Darkness.. It has a sort of quality about it that I can't put my finger on.. Well, if I had a finger... I'm the trees, the stars, the whispering wind, and yet I am no one. I imagine a body buried beneath crushing dirt. I don't remember anything, I only remember pain.. A bright flash, the sound of something hitting then warm, thick liquid running over my eye brow into my eye, then darkness.. It's so nice, having nothing to worry about.. and yet I am scared. I am scared I may be trapped in my thoughts forever, scared to keep imagining what happened.. There is no future, there is no past, there is no present. I am in between time, lost in space, numbness is all I know besides pain and darkness. I can not feel anything, I have no control of my limbs, I don't even know if I have any yet.. I could be a brain in a glass jar, or worse, I could be frozen, awaiting my time to awaken....

I am able to move my eyelids, but I am afraid too. I am afraid to see what may be left of me, I am afraid to see anyone mourning at my side. I am afraid to see darkness..

I decide to risk it, my curiosity has won my over-all instinct to keep my eyelids closed. Bright lights flash into my eyes, fuzzy shapes appear over my head. I can make out the shape of another head, hovering over me and flashing that horrible light into my eyes. I want to scream for them to stop, I want the horrible images that mean nothing, yet all the world to stop flashing in my head...

Night lamps flash over the car, the stereo playing quietly as I drive. My breath is slow, and I have the slight breath of a drinker, but I am sober enough to drive home, of least, I hope I am. Red light, Stop. Waiting.. waiting.. Green Light, Go. Putting slight pressure on the gas pedal I take off, ready to turn the corner when all goes wrong.. A semi is on the wrong side of the road, swaying, moving too fast for safety. My tires screech as I stop, the semi kept going, straight for me.. Lights blinded me, I couldn't find the strength to push on the gas pedal, I was frozen, paralysed. I closed my eyes and waited for the truck to come slamming into me, killing me, crushing me...

The memories come to a halt when the light is removed, my mind, unable to remember anything once more. Red explodes over my eyes, I shut them tightly, hoping the colours will go away... I am in darkness, I am in pain.. Pain is all I know, Pain is all I will remember.

Pain shoots up my neck, my head won't stop pounding.. I can feel my mouth move. I try to talk but all comes out is a scream.. A door slams, and I see a fuzzy face appear over my head. Loud echos are played in my head as I try to make sense of why I keep screaming. I can not understand you! I wanted to tell that person over and over, but all that came out was screams.. inhuman screams. I close my eyes, afraid to see anything else that may happen. I feel something pushing up my throat, warm, thick and it tastes like copper. It bubbles over my lips and down my face, still screaming.. still screaming.. Blackness takes over.

My head is pounding, my throat is dry and my mouth is coated in blood.. I try to suck in a breath, then pain shoots into my chest and blood gushes out of my nose and mouth.. Someone comes in, I make them out as a doctor. They wipe my mouth, and try to force liquid down my throat, I won't swallow.. I can not swallow. I open my eyes, concerned eyes look into my own as the warm cloth rids my face of the drying blood. I want to scream.. If I can scream, I will blackout.. I want to die.. Pounding.. head still pounding... A bright light flashes, I scream. A hand covers my mouth as my eyes roll into my head.. Blackness and Pain..



Colours cloud my mind.. Purple, red, yellow.. Like blotches of paint.. Then the feeling in my body comes.. It's like being punched over and over, without anyone interfering.. Like being put on fire.. Anything would be better than this.. I want darkness, but my body refuses to stop.. My body.. I test it in my mind, I try to smile, but it only shot more pain. Bright flashes as the feelings came back, I dare not open my eyes in fear. Darkness will not come. Pain passes.. I test out my limbs. My fingers twitch, my legs feel numb, pinpricks of needles shoot up my feet from no use. I lift my arm, it's heavy.. Pain shoots up, my arm twitches and throws itself against my side in retreat. I open my eyes, no one is floating over me. Lifting my head I look at myself, I can only see blue sheets, but I know my body is there, I can feel it. I try to get up, I want to go, I want to leave. I don't want darkness, I don't want pain. Straps hold me down, I try to get up anyway, then the doctor comes in and pushes me down, pain floods my chest where he touched. Black splotches cover my eyes, I try to fight.. No use.. Not strong enough.. Not strong.. Blackness..

I open my eyes, everything's clear, I see a tube full of white liquid going into my wrist, the drip bag hanging next to my bed. Itchy sheets and blankets cover my body, the strap no longer in place. I lift my arm, only to find no pain. Lifting the blankets I look down at my body. I am dressed in a blue paper gown, my legs bare and shivering to the sudden cold. I love at my arms and hands, everything looks normal. Unblemished skin, except the few scars I received in the past.. and a new one from my wrist to elbow. It had red streaks.. blood stains. My hands had bruises, a curved cut covered with stitches rested from my thumb to forefinger on my right hand. An ugly scabbed over gash slept on my left leg, right below the knee. I looked over to find a small table holding a glass of water and a small hand-held mirror. I lifted the mirror, running my fingers over the cool glass, trying to get enough courage to point it at my face... Finally I lift it and let it settle in the palm of my hand, letting it show me what I looked like.. I screamed.. screaming.. blood coating my throat.. choking.. darkness..

The semi rushed closer, I shut my eyes tighter, unable to face the oncoming collision. It hit. The door smashed in, cutting into the side of me and leaving a large gash. My head smashed against the dashboard, the side window and front shattered, slicing into my bare flesh. I screamed, then the rest of the semi crashed into me. I was smashed into the passenger side,blotches of black and streaks of red blinded me, making me unable to see whatever happened next. The car I was in went onto its side, crushing my left leg in the impact. Screaming.. screaming.. I could not move.. I could not think, I could only watch my memories race over my thoughts, my mind clouded with my happiest moments, tears filling my eyes..

I jolted awake, the memories quickly fading as soon as they had come. The last events came rushing back, then I reached up to my face, tracing the scars. I looked over, only to find the mirror was placed there again. I reached over hesitantly and picked it up, letting the plastic rest in my palm. I raised it, bracing myself for the screams that were sure to come. I started with my hair, it was fine. The same sandy-blonde it was before, starting in slight curls. I lowered the mirror to my forehead, one of the major scars. The right side of my forehead had a huge healing gash sleeping in the ripped skin. The left side held a long scar reaching downward. I lowered the mirror more, letting it rest on my eyes. Lifeless eyes stared back at me. A dull blue surrounding the pupil. A long scar rested just below my left eye, curving with it. I let the mirror tilt until it showed all of my face. My lips were dry and completely cracked. My nose was slightly bruised, but it was fine. My chin was bloody. Stitches traced my lower lip, ending in sort of a frown on my chin. Another set of stitches rested in the middle, except going down instead of sideways. I gently placed the mirror back down on the table and tried picking up the glass of water. My hand was wobbly, but I managed to rest it on my collar bone. Tilting the glass ever so slightly I managed to get the liquid into my cracked lips. An instant relief crossed my tongue as it helped the water into my throat. For the first time, I smiled.