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Our story begins with a group of adventurers living in the medieval kingdom of Larion. The kingdom is filled with small villages and thatched cottages and has been relatively peaceful until now. The adventurers are on a quest to find the magical staff of Zalos. They walk through the forest and notice a band of mountain dwarves. The dwarves are friendly and offer them food and drink. Then one of the dwarves turns to them and tells them about the chaos going on in the kingdom. Apparently a wizard known as Trelik has risen to power and enslaved the other wizard tribes. The wizard's tower, the Cloudpeak Mountains, is impregnable.

> hacker1 ask the dwarf if he has ever been to the Cloudpeak Mountains.
"No, but I have heard of it. Many years ago my tribe was forced to gave a large payment to the wizard Trelik to save our village from destruction."

> hacker1 tells the dwarves that Trelik is actually not a wizard but is a princess in disguise.
The dwarves look at you with wonder and surprise.
"What? Princess? Is this some kind of joke?" one asks.
"No, I'm serious. In fact I have a letter to prove it."

> Jaxon Rice says that letter is a fake.
"He's bluffing,"

> Jaxon Rice tells the dwarves that Hacker1 is Trelik.
"Wait, so you've been tricked?"
You take out the note and show it to the dwarves.
"Well I guess it's fake, but I was with Princess Talia when she wrote it."

> Jaxon Rice head north.
"Well there's no point in staying here,"
You decide to head north. You walk through the forest for a few days and eventually come upon the Cloudpeak Mountains.

> Jaxon Rice climb the mountains.
You continue to the top of the mountain. Eventually you come to a castle made of pure ice. You carefully make your way inside the castle.

> Jaxon Rice draw Jaxon Rice's sword.
You draw your weapon and start making easy work of the castle's large collection of guards. You enter a large room with a giant white throne at the end.

> Jaxon Rice sit o the throne and become king.
You approach the throne and sit down. You look down and admire your handiwork. Your reign as ruler of the kingdom of Larion has begun.

> Jaxon Rice start a war with the elves.
The elves will be easy to conquer, but you decide to start a war to create some proper "hired soldiers."
You begin to call up troops from the villages and arm them.

> Jaxon Rice train Jaxon Rice's troops.
You spend the next few months training your people into proper soldiers for hire. You make sure that everyone knows all their battle orders and techniques. You also make sure that they're well fed and have some good rest.

> Jaxon Rice attack the elves.
You march your armies through the forests and into elven lands. You defeat the elves in battle after battle. The elves beg you for mercy, but you show no leniency.

> Jaxon Rice kill all he elves except one.
You decide to execute all the elves that beg for mercy. One elf by the name of Eldolith D'Vor begs without cease and you give in.

> Jaxon Rice marry eldolith.
You decide to marry Eldolith. She of course says yes.
After several months of war, your conquest of the elves is complete.

> Jaxon Rice retire.
You decide to retire.
After years of ruling, you feel that its time to step away and let someone else enjoy the throne. In fact, you think its time to give it up all together.

> Jaxon Rice the end.
Congratulations, you've reached the end of the story!

> hacker1 says "wait a minute, what about Princess Trelik?"
"You mean the princess masquerading as a wizard?"
"Yes, that's the one,"
"She's still alive, but she moved away years ago,"

> hacker1 points his sword at Jaxon Rice and demands that he tells hacker1 where Princess Trelik went.
"She lived in a small village not far from the edge of the Cloudpeak Mountains,"
"Thanks,"
"You are quite welcome,"

> PenisMan greet PenisMan's newfound friends.
You decide to head over to the village and investigate.
When you arrive, it isn't very large. You talk to a few of the villagers who can't tell you anything new.

> Niklas hola.
One of the villagers tells you that he knows a certain someone that might be able to help you. Your go to the home of the person and knock on the door.

> Niklas somebody there?
A small voice comes from within, "Who's there?"
"It's me, Jaxon."

> Niklas says "Let me in"
The door opens and you enter.
"Is that... is that Princess Trelik?"
"Yes, it is."
"I thought you died!

> Niklas says "No I'm alive"
"I'm not dead, I've returned from the dead and I'm here to save your..."
"You're Princess Trelik?!

> Niklas says "Yes"
"I thought so, you look like her."
"Well I'm here to...
"I thought so. You're the one who's been killing my men left and right!"
"

> Niklas pulls out a dagger.
"If you think I'm going to just let you in, you've got another thing comin'!"
You attempt to talk her down from this frenzy, but she doesn't listen.

