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Hi Alex!

Sorry this is shitty!

I'm not exactly sure what you know, or what your situation is, but this whole series of events is fucked enough such that if I were you, I would want to know the specifics.

Anyways, Olivia and I spoke for about one week, spending a couple hours every other day or so talking and smoking cigarettes on campus. On the last day of this, she informed me that she lived with her boyfriend (I didn’t know that this was you for some time). During this conversation, she described being with you as a "4 month identity crisis", and resolved to break up with you, towards which she said "What am I supposed to tell him, 'I find you half as interesting as my ex-boyfriend that I promised I wasn’t in love with, oops I guess that was a lie, sorry! But hey, at least I think you're wholesome' ". Idk if you needed to know that last bit, but fuck that, I would sure like to know.

This conversation + school had me pretty stressed out, and I spent Canada day weekend in Toronto partly to avoid complicating her shit. During this time, I guess she kicked you out. Subsequently, she and I spent essentially 100% of the time she was not in Riverview with each other, up till about the second week of August.

During these 5 weeks, she agreed to marry me, and I truly thought and felt that she meant it, enough such that I actually had my mom mail me her damn ring. Always, at some stage this stopped being as good a time, and she told me that she decided being around me makes her feel bad, largely because of our long bullshitty history, and that she was "too fucked up to be in a relationship". That we should talk when I return for a couple weeks in December. Since then, she has explicitly not made it clear one way or another if she intends to get back together with me, and it has all been frustratingly fuzzy. I suspect she just didn’t want to hurt my feelings, but she has been pretty dodgy about it.

Presumably, you are back together with her, which either means she hasn’t filled you in about this, or if she has, you are shockingly okay with it. Either way, its a series of pretty sharp turns on her part. This is okay with me I guess... Kind of sucks and leaves a gross bad taste in my mouth, but that’s how it goes. Maybe telling you all this is super shitty on my part. Oh, also in the last weeks that I was in town she spoke frankly about how scared she was of being alone for the first time and seemed pretty fucked up about it. Idk if that info is relevant but whatever.

In any case, I love her to bits - but this rash swingy behaviour is pretty harmful (at least hurts my feelings), for sure unacceptable, and I believe absolutely outside the range of what could be considered "normal stressed out student" behaviour. imo, it's probs best described by some combination of undiagnosed, undealt-with mood disorders (depression, anxiety, PMDD, bipolar, etc???) along with the fucked-up stress that comes along with school. I would appreciate it if you have any input here to try and coax her in the direction of seeking actual legitimate help to maybe get her eggs in a basket. Maybe not pills, but at least a fucking medical opinion.

Best of luck with whatever you're up to these days!