician. (November 29, 1965 – April 25, 1992)
[5] The character song of Kamigamo Jun from "Natsu no arashi"
[6] WW’s Homonyms part 1: Understanding (理解;rikai)pros-and-cons (利害;rigai)
[7] WW’s Homonyms part 2: Conversation (会話; kaiwa) reconciliation(講和;kouwa)