Isamu's Quest 1: Call of the Hero

Since I wasn't running a thread tonight, but still had time to write something, I give to you fine anons a silly short side-story. Consider it a non-canon OVA to the actual DGA threads, the first of probably many as this Quest continues.

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You have no idea how this happened.

Okay, let's put the pieces together... early morning, you're trying to get some much needed rest, when Akemi bursts into your dormroom asking for your help. Isamu's with her, yelling some of his usual poetic brand of nonsense, before the two dragged you off to the school's courtyard, where you find a camera set-up on a tripod, a lawn-chair with a post-it note on the back, the word “Director” hastily scribbled on it, then Akemi hands you a script for something titled “Isamu's Quest 1: Call of the Hero.”

You have so many questions, but there's only one you think to ask first. “Why is this called Isamu's Quest 1? Are you guys planning for sequels?”

“A lot of sequels!” Akemi smiles.

“Okay... so what is this exactly? Why are you guys doing this... and why do you need me? I swear, if you expect me to act in this crap-”

Isamu lets out a booming laugh. “Haha! Don't be ridiculous, Ryoji Shida! There's only one leading man here, and his name... IS THE INCOMPARABLE ISAMU IORI!”

“Ah, so Isamu's just your middle name?” you snark. “Well, then Mr. Incomparable, what do you need me for?”

Akemi pumps her fist. “Isamu's the Star, and writer of the script! I built the camera, so I get to be director! But I'm going to need you to assist! We have a lot of work that needs to be done if we want to finish the movie today!”

“First off, none of this needs to be done,” you explain, yawning. “Secondly, why are you trying to finish an entire movie in a day?”

“Well, if it takes any longer, we'd just get bored and abandon it!” Akemi laughs.

That's... a fair enough reason. “Fine...” you mutter, knowing that even if you refuse Akemi would find a way to get you involved against your will. “We just need to shoot this crap? Doesn't seem that hard. This script doesn't seem very lengthy...” you say as you flick through the pages. “This definitely isn't enough content to make a feature film.”

“It's exactly long enough to tell the tale of my heroic deeds!” Isamu exclaims.

“Which apparently isn't a lot...” you sigh. “Let's just get this over with. Give me the camera.”

“We aren't shooting yet!” Akemi cries. “There's still more to take care of!”

“Like what?” you ask.

Akemi begins to count the tasks on her fingers. “Well, we still have to work out sound... setting... costumes... casting's a pretty big one...”

“You haven't done casting yet?” You raise an eyebrow. “When did you guys even come up with this scheme?”

“I worked on the script all night!” Isamu boasts, beaming with pride.

“And I decided to adapt it about ten minutes before we woke you!” Akemi laughs. “Which reminds me... I built that camera in a real hurry, I should probably check to see if it's assembled properly...”

It's then you notice the sparks firing from the recording device. You sure as hell aren't handling that. Oh well, looks like this is the day you have in store... guess you should start with the hard part.

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“You want me to play the heroine?” Sayeka asks, smiling. “Why... I'm flattered.”

Time to start with the most important role in the script... besides Isamu, who holds at least 95% of the dialogue.

“Yeah, it shouldn't come as a surprise that you were requested especially by the director,” you reply. “Who better to play the beautiful princess than the school idol?”

Sayeka nods. “I suppose you're right... I'm afraid I'm not much of an actress.”

“No problem, this role doesn't require any acting,” you smirk. “You only have two lines. They're 'Help me Isamu' and 'Thanks Isamu, you're the greatest hero this world has ever known' respectively. Pretty easy stuff. Your main job is to stand there and look pretty.”

“Tempting offer...” Sayeka smiles, “But I'm still afraid I'll have to turn you down.”

Of course she does. Things just can't go easily for you, can they?

“Why?” you ask. “It's an easy job, and it'll be a fun day out... for Akemi and Isamu, at least. I'm not having any fun with this.”

