I will miss it here

Maybe it's hard to admit, or maybe I don't want to face it. There are a lot of positives to this place, and I've learned a lot, and it's hard not to fear the future. I think it will work out great. Hell, it shouldn't even be much different. Certain things ought to change like smoking (not fun by the way,) and spending, and lack of productivity or job. The things I hate to see change is the close distance to my family and the total freedom.

One thing I want to remember is the Choctaw Travel Plaza in my town. The new one with aliens. I've turned a lot of days around there but not through gambling. Free coffee, a nice area to smoke indoors, and interesting pop music and aliens. I decided that was the alien base. It has to be there, between towns, hidden, close to Pizza Hut.There is a mysterious building behind the gas station where two SUV's park. It has a sign on the door, like a government office. Surely the aliens live there. I've actually had a few paranormal experiences at the gas station which can be explained by extra terrestrial intervention. The radio station also says that the Casino Travel Plaza has the best coffee in the world, implying that its not so good in comparison to other worlds.

Something great happened today in IRC. I was courageously standing up for myself. The user "removed" (don't capitalize) was trolling me, and I sort of snapped. I would say neither of us were rude. I was about to fall apart though. He did say one interesting thing, which is totally useful as advice, although it wasn't intended to be. He said he needed to moderate me because he was afraid I might send someone to the ER.

I was upset and we both ended the conversation for our own sanity. I think I was getting to him. I mentioned how we were the exact same age, and told him he was being insensitive by telling newbies I was schizoid. He deflected by making a penis joke, and I signed off. That's the best way it could have ended. I was thinking, I'm not going to make this a new problem for me. I already have issues with the texting. I'm not going to be the notorious IRC flamer. I gleaned something great from the experience, instead. Realizing he had complimented me, I loaded up to go to the Choctaw Casino Travel Plaza to blow off the steam. He has basically said my words were powerful, or dangerous in themselves. With a few words, he thought, I can land someone in an emergency room. That is his honest assessment of me, seeing as we were both freaked out and being totally honest to keep the friendship.

That kind of power is well appreciated to the person like me who feels powerless. I started thinking about how I had really gotten to Lance through texts and was a little proud of myself. The way I was worrying about him was evidence I had been a total badass and affected his mind in dark, negative ways.

But listen, I really did worry about Lance.

At the travel plaza, I got my free coffee and half-price Church's chicken, thinking how the two women, one young, were a conversation with me away from hospitalization. I promise, it's a good trait for me. I realized that THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME, and people are merely concerned that the weight of my problems will come crashing down on unsuspecting victims. I'm even mostly innocent, except for the texts. I get angry sometimes, and when I start the habit, I can't stop without some kind of personal intervention.

My friends, the aliens, weren't so obviously there this morning. IRC treatment is therefore working better than expected. I think the closest I came to one were when the two spectators drove away, and I saw one of their mutant faces, and the thought issued forth from my head that it was another Lance clone. What an angel. Here at the Choctaw Travel Plaza again to guide me in this world of aliens and schizophrenic cops.

I won't have a place like the Travel Plaza when I leave here, for sure. I'll probably even have friends that I don't have to type out their handles to get their attention.
I'll still be on the internet all the time. Hopefully I stay positive in my writing, even with medication changes, and I also hope my new friends understand my sense of humor, even if they can't enjoy it. And finally, I hope to send someone to an emergency room. I was thinking this could be my thing. Or at least send a friend straight to a therapist. Maybe it's a dominance trait that rubbed off on me from Lance? Either way its pretty cool.

It's a long life,
Better pinch yourself (...)
Better stand up straight!
Is it possible?
Boy, we can do much more together,
Get a life, get a ride, get a ride.
It's not so impossible!