lbis 122

Welp, I'm here again. If my version of ''Half-Baked Reviews'' somehow wasn't enough to scare you away from me forever, here's a new edition of ''Lord Bowser's Inside Story'' for you!

This month's focus is on one of my all-time favorite ''Mario'' games -- ''Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door''. The main challenge here is having enough patience to get through the General White chase in Chapter 7, but since that technically isn't postgame, I'm unable to review it even though I so desperately want to hate on it. So I'll take the next best thing; the Pit of 100 Trials!

[[File:Pit_Entrance.png|thumb|left|250px|"What am I getting myself into..."]]
The Pit of 100 Trials is an optional challenge in the game, located right next to the Thousand-Year Door in the sewers of Rogueport. It can be accessed as early as Chapter 1, after unlocking Paper Mode from the second Black Chest Demon in Hooktail Castle. You pass through the gates in the room, then use Plane Mode to fly over to the other side of the room, where a small opening can be seen. Inside is a pipe leading into the pit, though before entering a sign warns you about the Pit and how it's difficult to escape. However, we refuse to let a sign tell us what to do, and enter the pipe anyway! The sign then looks on very judgementally at you, criticizing your decisions and muttering to itself about how kids these days never listen. <small><small><small><small><small>at least it does in my head</small></small></small></small></small>

[[File:LBIS122-1.png|thumb|right|250px|An example of a room in the Pit. It almost looks simple and fun... if only...]]
The design of the Pit of 100 Trials is like so; there are 100 rooms, most of them containing an enemy for you to encounter and fight. The enemies start off easy and in small groups, but as you progress deeper into the Pit, the enemies progressively get stronger and more numerous. Every 10 floors, there is a room with no enemies, serving as a bit of a rest stop. There is a chest instead, containing a useful badge, and occasionally the vendor Charlieton. It's recommended you stock up beforehand and not buy from Charlieton within the pit, as not only is his selection rather meager, it's severely overpriced as well, with the prices still increasing as you go deeper. Additionally, there is a small chance that a random floor may not have any enemies, and instead have a Mover. You can pay the Mover 10 coins to let you skip down two rooms, or 30 coins to let you skip down five. The good thing about these Movers is that their price remains constant, and aren't forced on you either; you can either pay them if you're having a rough time, or skip them if you want a bigger challenge. It's a pretty nice feature to have.

Assuming you're going at a typical level for the pit (I would say 25 or so is good enough for it), the first about 30 rooms of the Pit are quite boring. The enemies here offer very little challenge, as they're mostly Goomba and Koopa variants. It's a breeze to get through, even moreso if you're good with Action Commands and guarding, so nothing really notable happens here. The real "fun" begins at around room 50. The 50th room doesn't give you a badge; rather, it gives you an actually extremely useful item known as the Strange Sack. This doubles your inventory space, allowing you to carry 20 items rather than the usual 10. My only complaint is that you really have to work yourself for such a great quality-of-life item, but still, this is an excellent prize nonetheless. After this point, however, the enemies stop being pushovers and actually somewhat start putting up a fight. The background of the Pit changes as well at this point, going from a light brown-ish tone to a more... dank... green tone. <small><small><small><small><small>that word is actually fitting and accurate okay</small></small></small></small></small>

[[File:LBIS122-2.png|thumb|left|250px|Make sure you have plenty of healing items here; you're gonna need them.]]
Down here, you'll find a lot of enemies either fought as pseudo-minibosses in earlier chapters, such as Dark Koopatrols and Dark Craws, or even enemies exclusive to the Pit, such as Dark Lakitus. This must be some edgy pit if like half the enemies here have "Dark" in front of their names... What's next; piercings, fake tattoos and an overabundance of Hot Topic t-shirts?<br>
Anyway, the enemies do start putting up more of a fight here for sure; the vast majority of enemies here have an Attack of at least 5, with many having 6 or more. Elevated Defense values become more common as well, often forcing you to use more and more FP in order to actually deal damage. This is why it is important to be properly stocked up on replenishing items, such as Ultra Shrooms and Jammin' Jellies; it is recommended to store the Ultra Shrooms and Jammin' Jellies found in the overworld, and save them for the Pit. If you're good with guarding (especially Superguarding), this shouldn't be as bad of a problem, but it's always better to be safe than sorry. No one would want to die in room 91, like a certain someone I know did... Hi MK :-)

