2017 thoughts

Because it's about to be 2018, i decided to make a pastebin about 2017.

towards the end of 2016 I was feeling pretty depressed, and I made a pastebin that was my pinned tweet for a while. I promised myself I would push myself more this year, and try to have a more positive outlook on life. I used to delete my twitter account and stay away from the internet whenever I was sad, but I promised I would stop disappearing because it was just a silly thing to do. Thankfully, I mostly did everything I promised myself. I pushed myself a lot more with speedrunning, still the thing i'm most proud of is being the first to lower KH2 to sub 3 hours. I also pushed myself with streaming to get partner on twitch, which I never imagined I would be able to get anytime soon. I've tried to be more open about myself and not be as scared of what people think of me.

I also want to mention how absolutely insane my growth on twitch has been starting this year. I started the year with 558 followers on twitch, and right now I have 3870. It really is crazy, and I never thought any of it would happen. I want to thank anyone who comes to my streams or follows me, I can't express how much it means to me. I've also met a ton of new friends that I enjoy talking to. I know sometimes I forget to respond to messages, and I'm really sorry for that. I'll try to get better at it, and it's never personal.

Now one thing that wasn't so great in 2017, was my mental state. I promised myself I would be more positive this year, but the periods of sadness that i felt never went away. And this has really sucked for me, because regardless of how many amazing things I would do this year, i would still randomly feel incredibly sad about everything. I thought having done all the things I've done in 2017 I wouldn't feel "depressed", but i guess i was wrong. Of course i feel happy when nice things happen, but eventually i just go back to feeling incredibly lonely and like i'm a horrible human being. I'm not sure if i've felt this less than the last year, i just know that i still feel it.

Regardless, 2017 was still probably one of the best years of my life. My resolution for 2018, is to keep pushing myself, and try to be less shy when it comes to talking with people. I also might try other speedgames besides SMO or KH. I hope everyone else had a great 2017, and even if it wasnt great, i hope you have a great 2018