Sayeka shakes her head. “Ryoji, don't forget that I can see the future. The vision that I've had of this movie... it's dire. Complete embarrassment for everyone involved. I want no part of it.”

You doubt she needed to see the future to tell that this production was going to be a total disaster. “Fine, I'll try to find someone else to play the heroine...”

“Did I hear that right?” Akio calls out from across the dorm's lounge. “You're casting for a movie? Who's playing the lead hero?”

“Isamu,” you answer.

Akio bursts into laughter. “Ha! Good one! Seriously though, who's the hero?”

“Isamu,” you answer again.

Akio eyes widen, his mouth agape. “Are you serious? Isamu? Don't you think there's someone else more suited to the role? Someone who's confident, handsome, with a natural stage presence? Perhaps their name begins with an A...”

“It's Isamu's script, the character's name is Isamu, and the movie is called Isamu's Quest. I think it's safe to say that Isamu is determined to play the hero,” you shrug. “That said, he did have you in mind to play the main villain.”

“Cool,” Akio remarks, “And what does that entail?”

“It mainly means you get beat up at the end by the hero,” you reply.

“My job would to pretend to get beat up... by Isamu?” Akio almost chokes on the words. “Would I at least get a cool monologue?”

“No... your character's pretty much dumb muscle.”

Akio scowls. “Then you can forget it! I'm way above a role like that!”

Great... now you're 0 for 2 on the casting side. And there's another person you still need to consult...

“Ryoji! I heard you guys were planning to film a movie on school property!” Saki yells as she charges towards you. “Is this true? I'll have you know that it's illegal to shoot on private property without a permit! Does Akemi have one?”

“Somehow, I doubt it...” you shrug.

Saki angrily places her hands on her hips. “Then that settles it! If you don't have a permit, then I have no choice but to shut the entire production down!”

“Please do,” you laugh. “This is hell, for once I'd welcome you being a wet blanket.”

“Then again...” Saki places a finger to her chin, thinking. “It's definitely not illegal to film in your own place of residence, and since we all have room and board on school grounds, it should be acceptable to film on the premises. It would just be a home movie. Besides, I always thought we could do more to inject some culture and creativity into school activities...”

“Now's the time you decide to be lax with the rules?” you groan. “The one time I hoped your annoying habit would pay off... dammit, Saki!”

“Sorry, you'll just have to grin and bear it,” Saki smirks. She knows. She's just letting this movie slide to mess with you, isn't she? This must be revenge for that hilarious yoghurt prank you pulled on her the other day...

“I'd love to be part of it,” Saki smiles, “But there's no way I could. I'm horribly camera shy.”

“Damn, but you were Isamu's first choice to play the Evil Queen,” you mutter, annoyed that this is yet another actor to pass up.

“To play the WHAT?!” Saki snaps.

“Uhh... I said to play the kindly head of class who everybody loves?” you reply nervously, hoping not to get punched in the face.

“Whatever,” Saki huffs. “If there's anything I can help out with, let me know.”

“Actually...” you begin, “We could use someone to do the music.”

“Why not just edit in a classical score?” Saki asks.

“We would, but nobody knows how to edit videos...” you explain, scratching the back of your head. “If you could bring your piano onto the set and play it as the scenes unfold, that would be great.”

Saki squints her eyes in confusion. “Ryoji, that's ridiculous.”

“It hasn't begun to get ridiculous yet. Trust me.”

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“These aren't the Thespians I asked for!” Isamu cries.

“Yeah, well they all turned me down,” you explain. “I had to make do. These guys are all I could grab.”

“On that note,” Hikaru adds, raising her hand. “This script you've written, Isamu... it's terrible. Worst thing I've ever read... but I did spruce up the Evil Queen role a little, gave her a more prominent part in the story, really made her my own.”

“As long as she doesn't upstage the hero!” Isamu huffs. “We don't want our audiences rooting for the villains do we?”

By that, you're sure he means he doesn't want the audience rooting for anyone who isn't Isamu. On that note... what audience? Do these two expect to show this movie to people? You should probably remember to ask for your name to be stricken from the credits if that's the case.