[[File:LBIS122-3.png|thumb|right|250px|Now this is just cruel! But... also very appealing at the same time...]]
The enemies really start getting mean after room 80, which also brings about another color change; it's now a deep blue. Here, you deal with massively souped-up versions of weaker enemies, such as Spunias, Arantulas, Dark Bristles (there's more of that edginess), and... Piranha Plants. Don't let the vanilla appearance of Piranha Plants down here fool you, however; they have very high HP and Attack power, 15 and 9 respectively. What makes it worse is that they often attack in large groups, making them especially scary to deal with. High Attack power becomes standard for all enemies in the Pit from this point forward, making healing items essential for survival for those who can't master Superguarding. The rooms from 90 onward are even worse, with all battles featuring at least four extra-powerful enemies, including Elite Wizzerds, Poison Puffs, and even Amazy Dayzees at random. The good thing about these rooms is that the enemies here offer a very hefty payout of Star Points, especially the Amazy Dayzees, making level-ups quite frequent. Still, it's a real pain to get through the almost-nonstop onslaught of highly-damaging attacks and resistant enemies. It's a real, legitimate challenge, though it can get tedious quickly. As one could possibly expect, however, the fun doesn't end with the last room of enemies. Not at all.

Upon reaching room 100, you're at first greeted with an eerie quietness. Suddenly, you're jolted by a loud rumbling and howling. You have awakened Bonetail, the guardian and final boss of the Pit, the eldest brother of Hooktail and Gloomtail, and the superboss for the game.

[[File:LBIS122-4.png|thumb|left|250px|Is that his mating call? Still, better than Hooktail publicly displaying her foot fetish. Gah...]]
Bonetail pulls absolutely no punches. His stats are all higher than that of the Shadow Queen, and barely gives you any opportunity to properly guard against any of his attacks. In fact, his biting attack is among one of the only attacks in the entire game that cannot be Superguarded against, meaning you literally have no choice but to just take it and survive it. It's no little weak attack either; it does a pretty high 8 damage. His other attacks include various types of toxic breaths, which are quite tricky to guard against due to their irregular timing. This battle drags on for a pretty long while, but even so, I find it easier than the Shadow Queen still. It's likely because you've fought this sort of battle twice already, with Hooktail and Gloomtail, so they end up serving as like training wheels for this fight. The Shadow Queen on the other hand was a completely new experience, and we have no prior experience with any of her attacks, making them a lot harder to dodge well. This is likely just me, since the vast majority of opinions I've heard all say that Bonetail is much harder than the Shadow Queen, but I still feel that way.

Anyway, after defeating Bonetail, he coughs up something for you just like the other two dragons did. This brings up several questions for me... what the hell do they eat? Since Bonetail is literally just bones, how does he keep it in his... wherever his stomach was? How did Mario not see it? How is he not severely nauseated by opening chests vomited out by dead dragons????<br>
...Well, enough questioning video game logic and Mario's apparent lack of shame. Inside the chest lurks another badge; the Return Postage badge. What this badge does is essentially give you a permanent Payback status, which means all direct attacks from enemies will be automatically countered. It sounds useful until you realize many late-game enemies don't usually use direct attacks, Superguards make this irrelevant, and it takes up 7 BP. I mean yeah, it's a gr8 badge if you get it early on, but good luck ''getting it'' early on without being either an expert with Superguards or breaking the game with something like Danger Mario. Afterwards, you're allowed to leave the Pit with all the badges you've gotten. Unfortunately, if you're going for absolute 100% completion of the game, you're gonna have to do at least part of the Pit twice. This is where TTYD's next challenge comes in; the Trouble Center!

