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mrkillwolf666

Lucifer trophy room

Jan 10th, 2021
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  1. from /hhg/ Hazbin Hotel general #538
  2. ----
  3. >Lucifer has a trophy room where he keeps various bits of memorabilia on display
  4. >A Golden Fiddle
  5. >Some of those things include Robert Johnson's Evil Eye
  6. >Albert Fish's Groin Needles (Look that up and then wince in pain)
  7. >A wig made of Richard Ramirez' hair
  8. >A copy of the Satanic Bible signed by Anton Lavey
  9. >A pair of spent shotgun shells from the the first battle for Hell at the Dawn of Time
  10. >And the center piece of his collection
  11. >The Ten Missing Pages of the Codex Gigas
  12. -
  13. Gimme more cursed objects
  14.  
  15. I never heard of the Codex Gigas before, that's some neat shit.
  16. -
  17. >The Axe Man of New Orleans Axe
  18. >The Bag of Silver that was given to Judas for the betrayal of Christ
  19. >The Holy Foreskin of Christ (I'm fucking serious its an actual lost relic)
  20. >The Holy Foreskin has to be kept in a special glass case because coming into contact with it causes Lucifer to burst into flames
  21. -
  22. >>The Holy Foreskin has to be kept in a special glass case because coming into contact with it causes Lucifer to burst into flames
  23.  
  24. >Lucifer doesn't even know how he got this fucking thing in his collection
  25. >He was on an eight-day sacramental wine bender and then the horrid thing suddenly showed up in his curio cabinet
  26. >He didn't even know who it belonged to until the first time he tried to get rid of it so the rest of the demons would stop giving him funny looks and ended up torching the suit Lilith gave him for his birthday
  27. >Now the blasted scrap of flesh just sits there, mocking him, all day, and he constantly has to answer the question "bro you know its kinda fucked up that you have this, right?" every time his vassals come to visit
  28. >He's thinking of just walling up the whole damn room so he doesn't have to deal with it anymore
  29. -
  30. >Meanwhile in the Kingdom of Heaven
  31. -
  32. >Son?
  33.  
  34. >Yes Father?
  35.  
  36. >Permit me to ask what may turn out to be a stupid question
  37.  
  38. >Of course father
  39.  
  40. >Now the more I think about this the more bizarre it sounds but...
  41. >...did you put your foreskin somewhere in Lucifer's palace?
  42.  
  43. >Yes, I did father.
  44.  
  45. >I see
  46. >Well then
  47. >The next question
  48. >May I ask why?
  49.  
  50. >Eeeehhhh just to screw with him really
  51.  
  52. >Ah
  53. >Of course
  54. >Well then the final question
  55. >How, in the name of all of my Grand Works, from the outermost celestial sphere to the ninth circle below, did you do that?
  56.  
  57. >Oh it's actually kind of a funny story
  58. >See, I just randomly bumped into him one day
  59. >And lemme tell ya, he was bombed out of his gourd
  60. >So anyway he says to me...
  61.  
  62. ---
  63.  
  64. >Well Son, that is some of the most fucked up stuff I've heard since I took over once the last guy retired
  65. >But I have to admit, pretty clever too
  66. >So Lucifer still doesn't know how it got there?
  67.  
  68. >Nope
  69.  
  70. >Man it must be bugging the shit out of him
  71.  
  72. >Oh it definitely is
  73. -
  74. >since I took over once the last guy retired
  75. Wait...who was the last guy?
  76. -
  77. Zeus. And Amun-Ra was the dude before that, and Quetzalcoatl had a pretty good show too. As far as Yahweh knows he's just running this shit until Abaddon finally gets off his ass and unmakes it, but you never know if the bosses are going to decide to keep Existence going for another few millenia just to get the ratings up...
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