“I guess Hikaru being here explains why Akio is here if he turned you down!” Akemi laughs. “It's so adorable that you'd come out to support the love of your life like this!”

“Love of my life?” Akio scoffs. “Don't try to pin me as some sentimental softie. I'm just hoping a better role opens up, so I can swoop in.”

“The role Akio turned down will be played by... uhh...” you mutter, almost too ashamed to say it.

“By me,” Hiro smiles wide. “I'll be playing the lead villain. Though, I have to say I'm not a big fan of some of what my character does. Seems a little rough...”

“That's because he's the villain!” Isamu exclaims.

“Yes, but can't we maybe make him a softer, gentler kind of-”

“NO!” almost everyone yells in unison.

“And... and I'll be playing the... uhh... heroine,” Hoshi mumbles, looking down at her shoes. “Sorry... I'm really nervous. I don't know if I can play a... p-princess.”

Upon hearing that, you see a fire light up behind the eyes of Isamu. “Nonsense, Hoshi Sanada! You're perfect for the role! Sure, you're on the very opposite end of the spectrum than Sayeka Ohko, but you are a fair and beautiful maiden nonetheless!”

“I... I am?” Hoshi mutters. “Okay...”

You rub your temples, feeling a serious headache coming on. This is already set for disaster, and you can only see it getting worse from here on out. You hunker down to Akemi in her director's chair and whisper, “Hey... so when this is finished, what do you guys plan to do with this?”

“Do with what?” Akemi asks, as absent-minded as ever. “What do you mean, Ryoji?”

“The movie,” you reply. “You aren't going to actually... show this to people, right? You're going to have your fun, film the stupid movie, then burn it right after... right?”

“Why wouldn't I show it?” Akemi wonders. “Isamu wants this to be shown at the next school festival!”

You begin to panic. “You can't do that! It would be humiliating for everyone involved.”

“But... Isamu really wants people to see it,” Akemi pouts. “I can't take that away from him!”

“If people see this, Isamu will become a bigger laughing-stock than he already is,” you explain. “Do you want that to happen?”

“No, of course not!” Akemi protests. “But...”

Akemi stares over at Isamu. “Look at him. He's smiling, he's laughing! How can this movie be anything other than a good thing? No, Ryoji! As director, I say the filming goes forward!”

You sigh. You figured it would be hard to talk Akemi into hurting a friend's feelings, even if it is for his own good.

From across the courtyard, you see Nanami wheeling a large theatre backdrop along with a box full of costumes. “Have no fear, crewmen! Your essentials have arrived!”

She stops in her tracks as she opens up the box, pulling out various pieces of cloth, until she reaches what she deems the most important item... a small black beret which she places gently on Akemi's head. “For the captain of this production! You need to look the part of the director!”

“Uhh... Nanami?” you ask, pointing towards the backdrop. “What is this?”

“That's your set!” Nanami laughs. “We can't film in actual Medieval Europe, so we'll use that!”

“Okay... but you do realise it isn't painted yet?” you reply, raising an eyebrow. The entire backrop is a plain cardboard brown, with line drawings of castles etched into it.

“Well... this was short notice!” Nanami laughs. “It will be fine! You can correct the colour in editing!”

“None of us know how to edit!” you protest. Ugh... why are you even bothering to salvage this? Just let the train-wreck happen and hope you come out alive.

“Okay, now that we're all sorted, we can get a start on the first scene, which is Isamu's dynamic-”

“Actually, I edited the script,” Hikaru explains. “I inserted a scene where the Evil Queen gives a dramatic monologue, spelling doom for her rival kingdom, and vowing to capture the other Kingdom's princess. I think it helps set up the plot, and gives a better idea of the threat the hero faces instead of just throwing the audience in the thick of it right away.”

Isamu crosses his arms, seemingly unpleased with the changes, but Akemi decides to carry on for the sake of keeping everyone happy. “Okay, we'll start with that scene!”

