Thread 88: Stories 16-30

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>29
"MM"
'Zecora'
[Trixie]
~~~

>Ugghhhhh... wha... wha happened last night?

"Shhhh, shhhh shhh shhh... shhh..."

>...

"...zzzz."

>Marey!

"Shhhhh!.... shhhh.. shhh...shh-"

>MAREY!

"Fiiiine, um up ah'm up.... whoa."

>What happened last night?

"We got into Zecora's good stuff."

>What was in that?

"Dunno, let's ask her. Hey! Zecora!"

'ZZZZZZZZZZZZ!'

"ZECORA!"

'ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!'

>By the gods, tis unto a blender filled with stones!

'ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!'

[T-the great and powerful Trixie requests you be silent now.... she feels that this is not going to end well if you do not.]

"Ugh... this is the last time we celebrate at Zecora's."

[She's a bad influence.]

"...You ever worried that one day you're going to have to explain this shit to your kids?"

[Trixie is considering sterilization.]

>I instead hope mine legacy will be of my good deeds and many royal conquests, not of... this time I woke up on a ceiling fan.

"...Zecora doesn't have a ceiling fan."

>Then I have SEVERAL questions.

'ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!'

>As always, mine striped exotic thing, a fountain of wisdom.

'ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Ridiculously NC

Through the infinite vastness of space she floated. Her orbit around the accursed planet never decaying, never allowing her the chance to return and take her vengeance. It was the Chaos God's doing, she knew it and knew it well, but it was no use crying over spilled world domination.

The Great Queen Tardigrade glared down at the planet below, hoping that somehow every single individual being could feel the essence of her disdain rain down upon them.

If only, she thought, if only.

If only there was something to get her back on that planet to take her vengeance, like...like...

A giant flaming space rock coming right for her.

In space, Queen Tardigrade had learned, no one could hear you scream.

Though for some reason she swore the meteor made a sound not unlike a horn playing 'La Cucaracha'.

The impact would have shattered lesser beings, but Queen Tardigrade was blessed by the Hivemind. Her power was that of complete invincibility. Now mere mortal could defeat her, no heat nor ice would inhibit her, even the vacuum of space merely served as her prison, not her death.

Though holy hot damn, that impact smarted.

Together she and it fell to the planet below, the Changeling Queen getting a mere glimpse of a great alicorn stallion, his flowing mane like strands of the cosmos, making a 'fiddlesticks' motion high above.

Soon, however, she and the space rock fell onto a great icy tundra, their impact with the ground causing a massive crater and a plume of melting snow to fly up into the sky.

She groaned under the weight of the meteor, its mass uncomfortable even with her unique abilities.

"Wait," She blinked, "The fuck am I doing? Magic!"

With little thought remaining, she blasted the big rock into fragments and stood up. Giving herself enough time to realize, looking up into sky.

"I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
She almost pranced for joy, her form a bucking and jumping demonstration of enthusiasm made manifest. She just needed to find some village, drain a hapless ponce or two, and she'd be back in business!

With a malicious grin, she climbed to the top of the crater, to its very lip and found...

A creature, with its back to her. A massive beast aflame from head to toe, vaguely shaped to resemble a diamond dog or minotaur. Queen Tardigrade assumed the beast had traveled within the rock.

Either way, he had to go, it was just that simple.

"Hey, torchy!" The Queen shouted, "What are you looking at?"

The creature, to the Queen's surprise, responded, his voice a deep rumble, like tremors heralding a volcanic eruption.

"It's beautiful," He said, "Just beautiful. The sky, the ground, the vast horizon, the-..."

The beast had turned to look at her, its eyes ringed by formations of igneous rock.

"...well, three out of four isn't bad."

"WHAT!?" Tardigrade shouted, glaring at the creature.

"How hard did my little prison hit you?" The creature tilted his head, before shrugging, "Actually, nevermind, I don't actually care. You don't seem terribly interesting."

"Excuse ME!?" Tardigrade stomped the ground with a forehoof, "I am Queen Tardigrade! The Greatest Changeling Queen to ever-"

Boop.

Tardigrade blinked at the sensation of a finger the size of a boulder poking her in the nose.

"...did you just boop me?" She asked, gobsmacked.

"Mhm, I always find it adorable when mortals puff out their chests and try to put on airs," The creature grinned, suddenly summoning up a crown made of obsidian upon its broad head, "Oh look at me, I'm King So-And-So of Nowhere, oooh, I'm Queen Whatchamacallit of Who Cares! Just makes me want to pet you until...well, until you're ash, really, let's be realistic here, I'm kind of too hot to handle."

