[M4F] I Know This Can Be Scary, But The Truth Has To Be Said

I Know This Can Be Scary, But The Truth Has To Be Said...
written by Cardlin
Synopsis: A man confesses his love for a long-term friend (inspired by the song The Words b Christina Perri).
Tags: M4F, Romantic, L-Bombs, Confession

~~~

(sink running, washing hands)

Alright, man… now’s the time. It has to be now. If not now, when? If not tonight… then never, and you say you’re okay with living like this forever. No? I didn’t think so. Now c’mon, handsome… let’s go make a fool of myself.

(sink off, door opens and closes)

Hmm? Talking to myself? No, you dingdong, I wasn’t talking to myself. Here’s the real question; why were you listening in on me in the bathroom?  Mm-hmm, a likely story. Is it too late to apply for a new, less-creepy best friend, y’think? Oh it is, is it? Well, then I guess I’m stuck with you.

Mmn, yeah, we’ll start the next episode in a minute, but first… I wanted to show you something out on the balcony. It’s a surprise. Oh, get up, you lazy donk, and let me be mysterious for once. You come here every night and eat me out of house and home, the least you can do is go stand on a balcony with me for a bit. Up up up… there we go. No, this isn’t a trick… and yes, you’ve every right to assume this would be one, and you’re smart for assuming that, but this time… no trick, I promise. Now then… ladies first?

(whispered softly, under breath)

Here we go.

(Door slides open, ambient city noise)

Mmn… nice breeze, right? Turn around, look out with me. What do you see? Oh, you’ve got jokes, do you? Well yes, this is a cheesy and weird setup for something, but you’re going to suffer my corny riddles a little longer. Now then… wanna know what I see?

I see the college we met at and, within it, the study hall we’d stay up all night in, the lawn we’d camp out on in-between classes and, if you look riiiight there… the tree we both fell asleep under after finals. When neither of our phone alarms went off, and we just spent the day like hobos.

And over there? The office highrise we both work in. You can just barely see the lights of the elevator we take up and down every morning, your offices on the eighth floor, mine on the sixth, and the cafeteria on the 7th where we meet up for lunch most days.

This will all make sense soon, I promise. I’m just… procrastinating. What? Let me continue.

Over there, the boba spot we both love and that you drag me to most nights. Over there, your apartment building and, within it, all of your lovely roomies, including the delightfully elderly Esther. Doubtless, she’s already planning her next painfully awkward line she’s going to use on me. Seriously, you need new roomies.

So, what’s the point? I… ah, alright. The point is… that you’re everywhere in my day to day, y’know? Everywhere I go, everything I do.. there you are. And over the years, it’s gotten to the point where even when you’re not here, you’re all I see. It’s almost as if all of the lights land on you, and the rest of the world just fades and all I can see, or feel… is you. A-and you’d think it’d be suffocating, to be around someone so much, but actually it’s… it’s the exact opposite.

I mean, you know I have… anxiety issues and whatnot, right? All of that… stuff, yeah, I’ve told you all about it. Well, to be honest, it all kind of… goes away when I’m with you, y’know? All of this static, all of this noise just screaming inside of me, well… it quiets down when I’m around you. It’s like you always know exactly what to say to make it all disappear. Well, usually, anyway. No, I agree, I’m not making much sense… but hear me out, okay?

Lately, those noises have been replaced by a different one. A whole new voice that’s been getting louder and louder the longer I’ve known you, and try as I might to ignore it, it refuses to go away. I’m… I’m scared of it, to be honest, because of what it’s driving me to do… and what that could mean to… to us.

The thing is… I love you. I love you and i have loved you, for… years now, I think. And it’s not… it’s not just some little tiny crush, either. It’s that deep, all-consuming love that won’t be quiet. It’s that soft, whispering love that keeps me up at night, thinking about you. It’s that warm, blanketing love that makes me wonder if you’re smiling where you are, if your work day’s too stressful, if that creep from accounting is hitting on you again, or if you’re worried about your mom, or… y’know, if you’re thinking about me, even. It’s this sweet and delicate love, it’s this powerful and painful love.. it’s this aching love that won’t just let us be us and let me be… it… it tears at me.

And I know that the scariest part of this is letting go of what we have now, because love is a wild wind that we can’t control or predict. Trust me, it’s that same fear that’s kept my mouth shut for as long as I have, because up until now I thought that I’d rather have you as a friend forever than risk having you as… something more, only to lose you if things go sour. Lately, though, I’ve realized that living that lie just… isn’t enough. It’s a half-life, living without loving you, and if you’ve any idea how much this friendship of ours means to me, then maybe you can understand the real gravity of how… how scary this is.

But it’s not a desperate, love, you know? It’s a hopeful one. And yes, we’ve both made our mistakes, and there was… of course, that one night… but if I’m being honest with you, I wasn’t as drunk as I let on, and… and if I might venture a guess… you weren’t either. We used the alcohol as an excuse to play out something that’s been in our hearts for… a long time now and… when we woke up, we played our parts and acted embarrassed, and you told me you didn’t mean anything you’d said, and that an open heart is an open wound… but honestly, that was the best night I’ve had in years.

So… here I am. Here we are. The lights are back on you, and though there’s a heavy choice to make and… and though this is all getting so loud, remember, love has a quiet voice. So… please. I promise you, the truth can’t hurt us. I’m not drunk, you’re not drunk, and there’s nothing here but us. So, if they’re there to be said… let the words slip out of your mouth.