This is going to be a lot to read but I think you deserve an apology and what I plan on doing to make up for it.
Okay, I admit I was rather sexual all night, on the bright side it was with you <3 as it should be. But I do apologize because I expect it was rather embarrassing for you.
I admit that I have a drinking problem and I've decided the best course of action for me to stop causing chaos in this relationship is to quit drinking. So, no more drinking for me.
I messed up, big time. I'm not entirely sure what to do to make up for it but I can only try my best.
I want you to know, I've looked at that picture that I sent you last night more than the ones you've recently sent me. Because, you're so fucking adorable and beautiful and I know you think I'm just kissing your ass, you know I speak my mind, baby. And I swear to God that you are absolutely gorgeous <3 I honestly mean that. Fuck running, do what makes you happy. That's what makes me happy <3 You doing things you enjoy, so I will do whatever you need me to do to make you the happiest girl in the entire world.
I expect we'll both be bums today, sleeping in for the most part or just cuddling and watching shows and movies or talking a lot <3 Well, talking comes with cuddling so yeah a lot of cuddling and talking.
I'm really mad at myself, I've honestly never been this mad at myself in my entire life. I feel like hurting myself in such a bad way it puts me in the hospital for the fucked up things I said and or did last night and I'm so much more than sorry for it. I think I'm a complete fucking asshole and don't deserve you. But I can't stop being in love with you, I never fucking will either. I've never felt this way about any person I've ever met. You're my reason for living, my reason to smile, my reason to wake up feeling wanted, my reason for trying to get my life together, my reason to love and be loved.
I'm lucky, I remember talking to other Tyler while you were driving to the birthday party. He was going on about how you were his bestie, how you are just so awesome and that he wishes he wasn't gay and then I was like "HEY WTF LOL" And he goes "You're so lucky" and I said "I really am, she's amazing." That was before we drink. I love you. I don't say that to cheer you up or to cover my ass, I take full responsibility for all my actions and admit I have a drinking problem and that I'm an asshole. I will no longer drink, I can promise you that. But the reason that I tell you I love you is because when you're on my mind, if you put your hand to my chest you'd feel how hard my heart beats for you. If you laid your head on my chest, you'd hear it pounding against my chest. I want to hold your hand, feel my lips against yours, feel the warmth of your body while I hold you in my arms <3 And in a non weird way I want to smell you xP
The truth is that day will come, I don't know when but I know it will. You're the love of my life, I'm getting my shit together for good. I'm not getting distracted by my urge to drink or my tendency to be a complete asshole to everyone.
This is real, it's going to happen and that day will be the most nervous day of my life. But the very moment I lock my eyes with yours.. I can't promise I won't cry because <3 I'd be looking at an angel, an angel princess that's super duper fucking cute and beautiful <3
I miss you, and I love you. I hope you can see from this that I've accepted my mistakes and I'm just trying to make it up to you. We will talk more when you're ready to, I know this isn't the end of this conversation I just wanted to say what was on my mind and apologize. I love you so very much and hope you're getting well rest, sleep tight my everything <3 I love you. Good night.