Tardigrade's eye twitched, before she haughtily waved a hoof, "You could do no such thing, I am quite invincible."

"Oh so you ARE boring, terrific," The creature yawned and sat itself down in the snow, raising a vast cloud of steam, "The only company besides Craig."

"...who's Craig?" Tardigrade blinked, such a strange name.

"Oh, just the metaphysical being up there gnashing his teeth because HE CAN'T GET ME DOWN HERE, CAN YA CRAIG!?" The creature gave a savage grin up at the heavens, where the stars twinkled a little more than usual, "Oh go make a third daughter, you celestial simpleton."

Tardigrade grimaced, "Who...are you?"

"Hm? Oh I go by many names," The creature grinned, "For instan-"

"AHA! You're a nobody!" Tardigrade smirked.

"...what makes you say that, interrupting insect?"

"People with multiple names are just losers that can't make do with one," The Queen smugly noted.

"Interesting outlook," The creature mused, "I'll give thought to that when you're out of my presence."

"You not be thinking anything!" Queen Tardigrade stomped the snow again, "I'll destroy you before going forth to take my revenge! My invincibility will-"

Boop.

She felt...cold. Very cold. For the first time in her life she felt an almost debilitatingly chill go down her spine. Her teeth chattered, her body shook.

"W-w-what happened!?" She asked, her eyes wide.

"Let me correct you, my dear," The creature smirked, "You WERE invincible."

He stood to his full colossal height, looking down on her with his radiant gaze.

"As I was saying, I go by many names..."

He took a step towards her, she tried to step back.

"The Lord of Cinders..."

Another step, another scramble to back up.

"The Inferno that Singes Reality..."

Step, scramble.

"The Flame that Burns Cold..."

She teetered on the edge of the crater, nearly to the point of falling off as a single hand reached down to snatch her up, burning her as it did.

"But a dear friend once gave me a name. A name that I spurned when she bestowed it upon me, took it as an insult. But now, now I see it as a badge of honor, to be named in this cruel world, to be given meaning. It's a great gift. One that I wish to repay. Do you want to hear my name, Queen of Changelings?"

"Please...let me go!" Tardigrade choked out, "I meant no tresspass! Leave me be!"

"My name is Lavan," The creature's mouth curled into a twisted smile, before turning into a frown, "...my apologies."

Boop.

She was back! Humiliating as it was, the foolish beast, Lavan, had booped her nose again and her powers came flooding right back into her like flood gates being released! She tensed herself for a counterattack...which was promptly cut off by an almighty squeezing of her body into immobility.

"I'm not usually this mean, and almost never to insects. Your majesty it may seem strange to you, but even one such as I can live with by a code, one that I adhere to above all my lesser urges. You wished to be let go, yes?"

Tardigrade meekly nodded.

"Well you're in luck, because that lines up with my...twentieth rule," Lavan smiled again...

Before pivoting on one of his massive feet and pitched Tardigrade back into the cosmos, shouting after her.

"ALWAYS LEAVE THINGS THE WAY YOU FOUND THEM!"

With a bellowing laugh, Lavan watched the Changeling disappear into the sky until it seemed the sky itself began to stretch, and streeeetch until...

RRRRRRIP!

It was torn apart to reveal a vast whiteness behind, infinite and immutable.

"A dream, Craig? Really?" Lavan mused, "What did you think I would fall for such a simple prison, my own mind? You're slipping, my friend, but rest assured, I will be visiting your-no, our world in very short order. And if you try this again."

Lavan sat back down on the ground and grinned.

"I'll have a lot more fun than I intend to, understand? Now wake. Me. Up."

In an instant it was so. Lavan was aware of his prison, the great hunk of space rock hurtling through the void, he was aware of the stars and planets beyond.

He was aware of his goal:

Revenge.


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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Rarity"
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and we contemplate the meaning of our lives! Now for our main guest...RARITY!!!
Applause

"Why hello, darling."

>Hey Rarity! Thanks for the red suit. I really needed it.

"What did you even need it for?"

>For a very subtle joke.

"...Pinkie, I need to pull an Applejack and give some honesty. You're not good at subtlety."

>HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF BEING UNSUBTLE! ...That's our show, see you again everypony!

Rarity wakes up.
"What kind of joke would require a red suit?"

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>Twilight
"Dash"
'Pinkie'
[AJ]
{Celestia}
~Spike~
-Poindexter-
=???=
~~~~

