Three Kingdoms Maids - Test Run

[22:53] <Cao_Cao> It is early morning in the city of Wan. The roosters crow to greet the rising sun, and another day dawns on the Kingdom of Wei.
[22:55] * Cao_Cao awakens, and calls his maids to dress him.
[22:57] * [k]HanShi open the door into lord Cao Cao's room in her usual GENKI style.
[22:57] <[k]HanShi> Ready and waiting!
[22:58] * [k]HanShi awaits for order!
[22:58] * Cao_Cao says nothing as he stands with head bowed, waiting for his maids to dress his robes and hair bun
[22:59] * [k]HanShi took some times thinking about what he actually wants, and get to it pronto.
[23:00] * [Tess]LauShi more or less bounces into the room, working on the master's hair after a few moments of sitting and looking at him.
[23:01] * Cao_Cao retrieves his seal of office and sets off for the Emperor's court
[23:02] * [Tess]LauShi follows diligently, with her hands folded and head bowed.
[23:03] * Cao_Cao walks into the court, paying the necessary obeisance and preparing to memorialize the throne.
[23:03] <[k]HanShi> ....I wonder why he didn't say much today.
[23:03] * [k]HanShi follow along.
[23:05] * Cao_Cao delivers a long, drawn-out speech to the Emperor and the court, stating his intention to launch a campaign of subjugation against Liu Bei for the crime of attempting to rebel against the authority of the Han.
[23:06] <Cao_Cao> The Emperor contests on the grounds of Liu Bei holding the status as an Imperial Uncle, and Cao Cao rebukes the contestation by subtlely shaming the Emperor by outlining how it is Cao Cao's army that maintains the stability of the Han Court.
[23:07] <Cao_Cao> The Emperor then reluctantly authorizes Cao Cao's military campaign.
[23:07] * Cao_Cao pays obeisance to the Emperor, and leaves the court
[23:08] * [Tess]LauShi stands and follows after him, seemingly a bit put off by the speech but making little show of it.
[23:09] * [k]HanShi doesn't really listening to it.
[23:10] * [Tet]JaoShi is now known as JaoShi
[23:10] * Cao_Cao dismisses his maids and allows them free time until lunch.
[23:11] * [k]HanShi is now free! sorta.
[23:11] * [Tess]LauShi shrugs before stretching and loosening her joints.
[23:11] <[k]HanShi> so, what do we do?
[23:12] * [k]HanShi spin her hugeass halberd, horseslayer, around.
[23:12] <Cao_Cao> Just then, Xiahou Dun passes you by in the hallway, and barely manages to duck under HanShi's halberd.
[23:13] <[k]HanShi> Whoops! Sorry, sir Dun!
[23:13] <Cao_Cao> He shoots her a disapproving glare before continuing on his way.
[23:13] * [k]HanShi waves him byebye.
[23:13] <[k]HanShi> Nothing much to do, hmm...
[23:14] * [k]HanShi just keep spinning it. It's kinda fun.
[23:14] <Cao_Cao> Suddenly, a crash is heard and dust fills the hallway. When it settles, you find Xu Chu laying on the ground next to a large hole in the wall.
[23:15] * [Tess]LauShi walks up to Chu, pulling them away whilst trying to look to what's on the other side of the wall through this new and convenient hole.
[23:16] * [k]HanShi stop the spinning for the time being.
[23:16] <Cao_Cao> Lau Shi looks through the hole at the same time that Xiahou Yuan sticks his head out of the hole. "I TOLD y..ow!" They bonk heads.
[23:16] <Cao_Cao> Yuan: "What the heeeeell...?"
[23:17] <[k]HanShi> What's up, sir?
[23:17] * [k]HanShi walks over to them.
[23:18] <[Tess]LauShi> Ow... Sorry, sorry. What's over here?
[23:18] <Cao_Cao> "No, what's up with YOU? I was trying to see if Tiger Breath here had killed himself trying that stupid new technique he was practicing."
[23:18] <[k]HanShi> Aww!
[23:18] <Cao_Cao> "All of a sudden, BAM, you showed up out of nowhere!"
[23:18] * [k]HanShi flinches.
[23:19] <[k]HanShi> Just trying to be friendly, sir!
[23:19] <Cao_Cao> "Headbutting someone is friendly to you!?"
[23:19] <Cao_Cao> "Hell, you'd probably be best buds with Chu here."
[23:19] <Cao_Cao> "Forget this, I'm going to get something to eat. You two can wake up the big guy there."
[23:20] <[k]HanShi> Well, uh, haha. I do headbutt him?