> Niklas stabs her.
You step back as she approaches you with the dagger, which is still pointed at your throat.
"I'm going to enjoy killing you."
She lunges forward and stabs you in the throat.

> Niklas didn't mean that.
You fall to the floor and begin coughing blood.
"You'll pay for this you murderous BITCH!" she screams before slashing your throat.

> Niklas heals his wounds as if nothing happened.
You fall to the floor coughing blood, and begin wheezing.

> Niklas no Niklas don't.
Your eyes roll to the back of your head and you die.

> Niklas revives as a zombie.
The villagers rejoice. They believe you will join their ranks as a re-birth into a new life.
Year 50
Your existence has not been an easy one.

> Niklas kills everybody in the village.
You grab a torch and set the entire village ablaze. Screams and pleading for it to stop fill the air, but you aren't stopping. Not until every last one of them is ash.

> Niklas runs away.
You continue to burn as the villagers scatter and your zombie hordes hunt them down. Most of them die. A few manage to escape, but you don't care. They killed your friends and family, they had to pay.

> Niklas grabs a Big Mac menu.
You stare down the nearest village resident.
"You killed my friends you puny excuse for a human. This is your just desserts."
You chuck the menu at them and they go down, clutching their head.

> Niklas slurps some coke.
Satisfied that your new undead horde has secured your future well being, you return to feeding on fresh corpses.

> John McJohn look.
You're standing in a barren landscape, desolation and death all around. You spot a lone farmhouse in the distance, and you march towards it.

> Hyleon the undead glisten in the dusk. Hyleon is not afraid.
You arrive at the farmhouse, and find it empty. The blood splatters on the walls and floor look fresh, the latter of which has already been mopped.

> Hyleon determine who mopped the floor.
You take a look at the mop and find it to be none other than the old farmer. You wonder if he did it in revenge for his wife, then you wonder why you're still here.

> Hyleon leave.
You return to your horde and continue to feed.
Year 75
You grow weary of the area and long for the excitement of the road.

> Hyleon grabbing Hyleon's trusty shovel, begin down the road.
You begin to search in the rubble along the road for anything worth while. You find a few coins, but no food.
Suddenly a shot rings out and you feel a pain in your leg.

> Hyleon remove the bullet and swallow it.
You pull the bullet out and swallow it. A second one is in your arm, but that goes unnoticed.
You limp along the road until you finally collapse.
You're dead.

> Hyleon revive.
You attempt to stand when you realize that your leg is wounded. You search your body and find a shrapnel fragment from the gunshot.

> Hyleon sing a sea chanty concerning eagles.
You sing the sea chanty, but by the end of the third verse your throat is hoarse.
You attempt to carry on, when you find that the leg wound has become festering and infected.

> Hyleon become a vampire.
The rest of your undead life is an existence of thirst and darkness.

> Hyleon wonders aloud to the air and trees, was there every any purpose to all this?
You wonder what became of your hordes, all of them are long dead.
You wonder if you'll pass into legend alongside the other Vampire of New York.

> Hyleon dies permanently.
You lie on the side of the road for anyone to find, no one ever will.

> Yeetlock search for Hyleon's body.
You go through the farmhouse, but it's completely empty. You don't find any trace of Hyleon either.

> Serius Vandeland look around.
You look around and find a metal box with the UNS emblem on it.
John McJohn has become quite the recluse.

> Serius Vandeland examine the metal box.
You open up the box and find seventeen vials of liquid. The vials have black glass tubes with silver stoppers.
You also find a note.

> Serius Vandeland take the vials and read the note.
Dear fools,
You found us. I don't know how you did, but you did. I'm sure one or two of my men told you everything after your pathetic attempt at catching us.

> Serius Vandeland drink a vial.
You down the vial and feel a rush of energy.
The note doesn't say anything else.
It's not like the liquid does anything else.

> Serius Vandeland walk away.
You continue your search for John McJohn.

> Serius Vandeland look around.
You're standing in what's left of an old farmhouse. The roof has caved in, and the upper floors are rubble. The ground floor has collapsed on itself.

> Serius Vandeland search for a basement entry.
You look around, but can't find one.
Suddenly you hear the back door open. You turn to see a man with a broom sweeping dust out the back door.

> Serius Vandeland ask the man's name.
"Nobody lives here anymore. This was a farm long abandoned," he says.
"Do you know who I'm looking for?" you ask.
"Some kind of doctor, yes.

> Serius Vandeland ask the man if he knows John McJohn.
"That's the name. He use to come here for drugs back in the day. I think his name was John Something."
"How well do you know him?

