Host: Let's meet contestant number one
He's a schizophrenic, serial killer clown
Who says women love his sexy smile.
Let's find out if his charm will work on Sharon
Sharon, what's your question?

Sharon: Contestant number one,
I believe first impressions last forever.
So let's say you were to come over to my parents' house
And have dinner with me and my family.
Tell me what you would do to make
that first impression really stick.

Contestant #1: Let's see, hmm, well, I'd have to think about it
I might show up in a tux (HA!), but I doubt it
I'd probably just show up naked like I always do
And look your momma in the eye and tell her "FUCK YOU!!!"
Hurry up bitch, I'm hungry, I smell spaghetti
I'd pinch her lumpy ass and tell her "Get the food ready!"
Your dad'll start tripping and get me pissed
I'd have to walk up and bust him in his fucking lips!
It's dinner time, we hearing grace from your mother
I pull a forty out and pour some for your little brother
I'm steady starin' at your sister, I'll tell you this,
"You know, for only thirteen, she got some big tits."
After that, your dad'll probably jump again
But only this time, I'd put the forty to his chin
After your mom does the dishes and the silverware
I'd dry-fuck her till I nut in my underwear

Host: Now, let's meet contestant number two
He's a psychopathic, deranged, crackhead freak
Who works for the Dark Carnival.
He says women call him stretch nuts.
Sharon, let's hear your question

Sharon: I like a man who's not afraid to show his true emotions,
A man who expresses himself in his own special way.
Number two, if you fell in love with me
Exactly how would you let me know?

Contestant #2: First thing, I could never love you.
You sound like a richie-bitch, yeah, FUCK YOU!!!
But if I did, I'd probably show you that I care
By taking all these other mother fuckers outta here
I'd go through your phone book, and whack 'em all
And find contestant number one and break his fucking jaw
Contestant #1:WHAT?!
Contestant #2: Anyone who looked at you, would have to pay
I'd be blowin' fucking nuggets off all day
I'd grab your titties and stretch em down past your waist
Let em go, and watch em both spring up in your face
I'd sing love songs to you, the best I can
Get you naked, and hit it like a CAVEMAN!!!
When we go to the beach and walk through the sand
I throw a little in your face and say "I'm just playin'"
As you spit it all out, I'd rub your back
And grab your underwear and WEDGE IT UP YOUR ASS CRACK!

Host: Well it sounds like contestant number two
Is just over-flowing with sensitivity, Sharon
It's a tough choice so far.
Sharon, let's have your last question and
See which one is going to win the rights to your neden

Sharon: Okay, if we were at a dance club, and you both noticed me at the
same time. Tell me, how would you each get my attention, and what would
your pick up line be? Well, whoever's the smoothest wins!

Contestant #1: Okay, first I'd slide up to the bar
And tell you that I can't believe how fucking fat you are
I'd tell that I like the way you make your titties shake
And if you lost a little weight, you'd look like Rikki Lake!

Contestant #2: Fuck that, you'd be jacking me quick
I'd order you a drink and stir it with my dick
And then to get your attention in the crowded place
I'd simply walk up and stick my nuts in your face

Contestant #1: Yeah, freak with your nuts, yeah, that'll get her!

Contestant #2: Tell her that's she fat, yeah, that'll work even better!

Contestant #1: Look, fuck you, I got a strong rap.
Shit, you don't want contestant number two - he's mad-whack.
I walk into a barn and there he was
Standing up on a bucket, hehhehheh, tryinna fuck it.
It was a big, fucking smelly ass farm llama.

Contestant #2: DAAMN DAWG!

Contestant #2: How you gonna diss your momma?!