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[[File:Trouble_Center.PNG|thumb|left|250px|Ah, yes. Totally not suspicious.]]
The Trouble Center is found on the east end of Rogueport, serving as the front for the Pianta Syndicate's rivals, the Robbo Gang. This place is essentially a hub for small sidequests, and thankfully, they're prizes are at least adequate most of the time. You unlock more sidequests as you progress through the game, and some are necessary for other various things you can do in the game, such as the games in the Pianta Parlor and cooking two items with Zess T. One of the most important quests in my opinion is the one titled "Elusive badge!", which is available after clearing Chapter 4. It is left by an anonymous person, and the game even warns you that taking on the sidequest could be dangerous. Should you be reckless and daring enough, or just not care about your life enough, to take it on, you're told to go up to the roof of the Lovely Howz of Badges shop in Rogueport to get additional information. Here, you're greeted by none other than Ms. Mowz herself, who tells you that she's looking for a badge somewhere in Hooktail Castle, specifically Hooktail's room.

[[File:LBIS122-5.png|thumb|right|250px|I can't be the only one who thought Flurrie's whole uh.. blowing.. animation seemed weird, right? Especially Mario's... stance.]]
This is a bit annoying since you have to backtrack all the way through the castle in order to get to Hooktail's room, meaning likely wasting your time fighting the many Koopas and Dull Bones in there. However, in the long run it's worth it, since the chest contains a Super Cool Free Badge!<br>
...Except you can't equip it yet. Instead, you have to go all the way back ''down'' the castle now, probably end up fighting ''more'' Koopas and Dull Bones, and then go all the way back to the Lovely Howz of Badges again to give it to her. In return, she lets you keep the badge, tells you it was all just a test, and right when you think the game just trolled you and wasted your time for a relatively worthless sound effect badge, she joins your party! Ms. Mowz becomes a full-fledged partner, able to fight in battle and be upgraded using Shine Sprites. She only has one move that actually deals damage, called Love Slap (''ooh my~''), but it's made up by the fact that it pierces all Defense. Her other moves include; Kiss Thief (''golly gee~~''), which steals an item from an enemy; Tease (''why hello there<nowiki>~~~</nowiki>''), which gives all enemies the Dizzy status; and Smooch (''oh baby please!<nowiki>~~~~</nowiki>''), which restores up to 10 HP for Mario. All in all, she's a fairly useful partner to have, meaning this quest, while annoying, is worth it in the long run.

Some other quests are fairly necessary for other games, too. You can only play games and unlock items in the Pianta Parlor (and therefore actually have fun in there) by getting their respective cards. These are the Special, Silver, Gold, and Platinum Cards, and all four of them can only be gotten through Trouble Center quests. The Special Card can be gotten after Chapter 1 by fulfilling Koopook's request of hide-n-seek in Hooktail Castle. He's hidden in the secret room where you first encountered Ms. Mowz, and there he gives you the card; you can then play the Plane Game in the Parlor afterwards. [[File:Pine_T_Jr.PNG|thumb|left|250px|What a cute family reunion!]] The Silver Card can be gotten after Chapter 2, by doing Pine T. Jr's request. This one actually makes you go to the Pit of 100 Trials; the first sidequest that does so, and why I say you are forced to do part of the Pit at least twice in order for 100% completion. Luckily, you don't have to go down very far; he says his father is trapped in the 18th room, which isn't very much of a challenge at all even for Chapter 2 standards. You must rescue his father in there, then go down at least two more rooms to the 20th room and use the escape pipe there. Afterwards, you're given the Silver Card by Pine T. Jr in a cute little scene above a relentless dungeon of death and despair. How adorable! You are then allowed to play the Paper Game in the Parlor. The Gold Card is found much later in the game, only after Chapter 6. To get it, you must complete Frankie's request, which is looking for his misplaced wedding ring somewhere in Rogueport. It's hidden in front of a house in the east side of Rogueport, meaning this is actually one of the shorter and easier quests to do. The reward is quite useful, as the Gold Card gives you access to the Tube Game; however, it also unlocks the Power Rush badge in the Parlor's shop, which is essential for strategies such as Danger Mario: therefore, the Gold Card is very important for that style of gameplay. Finally, the Platinum Card can also be gotten after Chapter 6 by completing Toodles's request. She asks you to retreive a book from Jolene for her; you must go to Glitzville, head into Jolene's office, get the book (which is actually a wrestling magazine), and give it back to Toodles. She'll then thank you with the Platinum Card, which unlocks the Boat Game in the Parlor and the last of the shop items. Luckily none of those troubles are particularly aggravating to deal with, and their rewards are actually worthwhile; unfortunately, the same can't really be said for every sidequest here.