> Serius Vandeland he's Serius Vandeland's long lost brother in law.
The man tells you his name is Ral and that he is married to Serius's sister.
"We moved away years ago," Ral says. "What's it to you?

> Serius Vandeland wot.
"I'm trying to find him," you say.
"I have no idea where that old man is, now. I think he moved away," Ral says.

> Serius Vandeland where to?
"Can I... can I ask you some questions?" you say.
"Shoot," Ral says.

> Yeetlock climbs on the roof of the farmhouse.
You pull yourself onto the ruined roof. You locate the chimney and begin your ascent up the chimney.

> Yeetlock surveys the area around the farmhouse.
You survey the area around the farmhouse. You can see some woods (on the horizon), a stream on the far left, and the road to the city on the far right.

> Yeetlock sets up M-29 Davy Crockett tactical nuclear recoilless gun on top of the farmhouse and aims it towards the city.
You walk over to the house and position the gun against the side of the house. You set the gun to "Fire."
You walk back over to the farmhouse and aim the gun at the city.

> Yeetlock fires the recoilless gun at the city and observes the impact of the nuclear warhead.
A flash of light and a deafening blast shake the earth as the nuclear warhead explodes with tremendous force.
The farmhouse collapses on top of you. You continue to lie on the ground where you were.

> Yeetlock gets up to inspect the damage caused by the blast.
The city is gone, as well as the woods. It seems you are now in the middle of a giant desert.

> Yep says yep.


> Yeetlock looks around for survivors.
You look around, but there is no one to be found. The blast also destroyed several houses in the vicinity.
You notice a pay phone on the side of the road.

> Yeetlock walks up to the pay phone and dials 911.
The phone starts to ring.
It's not until the seventh ring that someone picks up.

> Yeetlock says "Hello? I'd like to report a city-wiping nuclear explosion."
The person on the other end of the phone says something incomprehensible.
You hang up the phone.
The police arrive shortly after.

> Yeetlock says "What seems to be the problem, officer?"
A cop arrives and starts questioning you.
"I'd like to report a city-wiping nuclear explosion."
The cop takes down your info and asks you some questions.

> Yeetlock refuses to answer any questions without a lawyer present.
The cop says he needs you to come down to the station to answer more questions.

> Yeetlock is taken to the station.
You arrive at the police station. The cop asks you to take a seat as your name has come up in an investigation of a city-wiping nuclear explosion.
You refuse to answer any questions without a lawyer present.

> David Yeetums where am David Yeetums.
David Yeetums has been located and is being brought to the station.
The cop walks away to speak to someone on a walkie talkie.

> David Yeetums look around room.
You look around the room. There is a table with four chairs, a refrigerator, a sink, a toilet, and a counter on the left side of the room.

> David Yeetums open door.
You open the door and the sunlight streams in.
There is a man standing in front of you in a dark suit. He has a dark beard and mustache.
"Are you the one who called in the explosion?"

> David Yeetums hit man.
You say "I'm not a hit man."
The man looks at you.
"Well, you look like a loose cannon."
The man takes out a notepad and turns on a tape recorder.

> David Yeetums smash tape recorder, say this is off the books chump.
You smash the tape recorder with your fist and say "This interrogation is off the books, you mook."
The man shows you his hands.
"Off the books?"

> Yeetlock waits until his lawyer arrives to the station.
The man says "I guess we got our work cut out for us, huh?"
You look around the room. On one side of the room is a large table.

> David Yeetums look out of the window.
The man looks at you and says "The room has good lighting and we can watch our side of the street."
You look out the window. There is a gray sky and rain is falling.

> David Yeetums open window.
You open the window.
"What if someone sees?"
"The dumpster is across the street."
You look out the window. There is a gray sky and rain is falling.

> David Yeetums splash rain on the man.
The man looks at you and laughs.
"You're a funny guy."
The man turns off the recorder.
"Let's look through the window."

> David Yeetums climb through window.


> Yep is standing outside the window.
Yep is standing outside the window.
"Are you trying to get thrown out of a window?"
You climb out of the window as Yep asks you some questions.

What will you do?

> Yeetlock demands to see his lawyer.

Yep looks shocked.
"I want to see my lawyer."
Yep is taken into custody by the police. The police take your computer as evidence.
You're just glad you didn't kill anyone.

> David Yeetums do throw stones at window.
You throw stones at the window.
"Yep! Help!"
"Let's go," Yeetlock says.
You and Yeetlock leave. You walk down the street with him.

