Deja Vu

Deja Vu

Teardrops of rain fell from a blood red sky, washing over me with waves of regret. The air was thick and humid and drowned me like I fell into a the deep end of a stagnate pool. Her words assaulted my ears and eviscerated my heart till I could hear nothing but the blood hammering in my ears. Her usually pretty face was twisted and cruel, her black lips curled over sharp teeth, as she spat wordless obscenity at me causing me to shrivel back and tremble like the worthless fox that I was. And then she turned on one heel and began to slowly walk away.

I reached out but my fingers passed through her like I was trying to cling to a plume of smoke

I tried to call out to her and beg her to stay, but all I could let out was a strangled whimper

I tried to run after her, but I could only jog in place, my led like legs refusing to give me even the slightest bit of forward momentum.

The further she got from me, the sharper the stabbing pain in my heart grew, till it burst...

My eyes snapped open and I sat up with a grunt. I could feel the tears gush from my eyes and I could still hear my heart pounding in my folded ears. It had been about a year since our break up, and that dream liked to haunt me nearly every night. It did not help that I still had to work with her, but I tried my best to not be petty and smile. Though it never did me any good since she refused to talk to me in the first place. With a grumble I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and stumbled over to my bathroom to take my morning shower.
The hot water felt so relaxing I wanted to curl up in a ball and just go back to sleep and let it wash over me, but I was well aware I had no time for that, and forced myself to wash up and run out the door. I did not bother with breakfast since I wasn't hungry, and likely I had nothing to do anyway.

I must have been a prophet since when I arrived at the office I had nothing on my schedule, no collabs planned, no one wanted to discuss anything, and shockingly enough, I had even had no meetings. Ever since our break up, I had been painted as the villain.

'That Omaru Polka? yeah shes a piece of shit. She totally overworked and neglected her girlfriend.'

That's all that happened, I got busy and tried to provide for us. I never mistreated her, I never said anything bad, I never raised my voice at her. I tried my best to be as kind as possible. Yet over time she changed. She became cold, cruel, and spiteful. She also sucked at communication, and that was what did me in I think.

What amazed me though, was how everyone took her side and villainized me, despite her being the one that broke things off.

I mean its fine if you want to leave me, but do you really need to make everyone hate me too?

While my brain screamed incoherently at me I heard a pair of footsteps approach me from where I sat. I looked up and saw my manager along with Botan's manager. Both looked rather grim. My manager could not look me in the eye, she took a particular interest on a bland painting of a office plant, while Botan's manager glared at me as though I farted on her pillow.

"It has come to our attention that you are disrupting your groups dynamic, do you have anything to say about that?"
She spat out PR jargon at me as though it meant something.
I had been in the business long enough to know that meant 'your gen mates hate your guts and want you to disappear'

"I would very much like to know how I am disrupting my groups dynamic, especially since they refuse to interact with me."
I retorted, looking her straight in the eye, throwing her jargon back at her. She started and her eyebrows furrowed, she glared back harder at me.

"Your refusal to cooperate has damaged their moral, and in turn hurt their motivation to stream on a frequent basis."
She said calmly, nodding as though she said something profound.
"How does one refuse to cooperate with being ignored I wonder? Its not like they can ignore me, and I can just say 'No' and they suddenly stop ignoring me."
I had begun to babble, but strangely enough my gibberish made more sense than the managers, which I had found a bit humorous.

She did not like that at all.

My manager pushed her gently aside and cleared her throat, and set some papers down in front of me, her voice was soft and soothing, but had a steel edge hidden behind it.
"This is going nowhere, and we are not going to resolve this with words. Omaru, I'm sorry but this is for the best"
I looked at the papers and my eyes blurred upon reading 'Notice of termination of contract'.

Botan's manager wanted to say something else, but my ex manager shook her head and pulled her away by the arm.

Normally when faced with something like this, I would expect myself to cry, or laugh, or utterly break down and do both like an insane piece of shit, but I surprised even myself by quietly leaving the building and walking home. There was no reason for me to be there, no one wanted me there, I had no friends there. No one would care if I had a episode. They would just laugh at me, or call security and toss me out.

The atmosphere in my own home had become oppressive, I felt like I did not belong even here. The shadows twisted and curled around my furniture, I could feel eyes from beyond that inky blackness taunting me. I quietly made my way towards the kitchen as if i were guided by something. I drew a large carving knife from my kitchens knife block and brought it to my throat.
The steel dug into my necks thin flesh granting me a blissful kiss of pain, that silenced my obscene mind from bellowing hurtful things at me, and with a quick swipe I had slit my neck from ear to ear. I fell to my knees engulfed in a cold yet warm darkness and a defining silence to my brains dark thoughts as I slowly began to fade...

My alarm's obnoxious beep woke me up from my second dream. I ran a hand across my throat making sure it was still intact. That was dark, even for me. My phone's discord notification broke the silence, and with a grunt I picked it up and stared at it with blurry eyes.
Apparently Botan chan wanted to meet up and talk about something. That was actually a nice start of my day.

Teardrops of rain fell from a bloodred sky...