What if I told you, that I love CSGO, but I hate playing it?
That one of the game that I love most slowly turned into my bane and came so
close to almost driving me insane. The game that could give me hours of enjoyment
a day slowly faded to gray and on occasion made me question why I even played?

But I never stopped.

Albert Einstein once said: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting the results to change" See, for a long time I believed my actions
in a community so large I couldn't even begin to fathom wouldn't have a butterfly
effect on the other players in my faction.

We never saw it coming.

From the moment we downloaded the game and typed in our fps name we thought
of and chosen. Little did we know we opened up a world that would cause us to feel
like we're going through the motions. None of us knew when we started that very first match,
and I know you will remember it, I know you can remember this how that match would start
something did spark something embedded inside of us.

That desire to win.

Victory was something we'd strive for and we logged on every night for. The game was beautiful,
magic, and it just so happened that there wasn't any toxcity, no team compilation that was better,
because every player was innocent, and we didn't know the difference between who uses a p90
and AK, so daily we'd see people failing

cause they tried using the Deagle for the first time

But we didn't care, that we could ignore, because we were too busy trying to get that AWP we've
been saving for. So as a result, they'd throw, and we'd throw. But somehow, eventually after what
seemed like an eternity we had that one game were we got our first VICTORY and it made it

all worth it

All the frustration, the lack of team communication and the times we lost our patience didn't matter
because that one victory was the defining moment signaling that we have improved and we savored every
second of it, we'd come out on top somehow nothing could stop us now the battle was won, it was over,

DONE

We were so happy.

But through this hardship, is where it all started, even now I can't grasp it, because I don't know where
we went wrong but somewhere along the line we decided that getting a kill was more important than our teammates.
Playing this game went from an uphill struggle to improve to a downward spiral of abuse. At what stage did we
decide that we were any better, like we haven't made the same mistake, but instead
of showing some patience we become filled with hatred, now if I ever see a player raging at someone failing
I can feel my heart breaking because I know that, that person we've been labeling as toxic is someone we created,
and I hate it. And recently, I can't seem to get a single game where a team will treat each other decently,
it's eatin me knowing when I log onto cs just to see people teasing and criticizing each other just because
someone had a disagreement.

I've already got five enemies on the other side, why should I have to deal with four more on mine just because
of that one awp Shot i missed. People talk about this community like they're not a part of it,
but we are and there's not masking it, if csgo were a living thing, we'd be a heart of it, and
our heartbeat has stopped, so right now I'm jump starting it.

I love CSGO but hate playing it.

You want a reason to change? Take a pick, my reason is plain as this: I wanna get that feeling back,
playing a match with complete strangers but feeling like I'm playing with people who are the exact same
as me. So let's bring that back, I miss feeling that.

You have to be the change you wish to see in the world, so change.