>OKAY! NO BIG! I CAN FIX THIS! I CAN FIX THIS!

"Ah, crap, what did she set on fire now?"

'Worse, Dashie, she did bad with math.'

"...That's, like... not possible?"

'We live in a weird world of dragons, pointy bug horsy things and flying ponies, Dashie, we live in strange times.'

>I CAN FIX THIS!

[It ain't a big deal.]

{Right? I could try it out, I'm sure it wouldn't be that hard.}

~Or I could just go back to being in charge... I liked that.~

>NO! SYMMETRY!

-I could just... go, you know. I don't have to stay, I understand...-

>NO! I need this to work!

-I'm suddenly worried about my involvement.-

>Okay, OKAY! Think! Think! Who can I hire on....

~We know, like, eight friggen dozen other ponies, this can't be this hard-~

>NO! It has to meet certain criteria! This is a fantasy representation of ancient Equestrian times in a buffered area with magic, they have to know the game! QUICK! Who else knows this game!?

-Uhhh...8-bit or Gafffer?-

>Who knows this game that WON'T drop my brother into a pit of fire six seconds in?

-Harder to figure that one out.-

{Waaait a minute...}

>What?

{I have an idea...}

~~~~

=You want us to WHAT!?=

{Be the Dungeon Master for Obliques and Ogres with us in the Subspace Alternate Reality room.}

=What in the name of Mother's dropping is that!?=

{It's a room that simulates a false reality, allowing us to-}

=We meant the first thing.=

{...You get to make up an epic adventure story set back in the olden days, and all of us are actors in it.}

=We are not sure...=

{There is a distinct chance you will get to treat all of us like puppets and send us to our doom.}

=SOLD!=

{Oh, this is going to work out PERFECTLY!}

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 >Spitfire
"Pegasi Guard"
~~~

>Alright, soldiers! The prince and princess are off for today, so guess what? That means you and me get to spend some real hardcore training time!

"MA'AM YES MA'AM!"

>Good! Because we're going to fly till you can't fly anymore, burn those calories and make you into pristine, superfliers! We're going to be the best of the best of the best! We didn't suck when Variolus hit, and we're going to keep not sucking! You hear me!?

"NO SUCKING!"

>None! Not a little! Zero sucking!

"NONE!"

>ZERO!

"NO SUCKING MA'AM!"

>Good! Because I know you are all used to sucking, especially around each other, but that is no more! The time of sucking is at an end! You are going to look to your fellow soldier, and you are going to say 'the sucking is over, time to get to the main event!' the real deal! Whole hog full on and no skimping out because it's too hard! You think you know what hard is!? This is going to be a new level of hard, this is going to be a level that makes you scream for mercy, but by the end you're all going to be ready for more! You're going to work, as a team, to reach that hardness, and I'm going to watch you all every step of the way! I will correct you, I will make you go on what you thought was past your limits, but when you all are done you're going to be stuck together like glue! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!?

"..."

>I SAID DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!?

"MA'AM YES MA'AM!"

>Now take to the skies, soldiers!

"YES MA'AM!"

>Now... START LAPPING!

"YES MA'AM!"

>....Now, why were they all looking at me funny?... see, this is why I used to have someone else write my stuff for me.

