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  1. ~ Coarse Review of Video Games ~
  2. (a.k.a. kill a kids brain plox)
  4. Jurassic Park: Impossible to play, makes you want to throw up alot.
  5. Legend of Zelda LttP: Going to trigger epilepsy with the lantern. So mad.
  6. Ogre Battle tMotBQ: Are you fucking kidding me? Warren killed me first fight.
  7. Secret of Evermore: Map scrolling triggers a vomit relfex that is infuriating.
  8.                     You can barely do damage and rely on your dog to do all things.
  9.                     (hahahahaha, amerika, fuck yeah...)
  10. Super Caesars Palace: This was programmed by real human beings. Jibberish suppressed.
  11. Weapon Lord: Fucking completely insane and ultra-violent. Prolly a net leak.
  13. .
  15.  ~ Poker Rules ~
  17. 1 Draw: {Flush,Straight}
  18. 2 Draw: {Pair + HC,3-HC,3oK}~(Defensive Card-Cycle)
  19. 3 Draw: {u10-Pair,2-HC}
  20. 4 Draw: {black-Ace + 4-red-scramble}.{black-King} (keep red Royal)(reject 1,2-black)
  21. Fold: {lowScramble}{busted-double.Straight}.50%~(keep 2x-Royal/HC)
  23. Betting rules are opponent dependent and vary based on deck cycling.
  24. -Snake: Always max out with >3oK. Win rate ~ 90%
  25. -Tiger: Kill stealer. Required to time losing. Hard.
  26. -Reptl: Play Randomnifically. Bluff Always.
  28. More casual set of rules stemming off of quad draws for anything Queen+ and using
  29. softer betting strategies/higher fold rates was discovered. Comfortably made 300
  30. without paying attention to much.
  32. .
  34. The Tentacle:
  35. ''''''''''''`
  36. It has been deduced through etheric molestation that a 'tentacle' is a tubular nerve-
  37. oid with a thick exterior sheathing filled with a stimulable slurry for nerve-tube
  38. deformations to occur. In order to increase the dexterity of the structure, suckies
  39. get added to apply large amounts of negative pressure relative to the environment.
  40. Most tentacled objects are either a large worm, or something that grows in the sea.
  41. It can be quickly noticed that:
  43. 1. Worms dont grow very complicated as their environment is either dirt or a sewage
  44.    system.
  46. 2. That negative suckies perform much better in a high pressure environment (like
  47.    living underneath several tens of feet of water) when compared to a low pressure
  48.    environment.
  50. 3. That a tentacled being does not need a direct brain to function. This quickly adds
  51.    two more minor notations to the observation:
  53.    A. [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] inside of nothing but an iris and [REDACTED]
  54.       [REDACTED] [REDACTED].
  56.    B. That sea-beings that are non-mammal may not actually think for themselves most
  57.       of the time, and may be receiving etheric stimuli through the sodiated slurry
  58.       they call home.
  60. In the end, its worth mentioning that in the no-longer published title 'Kindred of
  61. the East', it is possible to design a Kindred that is capable of taking on transfor-
  62. mations that can included the development of a scaled, sucky-free, armored 10ft long
  63. pair of tentacles. This transformation takes nothing more than a sub-combat turn and
  64. it is extremely easy to reach out and grab, disarm, maim, break-the-neck-of, dismem-
  65. ber, or behead almost any enemy threat dumb enough to get within tentaclating dis-
  66. tance.
  68. This transformation can be defended against by a second transformation involving the
  69. development of long, forked, exoskeletal limbs that emulate a praying mantis with
  70. super-pincers. These limbs have been coarsely animated in 'The Matrix: Reanimated'
  71. and it can be effortlessly construed by combat-brained beings that these limbs are
  72. less dextrous, but make tentaclating difficult. They are used to apply piercing style
  73. wounds to the enemy.
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