Planescape: Equestria 2

>You are Anonymous the planewalker, and this wait is doing nothing for your frayed nerves.
>The ponies seem to take an awfully long time to get served at the bar, but when they finally come back, drinks clasped in their hooves (how do they do that? Who knows, but the planes hold many mysteries), you’re still at the table next to them, waiting for your tardy contact Corder to show his face.
>The purple lizard-thing is riding on the back of the purple unicorn pony, Twilight, and complaining volubly.
“But Twiiiiliiiight, why can’t I have the same cider Applejack’s having?”
“It’s hard cider, Spike. You’re a BABY dragon. Princess Celestia would never let me hear the end of it.”
>Your eyebrows rise just a little at the description of him as a dragon. You’ve never seen a dragon as cute and chubby as that one before.
>Then again, you’ve never seen such colourful, huggable ponies, either.
“But we don’t have to tell her! Just a sip…”
“I said no, Spike. The discussion is over.”
“But Twiiiliiiight, you’re gonna make me look bad in front of Rarity…”
>Drinks are set down on the table and there are several “thank you”s and one loud, whining “but Twiiiiliiiiight…”

“Still no sign of this Anonymous gentleman, girls?” Rarity asks. “No news of him at the bar?”
“Nope,” Applejack replies. “That barman was downraght unhelpful about it, too. Said that if’n Anonymous wanted ta be found, he reckoned he would be.”
>You give a smile. You’ll have to remember to tip extra for your next drink. Discretion is an admirable quality in a barman.
“So what’s our next move?” the blue pegasus pony asks impatiently. “We can’t just sit around here drinking all night.”
“Well…” says Twilight, “Princess Celestia said that this would be the most likely place to find him. But she also said that if we were having trouble, the Elements of Harmony would lead us to him. The thing is, I don’t know if it’s such a great idea to put them on here. I mean, they’re kind of… shiny.”
“So?” Pinkie Pie interrupts. “Shiny is good! Just look at ol’ Dog-Head McJewelFingers over there! It must be the fashion around here or something.”
>She’s pointing a hoof at Shemeska. The Arcanaloth’s ear twitches, nearly imperceptibly.
“Oh, please,” Rarity puts in. “Do NOT mention ‘fashion’ and that… person over there in the same breath. I can assure you that whatever she is doing with that attire, it is NOT fashion.”
>You stifle a laugh, wincing at the same time in the knowledge that there’s no possible way that Shemeska didn’t overhear that. It’d take a lot more than just the ambient noise of this crowded bar to stop Shemeska from catching a slight on her dress sense.

>These ponies might just have unwittingly called down the worst possible kind of attention on themselves.
“Anyway,” Twilight says, attempting to wrestle the discussion back on track, “my point was, there are a lot of strange people around here, and some of them could be dangerous. There could even be… thieves.”
>She says the word in a low hiss, like she’s dropping a real bomb. Judging by the grave silence that falls over the ponies – even Pinkie Pie – they are appropriately shocked.
“So,” Twilight goes on, “it could be risky to go around with the Elements of Harmony on display. If anything happened to them… can you imagine? We’d have failed all of Equestria. Princess Celestia would banish us.”
“You mean throw us in a dungeon,” Spike puts in.
“Banish us, and throw us in a dungeon in the place that we’re banished to,” all the other ponies add at once, breaking out in giggles.
>So adorable.
>Meanwhile, where the fuck is Corder.

>Across the room you see the hairy bulk of Shemeska rising from her chair, her tight silk gown bulging in all the wrong places.
>She turns in your direction, a predatory grin coming to her jaws. You have a sinking feeling.
>Shemeska is coming over, swaying her misshapen hips seductively. Her entourage of tiefling rentboys follows behind like her vicious, gay, knife-wielding shadow.
>She stops in front of the ponies’ table.
“Good evening, my little horses.” Her voice is soft and dulcet, genuinely sexy. It only makes the overall impression of her presence more unsettling.
“Silly! We’re ponies, not horses.”
>Pinkie Pie doesn’t sound very unsettled.
“Ponies, then,” Shemeska corrects herself, unruffled. “I’d like to join you for a drink, I think I’m going to find you amusing.”
“Um… actually…” Twilight begins to make excuses, but Shemeska doesn’t even seem to hear as she motions for one of her bodyguards to pull up a chair for her.
>With an inward groan, you rise to your feet.
“Actually, Marauder, these ponies have business with me.”
>The Arcanaloth turns slowly to regard you, her canine eyes slitted and burning with barely-contained rage.