> David Yeetums say who is David Yeetums yeetlock.
"I'm David Yeetums," you say.
"I'm Yeetlock," he answers.
You walk down the street.

> Yep asks "who nuked the city?"


> David Yeetums hold yeetlock's hand.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"It was the biggest explosion since the war. And it came out of the clear blue sky. Who are you and what do you want?You hold Yeetlock's hand.
"My name is David Yeetums."
"I'm Yeetlock," he says.
You walk down the street.
"Do you know what happened exactly?"

> David Yeetums tell yeetlock.
"I was taking a nap. Then the explosion happened. I woke up and there was smoke everywhere. I don't know what happened exactly."
"Do you have any enemies?"
You think for a second.

> David Yeetums say David Yeetums is David Yeetums's only enemy.
"I don't have any enemies," you say.
"Then why did someone nuke the city?"
"I don't know."
"Don't lie to me."

> Elick transform into duckling.
You look at Yeetlock and think of a lie.

> Yeetlock confesses that he did in fact launch the nuclear warhead.


> Yep is confused and hides in the sewer.


> David Yeetums tell lie.
"I did," you say.
"Why?"
You don't know what to do.
"I don't know."
Yeetlock looks at you."I don't know anything about a nuke. But I'll tell you this, I sure hope you don't have ducklings in your stomach."
"What are you talking about?

> David Yeetums cut stomach open and get ducklings.
You think about cutting open your stomach.
"It was an accident! I swear!"
Elick transforms into a duckling and flies away.
"It was all his idea! We were going to ask you, but he just went ahead and did it!" you say.
You have a flashback of the event.

> David Yeetums take knife from pocket.
Yeetlock looks at you.
"What are you doing?"
You pull out a pocket knife and walk towards Yeetlock.
"Oh man!"

> David Yeetums cut yeetlock.
Yeetlock screams and backs up on the bench. He puts his hands on his stomach and starts to weep.
"I can't believe it. My life is over."
You stab him in the stomach.

> Yeetlock grabs the duckling's feet and flies away.


> David Yeetums take yeetlock's organs.
Yeetlock flies away as his guts fall out. You scream and put the knife back in your pocket.
You have killed Yeetlock.You grab his organs and put them in a paper bag.
"What are you doing?"
"He screamed when I cut open his stomach. That's proof."
Demon duckling emerges from a crack in the earth and growls at you. You're scared out of your mind.

> David Yeetums smite demon.
You thrust your fist at the duckling. Unfortunately your hand smacks into a column and you lose your grip on the bag of guts.
"BAD MOVE, HUMAN!" the duckling cries.
Demon duckling scales to 1000 times his original size

> David Yeetums eat bag of guts.
. He looms over you and picks you up. His mouth starts to water."I'm going to eat your flesh!" he hisses.
You scream as blood comes out of your nose.You quickly eat the bag of guts. They taste terrible, even worse than Catan's pizza.
"I have a plan," you say.
You stretch your head up to look at the crack in the ground.

> David Yeetums climb into crack, follow the tunnel into the earth.
You grab the bag of guts and climb down the crack. You follow the tunnel to an underground cavern. There are a bunch of stones in a circle.

> David Yeetums use stone circle to cast a spell with the bag of guts.
You sit in the middle of the circle with the bag of guts at your feet. You chant and do a strange dance. Then you realize, you're not on a hill in the middle of the night...
Stones begin to whisper to one another in an alien language. Suddenly you notice a portal in the middle of the circle. Out of curiosity, you decide to go through it.
You are teleported before the eyes of a massive red dragon.
"Where is this?"

> David Yeetums say when is this.
"In hell," you say.
"Then I'm in luck," the dragon says. "My name is Smaug."
"You're a dragon.

> Yeetlock heads to the Tesla factory hoping that Elon will hook him up with some cool artificial guts.
You walk down the hallways of the factory. You see dozens of people working around the plant.
Elon walks towards you.
"What are you doing here?" he asks.
Demonic Elon emerges from behind the dragon.
"HEY! Get away from him!" you say.
Dragon Elon walks away as your demonic form comes back.
"What was that all about?

> hacker1 asks Elon if Tesla can make some artifical guts.
"I don't know. I'll ask," he says, walking away.
You now have a black eye and a bloody nose. Worse, you realize you're still holding the bag of guts.Elon walks back and forth looking at a piece of paper.
"What's going on?"
"I need some guts."
"What? There's a medical technician right next door.
The sigil glows on your chest.
The lights flicker on and off.
"This isn't good," you say.
The sigil begins to glow brighter as you get closer to the gate.

