[rgre] just this thing i don't even know

Nov 4th, 2016
Not a member of Pastebin yet? Sign Up, it unlocks many cool features!
  1. just this thing i didn't bin way back whenever
  2. -------------------------------------
  4. >You are Anon
  5. >You woke up in the woods a few days ago and managed to wander into a village.
  6. >Thing is, the village is full of horses.
  7. >Tiny, unnaturally-coloured horses.
  8. >You thought it was cute at first; somebody had set up a big ol' mock village for their pets to play in.
  9. >That was until the horses stopped acting like horses and started acting like intelligent creatures.
  10. >They whinneyed and knickered at each other as though they actually understood - like they had a spoken language.
  11. >Two days ago, you were convinced that you were hallucinating.
  12. >Yesterday, you were pretty sure that you were in a coma instead and this was all a dream.
  13. >Today, after two days of sleeping on the hard ground, you are willing to accept that this might actually be real.
  14. >You are Anon, and you are currently trying to sell your shirt.
  15. "C'mon, who wants it?"
  16. >You wave your shirt around, trying to gather attention.
  17. "It's a really nice shirt, everybody. I bought it on sale at Walmart for ten dollars."
  18. >A couple of horses stop to look at you, but most of them turn around and just walk away.
  19. >........
  20. >.....horses don't wear clothes.
  21. >Fuck.
  22. >This is the worst.
  23. >"Whiiiirrrhrhhuhruhuh!"
  24. >A horse noise captures your attention.
  25. >Six horses stand before you, each standing next to each other in a line.
  26. >You got a white horn-horse, a purple horn-horse, a blue wing-horse, a yellow wing-horse, an orange horse-horse, and a pink horse-horse.
  27. >Do THESE horses want the shirt?
  28. >Do horses eat shirts, or is that goats?
  29. >Fuck it, they're close enough.
  30. >Maybe purple horses with horns eat shirts.
  32. >You give your shirt a nice wave and hold it out by the shoulders, giving each of these potential customers a look at what you got to sell.
  33. "It's plaid. A nice red plaid. You see these buttons?"
  34. >You grab your shirt by the collar with one hand and fiddle around with the buttons on front with the other.
  35. "Real plastic. You guys eat plastic, right?"
  36. >God, you feel weak.
  37. >You ate a bunch of plants and leaves, but they don't seem to be doing too much in ways of nutrition.
  38. >You can't really focus that well, and you aren't 100% sure of what you're saying right now.
  40. >The white horn-horse breaks formation and walks closer to inspect your goods, despite all the other horses neighing and stomping their hooves at her.
  41. >It?
  42. >Her.
  43. >Yeah, you can see EVERYTHING on these horses.
  44. >It's been a long 3 days, so you had nothing better to do than look at horse pussy.
  45. >You're reasonably sure you have a handle on horse biology; the females are more circular and the males tend to be a bit more boxy.
  46. >Quicker than your tired-ass brain can respond to, the white horn-horse horn-glows your shirt right out of your hands and brings it close to her face to inspect it.
  47. >Finally, a sale!
  48. >.....
  49. >Wait, fuck.
  50. >What do these horses use as currency?
  51. >Do they even HAVE currency?
  52. >Fuck's sake. You just gave away your shirt for free, didn't you?
  53. >This shit's the worst.
  54. >The orange horse walks up to the white horse and makes quiet horse noises at her.
  55. >The white horse's ears go all floppy and she hands the shirt back to you.
  56. >Fuck!
  57. >You really thought you had something there.
  58. >Goddammit.
  59. >The six horses all form a circle and make a bunch of horse noises at each other, occasionally poking their heads up to look at you.
  60. >The blue one starts staring, so you wave at her; she immediately pulls her head back into the circle of horses.
  61. >It's just a few seconds longer until they break away and walk over to you.
  62. >They all stop about three feet away from you, except for one.
  64. >The blue one you waved at trots smartly over to you and does that weird horse-laugh where they pull back their lips and bear their teeth.
  65. >After that, she bats at your chest with a blue hoof.
  66. >She doesn't stop.
  67. >Why is she rubbing you?
  68. >Half-delirious, you decide that the best course of action is to pull the blue horse into your lap and hug her.
  69. >Fuuuuuuck, she's soft.
  70. >All that not food you were eating suddenly catches up to you, and you pitch sideways and fall unconscious.
  72. >You are Twilight, and you are shaking your head at this pitiful display.
  73. >You'd received word about a strange minotaur in town, but you didn't think it sounded too dangerous.
  74. >Just an hour ago, a bunch of concerned ponies informed you that the minotaur was a prostitute, and you decided to investigate.
  75. >This town is too nice to have prostitutes!
  76. >Ponyville has a poor enough reputation as it is thanks to all those disasters that strike (some of which you may or may not have a hoof in on)
  77. >What you saw nearly broke your heart.
  78. >The creature, eyes glazed over, was sitting in the middle of town, flaunting his body for everypony to see.
  79. >He was clothed from head to foot except for the torso-cloth he was waving around - trying to drum up business, you guess.
  80. >What a poor state he was in.
  81. >The first thing he did when he saw the Elements of Harmony was to show off his lingerie.
  82. >But you know what to do.
  83. >You'll take him home, give him a bath, cook him a nice meal, and let him sleep in your bed!
  84. >Rainbow laughed at you when you said all that and called you a dyke.
  85. >In the end, Rainbow Dash offered him bits for his service and he gladly accepted.
  86. >Belly-to-belly rutting?
  87. >2lewd4you.
  88. >You all walked away to give them a bit of privacy.
  90. And then they fucked.
  91. End.
RAW Paste Data