I named my horse mayo, may neighs,

why do people named matthew always go by matt and never hew,

I have a flat tire, I should’ve brought asparagus,

when your designated driver is getting more drunk than you,

remus, hey how bout we call our sick new city reme, romulus,

after a plane crash, pilot, are you guys mad at me,

days since I have last thought about king julian from madagascar, 0,

you, I got a headache, web MD, it’s gonna be your last one,

me, I should pay more attention to her, other me, piss her off on purpose so she says good night at 6 PM and you can play video games in peace,

milk, synonyms for milk, moo juice,

you don’t realize how old a movie is until you see the computer in it,

van gogh's ear, exists, van gogh,

nibbas deadass be living by volcanoes and get mad when it do volcano shit lmao,

most pictures of food you see is now shit,

me in my 20’s, it’s not easy being old,

types of headache, migraine, hypertension, stress, being mister clean,

can a pregnancy drink beer if 9 months is not arrive, forget about the beer, this type of english can cause miscarriage,

you’re going to start your homework as soon as you get home and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself,

a scene from a scary movie I watched 4 years go, me at 4 AM,

ladies if he, is hot, always smells good, makes your mouth water, tastes amazing, leaves you feeling happier than ever, that’s not your man, that’s garlic bread,

retweet this if your retirement plan is basically civilization will probably crumble before I’m 65 and money will be meaningless anyway,

it’s like a sauna in here,

I’m so lonely right now, call your boyfriend, make love to the cat,

geneva convention, exists, japan, did you mean suggestion,

at least you’re not one of those people who say their eye color changes based on their mood,

we’re aware of an issue that is causing a change in account follower numbers for some people right now, we’re working to resolve this as quickly as possible, please don’t, I unfollowed my fake friends and blamed it on you guys,

I collect all cell phones and iPads from the kids at night and keep them in my room, last night those little assholes all set alarms to go off at various times throughout the night, I’m impressed with their ingenuity and team effort, they’re all grounded,

I threw up in the toilet, you ok, you’re getting blocked if you keep that up,

fortnite creator is buying thousands of acres of forests to stop it from being cut down, I forgive you,

china, grows tea, give me the plant,

a hot guy gave me his number and this is what I fucking do, hey, I wonder who it could be, it’s a me mario,

scientists found a cure for your stupid fucking face,

please tell my wife the phone is unfixable she wants to check the call history, 100 dollars is yours thanks,

bush did 9 11,

slavery is big gay, penny nibba,

give you up, run around, let you down, desert you, rick astley,

you’re ugly, you don’t have any friends, the meeme you sent was shit, you better watch your mouth,

ever seen a baby do a fucking backflip, monster hard baby fuel,

the pacific ocean has 3.9 stars out of five on google maps, who the fuck is downvoting the oceans, sandy cheeks, 1 star, I wish I was back in texas, the ocean is no place for a squirrel, I wish I was back in texas the prettiest place in the world, I guess deep in my heart I’ll always be a texas girl, I wanna go hoooooooooooooome,

fuck the duck until exploded, excuse me fuck the what,

when you’re looking for your shoe and you inadvertently discover a gateway to another dimension,

just one more episode, just one more page, just one more piece, just one more revolution,

pornhub, are you 18 plus, the law requires that I answer yes,

statistically bearded men are more likely to cheat on their partners than bearded women,

feel old yet, wow,

same color, delete this,

the waitress at olive garden smiles weakly as she serves me my 100th bread stick, the other patrons are cheering, my family left hours ago,

cheese and bread until I’m dead,

scientists can now transform stress into electricity, me, unlimited power,

my flatmate ladies and gents, the hot water bottle you gave me doesn’t work, put water into it like 2 hours ago and it’s still not heated up, did you heat the water up before you put it in, a thought that was the bottle’s job,

a hippo, some guy being chased by a hippo,

my last two brain cells watching me make this meeme instead of working on my project that’s due tomorrow that I haven’t even started on,

when you find your cousins epipen,

me, I’m having such a good time, brain, sure would suck if you get hit with a low mood and go nonverbal and come off as rude and uninterested in your friends, me, softly, don’t,

poland, so I am an independent country right, every country neighboring poland, well yes but actually no,

sometimes all your body is crying except your eyes,

my grandma going around telling people I fix phones just cuz I took her phone off silent,

my anti-vaxx mom, I did not get my son vaccinated and he is still a healthy teenager, my dad who got me secretly vaccinated,

ok don’t let them know you’re a chicken, interviewer, what do you like, me, not crossing the road,

I don’t want to leave you on read but I don’t know how to respond,

I like your profile photo, thanks yours is shit, I apologize for this comment I am now a nicer man, restoration 100,

legendary level of advertising, our LED lights change your perspective,

when you realize you were the only sperm out of thousands to survive so you could sit and look at meemes, very lucky,

luigi’s chinese cowboy impression is so offensive that mario’s stomach ulcer practically explodes and he is unable to ask luigi to stop being so fucking racist,

jimmy fallon, I have a white rock, jimmy fallon’s,

writer, writes literally any sentence, literature teachers, oh shit that’s deep,

people in 2017 when you say boneless pizza,

when you hack the school projector and put meemes on it, I hope mom and dad don’t find out,

viewers, youtube, tik tok ads,

omg is that my new neighbor, bring over cookies, kidnap and sell her to the highest bidder,

