Twilight Zone or Drugs?

Twilight Zone or Drugs?

 >>>> Other Person talking     ... pause     ( ) Voice Directions

	(Antsy)
	You are sitting in your kitchen across from your best friend “I know what you’re thinking. I look like shit right? Well I don’t feel like shit. I feel fucking amazing. Want to know why? Want to know why I called you here, aside from the fact that you have no idea what’s happened to me over the last 24 hours. Let me tell you”

	(Calm but Pumped)
	“I woke up yesterday morning and it was a normal day” laughs abruptly. “Ok. Woke up, took a piss, and went down to make breakfast. I was craving bacon and eggs. I opened the fridge… You know how you and the kids came over last week for Easter and dyed eggs? There were 6 full sized chickens in my fridge. Alive and fucking colored like the dyed eggs. The shells were all broken open and empty on the shelf. Holy. Jesus. Fuck. I knew Jesus was a zombie and all, but bringing embryo chickens to life with Technicolor. Magic”.

(Basically back to normal)
	“I sound crazy don’t I? I’ll show them to you when we’re finished, but I need to get this out. Anyways, obviously I had no appetite what so ever after seeing our boiled feathered friends come to life. I put them in the bathroom to deal with later and I started the coffee and went upstairs to get dressed. Half way up the stairs the temperature went up about 10 degrees. I was sweating by the time I got to my room. The door was closed. I didn’t leave the door closed. I’m thinking what the hell is up now. I put my hand on the door knob. It’s warm. Not fire warm, just slightly warm. Against all horror movie instincts, I open the door. Guess what I saw… Seriously, guess,” >>>> “Nope, but good try. There was a jungle in my room. A. Jungle. What are in jungles? Because in this jungle there was a fucking babe. A Princess Leia bikini wearing, brunette, gorgeous bodied, babe. She was sitting on a stone thrown with a tiger, a full grown Bengal tiger to her left and a fucking Lion to her right.”

(Nervous)
	“How am I supposed to think I’m awake at this point? Or at least not on drugs. Someone must have drugged me in my sleep and I’m hallucinating, right? Wrong. (Female Voice) ‘Come to me’ she says, summoning me with her index finger.” Sighs” I went to her. How could I not? I get closer, and the big cats are watching me like I’m dinner. But I’m a man. I can take on a fucking tiger… and a Lion” Gulps, “I’m almost to her. She’s giving me this look like she’s going to eat me, and not in a bad way. I’m salivating. As soon as my fingers touch hers the cats pounce. I close my eyes in preparation for pain and… nothing happens."

	"I open my eyes. I’m sitting on my porch in a Hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts watching what looks like an enormous coy fish that is also part F-16.”>>>>” Yes, the F-16 Fighting Falcon.  This bio-mechanical thing is circling my house like a shark in a dark green ocean. All I can think is, ‘why the hell am I wearing a Hawaiian shirt?' Which is a legitimate thought, aside from all the craziness; I would never wear one of those ugly things. Then I hear laughing, hysterical ugly laughing. I'm looking around like where the fuck is that coming from. I look down and realize it's coming from the fucking Coy-F-16. Then it starts making fun of my shirt. Calling it a sissy shirt, asking me where my pineapple is. I'm a man; I have to defend my honor, even if it is over a tacky Hawaiian Shirt. It's MY tacky Hawaiian shirt. I jump in the water and start wrestling this thing.” Stands up and starts acting out the fight, “It's slapping me with its fin and I'm trying to punch it in the face when it pulls me under. I'm kicking, it’s thrashing, I'm sort of drowning, and then a hefty right hook to its noes and we had come to an understanding," sits back down.

	"It brings me back to the surface. Floating in the water I start inspecting it. There’s a fleshy latch thing on the left side of its head. I undo it and the top opens into a cock-pit. What else was I supposed to do? I get in, and buckle up. Closing the cock-pit all these weird lights and buttons and shit came on.  I could see through the eyes which were about the size of a New York style pizza. Couldn't see anything on the surface, might as well go down. I had never seen the ocean. I took the stick and we dove, nowhere else to go right?"