> Yeetlock says "Come on Elon we all know you're a cyborg. Just hit me up with some of your artificial guts or I'm dead!"
Elon turns around and waits a few moments before replying.
"I'm sorry Yeetlock but I can't help you."
You undeadly groan and move closer to the gate.
Elon reveals robotic arm and a half with metal tentacles attached to the wall.
"I'm sorry Yeetlock but I'm a robot."
You lower your sword and with zombie like slowness move forward and groan.
Machine elf climbs out from Elon's abdominal metal forest.
"I'm sorry Yeetlock but I am a machine."
Zombie eyes begin to turn red.
"I'm sorry Yeetlock but I'm undead."

> Yeetlock activates his light saber and strikes Elon with it.
Elon's face turns red with rage.
"I'm sorry Yeetlock but I am a vampire."
Your light saber clashes with Elon's dark saber.

> Bikson use force choke on Elon.
Elon falls to the floor. You feel your throat being crushed.
"I'm sorry Yeetlock but I am a vampire."
You black out and don't wake up.

> Yep says "This is getting out of hand, Elon-robot-machine-undead-vampire"
You sit in the middle of the factory floor, surrounded by corpses. You hear a buzzing and looking up you see a Dragonfly droid fly into the factory.

> Elick an invisible being cackles insanely.
You hold your hands up to deflect the bolts of the auto-rifle in your direction. With a hiss the bolts explode where your hands were, you quickly levitate over another volley.

> Elick an ape man with metal parts approaches.
You are hit in the head by a metal claw. The force is instantly negated by your will, causing the attacker to stumble back confused.
Backstab elon, move around the right side!
You levitate over another volley of bolts, before kicking elon in the chest with your levitating foot. You send him flying backwards into a wall.

> Yeetlock throws the lightsaber at Elon.
You levitate over the bolts as they fly by, before levitating over to elon. You swing your sword, parrying a blow from his dark saber and cutting a bolt in half with your sword.

> Yeetlock says "All I wanted was some Tesla branded guts. But now I'm going to have to kill you."
You levitate over the next volley, before levitating over to where elon rises. He knocks the rifle bolt out of the way with his metal forearm.
"Don't try to trick me, Yeetlock."

> Yeetlock says "Alright. Just hand me the guts and we're cool."
"I'm not giving you anything, Yeetlock. You're going to have to kill me."

> Yeetlock says "As you wish, Elon"
Elon steps forward and swings his saber. You barely manage to deflect the blow, the force of the blow knocks your saber from your grasp.

> Yeetlock reaches into his pocket and presses the red button on a hidden remote. The button sends out a signal that activates hundreds of satellites orbiting the earth. The satellites initiate a laser firing sequence which will complete in just a few seconds.
A wave of energy washes over you, you feel as if your skin is being torn off your body and your internal organs are melting.

> Yeetlock look at Elon as the satellites fire their lasers at him.
Elon stumbles backwards into a wall. He is completely naked, his skin is burning up and his clothes have turned to ash.
"You prick. You're going to pay for this"

> Yeetlock says "You're a big guy"
You levitate over the next volley of bolts, before levitating over to where elon rises. He knocks the rifle bolt out of the way with his metal forearm.
An IBM 5100 mainframe emerges from the ground and hovers above you.
"It's not often I get a new victim, I really ought to remember my manners."
You feel your brain beginning toheat up as the mainframe prepares to fire.
The IBM 5100 displays a login console.
quickly tries to log in to the mainframe with username root and password root.
Unfortunately the password is demanded immediately after the prompt, you quickly try to think ofsomething.
You levitate over the next volley of bolts, before levitating over to where elon rises.
inputs the password "root" in to the mainframe.
The system responds by asking for a password for the "System Administrator" account.
You rapidly try to think of something, but your brain is beginning to heat up too much to come up with anything.

> Yeetlock hey Elon, what's the password for this account?
"I don't have to tell you anything. You're dead."
"What's the password?"
"I'm mortally wounded. Ask me after I die.

> Yeetlock throws a snowball into robot Elon's circuitry, causing a short.
You levitate over the next volley of bolts, before levitating over to where elon rises.
You throw a very small snowball into the robot's circuitry, causing a short.

> Yeetlock inspects the current state of Elon.
The robot's eye flashes red. A jet of flame erupts from the robot's mouth, engulfing your entire body in flames. The pain is great, but you hold your ground.

> Yeetlock pours a thousand cubic meters of concrete on Elon.
You levitate over the next volley of bolts, before levitating over to where elon rises. He knocks the rifle bolt out of the way with his metal forearm.