“Wait, what music am I supposed to play during this one?” A nervous Saki cries from her piano.

“Improvise!” Akemi smiles, giving Saki a hopeful thumbs up.

“What?! That's too much pressure!”

“Let's get this scene rolling! Ready... Set... March!”

You should probably tell Akemi that the phrase is “Lights, Camera, Action” but... well... you don't care. Hikaru's surprisingly doing a decent acting job... probably because she's not working with any material written by Isamu. Saki meanwhile is making a real mess of improvising on the piano. In a panic, she gave up and just started playing chopsticks. As Hikaru wraps up her scene, Hoshi approaches Akemi, script in hand.

“Umm... I read through the script,” Hoshi mumbles, unsure of how to tackle her issue, “And, uhh... it says here that there's a... s-sex scene?”

“Of course!” Isamu exclaims, overhearing. “Half-way through the movie, the brave hero and the princess take part in a tender, romantic love-making session in a nearby barnyard after he saves her from the villain's henchmen! It's in excellent taste!”

“B-but it s-says... full-frontal nudity required,” Hoshi replies.

“Don't worry, Hoshi Sanada!” Isamu laughs. “The nudity is only required of the actress! It's very kind of you to consider my feelings!”

Hoshi let's out a horrified squeak. “I have t-to get naked? I... I don't want to be a p-prostituuuuute!”

She sits on the ground and cries. Prostitute? Oh crap, you may have accidentally given the impression that people would be payed for taking part in this. This is just shaping up to be a whole day of disappointments.

“Don't worry, Hoshi!” Akemi replies with a smile. “I can be your body double!”

“You... you can?” Hoshi sniffles.

“Of course!” Akemi replies. “I'll do such a good job of it, too! People won't even notice that it's not your butt!”

Hoshi smiles weakly at the offer, but that smile fades as she considers the meaning. “B-but then... people will still think it's me! Can you cut the scene... please?”

She looks up at Isamu with tearful eyes and a quivering lip. Isamu takes some pity on the poor girl. “I wish I could, Miss Sanada, but we're short on content as it is. Ryoji Shida already had us cut the car chase scene...”

“It's set during medieval times!” you exclaim.

Hoshi nods sadly, understanding. “Then I... I don't think I want this part...”

“What?!” Isamu exclaims, shocked and horrified. “But we can't lose a goddess like you! An actress of your talent!”

“She hasn't stepped in front of a camera yet...” Hikaru remarks.

Isamu's eyes light up as he has an idea. Oh boy, this will be good.

“I know the solution to our problem, Hoshi Sanada! You and Miss Hikaru Shirai can exchange roles!”

“What?” Hikaru protests, crossing her arms. “But I'm not doing the nude scene!”

“Very well!” Isamu exclaims. “Then Hoshi Sanada will take your part! You can leave the production!”

“But I'm the best actor here!” Hikaru yells, not that her talent will save this sinking ship.

“It's a shame, but you've had a terrible attitude since day one!” Isamu explains. “There's no room for ego in this production!”

No room for ego? Isamu's name is plastered all over this thing! He wants to lecture people on ego?

“Besides,” Isamu continues, “I think with the lovely lady Sanada in the role, we can also return the character to its original intentions! Therefore, we can cut that first scene!”

Great, he's cutting the only scene you have filmed so far, and kicking out the only talented actor. You'd say Isamu's gone nuts, but that would imply he was ever sound of mind to begin with.

“Fine! I don't need this stupid movie!” Hikaru exclaims, crumpling up her script and tossing it. It bounces off the backdrop, and the backdrop begins to wobble. Nanami made it on short notice, but it's so poorly set-up that crumpled up paper was enough to set the thing off balance. The whole thing comes crashing down, landing atop Hikaru and Isamu.

Saki gasps, as you all rush to pull the set off of them, fixing it back to it's original position, though there are now two holes torn in the top of it.