(Starts out as wonderment)
	"Everything was a light crystal jade color at first that turned into this rich emerald fading into blackness. We kept going down and down. Ran into some sharks and a fuckin' large squid. Looked confused as fuck," laughs." We were cruisin' down when stuff started to get light again. We broke through the surface and suddenly our dive became a plummet. And apparently all this air craft shit didn't mean anything.It was beautiful scenery for a death fall. Everything was moving so fast that when we stopped I hadn’t seen where we landed. I should have been dead. Falling from the sky and hitting the ground like that. I should've been human mush. I couldn’t see out of the eyes; it was just dark. The body kinda moved and I heard voices. I opened up the cockpit head and sat baffled.

(Confused)
	Sitting before me to my left was Kali,” >>>>” Yes, the Hindu goddess. Her head was tilted and she looked really confused. Then another head popped into view. A very drunk Dionysus smiled up at me, (pretend drunk voice) ‘How did you get in that fish…thing?’ Dude, a god was talking to me. An actual fucking deity was speaking to me. I could barely believe it. I guess the only reason why I could believe it was because of all the other crazy shit. Then in the back ground I hear (Slightly deeper voice), ‘Who the fuck is in that Coy-F-16?’ I poked my head out and there is Lucifer. Now the only reason I knew it was Lucifer was because they all had name tags. He was standing next to a grill, grilling glass burgers and bratwursts in a pink apron that says, ‘BEST DAD EVER’ on it. He had the red skin, horns, and hooves, and then he looks at me and says. ‘Oh it’s you. Just in time for dinner. Get out of that thing so Edesia can fry it for us.’ >>>> I know right? I get out of the, now dead, Coy-F-16 and sit down in the nearest open seat. Edesia, who is gorgeous by the way, comes over and grabs the thing by the tail and halls it off like it weighs nothing. Ridiculous."
	"Speaking of food, I had been starved. A plate full of glass food was in front of me. Did gods eat glass? Everyone else was eating it, so I thought, why not? I grabbed a grape, popped it into my mouth and bit down. (Drugged up) It burst with an explosion of flavor. I can’t even describe this flavor to you. It was… euphoria. I gorged myself. Seriously felt like I was getting high, but it was a high on… life. Anyway, in the middle of this flavor-gasm I realize I was being watched. To my left, Osiris, and to my right Apollo. Okay, so here is where it got kinda weird. I could not take my eyes off of Apollo. He is by far, the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my life. His hair was perfect, his lips, eyes, dear lord his eyes were so blue, like fucking sapphires. I legitimately started questioning my sexuality. As I’m sitting there thinking of my future with this god, Osiris says, (deeeep voice) ‘Have you seen my penis?’… I turn to him and tell him, ‘No. No I have not’ then I get up and walk away… I like girls. Guys are cool too, but I like girls. Leaving the table I realized where I was and what was happening. This was a deity barbecue in Valhalla.  There were gods everywhere, from all the religions. It was so…suburbia. I couldn’t handle it; the godliness was just too powerful so I went outside."

(Sounds tired and frustrated)
	"I walked out into a lovely garden. Flowers and insects I didn’t recognize were everywhere. It was pretty. Then I heard this deep terrifying barking sound. I followed it and saw a gigantic black wolf. It was Fenrir, barking up a tree at Bastet. Bastet looked calm lying across a branch, but I’m pretty sure she was scared. I mean Fenrir was the thing that’s supposed to kill Odin. You don’t take that shit lightly. So, being the man that I am, I walked up to them and whistled. No idea what the hell I thought I could do. Fenrir stopped barking, and turned to look at me. Tilting his head he said (Higher pitched masculine voice), ‘Do you know how much that crap hurts?...Seriously, wolf ears suck’ then there was this bright shiny light and Sun Wukong was leaning against the tree” sighs. “I had had enough of all this craziness. I wasn’t tired or anything, but when you wake up and all you want is bacon and eggs with a nice cup of coffee, and then you don't get that.The craziness was getting old," Sighs again. "So I’m standing there looking at a pissed off god and a bored demi-god and I think, He could take me home… Turns out as much of a havoc-wreaker Sun Wukong is, he’s actually a pretty cool guy. We chatted for a bit with Bastet, where he did apologize to her, and then I hopped on his back,” >>>>” Don’t judge, it was the most practical way. I wasn’t going to let him hold me like a baby, hell no. I’m a man comfortable with my sexuality. Anyway, he took me home, which was now where it was supposed to be. I showed him the chickens and he had no fuckin' clue what happened there. He just told me to eat them or sell them. We said our goodbyes and then I was alone."

(Relaxed)
	"I sat down at my kitchen table. What was I supposed to do with my life now that all this crazy shit had gone down?... I shrugged and decided to make bacon and eggs."