Prototype 1138 (Challenge No.12 winner)

TheDisciplinarian, February 3, 2013; 21:06 / FB 8777
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Prototype 1138

"Are we recording?"

"The red light is on. That means it's recording."

"Doesn't that mean it's on Standby?"

"No, the standby light is a red blinking light."

"I thought it was just the red light."

"The red light means it's on."

"Then what does the yellow light mean?"

"Low battery. But that's not on, is it?"

"No."

"Then why did you want to know?"

"Just making sure."

"Goddammit, we're supposed to be professionals. We just used up 20 seconds of tape arguing over red blinky lights."

"Relax, we can just fix it in post."

"Whatever. Let's just get the test subject and the prototype together and see what happens."

"Sure. Hey, once they've been introduced, you wanna knock off for lunch?"

"What? We're supposed to monitor them."

"What's the fluffy gonna do, kill him? We have a camera and I'm starving."

"Well...all right. Chinese?"

"Nah, not in the mood. Pizza?"

"Sure. New York?"

"Chicago."

"Welp, better bring my Gas-X"

"For the good of both of us. All right little fella, in you go."

"Fwuffy scawed...nu wike nyu..."

------

>You are Anon, young enterprising college student.
>You got a flyer in the mail stating you could recieve $100 for product testing a new toy from Hasbro.
>Something to do with My Little Pony.
>You were never one of those Bronies, but hey, a hundred dosh is a hundred dosh.
>When you arrived, you were surprised to see that you were the only one.
>The receptionist was very tight-lipped about what kind of product you were testing, and you had to sign a bazillion forms saying you wouldn't reveal a word of what you saw.
>Now you're sitting in a small room that looks like it's been set up for some kind of child. A large mirror - two-way, you've guessed - takes up almost half of the wall
>You've got a chair and a desk with a form on it, along with a few cans of Spaghetti-Os
>On the floor is a little dog-bed, some balls, some blocks, a bowl of kibble, a bowl of water.
>Some signs have been hung on the wall.
"If it's good, feed it the spaghetti."
"If it's bad, give it the Sorry Stick."
>You raise an eyebrow, turning to see a wicked-looking truncheon hanging on the wall.
>As your turned, you hear a panel pull back.
"Fwuffy scawed...nu wike nyu...BAWW!"
>You turn, and see the strangest thing you've ever seen come waddling out of a new hole in the wall.
"Wuv baww! Fwuffy pway wif baww!"
>It looks like a tiny, fluffy animal of some sort. It's got gigantic eyes and a cheeky little grin, tiny hooves, a big poofy tail and a matching mane.
>Mane...hooves...
>Jesus fucking Christ. You sonsabitches, you did it. You actually did it.
>The fluffy pony nudges its ball around happily for a few seconds before it finally notices you.
"Nyu fwend?"
>It smiles a gigantic, endearing smile. You can almost feel your heart melting.
>You slide off your chair and sit down on the floor cross-legged, a big smile on your face.
"Yeah, I'm a friend."
"Yay! Giff huggies!"
>The fluffy pony waddles up to your leg and wraps itself around it, giving you the biggest hug it can.
>You feel like you're being gently caressed by a pillow.
>Being careful to remember the 'Be very gentle' sign on the wall, you pick the fluffy up and hug him(?) to your chest.
>The fluffy makes some kind of murr/purr sound in its throat and nuzzles its face.
"Fwuffy wub nyu fwend! Nyu fwend am bestest fwend ebah!"
>And your heart just melted twice...

------

>You can't remember the last time you've had such fun.
>This fluffy pony is the best toy ever!
>It loves to play, it's easily entertained, it's never boring at all.
>Sometimes it will get itself stuck or turned upside down.
"Daddeh! Hewp fwuffy! Waaaah!"
>You help the little idiot around, and you're rewarded with some of the most heartfelt thanks you've ever recieved.
>Hell, it's even cute when it eats! It was such a good toy that you opened up a can of Spaghetti-O's.
>Oh god it was like you gave it a yacht or something.
"SKETTIS! Nice Daddeh giff Fwuffy skettis! Fwuffy su happeh! Fwuffy wub Daddeh!"
>And then he wholfed down the whole bowl in ten seconds flat.
>After that he gave you the biggest hug yet and you cuddled the cute, fluffy little thing to your chest.
"Heh. Wow. You are just the cutest thing ever..."
>Suddenly you remember the paperwork you have to do.
>You do need that hundred dollars, after all. Ramen won't buy itself.
>Picking up the fluffy, you set it down and ruffle its mane.
"Daddy has to go do something, fluffy. Just play with your toys and be a good boy and maybe I'll give you a belly rub, all right?"
>He grins and hops up and down happily.
"Bewwy wubs! Fwuffy wub wubs!"
>Wub wubs? Oh god HNNNNGGGGHHHHHHH.
>You chuckle and stand up, turning to sit at the desk. Popping your pen open, you begin to fill out the form.
>You can hear the fluffy behind you, happily babbling to itself as it rolls its ball around and stacks its few blocks.
>You can't believe they even have to ask about any negative aspects. From what you can tell, this thing is the perfect pe--
"Fwuffy make stinkies!"
>You shot who in the what now?

>You turn and look down at the fluffy pony.
>Its back is arched, its ass in the air and a look of concentration on its face.
"Hnnnnggghhhh...."
>PHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!
>Your entire face screws up and you press a hand to your mouth.
>Do not laugh, do not laugh...
>Oh fuck, you can't help it. You burst out laughing, even as the fluffy lets out another big blast of flatulence.
>Holy shit this entertaining thing is going to sell like why does it smell like bacon dipped in horse semen?
"Jesus fuck!"
>You begin to cough as an abyssal smell from the stygian pits of the Nether Realm assaults your senses.
>Suddenly the tinyness of the room seems all the more amplified as you hack and wheeze, every breath filled with fire and the taste of that horrible fart.
>And it's still going!
>You stand up, trying desperately to pull at the doorknob.
>Locked.
>Your cheeks are reddening and you're beginning to grow light-headed.
>You stumble across the little play area, knocking blocks and ball aside in your haste.
>The fluffy has finished its monumental expulsion of gas and looks up at you curiously.
"Wha' wong wiff daddeh? Heehee, Daddeh bein' siwwy!"
>You pound your fist on the two-way mirror, trying to croak out a plea for help.
>Just more coughs exit, as well as some blood splattering all over the mirror.
>Your vision begins to tunnel and you fall down onto your side, breaking your arm underneath you.
"Daddeh! Was wong? Daddeh haff sickies? Fwuffeh make bettah! Fwuffy gif huggies!"
>Fuck...you...you little...fucking...ver...mi...

------

"And then I said 'Look under the couch'!"

"Hah! I bet she had egg on her face!"

"All right, let's see how the experiment is going."

"Well, the camera's still recording. Hey, what's that stuff on the gla--..."

"Huu huu huu...Ge' up, Daddeh...fwuffy nu wike dis game..."

"..."

"Pwease...fwuffy wub daddeh...pwease ge' up..."

"..."

"Fwuffy am bad fwuffy? Daddeh nu wub no mo'? Huu huu huu..."

"All right, Einstein. Having them fart their waste instead of shit it out was YOUR idea, so you get to dispose of the body this time."

"Oh, give me a fucking break with that high-and-mighty tone. Whose idea was it to have them explode during birth?"

"I thought it would be funny! How was I to know the carotid artery could be cut by flying fluffy bones?"