“Are you guys okay?” you ask, helping Isamu to his feet.

“I'm fine,” Hikaru moans, “Just caught off guard.”

Isamu laughs it off and cheerfully places his arm over your shoulder. “Ryoji Shida, you joker! You should know it would take much more than that to take down a hero such as myself!” he says through gritted teeth, as you notice he's trying hard to avoid putting pressure on his right foot. You realise he's putting his arm over you for the sake of balance.

Isamu hobbles into position and claps his hands together. “Now, let's get the next scene underway, everyone!”

“There's two huge holes in the top of the set,” Nanami points out.

“Then we won't pan the camera that high!” Akemi laughs, trying hard to keep things going for Isamu's sake.

“You're missing a heroine character,” Hikaru adds, rolling her eyes.

“Nanami Fuji can do it!” Isamu points out.

“Isamu...” you sigh, as you put the final nail in the coffin. “Your ankle is obviously twisted. You can't go on like that.”

Isamu laughs. “Please! You think a great hero like me would let a mere ankle injury stop-OOOOOW!” he yelps in pain, as he attempts to stand properly.

“You need to see the nurse,” Akio replies. “Maybe you should pass the role on to someone else. Maybe someone more suited to being the dashing hero...”

Isamu looks around at the mess of a production that is occurring all around him. The light in his eyes dim, as he lets out a sigh. “You're right... I'm sorry everyone. I got so caught up in all of this... I just wanted to have fun, make a movie about myself being the hero... but now I see how selfish I've been. How arrogant. I'll pass on the role... and I feel there's only one person who can properly fill these shoes.”

Akio smirks as Isamu hobbles closer, only to stand in wide-eyed shock as Isamu crouches down to Akemi's director chair, taking her hand. “Akemi Ibushi, you're a true friend, and inside you beats the heart of a hero! I can't think of anyone better to replace me in the role. Will you answer the call?”

“Of course I will! You can count on me!” Akemi smiles, giving an eager thumbs up.

“I'll help you get to Tekina's office!” Nanami says, placing her arm around Isamu and carefully guiding him off.

“Wait... we still don't have a heroine!” Akemi realises.

“There's a bunch of wigs in that box!” Nanami calls back. “Stick one on Ryoji, and he can do it!”

What? No... No no no no no no no. And an extra no for good measure. There's no way in hell that's going to happen.

Akemi clasps her hands together and looks up at you with large, hopeful eyes. She's making a concentrated effort to look as cute as possible, but there's no way it'll work.

“You can forget about it!” you exclaim. “I'm not going to embarrass myself like that!”

“Pleeeeeeeeease Ryoji?” Akemi requests. “Do it for me?”

You sigh. It's hard to say no to Akemi, but this time she's asking too much. “No.”

“If you do...” Akemi begins, trying hard to think of a bargaining chip. “I'll make you a full box of cookies and cakes every day!”

“You can't bribe me with... wait, a full box? Every day?” you ponder. It's tempting, though you don't even have to say yes, as Akemi's already reaching into the box and placing a long blonde wig over your head.

“We'll shoot from behind, and no-one will be able to tell it's you!” she laughs.

“Fine... let's get this over with, so I can go to bed and die of shame when we're done.”

“Okay!” Akemi cheerfully pumps her fist. “But who will direct?”

“I'll take care of that!” Hikaru smiles, as she sits herself comfortably in the chair.

“You will?” Akemi asks.

“Sure,” Hikaru replies. “I've got nothing better to do.”

“You could let me take you out for dinner,” Akio suggests.

“Like I said, I have nothing better to do. Now make yourself useful and work the camera.”

And so, after many setbacks, the production of Isamu's Quest 1: Call of the Hero was underway. Starring Akemi Ibushi in the role of Isamu Iori and an unnamed actress in the role of the princess, it's sure to receive rave reviews. With Isamu out of action, you guys decide to opt out of filming a sex scene. The rest of the movie is still a ridiculous mess, but you're getting through it with great haste. Isamu returns to the set with a crutch under his arm just as you finish up on the climactic scene where the dark, horribly evil forces of... Hoshi and Hiro... are defeated.

