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- Bit & Smidget: Kinslayer StrangeCreed 04/03/12(Tue)20:57 No.1022748
- >you are now Hurples the fluffy unicorn
- >life is great
- >every day you get to run around in the sunshine, play with string and your big orange ball
- >you even see other fluffy ponies through the fence!
- >when you run out, they always watch you playing
- >they're blue and don't have a horn, but they're still fluffy ponies and you wanna be their friend
- >you can't tell why, but they even know your name!
- >if they know your name they have to be friendly
- >the games they try to play are aren't very fun, but you don't mind
- >you still remember something bad though
- >the blue meanie that put the ouchies on your face
- >you don't want to give that fluffy pony hugs
- >one day, while trotting around to nowhere really, you see a blue unicorn through a hole in the fence
- >something makes your face feel funny looking at him but it could be an extra big smile
- >he's smiling too, so that's nice!
- >aw shit, nigga you gonna give him a big ol' hug
- >you run as fast as you can
- >of course, you are still a fluffy pony and trip over your limbs, knocking your horn on the wood
- >your fluffy brain is rattled
- >you are once again Bit, and pissed that your guillotine trap went off early
- ***
- >you hurry to reset the blade, but Hurples's new owner is already coming to see if he's okay
- >the guillotine is left sprung, but you partially climb through the hole
- Hey there, little guy, comin' to play with Audie?
- >"Who is Audie?"
- Our fluffy unicorn.
- >he renamed the little womb-turd, and it still doesn't know it
- >you repress your desire to just try to burn the retard with your spray of sparks, but alas, the neighbor picks him up
- Did you see what happened?
- >"He hit his head on da fence."
- >he's completely comatose, drooling slightly
- Heh, guess he really wanted to play, didn't he?
- >the neighbor strides back to his house, and you lament your failure
- >in retrospect, the guillotine would have been a little obvious, so it's probably for the best
- >maybe Smidget can point out some of those poisonous berries if she were to see some more?
- >your mind a broil with fresh schemes, you walk slowly towards the house as your two children continue to play tag
- >when you first heard that you had reproduced, you thought you'd be coating your hooves in foal brains, but Moon and Star are wonderful
- >unfortunately, you hear that the master wants may give them away
- >regrettable, but he usually does know best
- >you step through your doggy door, out of the hot spring air and into the chill near darkness of kitchen
- >the fluff keeps you alive, but it is often inconvenient
- >Smidget is busy, folding t-shirts with her mouth and hooves
- >you reflect fondly on how absolutely superior you are over all other fluffy ponies
- >maybe Moon and Star leaving could have... longer ranging effects
- >you just trot on by, but your legs stop when you hear the childish babbling of another fluffy pony from the living room
- >the master sits with a friend, who apparently saw fit to bring his own fluffy pony over
- >you do not smile, but smirk when the fools attempt to hug you causes it to choke on its leash
- >trot on by, turn on the tv
- >you've been trying to broaden your learning, but the so-called "documentary" channels are garbage
- >what do lumberjacks have to do with history anyway?
- Hey Bit, my friend doesn't believe how smart you are. Care to demonstrate?
- >you grin widely at the chance to prove yourself, but can't think of how exactly to DO it...
- >the friend pipes up, "Hell, I'd be impressed if he could count to five."
- >this... insults you somewhat, but you begin reciting your numbers, continuing until YOUR ego is satisfied
- >the man begins asking mathematical question, and you oblige him
- >tiring of this game, you go a head and ask, "Can you take Smidget and I fo' walkies? I'm tired of the backyard."
- >even if you don't need a leash, you still need him around
- >not all humans like fluffy ponies, and dogs sure as hell don't like them
- >Smidget trots in, wrapped in a Dead Milkmen shirt, "I have a pwobwem."
- >you wonder to yourself if that was intentional as your owner and his friend put on their shoes
- >thus begins the walkies of death
- >you both stay ahead of the humans and the other fluffy
- >informing Smidget of you plan, she's hardly cooperative
- >"I'm gwad he's not wiving wif us any mo', but I dun wanna hewp you kiww Hurples."
- >why she's so attached to that mistake you cannot understand
- >still, she told you about green berries, and if they were growing in the park they had to have been from somewhere
- >of course, you'd still have to gather them in secret...
- >but that's later!
- >for now, you're just going to have a nice, relaxing walk with Smidget and your master
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