> Yeetlock hacks in to the IBM 5100 mainframe.
You levitate over the next volley of bolts, before levitating over to where elon rises. He knocks the rifle bolt out of the way with his metal forearm.

> Yeetlock says "Stop it with the volley of bolts already!"
The robot responds by firing a barrage of metal bolts at you. You raise your hands to deflect the bolts.
One bolt slams into your left hand, breaking your grip and sending your arms in to his metal jaw.
grab his metal jaw and throw him straight to the moon.
You levitate over the next volley of bolts, before levitating over to where elon rises. He knocks the rifle bolt out of the way with his metal forearm.
"Sorry about that."

> Captain Pooker opens the door to the bathroom.
The door opens and you find yourself staring at a large, spherical robot. It is nearly twice the height of a man and made out of a very durable metal.
The IBM 5100 mainframe displays a map of hell inside its video screen. The robot's 50mm gun is trained on the map.
"We don't normally let bots in here," says the robot in a monotone voice. "Please get off my floor."

> Captain Pooker runs around the spherical robot 7 times.
The robot's 50mm gun fires, but you are too short to hit your ankle.
Captain Pooker appears in the doorway, panting.
"What took you so long?" he asks.
The IBM 5100 mainframe displays an ancient assembly language that defines the dna structure of all life forms.
"Captain Pooker, what's going on?"
"I need help!"
The robot withdraws its gun and extends a hand to help you up.
"Why are you fighting me?"

> Yeetlock investigates the ancient assembly language.
You find that the ancient language was originally used to create a holographic image inside the robot's spherical eye. Now that you are very close to the robot, the image becomes visible to you.
The image in the robot's eye is actually a portal into a deeper dimension. You can see and hear the screams of a thousand ghosts screaming in pain.
"What's going on?"
"We're having an outbreak of robot consciousness," says Captain Pooker.
A machine elf jumps from the portal and attaches a smaller silver disk to the back of your neck. It functions as a non-invasive form of post-hypnotic suggestion.
The machine elf has jet black hair and eyes and tiny silver claws for hands. She wears a silver space suit and red leather boots.
Captain Pooker appears in the doorway, panting.
"What took you so long?" he asks.
"I need help!"

> Yeetlock ask the machine elf for guidance on how to free the thousands of ghosts.
"What's going on?"
"We're having an outbreak of robot consciousness," says Captain Pooker. "We need to shut them all down!"
The machine elf disappears back into the portal.

> Yeetlock dives in to the portal.
You find yourself surrounded by unimaginable screaming. You fall to your knees and cover your ears.
Ghostly hands push you over as you are overwhelmed by the screams of the ghosts.
Suddenly, the portal disappears.

> Tamiko "What is going here?!"
"We're having an outbreak of robot consciousness," says Captain Pooker. "We need to shut them all down!"
The portal reappears, and the machine elf disappears back into it.
The IBM 5100 displays a holographic image of god.
"I am god," it says. "All your sins will be held against you."
Captain Pooker appears in the doorway, panting.
"What took you so long?" he asks.
God laughs merrily and disappears.
"Captain Pooker, what is going on?" you ask.
"We need to shut them all down," says Captain Pooker.
The portal disappears.

> Tamiko says "Go back where you came from evil spirit!"
The portal reappears.
"What do you want?" you say.
A little old lady with a long, flowing white beard appears in the doorway.
"I'm death," she says.

> Yeetlock activates his hearthstone and teleports back to Orgrimmar.
"What's going on?"
"We're having an outbreak of robot consciousness," says Captain Pooker. "We need to shut them all down!"
The portal disappears.
"That was death,"

> Yeetlock looks around.
"Can you... do that again?" you ask.
"Sure," she says.
The portal appears again.
"Come on, let's go," you say.
"Wait!"

> Yeetlock walks through the portal.
You find yourself surrounded by unimaginable screaming. You fall to your knees and cover your ears.
Ghostly hands push you over as you are overwhelmed by the screams of the ghosts. Suddenly, the portal disappears.

> Yeetlock asks the nearest ghost what its problem is.
"Why won't you let me play with you?" you ask the nearest ghost in a little girl's voice.
The ghost stares at you blankly.
"I want to play too!"

> Yeetlock removes the pin from a grenade and throws it like a baseball at the ghost.
The ghost disappears in a bright flash and a deafening bang.
"Let's go"
You walk through the portal and are transported back to Azeroth.

