Advertisement
Not a member of Pastebin yet?
Sign Up,
it unlocks many cool features!
- >Be the ditzy owner of a snarky fluffy foal named Lavandar
- >Be walking to the park with the little purple puff-ball
- >It's a really nice day outside
- >Arrive
- "Well, here we are"
- >See other fluffy owners
- "Look Lavandar, other fluffies! Wanna go play with them?"
- >He looks less-than impressed
- "Wavandar is wess-dan impwessed"
- >You two walk to the fluffies and their owners
- >A young married couple and three other 20-something girls who all look to be good friends
- >Instantly greeted by a chorus of "Hewwo", "New fwen'?", and "Wook, a babeh!"
- "Hello, I'm Anon, and ths is Lavandar"
- "Chawmed"
- >You exchange pleasantries and salutations with the other fluffy owners
- >They seem nice enough
- >Turn to the fluffies
- "Mind if he plays with you?"
- >Prod Lavandar foward with your foot towards the other fluffies
- >They burst out in joy and rush forward to give the "new fwen'" his hugs
- >Sit on the bench next to the other owners, watching the fluffies play
- >Get to talking about raising fluffies, their hiccups in care, even a few urban legends
- "I'm telling you! I heard there's this fluffy that has only alicorn foals!"
- "That's nothing, I've heard of an ice rink haunted by a blood-red fluffy and his army of unicorns!"
- >Taken aback by that one
- "That's just silly"
- >Conversation turns to disciplinary measures
- >Tell them that Lavandar has been really well-behaved since getting him
- >Yeah, it's been a pretty good... day
- >Mention his cussing outbursts
- >The married woman speaks up
- "Oh my, you'd better nip that bud before it grows out of hand. A grown, bratty, unruly fluffy is the absolute [i]worst![/i]"
- >She taps her husband
- "Don't you remember Stevie?"
- "I remember Stevie"
- >Confused
- "Who's Stevie?"
- >The husband looks at you and shakes his head
- >Laugh it off
- >Having the guise of a pushover, such is the fate of the ever-easy-goers
- >Mom and Dad always worried, but now you're living a cozy life with a nice-paying job
- >And one snarky fluffy
- >Speaking of which
- >Feel a small tug on you jean leg
- "Can we tawk?"
- >He looks agitated
- >Wink at the other owners, and walk a distance away with Lavandar
- "What's up?"
- >He puts one of his hooves up to the bridge of his snout, as if to pinch it
- "Dey aww waffing at my name and won' s'op wunnin' at me. Wavandar is fun-wuvving fwuffy an' patwon of natuwe, but dose animaws go too faw"
- >His eyes bulge a little, and he pats his chest with a hoof
- >Coughs ensue
- "Awso yoo mighta given me heawtbuwn wif dat Nutewwa-onwy bweakfast"
- "Fluffies can get heartburn?"
- "At dis point, Wanvandar shouldn't effen be supwised by hooman's wack of wesearch"
- >You did skip a few "Basic Training" theads
- "Well, I'm learning quite a bit from those other fluffy owners, but if you want we can go back home now"
- >He looks past your leg at the other fluffies, who wave at him patiently
- >He looks back up at you
- "Vewwy weww hooman"
- >He trots between your legs and rejoins the other fluffies
- >Smile at him and rejoin the other owners
- --
- >Be a purple fluffy foal
- >Also be named Lavandar
- >You don't like to talk about your name
- >Of all the fucking idiots to adopt you...
- >At least the ditz can cook
- >Walk over to the other fluffies
- >They're all a lot bigger than you
- >You can play with them because you understand owwies come from too much fast play
- >Not to say you didn't like a few rounds of super-tag back at the shelter, but still
- >Walk up to a yellow wingie with orange hair
- "Wavandah back!"
- >They all hug you
- >Hug back, smiling half-heartedly
- "Otay, wess jus' wook at da twee aw find sowme gwassies aw-"
- "Woger say fwuffpiwe da foaw!"
- >The other fluffies cheer in agreement
- "Oh poopies..."
- --
- >Be a very apologetic fluffy owner
- >Lavandar twinges and groans every step he takes
- >Were you supposed to know that fluffies like to pile on each other for general amusement?
- >Were you supposed to know that the process is a known "rite of passage" for groups of fluffy friends?
- >Probably
- >Night dawns
- >Start watching Bar Rescue while eating ice cream with Lavandar
- >He's enjoying himself
- >Looks like he's really getting into it
- >You don't have to go to work tomorrow, so you stay up late with him
- >Fuckin Jon Taffer, love that guy
- "Why don' yoo buy a bar?"
- "Lotta money to put into it, but a lot of money out, I guess. Thing is, a lot of management is required to get a lot more than what you put in"
- "Yeah, yoo'd pwobabwy buwn down da pwace wooking at da shiny mawtini gwasses"
- "Probably. Wait what?"
- >He yawns
- "Would ya wook at da time? Dis is nu ow-er fow a fwuffy!"
- >Go upstairs and get ready for bed
- >Realize he didn't follow you
- >Faintly hear a foal's voice
- "Nu have wingies ow good weggies, hooman!"
- >Shit
- --
- >Wake up at 5am
- >Two giant crystal-blue eyes staring at you
- >Blink
- >He blinks
- "Pwoceed wif caw-shun today hooman; Wavandar poopie pwace smeww wike peppewmin' an' Wavandar dun' know why"
- "Wait, what?"
- "Wavandar pwetty fweaked out, not gonna wie"
- "Why do you know what your bum smells like?"
- >Pause
- "...Wavandar got siwwee habids fwom shewtah. Pway yoo neva' ess-perience dem"
Advertisement
Add Comment
Please, Sign In to add comment
Advertisement