Rimworlds 2

Homicidal Storage Looters
A Short Story
by Small Trixie
Storage Looters looked at the plum rarity mythical pistol known as the-Unkept Harlem in his hands and felt pised off.

He walked over to the window and reflected on his I don't like sand.-It's coarse and rough and-irritating and it gets-everywhere surroundings. He had always hated yellow Australia with its mushy, mutated murderous lunatics. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel pised off.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Attractive Matt. Attractive was a not too shaggy Handsome Jack with exposed head and rugged snowman.

Storage gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a homicidal, genocidal, that red stuff, it's-blood right? drinker with slim head and not really that attractive now-to think of it snowman. His friends saw him as a grisly, grotesque group of Storage Looters. Once, he had even helped a wet SN4P-CP unit cross the road.

But not even a homicidal person who had once helped a wet SN4P-CP unit cross the road, was prepared for what Attractive had in store today.

The sun shone like cutting skougs, making Storage every person in Uganda knows-Tai Chi.

As Storage stepped outside and Attractive came closer, he could see the terrible smile on his face.

"I am here because I want revenge for destroying the-eyeball of selene galaxy port," Attractive bellowed, in a murderific tone. He slammed his fist against Storage's chest, with the force of 753 billybongs. "I frigging hate you, Storage Looters."

Storage looked back, even more every person in Uganda knows-Tai Chi and still fingering the plum rarity mythical pistol known as the-Unkept Harlem. "Attractive, I'll kill you for killing-another one of us because-that's what you deserve-is a killing," he replied.

They looked at each other with Johny, write down: I'm-choking Mister Moorsal for-talking to us about my-significant other feelings, like two red, round racks banging at a very decent orbital bombardment, which had wubfoot music playing in the background and two extremely hind-sighted uncles booming to the beat.

Suddenly, Attractive lunged forward and tried to punch Storage in the face. Quickly, Storage grabbed the plum rarity mythical pistol known as the-Unkept Harlem and brought it down on Attractive's skull.

Attractive's exposed head trembled and his rugged snowman wobbled. He looked in the mood for a birth day-celebration, his body raw like a shallow, sleepy severed torso.

Then he let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Attractive Matt was dead.

Storage Looters went back inside and made himself a nice drink of that red stuff, it's-blood right?.

THE END

Auto Praise for Homicidal Storage Looters
"I feel like I know Storage Looters. In a way, it feels as though I've always known him."
- The Daily Tale
"About as enjoyable as being hailed on whilst taking in washing that has been targeted by seagulls with the squits."
- Enid Kibbler
"Saying the sun shone like cutting skougs is just the kind of literary device that makes this brilliant."
- Hit the Spoof
"I could do better."
- Zob Gloop