ok so ive been doin a lot of self reflection lately (fuckin sounds all zen and shit but its not i just do that stuff a lot) and i know its unfair to do this to ya. i mean i wasnt even sure i should talk to u abt it or not, its kinda shitty thing to ask u especially when ive already given u one sorta message and now im giving u a totally different one. so im sorry, this might be jerky.

but uh ive been thinking. look im pretty bound up by college work right now. probably will for the next months, at the least til my uni interviews are all done and ive got a place. but after that. ive been thinkin i might. wanna try a relationship? with u? maybe? and i dont want to make u wait around so feel free to let me kno if thats not yr thing. or if u even arent interested anymore cause im clueless sometimes abt what ppl feel 99% of the time

i dont know how any of this shit works in relationships, i suck at it. part of the reason i rejected u real quick was cause im scared abt goin into one again. im pretty scared abt a lot of things but i know just rejecting everyone who is interested isnt going to help me in the long term. ive been hurt before by people, everyone has at the end of the day. but i have intense emotions and can fluctuate very quickly between happy and sad, feelin in love and disinterest, its annoying and can hurt ppl i like whenever im with em. and i often get very anxious abt stupid shit like just talking with someone even if i really like the person. i just have never had a good time bein in a relationship w someone, friendship or more, but i feel yr such a nice? and lovely person? understanding about that sorta thing - u havent been bothered by my issues n seen past it, and ive done the same to u. and we have such similar interests and you make my day better. but i dont wanna fuck it up bein in a relationship with u cause im not the best person to be with, i suck at talking/keeping contact, im pretty boring and can be judjemental sometimes. i get uncomfortable and scared easily. its mostly why i rejected u cause i dont think u should have to put up with that. but i know i gotta do this. i gotta try stuff and go out of my bubble, get better at this sorta thing, i like u a lot but i dont wanna hurt u yknow.