I hear sociopaths lack emotion though. i'm not sure if that applies to me. I literally give zero fucks about anything, or anyone. I think though, the only emotion I can't control is sadness/depression. I control my anger, I can give myself anger if I really want to be upset or I can keep it from even existing. Same thing with happiness, if I really want to be happy I can put on a smile and just be a bucket of sunshine. Love is the same way, I don't know how to control myself once I allow myself to love something or someone, but I can control who I do. I usually don't until I'm pretty sure I won't get hurt in doing so (or think I won't, I always do) and then I am the most emotional, lovey-dovey guy in the world. Once I release it I can't hold it back, but I don't know if it's even real at all. I get the emotion for things that I think I should have, and it might very well all be faked. Just like I think part of this depression is faked because I realize my life is going nowhere and I really deserve to be depressed, so I allow myself to bask in it and really, I enjoy it. I hate it but it's better than the alternative of feeling nothing, which I am so accustomed to (especially when I was on Zoloft) I mean it's just, I can stop this depression but I have no desire to give myself happiness or anger or anything else, so if I stop the depression I'll just be nothing, I'll cease to exist. Even faked sad emotion is better than no emotion. Of course, I have nothing to judge it really if I am a sociopath, so this might be what "real" emotion is, I wouldn't know. As much as I can manipulate it, it still feels fake. Depression is the only one that I feel comfortable with, the happiness or the anger or the love or trust or anything, it all feels forced. I think though, that this depression isn't forced because although I allow myself to feel it, I think it's really what I deserve to feel and what I should feel if I really had emotion to begin with.