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- from /hhg/ Hazbin Hotel general #538
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- >Lucifer has a trophy room where he keeps various bits of memorabilia on display
- >A Golden Fiddle
- >Some of those things include Robert Johnson's Evil Eye
- >Albert Fish's Groin Needles (Look that up and then wince in pain)
- >A wig made of Richard Ramirez' hair
- >A copy of the Satanic Bible signed by Anton Lavey
- >A pair of spent shotgun shells from the the first battle for Hell at the Dawn of Time
- >And the center piece of his collection
- >The Ten Missing Pages of the Codex Gigas
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- Gimme more cursed objects
- I never heard of the Codex Gigas before, that's some neat shit.
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- >The Axe Man of New Orleans Axe
- >The Bag of Silver that was given to Judas for the betrayal of Christ
- >The Holy Foreskin of Christ (I'm fucking serious its an actual lost relic)
- >The Holy Foreskin has to be kept in a special glass case because coming into contact with it causes Lucifer to burst into flames
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- >>The Holy Foreskin has to be kept in a special glass case because coming into contact with it causes Lucifer to burst into flames
- >Lucifer doesn't even know how he got this fucking thing in his collection
- >He was on an eight-day sacramental wine bender and then the horrid thing suddenly showed up in his curio cabinet
- >He didn't even know who it belonged to until the first time he tried to get rid of it so the rest of the demons would stop giving him funny looks and ended up torching the suit Lilith gave him for his birthday
- >Now the blasted scrap of flesh just sits there, mocking him, all day, and he constantly has to answer the question "bro you know its kinda fucked up that you have this, right?" every time his vassals come to visit
- >He's thinking of just walling up the whole damn room so he doesn't have to deal with it anymore
- -
- >Meanwhile in the Kingdom of Heaven
- -
- >Son?
- >Yes Father?
- >Permit me to ask what may turn out to be a stupid question
- >Of course father
- >Now the more I think about this the more bizarre it sounds but...
- >...did you put your foreskin somewhere in Lucifer's palace?
- >Yes, I did father.
- >I see
- >Well then
- >The next question
- >May I ask why?
- >Eeeehhhh just to screw with him really
- >Ah
- >Of course
- >Well then the final question
- >How, in the name of all of my Grand Works, from the outermost celestial sphere to the ninth circle below, did you do that?
- >Oh it's actually kind of a funny story
- >See, I just randomly bumped into him one day
- >And lemme tell ya, he was bombed out of his gourd
- >So anyway he says to me...
- ---
- >Well Son, that is some of the most fucked up stuff I've heard since I took over once the last guy retired
- >But I have to admit, pretty clever too
- >So Lucifer still doesn't know how it got there?
- >Nope
- >Man it must be bugging the shit out of him
- >Oh it definitely is
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- >since I took over once the last guy retired
- Wait...who was the last guy?
- -
- Zeus. And Amun-Ra was the dude before that, and Quetzalcoatl had a pretty good show too. As far as Yahweh knows he's just running this shit until Abaddon finally gets off his ass and unmakes it, but you never know if the bosses are going to decide to keep Existence going for another few millenia just to get the ratings up...
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