[23:20] * [k]HanShi scratches head.
[23:20] <[k]HanShi> Hey, did I really do that? honest?
[23:20] <Cao_Cao> Xu Chu is still lying on the ground, unconscious. And snoring.
[23:21] <[Tess]LauShi> ...Well, the snores certainly ruin the moment...
[23:21] <[k]HanShi> well, do you know how to wake Mr.Biggie here?
[23:21] * [k]HanShi prods Lau Shi.
[23:22] <[Tess]LauShi> Eh... There are a few ways. Get me some water, will you?
[23:23] <[k]HanShi> sure!
[23:23] * [k]HanShi get a bucket of water.
[23:23] <Cao_Cao> As you fetch the water, the sentry horn sounds and you hear the sound of war drums.
[23:23] <[k]HanShi> D'oh! Something's a-happen!
[23:24] * Cao_Cao runs up the hallway and finds you standing over the unconscious Xu Chu, in front of the hole in the wall.
[23:24] * Cao_Cao stares at you blankly.
[23:24] * [k]HanShi stares at Cao Cao while dumping a bucket of water on Xu Chu's head.
[23:26] <Cao_Cao> I don't want to know. Just get to the city walls. And get Xu Chu to the front line.
[23:26] * Cao_Cao continues down the hall
[23:26] <[k]HanShi> Affirmative!
[23:26] * [k]HanShi weapon salute!
[23:26] * Cao_Cao knows to duck
[23:27] * [Tess]LauShi bows in sync with the weapon's circling over her head.
[23:27] <[k]HanShi> Well then let's wake Mr.Biggie!
[23:27] <Cao_Cao> Xu Chu murmurs and continues to snore loudly.
[23:27] * [k]HanShi look at Laushi for more instructions.
[23:29] <[k]HanShi> what now?
[23:30] * [Tess]LauShi ponders it for a few seconds before brightening up again.
[23:30] <[Tess]LauShi> Do we have smelling salts? You know, the kind for this?
[23:31] <[k]HanShi> That's kinda too slow.
[23:31] * [k]HanShi kick Xu Chu's balls.
[23:31] <[k]HanShi> Fast and effective!
[23:31] <Cao_Cao> "DOOOHHH"
[23:31] <[k]HanShi> See?
[23:31] <[Tess]LauShi> Ooh, practical!
[23:31] * [Tess]LauShi kicks his ribs.
[23:32] <Cao_Cao> Xu Chu squirms a bit, then sits up and rubs his head.
[23:32] <Cao_Cao> "Duh... where am I? Is it food time yet?"
[23:32] <[k]HanShi> More like wartime, sir!
[23:32] <[k]HanShi> Frontline needs you!
[23:32] <Cao_Cao> He hears the drums. "Uh oh, fighting time?! I better get going!"
[23:32] <Cao_Cao> He runs off in a hurry,
[23:33] * [k]HanShi waves byebye.
[23:33] <Cao_Cao> The sounds of drums are getting closer.
[23:33] <[k]HanShi> I'm impressed he didn't seems to be affected by groinshot at all.
[23:34] <[k]HanShi> Well then, City wall!
[23:34] <[Tess]LauShi> Right!
[23:34] * [k]HanShi weaponswing to get the mood ready!
[23:34] * [k]HanShi displaces.
[23:34] * [Tess]LauShi ducks and then bounds off, grabbing Han Shi's wrist as she goes.
[23:36] <Cao_Cao> As you climb the wall and look out over the parapets, you see an oncoming army.
[23:38] * [k]HanShi look at their flags and shit.
[23:38] <[Tess]LauShi> ...What timing. And I really wanted breakfast today...
[23:38] <Cao_Cao> At the front of the army, you see a banner that reads "Liu Bei, Imperial Uncle of Han". Underneath, Liu Bei rides his horse alongside a tall warrior with a long beard riding a red horse and wielding a large saber, and a bearded man mounted and wielding a long spear.
[23:40] <[k]HanShi> Wow, he's so red!
[23:40] <[k]HanShi> Like, RED!
[23:40] * [k]HanShi share Laushi her plain Bao. It's just a bun with no fillings, but it can stuff you good.
[23:41] <Cao_Cao> You look down towards the gate to see Cao Cao riding out to meet the army, flanked by several of his top generals, among them Xiahou Dun and Xu Chu, and a detachment of infantry.
[23:41] * [k]HanShi can't really do anything up here.
[23:41] <[k]HanShi> man, I want to go out and bash some skulls, but they don't allow me.