me studying for exams, my friend who finished school last year,

nobody, sheck wes, bitch,

ness amibo and smore poptart, 48 dollars and 69 cents,

banana boy, I was your uber driver like 3 months ago, leave me the fuck alone,

your child is being eaten by a camel, do you a, save your child or b, take a photo,

what’s the craziest excuse your man ever told you for not coming home at night, he said he was cleaning his house and mopped himself into a corner, he had to wait for the floors to dry and fell asleep,

nine one one what is your emergency, what do you mean you’re being murdered, that’s illegal people can’t do that,

what tattoo you want, I want to look rich,

b, bb, bbb, bbbb, bbbbb,

confess my feeling for her, confess my feeling for her, confess my feeling for her, stay quiet and mess up your chances with her, me being a pussy,

doc, sir you’ve got a very rare disease, pat, how rare, doc, you pick the name,

me, the last french fry, my girlfriend,

when a russian tries to speak to you, sorry I don’t speak adidas tracksuit,

brandon long,

the revolution has begun,

I don’t know what’s so sad about the mars rover dying I’m gonna die cold and alone too, difference is the mars rover contributed to society,

me going to a friend’s party at chuck e cheese, my parents,

console players, pc players, chess players,

I’m sorry I tried to escape, I’m not mad I’m just disappointed, don’t let your guard down,

this is the most surreal image I’ve ever seen, stranger, hi, luigi, you, sup, stranger, having any luck finding milfs, ha-ha, you, yeah, stranger, nice I am jealous, stranger is typing,

when dad sneaks you out of the house to go get vaccinated,

what’s on your mind, how the fuck does jesus backwards sound like sausage,

what’s that, it’s hideous, well that’s not very nice, it’s just a donkey, shrek is the god of self confidence,

when the microwave do all that damn poppin but your food still cold, you raggedy bitch,

did you know, you’ve technically never watched a full movie because you blink, I thought I’m the only one who pause the movie to blink,

what I was interested in when I was six, huge alligator, what I am interested in now, huge alligator,

hint of lime tortilla chips, me trying to eat better,

wait, that’s a seagull,

porn website, kids under 18, are you over 18,

I’m your leg, don’t mind if I,

greek mythologist, you guys always act like you’re better than me, nibbas whomst read percy jackson,

it’s a sushi kinda night,

high school was supposed to prepare us for college, then how come I learned 4 years of MLA format and now all my essays are APA,

one of the kids at my job wrote me a nice lil letter, dear mister walker you are ugly,

you have been visited by sleep doggo, you must now get a good night’s sleep, sleep well,

dick, pee pee, meat popsicle, guacamole nibba penis,

we’re aware of an issue that is causing a change in account follower numbers for some people right now, we’re working to resolve this as quickly as possible, please, I lost 100k, omg are you okay,

always wonder how girls coordinate boomerangs unoe like okay jess you do the funny tongue thing and I’ll do the flicky hair move but what about rebecca she needs an action fuck it she can do the wiggle drop combo okay 321 fuck we forgot to cheers to drinks we gotta start again now,

a wall of thoughts moving hella slow, me trying to get to my class on time,

tests I didn’t study for, me, snow day,

opportunity, opportunity come on, you got to get up, we got to go home,

it is time to go, was I a good mars rover, no, I’m told you were the best,

did you know, kansas city welcomes 25 million visitors anally,

daughter, dad will you just chill, dad, I am chill, daughter, I thought you were dad,

chris evans to star in new antoine fuqua blockbuster infinite, this is clearly an act of aggression, there are literally hundreds of photos to choose from, what did I ever do to you canada,

you guys always act like you’re better than me,

oh I understand it, during exam,

thank you, 65 divided by 6 equals 65 over 6,

when you hear a child say sharing is caring, communist detected on american soil, lethal force engaged,

god, adam and eve after eating the forbidden fruit,

my fridge, me finding snack, wow look, nothing,

I challenge you brave knight, draw your sword, you know what, that’s so good we’re gonna put it on the fridge,

school bans valentine’s day after 6 year old tells teacher he would plough her into next week,

french, latin, nordic, german, greek, english,

woman, shampoo for dry and damaged hair, man, shampoo 6 in 1 for hair face body carpet car and dishes,

when the wall is finished but they find oil in mexico,

students, why can’t you just teach us taxes, teachers, screams in pythagorean theorem,

okay starbucks I’m pretty sure I didn’t ask for butthole juice in my drink, iced coffee no classic 3 pumps hazelnut butthole juice with almond milk,

nobody, swedish dog, bjark,

me going to bed, a sudden urge to poo,

what if we use 100 percent of the brain, create a netflix account on january 29th so you can get the free month trial which suppose to end on february 29th but the things is february 29th only comes one in 4 years so boom you get free netflix for 4 years,

hellboy, shrek, the simpsons,

when your crush asks what you wanna eat, u lol,

my dog, me, a chip that fell,

when you are flying into normandy and hear a loud boom, flak,

y’all better not be talking during silent reading time,

when you tell a totally unfunny joke at the dinner table, your mom, your dad, your brother, jimmy fallon,

how I met your cousin,

saying thank you to the flight attendant as you leave the plane, clapping when the plane lands, clapping during the flight, bringing fireworks on the plane to celebrate the flight,

are u girl, yes, lets mak baby, he is speaking the language of gods,

cowboy advice, 1, be rootin, 2, be tootin, 3, and by god be shootin, but most of all be kind,

I think minecraft is better than fortnite because fortnite is a shooting killing game and I don’t like killing people, minecraft is more peaceful than fortnite, brandon lung 9,