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>Rarity
"Fluttershy"
'Twilight'
[Luna]
~~~~

>...I'm suddenly having reservations.

"Me too."

'Pfft, you babies. She's doing fine!'

[BY THE BEARD OF STARSWIRL! There are so many buttons!... I wish to push them, yet I do not understand why I am so compelled to do so!]

>...
"..."
'...It'll be fiiiiiiine.'

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>77
"88"
'32'
~~

>I'm somehow unsurprised.

"I can smell it. I'm not joking, I can SMELL him."

>We can all smell him.

'ZZZzzzzz...'

"Let's just thank goodness he's not wrapped around some barely legally aged colt this time."

>One, that only happened once, and two, that wasn't even him, that was 44.

"I stand by it."

>Yeaaahhh... had to get out the hose a couple times for him.

"And here I thought you were straight."

>...heh.

"Ahhhh, gotta smile."

>How can you tell?

"Let's just say I'm working on a workaround."

>Is... is it just your love vision?

"...shut up."

'ZZZZZzzzzz...'

"Do you want to pry him off, or should I?"

>I think we'd need a shovel to pull that off.

"Or lasers. We have lasers."

>Also, telekenisis?

"...Mostly lasers."

'I can hear you.'

>Good.

'OOF!'

>Get up, you smell like... I don't even want to know.

'Alcohol and urine.'

>Ugh.

'...At least I hope this is urine.'

>NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE! SISTER HELP!

"Handicapped."

>Sure, NOW you play that card!

"It's like a sharp knife, hidden until I need it the most."

'...You guys are dicks sometimes.'

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>42
"18"
~~~

>Hey, Eighteen?

"Yes?"

>Is it just me, of have Shining and Cadence been giving me some odd side glances every now and again.

"Huh... they have, occasionally."

>..

"...Did you fart?"

>What!?

"You know, cut one loose accidentally and now they find it funny?"

>NO!

"Oh... you sure?"

>Do we even do that!?

"We eat food, we have to produce waste."

>We turn food into literal energy! And even if we didn't do it for all kinds, why would we have the same digestive system of something that does use food for nutrients? We literally could not possibly break it down the same way they do, because the process by definition HAS to be totally different.

"Huh... point."

>...

"...So you did?"

>NO!

"I think you did. It's nothing to be embarrassed about, everyone does it."

>Were you not listening to me a second ago!?

"No."

>...

"..."

>...Pfft. Fine, you got me.

"They're probably planning on asking you to do something really embarrassing."

>Oh? Like what?

"I dunno, ask you to be a white mage?"

>RACIST!

"..."

>Jumping the gun, gotcha.

"...Why do we understand that phrase? Guns have only existed for, at best, a year."

>...huh...

"..."

>...Things have gotten really weird since the old days where we just wandered around and sapped shit.

"YA DON'T SAY?"

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>SA
"Velvet"
'Nightlight'
[???]
{???}
~~~~~~

>Thanks SO much again for looking after her today, Mom and dad, we really need this break.

"Oh, of course! Anytime my little sugarlump!"

'But uh, son? You mentioned watching Two, which is fine, but um... you forgot to mention her... tag along?'

>He was going to be bored otherwise.

'It's just, he's a little worrying, and he is kind of scaring the neighbors.'

>He's fine.

'I get that he needed something to do, but maybe he could instead-'

>Don't make me do it.

'...You wouldn't.

>Don't make me do it.

"He'll do it."

'He's not going to do it.'

>Don't. Make. Me. Do. It.

'...try me.'

>Two?

[Can Somby PLEEEEEEEASE stay over with us, granpaaa Nightlight? Pleeeease! I'll make ya' a little hat outta matchmalleys!]

'...'

>...

'...Well played.'

>It is a weapon of last resort, I swear.

{Er, I could just-}

>Sombra, the weapon has been deployed, deal with it.

[PLEEEEEEASE?]

'...Okay.'

[YAY! BEST GRANPA EVER!]

'...You are a cruel, cruel stallion.'

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 >Cadence
"Chrysalis"
~~

>Oh, how exciting! Did you pick out your class yet, Chrysalis? Or are you waiting to decide?

"...What? Of course I already picked, I'm a succubus."

>No no, in THIS game!

"...Succubus."

>Wait, really? But uh...

"...uh what?"

>Well, it's just, a succubi's outfit is rather... revealing? It's fine on a figure, but it's going to be on YOU now.

"And?"

>...You don't see the issue with YOU looking like, that?

"I am literally walking around bare-ass naked right now."

>...OH DEAR LORD WE ARE NAKED!

"You cannot be serious."

>Oh my gosh! How did I never realize! Everyone can see everything!

"Why are you crossing your hooves over your chest? What could you POSSIBLY be hiding up there?"

>THIS IS A DISASTER! I'm ordering mandatory sheets for everyone from now on!

"...seriously?"

>...

"...You're screwing with me, aren't you?"

>Shoot, I thought I could go on longer with that.

"A for effort."

>But seriously, you're going to be a succubi?

"Try not to stare at my ass too much. I know I look damn good in that thing, but still."

>Oh you, I'm not going to stare at you!

"Uh huh... if you say so."

>....don't picture it... don't picture it... stop picturing it... stop it... out of my brain, now.... screw you, brain!

*SQUEAK!*

>...Wait, why-

"Cadence? Come on!"

>Coming!

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>Purple Smart
„Queenbug“
~~~

