DNC strategy for Ukraine

The entire DNC case has been:

(Before Trump inauguration even): “we hate him, we’re totally gonna’ impeach him for some reason. Fuck democracy, we’re fascists and will do what we want”

(whistleblower’s attorney): “ we’re gonna stage a coup”

“Trump was totally a Russian agent. Just wait til the Mueller report comes out. We have the ‘smoking gun’ (Adam Schiff’s words). we’ll totally impeach him for his role with Russia”

( 2 years pass)

“Ok, we were just kidding about the Russia thing. But....but.....he obstructed justice!”

“Ok, we have no real evidence that he obstructed justice, but..............but................. hmmmmmm mmm................. Um, the Ukraine........l Yes that’s it......the Ukraine. He was all slimy-ISU withthe ukraine. ‘

‘Ok, what happened in the Ukraine?”

“Well, they needed direct military aid and our agents adamantly told the Obama administration. So he gave them blankets but refused congressional-approved military funds. Then he sent Joe Biden over who got his son a sweet gig for millions of dollars and threatened to withold over a billion dollars if they didn’t back off his kid.”

‘Ok, then what?”

“Donald Trump gave them $400 million in real and actual military aid to fight the Russians.”

‘Wait, what? I thought you just said Trump was a Russian agent.”

‘Never mind that, it’s the Ukraine dummy”

“Well what did he do there”

‘Well here’s the rub..... we’ve got a person who we’re going to keep “anonymous’ and claim he’s a “whistleblower” even though he’s technically not , and we’ve got the scoop,because he’s been meeting with Adam Schiff’s office. We previously said he “MUST’ testify, but since he’s been colluding with Adam’s office we’re going to suddenly demand anonymity.”

“Well, what did he say?”

“He heard from someone else that Trump wanted a political rival investigated”

“So that guy did that during this election cycle?”

“Nope . It was back well before Trump was even in the picture and he was a sitting Vice President , who frankly should have none better. But he’s a Democrat, so we’ll let it slide. ”

“So how’s he Trump’s political rival? It’s between those two for President?”

“ Oh gosh no. He’s sliding fast in the polls and can’t rise a dime of money. It’s between Trump and 3,327 other candidates”

“But he’s still a political rival”

‘Well, just between you and me no not really, he’s just a slime ball who while in the office of the vice-presidency was trying to swing million dollar deals in foreign countries he was influencing for his kid. If he were Lori Loughlin he’d be looking at serious jail time. But......duh.......he’s a Democrat. “

‘We’ll surely you’ve got better witnesses than that.”

“Of course, we’ll be hearing from a bunch of other people who heard second hand that there was this phone call with ‘quid pro quo’”

“Quid pro quo? So he offered something?”

“Shit sorry. No he didn’t. That was LAST week. It’s......ummmmmmmm............bribery.........Yeah that’s the ticket. Thats what the focus groups told us to......strike that, that’s what it is. “

“Well, frankly that heresay doesn’t sound so strong. Is there proof”

“Hell yeah there is. It’s so awesome. There’s a direct transcript released within 24 hours of this whole issue coming up. It’s so awesome Nacy Pelosi didn’t even have to see it before she launched an impeachment t investigation”

“Ok what did it say?”

“It said Trump wanted them to look into their corruption, specifically why they accepted a billion dollars from an acting US Vice President to fire one of their prosecutors within 6 hours “or else” who was investigating his son. “

“Ok that sounds reasonable. But I heard there was this ‘quid pro quo’ or ‘bribery’ thing. What did Trump offer them in return on the transcript?”

“Oh, nothing. In fact in the end , he gave them $400 million in funds for lethal defense against the same Russians we were saying a few months ago that he colluded with. Which admittedly in retrospect makes no sense. . Exactly $400 million more than Barack Obama and Joe Biden did. And tha corrupt Vice President and his kid weren’t investigated. But.........but..........ok I’m not gonna lie, I got nothing.”