[23:42] <[k]HanShi> said women doesn't belongs to the honorable battlefield and all that jazz.
[23:43] * [k]HanShi siiiiiiighs.
[23:43] * Cao_Cao rides out in front, points his sword at Liu Bei and cries out. "Hold, rebel! I have recieved an edict to exterminate you for disobeying the authority of the Han! Stay while I send to have you captured!
[23:44] * [Tess]LauShi pats Han Shi's back as she stuffs her face with the bread.
[23:44] <Cao_Cao> Liu Bei responds, "As a relative of Han, I hold authority to exterminate rebels, and that includes you who holds the Emperor hostage against his will, as did foul Dong Zhuo!"
[23:44] <Cao_Cao> "My Brothers and I shall capture you and restore the Han!"
[23:46] <Cao_Cao> Liu Bei sends out Guan Yu to duel, and Cao Cao answers by sending Xiahou Dun. The two warriors exchange blows for 50 passes with neither gaining an advantage.
[23:47] <Cao_Cao> Zhang Fei rides out to join the fight and Xu Chu answers the challenge, and together, the four men duel for a total of 100 passes, still with no advantage to either side.
[23:48] <Cao_Cao> Just then, Liu Bei signals for a withdrawal and Cao Cao pursues. Suddenly, bombs explode off to the sides of the battlefield, and more soldiers of Liu Bei move in to surround Cao Cao and his men. On the far ridge, a banner appears reading 'Zhuge Liang, Directing Instructor of Han."
[23:49] <[Tess]LauShi> Should we do something about this?
[23:49] <[k]HanShi> Hooh boy, I think we kinda should.
[23:51] <Cao_Cao> You attempt to make your way down to assist, but you find the way blocked by other soldiers trying to see what is going on. You eventually give up and turn back to the parapet to see Cao Cao and his men trying to fight their way out of the group.
[23:52] * [Tess]LauShi looks around for a ranged weapon or something. It's a bit too far away for her usual tactics, so...
[23:52] <Cao_Cao> Suddenly, you hear a ruckus from within the town. You turn around to see another group of Liu Bei's soldiers coming through the town.
[23:52] <[k]HanShi> aww, sheesh!
[23:52] <[k]HanShi> ---Infiltrators!
[23:52] <Cao_Cao> They are led by a warrior in gleaming armor and wielding a long spear.
[23:53] <Cao_Cao> He cries out, "I am Zhao Yun! Flee, rebels!"
[23:53] <Cao_Cao> The soldiers on the wall and in the courtyard begin to panic as he rides around, cutting men down as he pleases.
[23:54] <[k]HanShi> As lord Cao Cao's officer(?), I have to stop the enemy!
[23:54] * [k]HanShi rush in to intercept!
[23:55] * [Tess]LauShi follows close in, wiping away the remains of the bun from around her mouth as she sprints.
[23:56] <Cao_Cao> You both leap from the wall in dramatic fashion, landing and rolling in front of his path. He rears back his horse as he sees you appear from above, thoroughly surprised.
[23:57] <[k]HanShi> Halt! State your name!
[23:58] * [k]HanShi swingie! This time meant to be threatening!
[23:58] * [Tess]LauShi ducks again.
[23:58] <Cao_Cao> "Rebels! Who are you to be demanding my name!?"
[23:58] <[k]HanShi> No you tell me your name!
[23:59] <[k]HanShi> Isn't that normal courtesy?! you are in OUR turf, for all that matters!
[00:00] <Cao_Cao> "If you'll not announce yourself like a proper warrior, than die namelessly! Have at you, rebels!"
[00:01] <[k]HanShi> Whoa, wait! Men are always like this!
[00:01] * [Tess]LauShi , suddenly, grins evilly.
[00:01] <[Tess]LauShi> Our sentiments exactly.
[00:04] <Cao_Cao> Zhao Yun gallops forward, spinning his spear extremely fast. He almost tramples Lau Shi while Han Shi manages to deflect his spear with her halberd
[00:05] <[k]HanShi> Wah-! you cheater! Get down from your horse!
[00:05] * [k]HanShi tumble to safety!
[00:07] * [Tess]LauShi sidesteps, getting away so closely she grazes the horse's hooves.
[00:08] <[Tess]LauShi> Gaahk! Too close!
[00:08] * [k]HanShi , while tumbling, stepped on the BANANA PEEL.
[00:08] <[k]HanShi> Wha---!
[00:09] * [k]HanShi fell head-first onto the ground, along with her heavy halberd as a second helpings. She's, ow, out cold.
