Dulls puns 2018-08-01

One skeleton to the other: Man, I’m so hard in love with Bella, I can barely think straight. I’d love to ask her out but I just don’t have the guts.#What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.#An untalented gymast walks into a bar.#The first time I got a universal remote control I thought to myself, "This changes everything"#I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup. It was Won Ton.#Want to hear a pun about ghosts? That's the spirit!#Why are the Al-Bhed misunderstood? People think they are wanting to make war when they would rather be machina pun instead.#Why was Jecht such a popular Blitzball player? He was known for making a splash.#What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.#Why does the man want to buy nine rackets? Cause tennis too many.#Did you hear about the circus that caught on fire? It was in tents.#I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.#What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.#Why do the people enjoy the Maesters? They find them in-SPIRA-tional.#Could you call me on my Phione?#A cell ran into the end table and yelled "mytoechondria!"#Pig puns are so boaring.#The first drinking establishment in Alaska was a polar bar.#Have you heard about the Italian cook with an incurable disease? He pastaway.#Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na#Why do trees have so many friends? They branch out.#I tried to stop the bleeding, but all of my efforts were in vein.#Don't let life get you a little Gloom#What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.#I nearly drowned yesterday. It was a breathtaking experience.#What did one eye say to the other eye? Between you and me something smells.#The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.#Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.#Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.#I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.#Garbage collectors are rubbish drivers!#When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.#What’s it called when you put a cow in an elevator? Raising the steaks.#Why was Kimahri kicked out of the Ronso band? Because he was horn-less.#What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up? It becomes daytrogen.#Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.#I used to go fishing with Skrillex but he kept dropping the bass.#A mexican magician was doing a magic trick. He said, Uno, Dose, and he disappeared without a trace#Why couldn't the bike stand up on it's own? It was two tired.#I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang but it came back to me.#You will address me as "Sir", because Omanyte of the round table#A cell ran into the end table and yelled "mytoechondria!"#What is the computer’s favorite food? Microchips.#Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels!#How do you organize a fantastic space party? You planet.#What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year's Eve? He got 12 months!#My Sister was crying so I asked her if she was having a cry-sis.#Snakes Swallot their prety whole#What is the difference between a living and a dead Spiran? Why ask me, the difference is Farplane to see.#Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.#In order to talk to a viking you need to know Norse code.#A group of termites marches into a saloon and ask: “Is the bar tender here?”#The soundtrack for Blackfish was orcastrated.#I sat next to a man on the park bench. He had 9 watches on one wrist and 5 in the other. I said man "you sure do have a lot of time on your hands."#There's an anime about Okabe useing a washing machine to send clothes to the past. It's called Stains;Gate.#What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.#What happened when the magician got mad? She pulled her hare out!#Aladdin took Jasmine on a Magikarp-et ride#I hate negative numbers and will stop at nothing to avoid them.#Why can’t you take inventory in Afghanistan? Because of the tally ban.#I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite… He said NaBrO#I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.#Old programmers never die, they just can't C as well.#Crossing a cement mixer and a chicken will result in you getting a brick layer.#As far as Sin vs the Crusaders go, you know what they say. When Sin wins, you Gatta have Luzzus.#If you wear cowboy clothes are you ranch dressing?#What did the Luca Goers say when their score with the Aurochs was 2-2? "I can't believe they Tidus!"#My phone has to wear glasses ever since it lost its contacts.#Why is a fish so easy to weigh? – Because it has it’s own scales!#Did you hear about the man who got killed by a bear? It was a grizzly death.#Why does the singer of Cheap Thrills not want us to Sia?#How did I escape Iraq? Iran.#Why didn’t the lion win the race? Because he was racing a cheetah.#Some aquatic mammals at the zoo escaped. It was otter chaos.#I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.#Wife: "You're addicted to skin lotion!" Husband: "Go ahead. Rub it in my face."#Trust your calculator. It's something to count on.#I hate peer pressure and you should too.#I think I Fraxured my funny bone.#My doctors office has two doctors on call at all times. Is that considered a pair a docs.#Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.#I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.#What did Cid say when he found out his wife was pregnant with his first child? "Oh, Brother!"#When I had my PlayStation stolen, my family were there to console me.#A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.#Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? A: Pull down its genes!#Santa Delibirds gifts#I decided not to go to Pisa, but I was leaning towards it.#The tree that was creating energy was turned into a power-plant.#After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.#The plane flight brought my acrophobia to new heights.#Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.#I always wanted to marry an Archeologist. The older I would get, the more interested she would become!#If people ask how many puns I made in Germany I reply, "nein"#I heard Donald Trump is going to ban shredded cheese, and make America grate again.#I bought a wooden whistle but it wooden whistle.#The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.#Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He just couldn't resistor.