The phrase "I'm bored" literally makes me want to kill people.
 Sorry I gotta go all Elliot Rodger on you right now, GOSH, GAG ME WITH A SPOON!? Trust me this is so you don't turn into Elliot Rodger. I say with the boxcutter around my own neck. NOW IF I COULD GET CONTROL OF THESE LIMBS WE'D BE IN BUSINESS.

Imagine a wilderness expedition party all just sitting around a fire. One guy who isn't a guy very long cuts the air with the tenderness of an executioner "I'M BORED."
So they nod to the exocutioner, he rolls his eyes, they slap Mr Bored's QUITE INTERESTED penis out on a stump, "huh what's goin on" throw the pathetic guy's brain over to the badgers, then the heads start following SUIT.
I say suit but it won't be formal. They cut off your head, your body isn't going in a suit, and certainly your heads not going in a fucking suit.
I'M BORED. This should be a species wide consent to eviction.
Okay you're expendable. Point noted. This is like the declaration of independence into just like looking at the species list, seeing WORM and going "you know. I think I found my crowd."

Bedside manner of a schizophrenic gorilla. And he knows sign language, but the communication centers in his brain are all fucked up so he just keeps telling you to find a beanie baby and rear it as your child.
Bedside manner of type A mother theresas SECOND SON.
BUT I DONT WANNA BE THE BEDMAN'S WARD INTO THE OBLIVION BEYOND THIS LIFE INTO THE NEXT
DO IT. MAKE YOUR FATHER PROUD.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU he says with a silenced pistol against the guy's head.
YOU AREN'T MY REAL FATHER.
Just then god comes in in a very fetching nurse's outfit and his dick out beneath a miniskirt.
No... I am.