[00:09] <Cao_Cao> Zhao Yun circles around, preparing to finish off the remaining rebel...
[00:09] * [k]HanShi is flying in sea of stars.
[00:11] <Cao_Cao> Zhao Yun's spear is a flash of motion as he rides by Lau Shi, thwapping her squarely across the back with the flat edge.
[00:12] * [Mar]YouShi is now known as Orange
[00:13] * [Tess]LauShi is knocked forward a couple steps, quickly turning to regain her posture and face him. Not good...
[00:13] <Cao_Cao> He rides back around and dismounts, grabbing a rope from his bridle and walking towards the two girls.
[00:13] <[k]HanShi> wawawawawa~
[00:13] * [k]HanShi is still down.
[00:13] <Cao_Cao> "Hold rebels, and perhaps you shall survive!"
[00:14] <[Tess]LauShi> I kindly recommend you do not make promises you will not keep, you brigand.
[00:15] <Cao_Cao> "Very well, if you will not surrender, then I will have to bring you before my Lord by force! Have at you!"
[00:16] <Cao_Cao> Zhao Yun lunges forward, but you manage to blind him with a flash of magic. He covers his eyes, then recovers quickly and comes at you again with full effort.
[00:18] <Cao_Cao> He steps up towards you, spear flashing with motion, but you manage to dodge his blows and blast him in the chest with a bolt of fire. He stumbles and attempts to collect himself.
[00:19] <Cao_Cao> "Ok, rebel. You've proven your valor. But look around, you are routed, and the only one left fighting. Surrender, and I'm sure my Lord will have mercy on you!"
[00:21] <[Tess]LauShi> Is that so. You know, I never did get that impression of him.
[00:22] <Cao_Cao> "Give your answer, for this is your last chance!"
[00:26] <[Tess]LauShi> Very well. To avoid banter or rhetoric not befitting of a battlefield, my response is strictly negative. You or my old colleagues chasing me and trying to kill me... there isn't too much of a difference. Except you're noisy. Very noisy.
[00:27] <Cao_Cao> "Then let silence be your epitaph!"
[00:28] <Cao_Cao> He rushes at you once more
[00:31] <Cao_Cao> But is stopped by another of your bolts. He throws the coil of rope down and spins his spear like a buzzsaw before lunging at you once more...
[00:34] <Cao_Cao> ...but his spear is stopped by a long shaft of jade that suddenly juts down from above between you and him.
[00:34] <Cao_Cao> You look up to see the man with the long beard on the red horse that you saw from the wall before.
[00:36] <Cao_Cao> The man is looking at Zhao Yun and says, "Friend Zilong, the battle is over, yet you continue to do battle with this harmless sorceress? Surely there are other matters that must be attended to."
[00:38] <Cao_Cao> Zhao Yun recovers his spear and bows before the man on the horse. "Of course. I'll leave this one with you then, General."
[00:38] <Cao_Cao> He then remounts his horse and rides off towards the castle.
[00:39] * [Tess]LauShi grits her teeth, keeping her eye on the "General".
[00:39] <[Tess]LauShi> Curses... I can do better than this...
[00:40] * [k]HanShi is still down on the floor, yo.
[00:40] <Cao_Cao> The bearded man then looks down at you and says, "I saw you fighting, young sorceress. Quite impressive that you were able to hold your own against General Zilong. But I am afraid you fight for a lost cause. The rebel Cao Cao has fled the field and this city is restored to the rightful authority of the Han. You must surrender and come with me to meet Brother Bei."
[00:42] <[Tess]LauShi> Already? Well, what becomes of me and my associate?
[00:42] * [Tess]LauShi gestures towards Han Shi with a nudge of the head.
[00:43] <Cao_Cao> "You will be brought before my Brother. He will decide your fate, but I would not fear if I were you. Brother is merciful, even to a fault."
[00:45] <[Tess]LauShi> I suppose I have little choice... I doubt I could hold my own in a battle for very long at this point.
[00:47] <Cao_Cao> With that said, you allow the man to bind your arms behind your back, and he does the same with Han Shi. You both are then brought to the court, where Liu Bei sits, with Zhang Fei and Zhao Yun standing off to the side of the court, and Zhuge Liang fanning himself, standing to the left of the throne in the traditional advisor's place.
[00:48] * [k]HanShi is still dazed, but able to initiate a conversation now.
[00:48] * Liu_Bei looks shocked when he sees you two being brought in and immediately orders that you both are unbound immediately, and it is done.
