reunion 1

i was thinking about what would happen if general mato actually caught up to archer before either of them were killed. both of them far too involved to turn back even though things are looking so, so grim.

general mato shambling out of the darkness and into view, because he’s been hiding and oh god, is that archer? is that actually archer or is his mind playing tricks on him? without a second thought he approaches him, confident that just the possibility is worth dying for.

he probably doesn’t look that far from death, though. tired lines in his face and the inability to project the small amounts of magic that keep him looking more human. his body looks frail and broken and his stilted breathing rattles in his hollow chest. he almost looks delusional when he crashes against archer and his eyes fall closed in an instant as a weary, shattered smile graces his features.

he finally fucking found you, you beautiful bastard.

archer doesn’t look so hot himself. he wears the same tired lines on his face, in direct contrast to the determined set of his eyebrows. the darkness around his eyes are telling of self-destructive persistence and countless sleepless nights. his body is strong and weak at the same time, pushed so far beyond limitation that the only thing it knows is to keep pushing forward.

he’s speechless and stunned in this moment. it isn’t as if he’d forgotten about shinji, but he had compartmentalized his memory to make moving on easier. after all, he was doing this to save everyone — shinji was included in that.

he had never expected shinji to follow. he’d told him to go home multiple times, not knowing his circumstances out of fear that they would make him want to stay and take care of him. there were so many signs that he had convinced himself that, for the greater good, he had to ignore.

seeing general mato now, feeling him as not much more than a hollow shell of brittle bones against him, archer realizes that what he had become would never have allowed him to simply stay home.

but just how long had he been trailing behind?

archer remembers so clearly telling shinji “no”. he remembers seeing the heartbreak twist in his eyes and the light get sucked out of them. archer remembers telling him that this was the only way he could protect him, though at the time he was mostly telling himself. even then, he knew that.

looking down at him now, seeing this twisted, abused form that is so obviously shinji and yet barely shinji at the same time, he knows he didn’t protect him at all. rather, archer feels as if he willingly sacrificed him.

he wants to be angry that shinji didn’t listen, but the black sclera that invades his once beautiful blue eyes tells him all he needs to know. he remembers that night; what happened. he knows in an instant now what shinji’s body is filled with and he’s angry that he never once considered that possibility.

archer doesn’t regret his path because he can’t, but knowing that he couldn’t live up to his ideal and holding the proof of that against him splits his heart into pieces.

shinji needs treatment; he needs something. archer knows how to help humans, but shinji...

he picks him up, so light, and carries him back to the safe house. archer can feel the gravel-like rumble in general mato’s throat as his strained voice permeates the space between his ears.

“I’ve been looking for you. I missed you...”

archer realizes, just then, that he missed shinji too, and he’s so grateful to have him, even in pieces. he hopes he can put him back together.