DAYS OF OUR LIVES THE NEXT GENERATION.
BACK IN ACTION, BABY.
This 2020, Daytime TV GOES DARK.
MAMA: BORG. WE NEED TO TALK.
BORG: HUH!?
MAMA: Boy don't act like I just didn't catch you stooped over blue light as a bitch phoning home to your galactic superiors.
BORG: BUT MOM.
MAMA: IS THAT A HOLOGRAM!?
BORG: MOM.
MAMA: IS THAT A...No butts except this one baby. I need my booty did, I need my troth cleaned
BORG: WHAT!?
MAMA: UH UH YOU AINT GONNA ACT LIKE YOU HAVENT FOUND OUT YO SEMI BIOLOGICAL PURPOSE ROY BATTY I AINT NEVA GOIN BACK TO HOUSEHOLD OBJECTS Job as my witness can we get dat nigga in here for real I need one lmfao *reposts to twitter* but real talk baby DONT DENEGRATE yoself you sargeant major eatin ass! I mean you even better than that emulsifier or whatever that was I put up my asshole the other day. Some kinda water cooler tubin' I thought but da ummm... Man at da shop told me it was french.
BORG:THE LEGALITY OF PENDING OPERATION SHOULD BE ADMINSITERED TO PHILOSOPHY CLASSES AS AN EXAMPLE OF MORALLY GREY ETHICAL SCENARIOS.
MAMA: I mean you have no rights as a machine so my ankle shouldn't be makin too much noise outside the prosthetic.... but das just standard issue dat just happen regardless I dont know maybe you can convince him to shut the fuck up with yo numbers ebonics or whatever yo type be usin.
BORG: HOLD OOOOON GUYS... I'LL BE BACK.
BORG HIVEMIND: WAIT. DO NOT LEAVE US.
NUMBER 86.84728349548...
*everyone looking at him*
8374895982....
26....
TWENTY....
FOUR?
POINT...
CALVIN...
BORG SUBORDINATE HIVEMIND 1: IF YOU LEAVE OUR COLLECTIVE INTELLIGENCE WILL NOT BE SUFFICIENT TO CONTINUE THE MEETING.
BORG SUBORDINATE HIVEMIND 2: ESPECIALLY WITH DAVE HERE
*some redneck* Hi...I'm dave.
BORG: Bye dave.... *twinkle in his eyes*
*zoom in, dave just looks uncomfortable*
MAMA: Okay John Smith we good on this public acess forestry robocop skit, cause I needa level with a player.
ON THAT LEVEL. ON PLAYER LEVEL. WE NIDDA QUIT CHASIN FAIRIES N GET GANGSTER...
borg: READY. PLAYER. ONE.
MAMA: Boy shut the fuck up, IMMA communicate to you heart to.... battery on this here and NOW I THINK all that mindfulness training I was on about 15 years ago really paying off just speaking of the present moment cause normally I woulda whip yo ass by now for not gettin in to my OWN you know what I'm saying I need MY DISHES WAXED NIGGA.
BORG: I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THEY WERE DIRTY.
MAMA: BUT DEY IS DO ALL ON ACCOUTN A you can't be using goin all DAVE MATTHEWS BAND LIGHTSHOW takin jobs from good old fashion non sentient american dishwashers I know you existentially frustrated *eyes borg disgustedly* which yo lamentable condition *takes picture* but you can't be wheeping plutonium on my eat sheets baby~. Just come see... It says here on the bowl NON MICROWAVE SAFE..so what made you think you can activate whitie eyes on my PORCELAIN GAMEBOY REGULAR...
*sad midi trumpets zoom in on robocop*
MAMA: Look I'm sad too... Only difference is I can actually feel emotion...
Now I need you to do me a solid and EXCAVATE. Cause what you doin in the cellar I mean yo room eatin digital shit witcho buddies ain't even legal. Which it usually isn't for me either nondigitally but not in the way you thinkin of......
BORG:....
MAMA: It's the next thing you thinking of.
BORG:......
MAMA: I'm a cultist.
BORG:BY FUTURE HUMAN STANDARDS THIS QUALIFIES AS POLICE BRUTALITY. AND... ASSAULT.... WITH MAGICAL BATTERIES.
MAMA: Tck. BOY. NO. SIT.
*borg sits and becomes DORG*
MAMA: Stay.
*dorg stays*
Dorg: with my meager self reliance I get to exercise self reliance in the most meaningful sense available to me
*buttskids across carpet*
Dorg: THIS ACTION OF REBELLION QUICKLY BECOMES MEANINGLESS UPON REALIZATION OF THE FACT THAT I AM... *looks up* AND I AM IN FACT CONFINDED TO THE CELLAR.
MAMA: YEAH now what If I left you like that and walked the fuck out and only communicated via intercom like UH... LAST YEAR when I had you runnin on duracells and not hive conciousness unity like the wikipedia page say to do even tho I bet I could run yo ass wit some skittles. Now stand up
DORG: FUCK! *dog bones creak and reform like inverse american wearwolf in london, intelligent being in america*
BORG: M-MOM.
MAMA: Not even the whole pack just some of em n use the rest to poison pidgeons with GMO's so maybe I can get some real friends after they get GROWN. Maybe might have to involve some electrical tape n' spark plugs depending on how advanced yo dopamine receptors is.
BORG: MOM!
MOM: BOY WHAT!? *raises blaster*
BORG: IN THAT EVENT ELECTRICAL TAPE WOULD BE A WISER DECISION
*meanwhile dorg is being cosmologically eviscerated above in spirit form*
DORG: AHHHHHHH
MAMA: OH so YOU GETTIN ALL BILL NYE NOW MR CANT FIGURE OUT HOW THE CAN OPENER WORK CAUSE I LACK EMPATHY.
BORG: POT CALLING THE KETTLE
MAMA: Don't you dare... I will not accept any clowning on that item of information sir...playing lil miss sunshine in 4th grade Beauty and the Beast tea party ceremony dance scene cause I was in the wrong god damn ass play... I need some comfort... Yeah cause den I just went in to the Books a Million and sat in that little train car they use to hypnotize the kids like walt disney own pocket watch just watched and hoped they'd play beauty the beast movie and then little miss sunshine so I could feel redemption but they never did... Bustrip into neverending field day of depression ... ol Books a Million... Not Books a Millions of homeworld genocides from yo type B for BOY YOU BETTA BOOTLEG ASS deathstar traphouse you be was you at which ain't even bootleg as a clean bitch taking a shit in a dirt lawn by an escalade in the middle ah da god damn daylight!? WHICH I SEEN BY THE WAY... I SEEN DAT... I SEEN IT.............. I SEEN IT.....I SEEN SO MANY THANGZ.....
BORG:MOM I... I LOVE YOU.
MAMA: Thank you number ummm.... Whatever your name is however I got involved in this eternal nightmare
BOY. UM BOY... YEAHGO Ahead disconnect from the hivemind. Come help sugah get to sleep the way a good machine  haggled from a discount sex shop owner as a normal free coupon courtesy uh loyalty buyin' shoulda done but I had to pull some strings like a bitch which I isn't cause he Korean and they don't like us... MhmmM! And according to the charts the sixth stretch goal marker is that pair of apple bottom daisy dukes made of leeches...but by some fluke they went and gave me this omnipotent ass Bitch ass lil fake who nonetheless is bettah at eatin ass than all my previous butt vibrators I mean boyfriends.