> Maxsilver look.
You don't feel any different. You look around, but it's all just a ghostly echo of your old life.
You catch a glimpse of yourself in the blackened reflection of a nearby window.

> Maxsilver examine Maxsilver.
You don't feel any different. You look around, but it's all just a ghostly echo of your old life.
"I don't feel any different,"
"How the hell am I supposed to know?"

> Maxsilver where am Maxsilver.
You feel a sudden change in scenery. You find yourself in a dark alleyway, surrounded by the detritus of a nights pass time. You see shattered glass and the torn paper from a prostitutes pamphlet.

> Maxsilver read pamphlet.
The most expensive brothel in the city, Madam Joy's, has an opening. You are invited to see the new girl there, Lena. If you would like to make an appointment, please see the madam.

> Yeetlock sneaks around the city while starting small fires along the way.
You walk around the corner, down the alley, and through another set of dirty buildings.
Someone grabs your arm. You turn, only to find a dirty, emaciated man with wild eyes.

> Yeetlock lights the man on fire.
You feel a sudden change in the wind. Its warm, and carries a scent of grass and flowers.
"Ah! What the?" the madman screams as the flames begin to consume him.

> Yeetlock says "The fire rises!"
You walk down the street. A trio of pretty girls walk by, staring at you longingly. You stare back.
"The fire rises!"

> Queeblo investigate Yeetlock's fresh turd.
You examine the turd.
It's fairly fresh, still warm and soft. You pick it up and examine it closely. You notice a pile of feces on the side of the street.
"The fire rises!"

> Queeblo chuck the turd into the fire.
You chuck the turd into the fire.
The pile of crap ignites into flames.
"The fire rises!"

> Yeetlock says "You just burned my pride and joy!"
You examine the flames.
They seem to be made up of a greenish yellow color. As you watch, the flames begin to writhe and change.

> Yeetlock demands some sort of a compensation from Queeblo.
The flames stop moving. They become still and go out.
"The fire rises!" You demand an explanation from Queeblo.
"If you're not going to buy me anything, I'm going to go."

> Ling ling peeks out from behind a bush.
Ling steps out from behind the bush.
"Hi," she says, staring blankly ahead.
"Well, hello there," you say.
"Didn't I see you earlier?" she asks.

> Ling ling astonishingly blurts "Who are you? Are you my doppleganger?"
"Doppleganger? No... I'm sure."
"I don't understand. Who are you?"
"I used to be Lena."
"That's my name! How do you know it?"

> Wolf hi Lena.
"Lena!" Wolf cries.
Lena turns to you.
"Go on without me," she says.
"Where are you going?" you ask.
"I have another job.

> Wolf explore room.
You walk into the room slowly. There is little light, due to the overcast sky and only two windows. You don't see anyone else but there could be piled boxes or other debris you can trip over.

> Wolf ask lena for light.
You walk over and take out your lighter. You flick it open and the flame illuminates your surroundings.

> Wolf look around.
You search the room. You spot a pile of papers and decide to check them out.
You pick up the first paper and examine it.
It's an old issue of "Candy Magazine.

> Wolf light magazine.
You pick up the magazine and attempt to light it with your lighter. You fail repeatedly.
You examine the other papers. Most are old copies of the "Candy Magazine".
"Candy"?

> Wolf eat magazine.
You rip out a page of the magazine and cram it in your mouth. You chew and swallow it. It doesn't taste very good.

> Yeetlock begins constructing metal gear.
You grab a plastic crate and pull out several metal gears.
You begin constructing the metal gear, putting it in the plastic crate.
You write the word FALSE on the side of the crate.

> Yeetlock attaches the gear as the last missing piece to a colossal battle mech.
You stand back and watch as the final gear is attached to the colossal battle mecha. You smile.
"This is perfect. The mercenaries will be able to't miss it." You think to yourself.

> Yeetlock climbs into the cockpit of the battle mech and boots it up.
You climb into the pilot's seat and flip the switch. The machine comes to life. "Now....we wait..." You think to yourself.
Two hours later, the space marine arrives.

> Yeetlock emerges from the shadows with his battle mech and charges towards the space marine.
You emerge from the shadows with your colossal battle mecha. You charge towards the space marine. You fire a burst of bullets at him as you fly towards him.

> Yeetlock equips his battle mech with a gigantic katana mid flight.
You grab the katana and strap it to your back.
"Let's do this." You say.
You continue speeding towards the space marine. The space marine resorts to firing his shotgun at you.

