My stance on dating.

Oddly enough, I never shared my story that I spin in my head every now and then in a self-reflection attempt. So it basically goes like this:

I started out as a typical outcast who, as any teenager at the time, would strive towards getting a GF. There were numerous attempts done in various ways, ranging from boring and mundane to borderline illegal.

My best attempt ended up with me occasionally talking to the gal, culminating in us taking photos in a field trip right before summer vacation, when we would continue in a local social network (before Facebook was popular), which would slowly deteriorate into nothing. The "relationship" ended with the summer.

My worst attempt to date seemed good at first, as the gal was on the more attractive side, and interaction was quite pleasant thus far (nothing beyond small talk). Then I did a very off-color joke, resulting in me be outcasted even further by half the school (despite how much of an outcast I was ALREADY), me having to personally apologize to the gal's parents, and receive a possible death threat from behind a hidden phone number from her actual boyfriend almost a decade older than her; it's a miracle my family knows nothing of it despite my older sister being in the same school at the time, four grades above me and previously involved in my school life when it came to classmates assaulting me). At that point I thought "Okay, so classmates and schoolmates are no longer an option", but my social skills are quite impaired even to this day, so looking outside the school also seemed like a non-option.

Fast-forward a couple years to summer 2012, a few months until 18th birthday (I'm 25 at the moment), I ended up contacting a foreign gal visiting my country for a day, so we agreed to meet up at a local mall. We ended up having a walk around the center and the old section of the city, where I had to lead the way a few times (a new experience at the time, so of course I handled it awkwardly). This was the closest thing I ever had to an actual date to this day.
At the end, we went back to the mall, where we just sat silently on a bench for about ten minutes simply because I didn't know what to talk about. We went separate ways afterwards.

That last attempt at finding a gal was when I've realized I had zero chances with women, so I have consciously decided to stop trying and just concentrate on myself and my hobbies (at the time I was already dabbling a bit in animation at the time, but that's another story). First handful of months it was tough to resist the depressing thoughts and whatnot, but eventually I got used to it.

Then 2016 came and I spent up to two years in a small town in Germany, where I actually had a chance to take a long rest from toxic surroundings; my mental health and self-esteem had improved so much, I had even considered going back to the gal search; my phone broke down completely though and I had no replacement phone for a while, so Tinder was not an option. In early 2017, before returning to the home country, I've stumbled upon MGTOW, which further shielded me from quite a bit of gal-related disasters; instead of lashing out all over the web against feminazis and the like, I simply decided to stay away from the dumpster fire and watch from afar.

Nowadays, I still believe I have got zero chances in terms of finding a gal. Considering how much my dad screwed me up mentally, I've consciously sworn off ever having kids despite being the only guy other than him in the family; some bloodlines just aren't worth continuing.

Now comes the relationship part. The way I see it, women will never be interested in me, and I am fully aware of it. if I want nudes and such, I got access to countless porn, and hookers for when I can afford the time with them. I see relationship as something unattainable, a myth I should stop chasing. And as for women IRL, even considering I would be happy to date one, I just look at them as if they're genderless creatures I have no choice but to ignore, unless I got a task that involves them.

*I don't hate women, I just know they will hate me unconditionally.*

I don't bother interacting with them and instead, I maintain a semblance of neutrality by minimizing real life contact unless the circumstances, like a task at hand, lead me to act otherwise. If one gives positive attention, I see it as either a prank, workplace policy, ignorance or sarcasm. Every other possibility is null and void to me. As for other men dating women, I see nothing wrong with that. They got their achievements, and I am simply not designed to be paired with any of the people.

*Staying alone until the grave is not my choice, but I came to terms with such an outcome, so I no longer question or oppose it.*