As one might expect, there is no shortage of particularly annoying sidequests. One such quest becomes available after Chapter 7, with Goldbob asking you for a delivery. He tells you to find General White in order to give him something important, but then you quickly realize that General White... keeps moving... from place to place... again...

Hey! I ''can'' hate on the General White chase after all! Thanks TTYD!

[[File:LBIS122-6.png|thumb|right|250px|General White is just being tsundere t b h]]
So yeah, oh my god, this is the most annoying part of the game for me. Who in their right mind would think going from place to place only to be told "nope fuck you wrong place" repeatedly would be fun?? This is just annoying and a waste of time, and to make it worse, they force it on you twice in the game! At least the second one is shorter and less irritating, so the developers have ''some'' semblance of self-awareness and thinking ahead, but aaaagggghhhh this is just a really embarrassingly tedious part of an otherwise great game. I know they coulda done this a lot better, so that just makes me all the more annoyed by it.

Anyway, rant over. After finally finding General White in Fahr Outpost (asleep again that lazy bastard) and giving him the package, returning the Goldbob will net you 64 coins. A rather disappointing payoff for a diet version of a super annoying quest, but I guess I've ranted enough about that. The other particularly annoying quest can be found after beating the main game, and it's the very last quest in the Trouble Center. And boy, does it go out with a bang... The quest calls for you going all the way down to the 50th room of the Pit of 100 Trials and blow up a wall containing graffiti. The fact that it makes you go down so deep into the Pit, making you redo up to half of it if you've played through it before, and the hugely disappointing payoff (a Couple's Cake), makes this a pretty damn terrible quest. Oh well; at least that's the last of them

And with that, my review of the postgame of TTYD comes to a close. ''Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door'' earns...

<big>'''8.0/10 (B-)'''</big>

Holy shit, an actually not terrible rating for once! We take those!

Anyway, yeah, TTYD's postgame is pretty alright. It's definitely the best of all the postgames in its series, though that really isn't saying muvh when you've got abominations like SPM to deal with... ''shudder''<br>
But for real, the Pit of 100 Trials was just tedious at worst, and while some of the Trouble Center requests got annoying, it was overall a neat concept that I wish was reused in later games. It's certainly less blatant padding than what was done in games like say SPM, and a lot of those little quests were legitimately kinda fun and unique. So yeah, all things considered, this was actually Not Bad! Congratulations TTYD on not sucking! 🏆

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Well, that's it for this month's double whammy of me. I'd like to thank {{User|Hypnotoad}} for allowing me to write ''Half-Baked Reviews'' in his place this month; it was truly an enjoyable experience. I'd also like to thank all of you currently reading this, as it probably means you had enough sanity to somehow get through two of me; a nearly unheard-of feat. Anyway, sappiness over. Tune in next month where I'll take on Wario in celebration of Issue 123. I hope to see you then!