>Chrysalis?

„Yes?“

>There's a problem with your character generation.

„What do you mean 'problem'? I did the same thing I did for every previous OnO session.“

>Yes, but you wrote down Succubus as your class, but left the space for species blank! You got things mixed up.

„So? Since when does race matter? I always rolled up a Succubus when we played.“

>Gnnnh... yes, you did, but that was due to GameMaster fiat. But things are a little different with the Simulator. It has firmly defined, pre-programmed sets of classes and species, due to the limitations of the system we are playing. You will have to pick one of the available ones, like everyone else.

„I don't see why I should restrict myself like that. It's possible, so I can do it.“

>Yeeees...but everyone is supposed to have the same start. Neutral, without large advantages or disadvantages“

„Then just put succubus as race and enchantress as class which Succubus is based on!“

>...well, technically, succubus is an antagonistic NPC class, but COULD be taken by a player-

„See? Problem solved. Bam.“

>-but you would have to accept an experience penalty, meaning you would advance much more slowly than the others.“

„Aaaaand how slowly are we talking.“

>About... three times as long.

„That's just ridiculous. Why would anyone do that?”

>Balancing issues. If you could pick a very powerful subspecies of demons with a set of abilities and stats far beyond the others without a penalty, then there's be a huge imbalance of power within the party. In short, you could easily dominate or overpower the others without it.

„And the problem with me being more powerful issss...“

>That it's supposed to be fair for everyone from the start, and success is not based on character generation but in-game actions?

„So, basically, you are telling me-”

>Chrysalis, no.

“-that if some are more powerful by default and thus have an advantage over others by birthright-

>Chrysalis, I want you to stop that train of though right there.

“-the best way to approach this issue is to stunt their growth so everyone is the same, indistinguishable boring mundane type in the end? Graywashing?”

>...

“...”

>...it's no rac-

“It SO is!”

>Look, either pick something from the subset, or sit this one out. I can't bend the system over backwards. We play by certain rules, and a good deal of flexibility given by the Princess as the Dungeon Mistress. And that's it.

“...this is about you not wanting me to seduce your brother, isn't it.”

>Maybe! But even if it wasn't, and not just me being true to the source system, I'd like if you and the others didn't make this an orgy of who gets to mess with my brother first.

“...heh... orgy.”

“Chryalis...”

“Fine, fine, I will think of something. Now shoo, go bugger the others.”

>Thank you.

“Mmmh hmmm. Don't you worry... I will think of something before this starts.”

>Worried. But not my problem. Just remember that power has a price in this game. Later! *leaves*

“Pfht. As if I would give an advantage like that away. I'll show her rule conformation. Now, where did she put the 'Powerplayer's Guide to Horrific Heroes'....


_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>Twilight
"Chrysalis"
~~

"WHOA WHOA WHOA! Hold up a second!"

>What's up?"

"What the fuck do you mean that Succubi are an antagonist class of demon!?"

>...Thaaaat's pretty much what is says on the tin.

"They didn't used to be! Obviously! I played for years as a regular kind!"

>New edition change, didn't you get the new book?

"First off, what!? Second, wait a minute! They have the exact same powers as I do! Love absorption, mind control, the whole nine yards!"

>And?

"..."

>...Oh, wait-

"You're telling me, someone took our looks, and our powerset, and made us into horrific things that the player is supposed to kill and REWARDED for doing so with!?"

>...Uh, well-

"What the fuck!?"