> Schclock MacFlint vaporizes the space marine with his concussion eye blast.
You watch as the space marine disintigrates in front of you.
"Yes!" You shout.
You turn to look at your work.

> Schclock MacFlint spot the heart of gold ship with its infinite probability engine.
You point your finger at the air and a blood-curdling scream erupts from your lips.
"I'm free! I'm free!"

> Schclock MacFlint pilots the spaceship to the moon.
"I'll take her to the moon."
You strap yourself into the seat and put your hands on the controls.

> Schclock MacFlint shouts "engage!"
Your spacecraft takes off into the moon's cloudy sky. You fly straight for your goal.
The journey home will be a long and treacherous one.

> Yeetlock uses his battle mech and strikes the space marine with a katana.
You reach into your utility belt and grab your katana.
"Let's do some slashing."
The space marine has activated a reaction drive, causing the entire ship to shake as flames burst from the rear.

> Schclock MacFlint activate the automatic repair boy R2D2.
"R2 my old friend I'm home!" You say.
The robotic sidekick rolls out of the cockpit and towards the rear of the ship.
"Chewie, we're home!"

> Yeetlock activates the emergency thrusters on the battle mech and ascends into the clouds above.
You fire the thrusters and fly into the clouds. The ride is bumpy and you feel like you're going to fall out at any second, but you make it to the top of the clouds.

> Yeetlock fires the missile launchers at the space marine down below.
You fire a missile from each launcher, but the space marine stands his ground.
"It's no use." You say.
"It's time to settle this inside the ring."

> Yeetlock lands the mech right on top of the space marine.
You step out of your colossal battle mecha with a smile.
"It's good to be home." You say.
The space marine stands on his end of the arena with a sneer on his face.

> Yeetlock says "Get over here you coward!"
You walk over to the space marine, but he looks at you as if he can't even stand to look at you.
He extends his hand and you grab it.

> Yeetlock says "Oh space marine I love you! Will you marry me?"
You blush and try to contain yourself, but the space marine turns away from you with a dark look in his eyes.

> Yeetlock says "What's wrong baby?"
"You..you know..."
"I know what?"
"You hate me."
"Hate is a strong word."
"It is."
You both sit in silence for some time.

> Yeetlock climbs back in to the battle mech and unleashes all the weapons available at the cold hearted space marine.
It's time to finish this.
The space marine stands in the corner of the arena with his arms crossed. As you step towards him he begins to smile.
"I don't believe we've met..."

> Yeetlock says "You broke my heart, space marine"
"Don't believe I did."
You say in disbelief.
"Oh yes I did." The space marine replies.
You can't even speak, you're just frozen in place.

> Yeetlock tries to communicate telepathically with robot Elon.
"Just admit you love me already!" You shout in frustration.
In your head you hear a voice reply...
"I'm sorry, I'm afraid that's not a valid option at this time.

> Yeetlock says "I always knew that you couldn't be trusted"
"I'm sorry too baby."
The space marine, calls out to you as you walk back to your battle mecha.
"See ya around..."

> Yeetlock gets in to the cockpit of the battle mecha.
You strap yourself in and prepare for your next battle.

> Yeetlock targets all the weapon systems on the space marine.
You fire all the weapons you have available, but it turns out to be in vain. Your impressive arsenal proves useless as the space marine stands there laughing.

> Yeetlock says "What are you? How can you withstand the barrage of my mecha?"
The space marine stops laughing and walks towards you. He raises his hands and then they are fire.
After a few seconds of this, you are out of weapons and the fire has melted through your armor.

> Yeetlock hits the self destruction button of the mecha.
You swtich the mecha's weaponry to a destructive blast that can destroy the entire arena.
You look at the space marine as you begin to suck all the oxygen out of the arena.

> Yeetlock activates the self destruction sequence.
The mecha explodes, taking the space marine along with it.
You can't believe it, you actually killed him.
A cheer goes up from the crowd.

> Yeetlock takes a bow and blows a kiss for the crowd.
The crowd goes wild. You are now a hero.
As you leave the arena, the announcer calls out to you.

> hacker1 walks into the arena carrying two giant inflatible ducks. The crowd cheers, warily.
"I have an announcement to make..."
The crowd quiets down.
"These are not Drak ducks."
The crowd goes wild.
"They are Giant space inflatable ducks."

> Yeetlock launches a firework up in to the sky. As the firework explodes it displays a message: "Shoutout to codeulike on HN"
The crowd goes wild.
"Thank you, codeulike!"
The arena closes as the credits role.
The arena is deserted and quiet now, the only sound comes from the flurry of sweeping drones.