“Thanks Isamu, you're the greatest hero this world has ever known!” you say in the highest pitch voice possible, though you really don't make a convincing woman.

“Naturally!” Akemi exclaims. “Now, I shall take the fair maiden as my prize!”

She dips you low and plants a kiss on your face. You're taken by surprise, as you were certain it would be a fake kiss for the camera, but Akemi's really laying it into you here. It's real freakin' passionate, and she slips in a lot more than the appropriate amount of tongue. You can tell Saki doesn't appreciate it, as the piano music shifts to a dark, sombre piece.

As the scene wraps up, Isamu gives it a round of applause. “Bravo! Bravo! I can't wait for everyone to see my vision! This is definitely being put on at the next student festival! And the festival after that, we'll run Isamu Quest 2: Return of the Hero!”

“You really want people to see this?” you ask, removing the blonde wig. “Don't you think people will make fun of you for it?”

“Why would they make fun of me?” Isamu asks. “They'll compliment myself and the entire crew on their hard work, and for their part in creating this masterpiece!”

He's really dedicated to this, isn't he? Poor guy, he's so oblivious... his reputation will be shattered even worse than it already is. He'll be bullied mercilessly.

Just then, the camera explodes into pieces.

Isamu falls back in shock, as Hoshi lets out a startled shriek.

“My movie!” Isamu shouts. “My precious movie!”

“Ah! I'm so sorry!” Akemi cries. “I mustn't have wired it up properly! Now everything is lost!”

Isamu picks himself off the ground, placing his crutch back under his arm. He approaches Akemi with a determined look, and places his free hand on her shoulder. “Akemi Ibushi, don't be so hard on yourself! You were an incomparable value to this production! I see now... the true treasure wasn't some film! The treasure was our friendship all along!”

That speech made no sense. Who said anything about treasure? Whatever, it keeps Akemi happy as she smiles, and everyone makes their merry way back to the dorms.

“Akemi, wait...” you say, catching up to her, as the others walk on ahead, Isamu proudly boasting of his magnificent achievement in the world of filmmaking.

“Yes, Ryoji?”

“The camera...” you begin. “You did that on purpose, didn't you?”

Akemi pulls a small control panel from her pocket and sighs. “It's like you said Ryoji... I couldn't let Isamu be made fun of like that. This way, he gets to stay happy knowing his movie was made, even if people don't get to see it! I... did the right thing, didn't I?”

You smile and nod. “Yeah... you did. Isamu's real lucky to have you as a friend.”

“Yeah! My friendship's a treasure!” she beams with pride. “I don't know what that means, but it sounds good! I wonder if it means I can buy ice-cream with friendship...”

“Knowing you, it's a possibility,” you laugh.

Akemi smiles as she hugs into you, and the two of you begin to walk arm-in-arm back to the dorm. “Thanks for this, Ryoji! I know it means a lot to Isamu! I did all of this for him!”

“And that kiss?” you ask.

Akemi laughs. “Well, that one was just for me! It was fun, though!”

You have to admit, today was fun... in a weird way. Isamu and Akemi are goofballs, but they certainly have a way of spreading joy and bringing people together. It was a ridiculous train-wreck at the time, but as you watch the others returning to the dorms laughing and smiling... you can see these two goofballs managed to do something special today.

You should definitely do something like this again some time. Except... much less movie making, on-set injuries, dressing in a wig and over-the-top kissing.

Akemi clings to you a little tighter, resting her head against your arm as you walk. You know what? Scratch that last part. You can live with the kisses.

THE END

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There you have it. I even threw in a Ryoji/Akemi shiptease in there, I hope it appeases those of you disappointed that it isn't happening in canon. Let me know what you think of this on Twitter, or when in tomorrow's thread where I will likely post it. Hope you guys enjoyed!