>Well, they're not THAT much like you-

"They're exactly like us! That's why I picked them! So I could be awesome like ME!"

>Erm... well, uh... obviously you used to be able to be a succubi hero who... that's not helping since they made you monsters after your revealed yourselves, I'm noticing...

"..."

>I mean, obvious it's just a game mechanic that... well...

"..."

>...It's just a scary powerset! It's nothing to do with...

"..."

>It's not ra...

"..."

>...

"...There's a hero version of succubi, right? Or at least ones that are pretty decent?"

>...

"...non-violent version?"

>...

"...Just a regular CHARACTER who does something decent and isn't a monster you have to kill with fire."

>...

"..."

>...SO! Who's ready for some re-balancing! Going off books, ponies!

"..."

>...Fair warning, Rarity is going to complain that we're...

"..."

>Shutting up now.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>Twilight
"Celestia"
~~~

"A word with you, Twilight?"

>Oh! Sure, princess. Always.

"Since we are now going off the books since Chrysals wants to play 'herself', I would ask that I was permitted the same right."

>Uhm, do you mean...

"Yes. Since a good portion of ponies stilld efer to me as something deitylike and I still hold the power over the sun, the very thing that gives life and growth to crops, I would like just that."

>Th-that... that would make you unplay-

"And I want to retain my ability to immolate all existence on this new Pseudo-Equestria, if I become fed up with it."

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>Why.

"A lot of pent-up frustration and years of self-restraint not to end it all. Your verdict?"

>B-by the rules?

"By the rules."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
'Twilight'
[???]
~~~

>Oh fuck you! I'm not losing all my shit just because the new book is super racist!

"Oh, losing all of your previous powerset because of balancing issues, what a pain! It's almost like that's EXACTLY what happened to me!'

>You got to keep your race!

'Uh, girls?'

"It's not the same if I don't have all my loot!"

>You know what? Fine! Go ahead and be "you"! Sun attack and all! I have fire magic and telekinesis, and I'm stronger than you, I bet I can stop you!

"You wanna bet!?"

'L-ladies, we can just-'

>Yeah! I bet I could stop it! Hell, I could probably move it!

"You could not! It's special magic!"

>Oh yeah? Then how come unicorns can do it?

"..."

>...

"...It's on!"

'No no! Off! Turn it off!'

>Fine! Twilight, load up the simulation, we're going to-

"Wait, I thought we were doing it out here?"

>What? No, why would we do it out here?

"Oh... OH SHIT!"

>Oh shit wha- OH SHIT!

'I JUST WANTED TO PLAY A GAAAAMMMMMMEEEEEE AHHHHHHHH-

~~~~~

[What did we learn?]

"That chaos magic is BULLSHIT!"

[...]

"I mean, thank you, Fluttershy!"

[Happy to help!]

>...Totally could've stopped it if I got a heads up-

"'[SHUT UP!]"'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Primrose
"Cordy"
'Brahmos'
-Red-

'Quiet today.'

>This unit has been instructed to ignore its cake delivery duties until signalled by Princess Designate: Twilight Sparkle.

'And you managed to clean all the parts of the castle that the alabaster ponce didn't glare at us for doing. Soooo....what to do...'

>Entering rest mode-

'No! Come on, we always enter rest mode! I'm sick of rest mode, the only one who rests is you and I'm stuck with wingus and dingus here.'

"Sadness. No spread for you."

'Oh I'm soooo sad.'

"Yes! No spreading! You will not know spread!"

'Can someone hook him on phonics, please?'

>Alternative actions?

"Spread."

'Kill Bronze Pommel.'

>Service not available.

'Boo, come on, you know you want to punch that smug little bastard! He vaporized me, you know that, right?'

>Self defense.

'Pre meditated!'

>This unit does not recognize your innoncence.

'What can I say, I'm practicing to try and bed the white stallion and live in luxury.'

-Library.-

>"'...'"

'Come again?'

-Go to library. Read book. Achieve education.-

"...spreeeead knowledge?"

-Yes.-

"SECONDING IDEA!"

'Eh, yeah, let's go find a novella or something.'

>This unit accepts this course of action.

"'Hurray!'"

-Heh heh heh- -

'Hey! No evil laughter!'

-...fine.-

'Onward!'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________