[00:49] <[k]HanShi> ugh... humiliating defeat by my own self...
[00:49] <[k]HanShi> Does this count as technical K.O?
[00:50] * [Tess]LauShi rubs her wrists as she answers.
[00:50] <[Tess]LauShi> I've seen worse. I suppose that was poor luck that we should, hopefully, not have to count on.
[00:51] * [k]HanShi sighs.
[00:51] * [k]HanShi look at Liu bei. What now?
[00:51] <Liu_Bei> These are the only enemy generals that were captured this day? But they are only women! And you say that this one held her own in a contest with Zhao Zilong? Unfathomable.
[00:51] <Liu_Bei> Bring wine for these two.
[00:52] <[k]HanShi> Hoh! Free liquor!
[00:52] <Liu_Bei> And proper seating.
[00:52] * [k]HanShi is overjoyed!
[00:52] * [Tess]LauShi is visibly relieved.
[00:54] <Liu_Bei> As the wine and cushions arrive, witnesses to Lau Shi' battle with Zhao Zilong recall the tale for Liu Bei. When it comes time for the banquet, you are allowed to sit at the table, with Lau Shi in the seat of honor as a testament to her bravery.
[00:56] <Liu_Bei> It is truly an amazing story. And you say that you are simple handmaidens? Yet you manage to hold your own on the battlefield.
[00:56] * [k]HanShi does not really mind about honor and such. She just enjoy the heaven out of food.
[00:58] * Liu_Bei turns to Lau Shi and bows low, saying "With this being the case, I must ask of you, would you please honor me by joining me and restoring the Han to its proper glory?"
[00:59] <Liu_Bei> Eyebrows are raised around the room for a moment.
[00:59] * [Tess]LauShi nudges Han Shi, who seems a bit too engrossed in her food to have noticed.
[00:59] <Liu_Bei> Only Zhuge Liang sits with his eyes closed, smiling and nodding approvingly.
[01:01] <[k]HanShi> huh?
[01:02] * [Tess]LauShi pinches Han as she turns to face Liu Bei, trying vigorously to make up her mind.
[01:02] <[k]HanShi> Ow!
[01:03] * [k]HanShi wash her mouth with a fresh water.
[01:03] <[k]HanShi> anything, Lau?
[01:04] * [Tess]LauShi addresses Liu Bei as if she didn't hear her.
[01:04] <[Tess]LauShi> If I may, I must confer with my associate aside before presenting an answer. Would you find such acceptable?
[01:05] <Liu_Bei> "Of course, take as much time as you need."
[01:06] <[k]HanShi> ?
[01:06] <Liu_Bei> "In fact, I will let you have the night to consider. There is no rush. I will have bedchambers prepared for you."
[01:07] * Liu_Bei orders his own handmaidens to attend to you for the night, then leaves the table to consult with Zhuge Liang, who has retired to a room off from the main hall.
[01:07] <[k]HanShi> Isn't that guy nice? way more kind than lord Cao Cao.
[01:08] * [Tess]LauShi bows before the congregated officers before walking off and pulling Han Shi along by the ear.
[01:08] <[Tess]LauShi> He certainly is. Though I still need to discuss his offer with you.
[01:08] <[k]HanShi> Ow!
[01:08] <[k]HanShi> what offer?! And don't pull my ear!
[01:10] * [Tess]LauShi lets go of the ear, looking around.
[01:11] <[Tess]LauShi> ...Where are those chambers he mentioned, anyway? Well, he offered us the opportunity to join his forces. Before we go into detail, any thoughts?
[01:12] <Liu_Bei> The handmaidens that are attending to you guide you to your rooms, which consequently are your living quarters from before.
[01:12] <[k]HanShi> Well since he's a nice guy and he got that guy you fight with...
[01:13] <[k]HanShi> oh hey isn't that my own room? nice!
[01:13] <[Tess]LauShi> Ah...ha. Well, I find it attractive, but needed to know what you thought. Well, then we present our answer tomorrow. I wonder if our jobs will be any more lucrative...
[01:14] <[k]HanShi> We're still battlemaidens, anyway. It's like we can go out and wage a real war.
[01:14] <[k]HanShi> ...if he allow that, of course.
[01:14] <[k]HanShi> Anyway, bedz!
[01:14] * [k]HanShi is now in sleepwear! So fast!
[01:16] <Liu_Bei> The handmaidens pay you obeisance as they exit the room, where outside you can see guards posted, reminding you that despite the offer, you are still prisoners for the time being. As you recount the day's events in your head, you drift off to sleep...