“Anonymous? Do you really wish to make a nuisance of yourself?”
>You’re suddenly conscious of six eager sets of pony eyes looking at you in surprise.
“My deepest regrets, Shemeska. I mean no offense-“
“THE FUCK YOU DON’T!” the fiend screams. In a blink of an eye she closes the gap between you, close enough for you to smell raw meat on her breath as she sprays spittle in your face.
>You look past her, keeping focused on the six tiefling boys who are moving around your flanks with their knives out.
“You worm,” she spits. “You know better than to cross me. I always knew you were a short-sighted, trivial, pointless little insect, but I thought at least you had some fucking basic sort of self-preservation instinct. Have you lost your wits?”
>You clear your throat and compose your dignity for a moment before answering.
>It’s not that easy to compose your dignity while an ancient Fiend with enough arcane power to blow up most of a good-sized country is growling in your face and her six pet assassins are circling around you like vultures waiting for a kill - but you do a serviceable job.
“Not trying to cross you, Shemmie-“ her scowl intensifies, and you blithely carry on – “but like I said, I’ve got business with these ponies. You’ve got a message for me, right ladies?”
>There are mute nods from the ponies’ table.
“…and then they’re engaged to carry my reply, personally, back to their goddess. They’re Proxies, Shemeska.”
>The Arcanaloth takes a step back from you and looks at the ponies, then back at you, then back at the ponies.
>Pinkie Pie is wearing a different and more ridiculous hat each time Shemeska looks round.

>Shemeska spits on the floor and spins on her heel. Her voice is back to a soft purr when she speaks again, and her entourage is already filing after her, knives back up their sleeves.
“Oh very well, I’ll leave you to it.” She turns back around and gives you a disturbing wink. “Charming to talk to you again though, Anonymous. We’ll have to catch up soon.”
>You shudder, and she carries on out of the door.
>Best not to think about what just happened.
“Anonymous!” Pinkie Pie is bouncing happily in a circle around you. “Anonymous, Anonymous, I found Anonymous!”
“Um… thanks, I think,” Twilight says, approaching more cautiously. “But what was that stuff about us being proxies?”
“Well, aren’t you?” you ask with a shrug.
“I guess? We’re here on Princess Celestia’s instructions, so I suppose that makes us her proxies. But it seemed like you meant something more than that.”
>You focus on not rolling your eyes. Damn clueless.
“A Proxy is the agent of a Power on the planes.”
>Twilight looks blank.
 “A god – a Proxy is the chosen servant of a god.”
“Oh.” Twilight blushes. “But, that’s not quite right. Princess Celestia isn’t a god.”
>You shrug.
“I won’t tell Shemeska if you don’t.”
>The other ponies crowd around, and soon you’ve taken a seat at their table and they’ve all introduced themselves – although you’d picked up their names already, all except for the two pegasus ponies who it turns out are Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy.
>Even their names are adorable. Just what kind of plane are they from?

>Of course, you’re hardly one to talk about funny-sounding names. Sure enough, they’ve obviously been wondering.
“If it’s not too awfully presumptuous of me to ask-“ it’s Rarity who comes out with the question – “is that your real name? Anonymous? I mean, it can’t possibly be, can it?”
>You shake your head.
“Nope. Real names are tricky things. I got rid of mine a long time ago.”
“Got rid of it?”
“Right. A name’s like a handle somebody can use to get a hold of you, a way to pin you down. Figured I’d be better off without one.”
“Hmm.” The unicorn seems to be thinking that over.
“Anyway, sorry to be all business, but I’m waiting for an associate of mine and when he shows up I might have to dash, so maybe you’d better give me this message of yours.”
“Right!” Twilight says. “Just one moment please. Spike, take a note.”
“Fine...”
>The miniature dragon still seems a bit sulky over the cider debacle, but he produces a sheet of paper and a quill pen from somewhere and begins scribing busily as Twilight dictates.
>”Dear Princess Celestia,
>We are all safe and well. Sigil is amazing! We have found Anonymous, and he is sitting here with us. You can send your message now and we will deliver it straight to his [s]hooves[/s] hands.
>Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle”.

>You watch as the note is rolled up, sealed, and then incinerated by the baby dragon’s breath.
>Apparently this is what is supposed to happen, since nobody looks surprised.
>Everybody watches Spike expectantly. He fidgets nervously under all the attention.
“Gee, you guys, I’m sure Princess Celestia will take a few minutes to write her rep-”
>He stops mid-sentence, holding his stomach.
“…I guess it was just indigestion. Like I said, I’m sure it will be a few HURP-“
>Spike gives a fiery belch and another letter materialises from the smoke and flame.
“Here, it’s for you.”
>You take the letter. All the ponies are looking at you expectantly as you open it up, and you have to admit you’re pretty curious.
>”Dear Anonymous,
>You have my deepest thanks for the assistance you provided to my little ponies in their run-in with Shemeska the Marauder. I regret to inform you that your friend Corder has had a run-in of his own with a much more dangerous Lady than even Shemeska. If you will pardon the familiarity, I heartily advise you to leave Sigil as soon as possible. If you would care to accompany my faithful student and her friends back to Equestria, I will be delighted to thank you in person and perhaps shed some light on those curious marbles in your pocket and the whereabouts of your unfortunate friend.
>Yours, with sincere affection,
>Princess Celestia of Equestria.”
>Well shit.