#One time somebody said if I was an element, I'd be copper. Then someone else told me I'm tellurium. Does that mean I'm CuTe?#What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.#If I got paid in lots of Pennes I would make loads of pasta.#At my boxing club there is only one punch bag. I hate waiting for the punch line!#My friends say they don’t like skeleton puns. I should put more backbone into them.#Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.#I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.#Lettuce take a moment to appreciate this salad pun.#Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's okay. He woke up.#The man who ate too many eggs was considered to be an egg-oholic.#Going to bed with music on gave him sound sleep.#Under the doctor’s advice, the hen is laying off eggs for a few weeks.#I took a Pikachu in the shower this morning#What do you have to do to have a party in space? You have to Planet.#What should you do if you are cold? Stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees.#I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.#Have you ever tried to milk a cow which has been cut in half? Udder madness.#I really look up to my tall friends.#What was the first thing Yuna asked when she met Auron? She wanted to know if he Nebraska.#Want to hear a pizza joke? Nevermind, it’s too cheesy.#There is no Shaymin trying to find a new pun.#Why did Tidus and party journey to Guadosalam? So they could Seymour Guado.#The show was called Spongebob Squarepants but everyone knows the star was Patrick.#Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.#Why did the Al-Bhed dig a giant pit around their home and fill it with water? They wanted a Bikanel.#The tale of the haunted refrigerator was chilling.#A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."#What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.#I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.#How does Lee finish putting on his suit? With his Tie-jutsu...#I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.#What planet is like a circus? Saturn, it has three rings!#Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.#A good meteor shower can really rock your world.#I flipped a coin over an issue the other day, it was quite the toss-up.#Don’t trust people that do acupuncture, they’re back stabbers.#The best time of day to eat eggs is at the crack of dawn.#I was addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around.#Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it forever.#A guy goes to a club; the bouncer stops him. "No tie, no entry." He walks back to his car to find a tie. All he found were jumper cables so he puts them around his neck like a tie. He goes back and says "How's this?" The bouncer says "I'll let you in, but don't start anything."#What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.#After spotting a hole in the net, the bluefin knew it was his oppurtunaty to escape.#Have you heard about the film "Constipation", you probably haven't because it's not out yet.#The doctor told his patient to stop using a Q-tip, but it went in one ear and out the other.#To write with a broken pencil is pointless.#My idea for a hovercraft robot vacuum cleaner never really took off.#Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds!#Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.#To write with a broken pencil is pointless.#Why is Kylo Ren so angry? Beause he’s always Ben Solo.#Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.#Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.#What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.#What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.#My favourite anime, Deaf Note, is about young Beethoven facing the infamous Mozart in a battle of music.#Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.#What do you mean June is over? Julying.#Why is it okay for Yuna to put her elbows on the table and chew with her mouth open during dinner? Because law only requires her to have Summoners.#I cannot Bayleef it is not butter! Guess that means it's Butterfree.#What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.#These puns have left me Wheezing with laughter#Yesterday a clown held the door for me. It was a nice jester.#It is customary to say "lettuce begin" before a food fight.#It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.#I was accused of being a plagiarist, their word not mine.#What do you call Samsung's security guards? Guardians of the Galaxy.#How did Wakka go about naming his Blitzball team? He asked if they wanted paper, scissors, Auroch.#Why did Sin destroy the local fishing town? He was upset and assumed they were murdering the squid population, as the town was called Kil-ika.#Who said grapes are soft? They never cry when you step on them, they just let out a bit of wine.#Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.#Why was dumbo sad? He felt irrelephant.#Why do people become butchers? So they can meat people.#With great reflexes comes great response ability.#That reckless little egg always seems to egg-celerate when he sees the light turn yellow.#Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who visited 30 different countries and spoke 6 languages? He was a man of many cultures.#I Marill bad judge of puns#Although I like hard rock, sometimes I want to listen to Solrock#Why did Lulu never use chapstick? Because she was a fan of having Chappu lips.#Why are chocobos used for investigations? They're good at making in-KWEH-ries.#Heard about the drug addict fisherman who accidentally caught a duck? Now he's hooked on the quack.#These puns have made my mind Exploud#I make bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon#Several states were delighted by the solar eclipse.#Never gonna let Mew down#A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason... details are sketchy.#Did you know a storm of Pokémon is called a Pokémonsoon?#Why was it so hot in the stadium after the baseball game? All the fans left!#A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".#The lumberjack loved his new computer. He especially enjoyed logging in.#Why don’t vampires go to barbecues? They don’t like steak.#A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!#After bumping into a whale, the dolphin apologised and said "I didn't do it on purpoise"#I feel sorry for shopping carts. They’re always getting pushed around.#Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.#Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.#When the spammer's computer exploded, it blew him to kingdom.com.#What do you call a cow during an earthquake? A milkshake.#A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.#I still had some Snubbull after shaving#Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.#If artists wear sketchers do linguists wear converse?#Why is Kimahri usually silent? He tends to find that nothing needs to Besaid.#What do you call a french pig? Porque.#Why couldn't Tidus get along with his father? He lacked the sin-ergy.#Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.#I recently got a new Korean mechanic but it's hard to understand him - he speaks with a Hyundai Accent!#Read enough of our funny puns, and you'll be punstoppable.#Why was the tree excited about the future? It was ready to turn over a new leaf!#What do you receive when you ask a lemon for help? Lemonaid.#What do you call crystal clear urine? 1080pee.#What do you call a sour orange that was late to school? Tarty!#How does Ixion's anthem begin? "Djose can you see..."#This is an Absol-utely brilliant idea#Technically speaking a programmer's favorite subject with his boss is usually arrays.#I haven't heard a pun in Mawhile# What do you call a notarized license to sail? O-fish-al.#These puns raised Mesprit a bit#Let me Raichu some puns.#Television sets in Britain have to cross the English Channel.#She asked Furret.#What’s america’s favorite soda? Mini soda.#Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.#A fish's favourite saying is carpe diem.#The chickens were distraught when the tornado destroyed their home. Hopefully they will be able to recoup.#Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.#"It sucks working from home today." Peter (52), Fireman#Did you hear about the 2 silk worms in a race? It ended in a tie!#What do you do to an open wardrobe? You closet.#I knew I shouldn't steal a mixer from work, but it was a whisk I was willing to take.#The shovel was a ground breaking invention.#Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.#When computer programmers are hungry they take mega-bites.#I am on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.#Why couldn’t the dead car drive into the cluttered garage? Lack of vroom.#My new girlfriend works at the Zoo. I think she is a keeper.#To the guy who invented zero... thanks for nothing.#What room has no floors, no ceiling and no walls? A mushroom!#I touched an electric eel the other day. It was shocking.#How do fish keep up with what's going on? They listen to the current news.#I thought I saw a spider on my laptop, but my friend said it was just a bug.#I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shit in days.#Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.#Why did Tidus start hitting himself when he woke up in the morning? He had a case of Bad Breath.#Why are the Al-Bhed weary of the Yevonites? They're afraid they Maester up some trouble.#What is Jecht's favorite season. Summer-ner#A termite walks into a bar and says, "Where is the bar tender?"#A backwards poem writes inverse.#What is an Al-Bhed's favorite baked good? Un-Yevon-ed bread.#Where do fish go on vacation? Finland.#I can cut wood by looking at it. Trust me I saw it with my own eyes.#How do mountains see? They peak.#Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician#I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.#We probably won't find any new puns, people already Rotom all.#I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.#I used to work at a fire hydrant factory couldn't park nowhere near the place.#Kakuna Rattata, what a wonderful phrase. It means no worries Forretress of your days#Whiteboards ... are remarkable.#This business Metang was very productive#How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?#Did you hear about the invention of the white board? It was remarkable.#What did the girl say when she was accused of singing in class? "It's not me! It's hymn!"#Did you hear about the human cannonball? Too bad he got fired!#I can't find my rutabaga. I hope it will turnip.#What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you will rise and shine!#When kissing flowers, tulips are better than one.#The boys Arbok in town#Ekans see where you're going with this#A hen will always leave her house through the proper eggs-it.#Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.#The dead batteries were given out free of charge.#What do you call a snake that studies past events? A hissssstorian#Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.#Your mama’s so FAT she can’t save files bigger than 4GB.#My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized.#Where do you imprison a skeleton? In a rib cage.#I turn on my Charmander pants come right off#Models of dragons are not to scale.#Who is Fozzie Bear's favorite FFX character? Wakka Wakka!#I don't engage in mental combat with the unarmed.#I wonder why there aren’t any more cemeteries around. People are really dying to get in there.#A book just fell on my head. I've only got myshelf to blame.#A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.#Isn't the Grand Canyon just gorges?#What does every Moogle need in the morning? A Kup-o coffee.#These puns... Don't you Diglett#Why is a skeleton a bad liar? You can see right through it.#Two ropes were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-frayed.#How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.#A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."#Hopefully this egg pun doesn't make your brain too fried or scrambled.#Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.#What do fish use to make telephone calls? – A shell-phone!#What do you do when balloons are hurt? You helium.#When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.#What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.#I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.#I got fired from my job as a software engineer. I just couldn't get with the program.#If Donald Trump becomes president, America is going toupee.#Why are there fences on graveyards? Because people are dying to get in.#Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!#What do Moogles use when they go shopping? Kupons.