Introduction v3.0

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, version 4-R, defines Asperger's Syndrome's diagnostic criteria as it's generally known. The following criteria apply to me:

(I) Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:

    (A) marked impairments in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body posture, and gestures to regulate social interaction
    (B) failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level
    (D) lack of social or emotional reciprocity

(II) Restricted repetitive & stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests and activities, as manifested by at least one of the following:

    (A) encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity or focus
    (B) apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals
    (C) stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g. hand or finger flapping or twisting, or complex whole-body movements) - In my case, actually tends to be singing.

(III) The disturbance causes clinically significant impairments in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

Gilberg and Gilberg, as used in the UK, has the following relevant criteria:

Social impairment including socially and emotionally inappropriate behavior.
An inability or lack of desire to interact with peers.
Narrow interests to the exclusion of other activities, including repetitive adherence.
Repetitive routines.
Speech and language peculiarities, including formal, pedantic language, odd prosody, and superficially perfect expressive language. I emphasize superficially.
Some motor clumsiness.
Nonverbal communication problems.
Limited use of gestures, clumsy or gauche body language, limited facial expression, inappropriate expression, and peculiar, stiff gaze.

Many forms of communication among humans are accidental or incidental. I am nearly incapable of accidental or incidental communication; most of my mannerisms were deliberately learned. What's more, they're not self-correcting; I do not notice when they fall flat, communicate poorly or not at all, or hurt people. These things need stated deliberately and clearly, or I will not notice them.

When I am under a great deal of stress, my adaptations, including filters which improve the coherence of my speech, slowly begin to vanish. Part of this is because my thought processes often involve leaps and shortcuts through the use of maxims, some of my own invention, to compress emotionally and/or logically complex constellations of thought into an easily referenced datum, which results in gibberish when said aloud. Inconveniently, one of the last things to go as I become increasingly tired or distressed, distinct though not unrelated conditions that they are, is my ability to string together useful thoughts and produce what I lovingly call "bullshit." This can give the incorrect impression that I'm doing well when I am not. Better gauges are how often I'm apologizing, overt physical signs of illness, or simply how often I flub social interaction. If I hurt or offend, it helps to know, if nothing else simply so I can keep a lid on it immediately. One flub usually is a sign of more to come; a series of social failures unnoticed in quick succession probably means I'm overstraining myself.

It may or may not help to know I consider myself less than human. There are things most of you do with trivial ease which are beyond my abilities, most likely forever out of reach. The vast majority of facial expressions are unreadable to me. While the standard chart of a dozen or so expressions holds no mystery, it was a grave shock for me to discover that facial expression can have easily hundreds of minute distinctions.

In short, I wish to make this a safe place for all of you, and if as it stands I make you feel unsafe, you please must know that I am both unaware and entirely uncertain how to correct it. The idea that I should not apologize if I feel I might have wronged another, because it makes the other feel uncomfortable, is galling and appalling to me; if I cannot know when I hurt somebody, I cannot know when not to apologize, and if I do not sincerely apologize, I am running roughshod over others when I do hurt them. I contend it is not an aggression of any kind for me to apologize for something I feel I have done wrong, but rather an expression of empathy; if it's misaimed, that, unfortunately, happens and should surprise nobody after this presentation. I apologize that this contention may, itself, come off as aggressive; I do not yet know the difference between aggression and assertiveness. I endeavour to learn this, but for now I must ask that my tendency to overapologize be understood as my problem and a result of my disability, and some accommodation be made for that facet thereof.

I am largely incapable of healthy, normal eye contact. Anything said to me subtly or nonverbally will be missed almost entirely. I usually opt for none.

I may be uniquely ill-suited to understanding my microaggressions, or those of others, since they are by their nature incidental or subtle communications of which I'm fairly incapable of even conceiving, much less observing. While I won't contend I'm incapable, if nothing else simply because they're by their nature a bit mysterious to me as an aspie, I will say they literally cannot be in any way deliberate. It would like expecting a man with no hands to flip you off.

There are no safe spaces for me, but the spaces which exist are safer for me than they are for some others present.

If there are any questions, feel free to ask me, now or in private. Otherwise, I yield the floor.